Guest Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 I am 33 and I like a man who is 53. We have both thought about the age difference and tried to move on with our lives, but we are both nuts about each other. Also, many people don't seem to like him. They think he is a jerk, but yet I still think about him. My recent bf was nice and everything i am supposed to want, but all I could think about is this older man. He is also seperated. He has been seperated for four years and lives with a friend. I worry that he is never going to change. He claims to still be madly in love with me, lonely, and wants me in any capacity. Should I go for the guy I feel passion for even though he is twice my age, seperated, and a jerk? Or should I wait for some other guy who may or may not come along? I have tried so hard to forget about the older guy, but I just can't. Although he is stubborn, and abrupt sometimes, he does have many qualities that I find endearing. Link to post Share on other sites
vanButterfly Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 You cant control how you feel now, but think about these things: - Can he have your children - How old will he be when your son wants to kick around the soccer ball when he is 5? - How old will he look when you are 38 for example? - People get sick when they are older. How old will you be when he gets sick and take into account you have to look after him and your children. I am in a situation where the man I have met is great..but I am 29 and he is about 45. He wont tell me how old he is because he knows age matters to me. When I think about the answers to those questions above, it reminds me of what is important to me. There are younger men out there that will be like him when they are his age. Remember that his older man has experience and so knows what to say, what to do, and what not to do. This is attractive, but dont you prefer to grow up with someone who is around your own age? If he is already established, are you happy to just fit into his life? WHy do your friends think he is a jerk? Link to post Share on other sites
peterparks Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Do you really want to have a family with this guy? If yes, then go for it no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Well...he's still got a few good years left. But you have a lot more than that. I think 20 is a bit too much of a gap - especially when you have reservations. Forget about this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Do you really want to have a family with this guy? If yes, then go for it no matter what. We both do not want to have kids. He is not able to have kids anyways. Which is useful (no need for b/c) Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Well...he's still got a few good years left. But you have a lot more than that. I think 20 is a bit too much of a gap - especially when you have reservations. Forget about this one. So you think they can never make restaurant reservations because he's so old that he wouldn't make it even until dinner? Sheesh....53 is not THAT old! My advice though...having "been there, done that" I don't recommend it. But if all you want is just a little fling, go for it! If you're expecting long-term happiness, the odds are against you. Oh and I guess you better not count on restaurant reservations either. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 So you think they can never make restaurant reservations because he's so old that he wouldn't make it even until dinner? Sheesh....53 is not THAT old! Good point. I know a few spritely seventysomethings (that don't fall asleep in their soup). Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 If you both love each other then age shouldn't matter. Who cares what others think. Their not the ones that live your life or run your relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 I agree, nobody elses opinion matter in the end. As long as you have thought about the ramifications (the having kids part), the I say go for it. Sometimes a big age gap is a good thing in that it brings people from different era's together with exiciting things to learn from eachother. Good luck, Regards, Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Sometimes a big age gap is a good thing in that it brings people from different era's together with exiciting things to learn from eachother. I like your thinking. Sometimes the "growing old together" part is something you might have to sacrifice - but it's the here and now that matters most...right? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Is it just me or does this post really have nothing to do with age difference? Age difference schmage difference. The fact is that he's a bit of a jerk, and he's clingy on top of all of that. Yuck, how unattractive. Older men are fine, provided that they don't act like infants. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Is it just me or I'm just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 I'm just saying. Thanks I forgot that part. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Who said he was clingy? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 He claims to still be madly in love with me, lonely, and wants me in any capacity. Should I go for the guy I feel passion for even though he is twice my age, seperated, and a jerk? See the bolded portion of the post. Who the hell says they're are lonely and want anyone in any capacity? It's called self-respect. As in, "I'm lonely but I respect myself and you enough to wait until you're ready for a committed relationship, if that is what you're seeking." IME men like this are psycho. Women, too, to be fair. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Hate to give you a bigger head than you already have, BUT...your last couple of posts were right on target. Especially this one: "Is it just me or does this post really have nothing to do with age difference? Age difference schmage difference. The fact is that he's a bit of a jerk, and he's clingy on top of all of that. Yuck, how unattractive. Older men are fine, provided that they don't act like infants." Bravo! SO well said. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 thanks touche! Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 I just wanted to put my avatar beneath you two fine women. Looking good. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 I just wanted to put my avatar beneath you two fine women. Looking good. Yeah, I notice what direction the snout is pointing Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Yeah, I notice what direction the snout is pointing Snout? Oh, that's a SNOUT! I feel SO stupid now. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Yeah, I notice what direction the snout is pointing YAAAAY-YAH! Link to post Share on other sites
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