Duh! Why didn't you tell me before?

[RecordProducer]

Some of you know that I vented about my husband's close family (all except his mom) doing sh*t to me. I knew he was defending me in front of them, and although he admitted that they didn't act very well, while I did nothing wrong, he accused me of being paranoid and thinking that everyone (they) is after me. I told him long time ago that they were trying to squeeze me out of his life. They constantly complain about me for no reason (again, hubby confirmed I never did/said anything wrong). I was nice and kind to them and he saw it... Of course, I understand that he tried to defend them, I would defend MY family also.

 

Anyway, today I said:

 

"I bought Monopoly and Risk and we can invite your brother and his wife to play together "

He: Why them?

Me: Why not?

He: They don't call us!

Me: Well we don't call them either so we might start. You said I wasn't sociable and I was isolating myself so here's a chance to associate!

He: No! They are jerk offs! Screw them!

 

I feel this as my own victory over THEM in hubby's eyes. I proved I was a good girl all this time. God knows what they've been arguing with him about, I know he isn't telling me anything that's going on, but I do know that they fight because of me. I will continue to be nice to them.

 

Of course, hubby maintains close relationship with his brother, but I don't expect from him to ditch his twin brother anyway.

[RecordProducer]

Hubby was very sick last night, he had pneumothorax, and even went to the hospital (he is fine now and will be fine). SIL and BIL came over after my kids' b/day party and she was all touchy-feely with hubby. He sat right next to him (I thought she was gonna sit on his lap) and started touching his hair! I thought it was hilarious! (Maybe she had some wine, cuz they came from a dinner.)

 

Finally, she whispered him something and it looked like when a girl whispers to her lover what she will do to him in bed later. Hubby said in a cold way: "I didn't say that either!" and that was it.

 

I asked him later what she said and it was something like: "I know you don't like me, but I love you!"

 

Then he mentioned something about her acting in a bad way plus what she did tonight. I asked what she did tonight and he wouldn't tell me. Then his dad came, but I'll ask him again... I hate it that he is not telling me anything!

 

They didn't come to the b/day party, because their son had another party. But they did buy expensive presents for the kids.

 

It's interesting that hubby omitted to recognize their both daughters' birthdays and that's totally not like him! He gave them cards (that I wrote nicely) and $100 checks a month and a week after the two girls' b/days. I know they had some argument about it, because hubby told his brother to "come and pick it up" on the phone. A few minutes later, their little son came over and picked up the b/day cards. I was shocked!

 

If you knew my husband, you'd know that he is very much into etiquette and is very sweet and generous when it comes to b/days. So I think this incident means he wants to show them that the more sh*t they cause about me - the less they mean to him as a family!

[JadeStar]

I hate it that he is not telling me anything!

 

 

I hate that too. I figure, either he is not telling you, because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings, has something to hide, OR he knows it bothers you when he doesn't tell you things so he purposly does it to tick you off. Think thats not an option? But it is. I know plenty of people who know how a person feels on certain things and they purposly withhold info just to piss them off. I never could really understand that, but then the more I thought of it, the more it became clear it was just a control thing for them to do.

 

Next time they come over, you go sit near your BIL, and whisper something in his ear! Something along the lines of, "Why is your wife acting like a slut around my hubby?"

[Flyin in Clouds]

I hate it that he is not telling me anything!

 

Maybe he just doesn't want the story spalttered all over the internet... via LS.

 

 

Next time they come over, you go sit near your BIL, and whisper something in his ear! Something along the lines of, "Why is your wife acting like a slut around my hubby?"

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

[RecordProducer]

Jade, nah... he is a very private person and never talks behind somebody's back. If all people were like him, the word "gossip" would never enter the dictionary. He reluctantly gives away private information.

Besides, this whole story hurts him, because if he tells me how they crapped BS about me, he will have to reveal that his family sucks. Frankly, if my mom's mouth were full of poop against my husband, I would never want him to find out about it. It's his family's dirty laundry and he is obviously disappointed himself, too. I don't care about BIL or SIL or FIL... I can live without them. But he loves them... and they let him down.

 

Flying... yeah, that, too! About whispering BIL that... - very funny!

The other day she came over to ask him how he was (he has a problem with his lung and is not feeling well) and she kissed HIM, but not me, although we were sitting right next to each other, comfortably watching a movie.

 

I could do the same to HER husband and even flirt with him. She'd die of jealousy on the woman-vs.-woman level! But I don't want to stoop on her small-minded level and play her game. I am really above that.

 

She is trying to show that she loves HIM, but not me. And she doesn't like him. She just wants him to be alone so she can rule the whole family. She is a control freak.

