Can you have a delayed break down??

[blon_dee]

Hi all.. just found this site after googling about break ups... Long story short, have been seperated for 2 years. Marriage was a bit rocky i guess, we never really discussed our problems though, and bam, he left., for another woman of course.. I had a 14mth old baby at the time, it was tough. But i did what i thought was right at the time, just got really mad.. and moved on with my life.. Have been dating for the past 2 years, and had 2 serious ish relationships, both of which have gone badly. I broke it off with my last boyfriend just a week ago. I felt it wasnt right, i didnt feel the love. But I have big walls up. I have become bitter and twisted. And just this week, i swear i have started having a nervous breakdown. I am depressed, im not eating, i feel like crap. And i think its because i really never dealt with the initial marriage break up... Is it really possible that this could be it after so long?? Does anyone have any similar stories?? And what the hell do i do about it do drag myself out of it.... I dont know if im down because i have made a mistake ditching the boyfriend, or if all the reasons i think we were wrong together, is just me trying to protect myself and not let anyone in?? HHHEELLPPPPP>>> Im going crazy. And of course, he wont speak to me..... (the ex boyfriend that is). My god, this must be confusing.......

[dgiirl]

Of course it's possible! Hell, if you never truely grieved the first marriage, then you were walking around with all these emotions bottled up just ready to explode. Finally, after the crisis is over, and after 2 more failed relationships, I can definitely see all the emotion finally getting out. I'm almost 2 years separated, and I still have a bad day once in a while, and I dealt with a lot of my pain in the beginning. I even had to go through some childhood pain that I never dealt with. And a lot of my crying had nothing at all to do with my divorce but my childhood.

 

Did you ever go to counselling? I think it might be a good idea to talk to someone about all the emotions you are experiencing. It will help you sort out which sad feelings belong to which experience, cheating husband, childhood trama, exbf number 1, exbf number 2, etc.

[CryingCanuck]

Dgirl is bang on.

 

Things that happen that are emotional and cause a lot of pain need time to heal.

Your marriage ending is one of those things and I now understand that the person who jumps right into another relationship without truly understanding what happened to the failed relationship and why, is bound to make those same mistakes over and over again.

 

You more than likely have many unresolved issues from your 1st marriage and maybe as Dgirl mentioned, things that have happened to you before you were ever married are a culprit.

 

Counselling is a good start, it hurts, it takes time and energy, but generally after some time I'm sure it will better help you understand yourself and what you do to make things happen the way they do. An unresolved separation remains such, until the situation is (disected) and thought through thouroughly.

 

Good luck to you, it's better to get these items fix now before you go into another relationship that turns sour and you are again left wondering why.

 

CC

[tonyp56]

I've been through hell and back, and I can say anyone that says they don't think about their ex's, are lying.

 

The truth is, if you don't go through the grieving process at first, it will catch up to you sometime, and it will likely hit you like a ton of bricks.

 

I would say, take some time away from relationships, and concentrate on YOU. Now of course, you need to take care of your child as well, but no more dating for a little bit. Let yourself cry, throw yourself a pity party--while someone else takes care of the little one--don't use alcohol or drugs though cuz they will make it worse trust me on that one too , generally, let yourself mourn.

 

Now, does this mean it will be over, no, sorry, it isn't that easy trust me, I've said so many times "after X I'll be able to get over her, when our divorce is over, when etc..." And I've grieved since the get-go, so it does take a while. However, it isn't paralyzing anymore, I can live and function, I just can't do it without thinking of her about every other minute or so. And it has only been about 13 1/2 months for me. However, the more you mourn the less it hurts, and the more functional you become.

 

So my advice, mourn him, let yourself grieve--even if it is a little at a time, and if it is bad enough--suicide, murder, severe depression, etc.--seek professional help.