MizzouFan1985 Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Long story short - I have been close friends with a girl for about six months. I grew to develop boyfriend-girlfriend feelings toward her, and finally got the courage to tell her how I felt. She just recently got out of a long-term relationship with a boyfriend (with him about a year) and has not been without a boyfriend for a significant period of time for a long time. Anyway, she said it was not the right time, and that she was not interested in getting into a relationship with anybody now. Essentially, she wants to be on her own for a while and learn what she wants to do with her life (we are both in our early 20s). She said she would not shut the door on something happening down the road however, and she did not seem uncomfortable talking about the situation (like uninterested girls might). After looking at these message boards, I am a little disheartened. It seems like everyone here thinks that this type of response means that she is just feeding me a line, that I am and always will be a friend, that she will never be interested, that I need to get away from her, etc. What are people's opinions on this? Do you think it is possible that she is really just telling me the truth? Also, what are your recommendations on how best to handle the situation going forward? I can answer questions if you need more details. Link to post Share on other sites
Strangemagik Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 I think she really likes you and doesn't want you to be a rebound. Keep the friendship building and see what happens. Give her some time to completely move on from her prior relationship. She may be ready but trying to hold off for awhile. I know I have recently done this because I'm in process of divorce and really like a guy friend and have been holding off trying to get closer as friends when in a crazy moment I confessed to him that I like him alot. I may have scared him off now Seems you could wait for her but its up to you. I say let the friendship grow and see where it goes. Get to know her even more and see how "ready" she is later. I can see her point on wanting to sort out her life too. I'm with her on that. I also have a 3 year old daughter to provide for so its important to me to do so. I guess its possible she isn't interested but I'm sure you'd be able to tell if she was spending time doing other things. If your close friends you will know what the other is doing. KWIM? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 You probably have a better chance than I do, my crush said she had just got out of a bad relationship a few months earlier and liked being by herself, and she didn't even look (for a boyfriend) but she also said she thought of me as a best friend. I don't contact her often but still appreciate her friendship. I used to see her twice a week but now haven't seen her in three months and I miss her so much but I know it isn't because of my feelings. She couldn't come out for my birthday but she did text me happy birthday. Maybe in time she could change her mind but I'm in no hurry for a relationship with anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
peterparks Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Just be her friend first. Maybe she just wants to be single for a while befre jumping into a relationship again. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 if she made it a point that later down the road it might be different id say wait it out Link to post Share on other sites
Author MizzouFan1985 Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 One thing I neglected to mention is that we are also coworkers. I am now noticing a problem. It seems like she is avoiding me, except for strictly professional situations. Obviously, she was not uncomfortable when I told her, but she is now. Is this to be expected? Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Anyway, she said it was not the right time, and that she was not interested in getting into a relationship with anybody now. Essentially, she wants to be on her own for a while and learn what she wants to do with her life (we are both in our early 20s). In most of these situations it is the truth. Girls in their early 20's usually like to keep their options open, so instead of getting tied down in another relationship again she made the choice of playing the bachelorette. the 20's is the time to grow and learn about life. She said she would not shut the door on something happening down the road however, and she did not seem uncomfortable talking about the situation (like uninterested girls might). TRANSLATION: "Im flattered, but in the meantime i think ill place you in the backburner if nothing better comes along." in other words, you gave up your power when you confessed your feelings, you lost whatever mystery there was. One thing I neglected to mention is that we are also coworkers. I am now noticing a problem. It seems like she is avoiding me, except for strictly professional situations. Obviously, she was not uncomfortable when I told her, but she is now. Is this to be expected? Telling her may have scared her off, and from now on the friendship may not be as close as it once was. So, yes it is to be expected as she doesnt want to give you the wrong impression about her liking you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MizzouFan1985 Posted November 10, 2006 Author Share Posted November 10, 2006 Well, things have seemed to stabilize a bit. She is acting more friendly toward me, but we are no longer discussing personal matters (hers or mine). I think this is a happy medium for as long as we work together, keeping a certain distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MizzouFan1985 Posted December 22, 2006 Author Share Posted December 22, 2006 Now I am getting really confused...she has rebounded and started to get close again, and she gave me a Christmas present yesterday at work (while I didn't get her anything, because I didn't expect anything). On the flip side, she still doesn't seem comfortable with the idea of doing things together outside of work. She continues to say that she does not want to be in a relationship with anyone, and she says she has not dated...any comments?For what it's worth, one of my guy friends told me he thought she was putting up a boundary because if we did things together during non-work time, it could lead somewhere she is not ready to go yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Okeydokey Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Hi... I'm in my mid 20s and had not been single either for a long time. A few months after my last break up this guy that I've known for a year REALLY liked me and he told me all about his feelings in detail. I told him the same thing your girl told you, but I also told him not to wait around for me. He insisted and wrote me a love note and kept pushing it. I ended up having to cut off the friendship and I felt really badly about it. To tell you the truth I knew all along how he felt and it made me feel good to know that there was someone out there who thought I was wonderful and appreciated me, but that was basically it - I never planned on following up on it. I know it does not sound very nice and I'm not proud of it. But I'm telling you because maybe you'll find it helpful somehow. I don't think it is health to wait around for someone who has told you "No" because eventually your friend will want to start something with someone new and it would hurt so bad if it wasn't you. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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