[alphamale]

well i was going to say something but in retrospect its not very nice so I will only say "no comment"...

[RecordProducer]

well i was going to say something but in retrospect its not very nice so I will only say "no comment"...

Spit it out, Alph!

[alphamale]

Spit it out, Alph!

Naaah, I dont' think you'll like it. Maybe i will pm you in few days if I feel like it.

[lovelorcet]

Some of you know that I vented about my husband's close family (all except his mom) doing sh*t to me. I knew he was defending me in front of them, and although he admitted that they didn't act very well, while I did nothing wrong, he accused me of being paranoid and thinking that everyone (they) is after me. I told him long time ago that they were trying to squeeze me out of his life. They constantly complain about me for no reason (again, hubby confirmed I never did/said anything wrong). I was nice and kind to them and he saw it... Of course, I understand that he tried to defend them, I would defend MY family also.

 

Anyway, today I said:

 

"I bought Monopoly and Risk and we can invite your brother and his wife to play together "

He: Why them?

Me: Why not?

He: They don't call us!

Me: Well we don't call them either so we might start. You said I wasn't sociable and I was isolating myself so here's a chance to associate!

He: No! They are jerk offs! Screw them!

 

I feel this as my own victory over THEM in hubby's eyes. I proved I was a good girl all this time. God knows what they've been arguing with him about, I know he isn't telling me anything that's going on, but I do know that they fight because of me. I will continue to be nice to them.

 

Of course, hubby maintains close relationship with his brother, but I don't expect from him to ditch his twin brother anyway.

 

 

Well he does want to do stuff with his brother, just not when you are around. Did it ever occur to you that he doesn't really want you to be a part of his family?

[kjl933]

Does SIL have some fantasy about doing twins? Maybe she blew him in the kitchen earlier?

[a4a]

Does SIL have some fantasy about doing twins? Maybe she blew him in the kitchen earlier?

 

SIL is a kitchen chicken with nothing better to do but attempt to snatch the spotlight.... she is the kind of woman that would blow a man just to rub it in his wifes face. That way it is all about her.

 

Not that abnormal actually. sadly.

 

Here come RP trotting into family land with 2 kids in tow and her own outlook...... not meek and submissive. So of course their is flack, and her H does not want to admit his own family can be real asses.....RP is the new kid in school.

 

hell people do this with their friends as well. Don't want to admit those they hang with are idiots or asses. So he handles it his way quietly.

 

However RP is not perfect. Nobody is.

[Kinger25]

"Finally, she whispered him something and it looked like when a girl whispers to her lover what she will do to him in bed later. Hubby said in a cold way: "I didn't say that either!" and that was it."

 

Typical jealousy ploy. She had a few too many wines and felt herself to be the most attractive woman in the history of America. She doesn't like you and because she has had this wine, and is obviously SOOO attractive, she feels empowered enough to flirt with your husband, because OBVIOUSLY your H is gonna fancy her over you :lmao: That's a classic, she must have made herself look like a complete idiot!! She was trying to get a rise out of you by flirting with your H. Good on you for not reacting to it I love women like that !!

 

"Then he mentioned something about her acting in a bad way plus what she did tonight. I asked what she did tonight and he wouldn't tell me. Then his dad came, but I'll ask him again... I hate it that he is not telling me anything! "

 

I think she was probably stabbing you in the back over dinner or something and your hubby was just protecting your feelings by not telling you what she said about you. He's mature enough to keep whatever she said / did to himself and has probably dealt with SIL in his own way, on the quiet, without dragging you into it and making it effect you. If my BF's Brother said something about me, I would expect my BF to deal with the issue then and there, and not let his brother shoot me down in front of him. There would be no need for my BF to tell me what his B said cause he would have already stuck up for me and knocked his B right off that perch. It would be more of a spiteful thing if your H had said (when you asked him about what SIL did that night) "Oh, she said you were a stuck up b^*$ch, cra*K Addict Wh*re who can't look after her children" THAT would have probably effected you more than him not telling you what was said (if you're anything like me). Just ignore SIL, dont stoop to her level in any way at all, you're better than that. These sorts of people tend to make a habit of shooting themselves in the foot in the long run. Give her a long enough piece of rope and she'll hang herself in the end, and you wont have to do anything except sit back and watch as she makes a total fool out of herself. Its Karma. What goes around comes around, so they say

[RecordProducer]

Well he does want to do stuff with his brother, just not when you are around. Did it ever occur to you that he doesn't really want you to be a part of his family?

What do you mean?

