saw my ex from afar...upset and hurting

[bchlvr]

This evening I was at a party and suddenly noticed my ex standing with mutual friends of ours.

 

This is my first time seeing her since our break up 5 months ago.

I've been in no contact since that time.

I did not approach her nor did she approach me. Because this was a small party, I suspect she saw me as well, but who knows.

I tried to deliberately not make eye contact or look at her repeatedly, thinking that if I did so, it would feel like breaking NC.

 

I thought that after the initial discomfort seeing her, I would be able to move beyond the awkwardness and have a good time.

That proved to be still too difficult right now.

 

The moment I left the party and got into my car, I burst into tears.

I keep seeing her in my mind's eye and feel angst like I've tumbled back to the beginnings of the break up when I had been dumped.

My heart is heavy and I feel so dejected.

 

I never anticipated getting over her being this hard after 5 months, the length of time we were together, I'm embarrassed to say!

 

How have others gotten through the experience of running into their ex?

How easy was it to bounce back?

 

One other thing....

 

We both belong to the same performance group. I am not performing this season in part so that I don't have to see her every week at rehearsal. I do a lot of the behind the scenes work instead. Though I would love to attend the group's upcoming performance, I can't see how I'll get through two hours seeing her on stage. ugh.

 

I appreciate your thoughts and as always, LS being here for times like this.

[BannaBee57]

This happened to me about a month ago. I saw my ex driving down the road going the opposite direction from me. I was a bit taken aback as I hadn't seen him in over a month. I just took a deep breath and kept on driving. It hurt for a little bit but I lived.

 

All I can say is that it does get easier. You may feel like you're back at square one in the healing process but you bounce back to where you were much quicker each time.

 

Hope you feel better soon!

[bchlvr]

Thank you BannaBee for sharing your experience. It's helpful to hear that youre really not back at square one even though it feels like it.

 

Lucky for you, you didn't crash when you saw your ex driving in the opposite! I'm not sure I could have done so well!

 

Today has been such a hard day. I've been tearful all day, something that has not happened in a long while.

 

But tomorrow's another hopeful day.

[fatty]

Hey,

 

Well, I always try to avoid my ex. We have the same mutual friends and I always make sure that if she is going to be there I will not go. You are an extremely strong person for staying in NC with her. I keep having relapses and gradually becoming strong.

 

You are not at square one, so don't worry. It is just that she has been out of your life for 5 months so even a hint of her might trigger some memories. But you are not back at sqaure one. The heart ache will pass over time. Day by day and that is the only thing you have can hope for. You are my inspiration bro, I am struggling and it is extremely effecting my university marks. But I know it will soon pass.

 

Let the heartache come and attack it with full force. Tell it "Hey heartache, you S.O.B. You are just a temporary guest cause your ass is grass tomorrow"

 

I don't the reasons you guys seperated but it feels like you were dumped. If you were then jsut remember she doesnt want you and its HER loss.

 

Keep bieng strong bro. I am looking up to you.

[Teacher's Pet]

I've been there, too.

 

The only time I've seen my ex since our breakup (June), was seeing her car go by when I was in a parking lot. There was someone else in the car with her, that's all I noticed.

 

It hurt, it really did, even for just that brief moment.

 

You work through it. Funny part was, I was on a date with a less than interesting woman at that moment, so it made it even harder.

 

Just work through it. That's what tp says!

 

-tp

role model for the unloved man

[Guest]

My ex broke up with me 22 years ago. It was a 5 year relationship and I was devastated. I never saw or heard from them again after the night they broke up with me. A few years later I met my spouse who is wonderful and means the world to me. We've been married for 19 years now. One evening we were out a few months ago and I saw my ex after 22 years. My spouse and I were happy and holding hands. My ex reacted by turning around and running the other way. After that I was totally upset. I was angry that I didn't even get a hello after spending 5 years of my life with that person. My point is that even years later it can still hurt if the situation resurfaces again. It's strange because my spouse is 25 times more attractive (and 10 years younger than me) and has much more going for them. But part of me still felt this hurt after all of these years. Why did they ignore me and run the other way? I guess I'll never know.

[bchlvr]

Thank you all so much for your responses and encouragement!

 

TP--I feel for you... driving down the road on a date, when suddenly you see your ex driving along. It's hard enough dealing with unpleasant emotions triggered by that, much less having to continue being pleasant on a mediocre date!!!! And I thought I had it hard!!

 

 

Fatty, you are right. It's helpful to remember that the feeling of being back at square one is not the reality when you are doing the work of recovering with sincere intention.

 

I like the saying: "feelings aren't facts."

It's surprising that it takes so little to generate so much emotion, just the hint of the other person, as you said, Fatty. And Guest, I suspect your ex's need to turn and run in the other direction has everything to with running from any residual feelings of hurt, guilt, attraction, love, you name it, he might still harbor. It is puzzling though, after 22 years.

I do feel better and my equalibrium is not so out of whack after a few days.

Guest, I hope you will continue to post, find support, and share your experiences. You've certainly helped me.