In any case, at the beginning he said the problems would go away, I should give them a chance, and we'll be friends eventually. I think he finally realized the whole truth. I spilled many accusations (in front of hubby only) after all the crap they did: I said his brother was jealous of him, didn't want him to be happy, wanted him to divorce me and persuade him how bad I am (cuz I didn't bring them a cake and cuz they didn't like my jokes and BS like that). I said she was jealous of me and controlling BIL like a little puppy. She accused me of letting hubby serve the kids food when we're at people's houses and check this! - THEY had a problem with this for some reason. Because she is the kind of mother that's never at home and can't wait to get rid of her 8-tear old son. She can't stand that we drag the kids everywhere simply because we enjoy being with them. You get the picture.

 

Hubby said I was paranoid and I was making assumptions. I guess he is starting to realize that they confirmed all my assumptions. On one hand, he can't tell me bad things about his family, on the other hand, he doesn't want to admit openly that I was right about them.

 

Does SIL have some fantasy about doing twins? Maybe she blew him in the kitchen earlier?

Hubby is like grossed out by her. I think she is very cute, but she is not the traffic stopper type.

 

she is the kind of woman that would blow a man just to rub it in his wifes face. That way it is all about her.

Yeah, I think taht describes her pretty well.

 

However RP is not perfect. Nobody is.

Believe me, to THEM I was perfect. I mean, you're new in the country and the family, you want your new hubby's family to love you, so how do you act in the first few months? You give your best, right? His brother ignored me since day one. SIL pretended to be my friend, encouraged me to tell her about my marriage, just for me to hear from 3 different people that she gossips about me all the time.

Typical jealousy ploy. She had a few too many wines and felt herself to be the most attractive woman in the history of America. She doesn't like you and because she has had this wine, and is obviously SOOO attractive, she feels empowered enough to flirt with your husband, because OBVIOUSLY your H is gonna fancy her over you :lmao: That's a classic, she must have made herself look like a complete idiot!! She was trying to get a rise out of you by flirting with your H. Good on you for not reacting to it I love women like that !!

I don't know if she had wine. A couiple days later she came again and kissed hubby, but not me and we were sitting right next to each other. That only tells me that she has said many things against me and has to be consistent with her behavior; and that she is trying to show him that she loves HIM, but not his bad wife, cuz she ain't good for him.

 

Oh, trust me, I have nothing to be jealous about when it comes to her.

 

I think she was probably stabbing you in the back over dinner or something and your hubby was just protecting your feelings by not telling you what she said about you. He's mature enough to keep whatever she said / did to himself and has probably dealt with SIL in his own way, on the quiet, without dragging you into it and making it effect you. If my BF's Brother said something about me, I would expect my BF to deal with the issue then and there, and not let his brother shoot me down in front of him. There would be no need for my BF to tell me what his B said cause he would have already stuck up for me and knocked his B right off that perch. It would be more of a spiteful thing if your H had said (when you asked him about what SIL did that night) "Oh, she said you were a stuck up b^*$ch, cra*K Addict Wh*re who can't look after her children" THAT would have probably effected you more than him not telling you what was said (if you're anything like me). Just ignore SIL, dont stoop to her level in any way at all, you're better than that. These sorts of people tend to make a habit of shooting themselves in the foot in the long run. Give her a long enough piece of rope and she'll hang herself in the end, and you wont have to do anything except sit back and watch as she makes a total fool out of herself. Its Karma. What goes around comes around, so they say

No, they didn't go to dinner together! We were at home, had a b/day party for my kids. Their son chose to go to another b/day party (we indeed made the plans just a week earlier, but he could have come).

 

In any case, you are right in your guess - the kids told me once they heard her talking against me. I asked him and he said nothing like that happened. Sure, my kids NEVER lie to me. They told me details, why would they make it up? And once he admitted that he gave his brother the silent treatment for a few days because they fought about me.

 

See, all these injections he receives against me usually come out of nowhere. Like after they see me for 10 min and I am all nice to them or even after a long period of time of not seeing me at all. The episode that the kids heard was right after I started going to their house in the morning for coffee together with hubby (he was going there every morning without me). I was all nice to them and they ignored me. After a few mornings she told him that I wasn't being nice to him (the kids told me) and I heard BIL compalining for more than an hour. I didn't hear about what, but I heard he said: "...like why don't you guys come over..." I assume he said that we didn't invite them over. Hubby confirmed that BIL did complain, but didn't tell me what and he said SIL also wanted to talk, but hubby refused to talk to HER.

 

A couple weeks ago hubby suggested that we go to brunch with them (that's the first time) and everything was fine. Obviously after that they continued to complain and he realized the case is hopeless. I probably didn't see that she wanted the sugar so I was rude or I didn't offer her to try my fish cuz I hate her...

 

See, in order to imagine our situation, you have to picture this: we live separate lives and very rarely see each other or talk on the phone. When we do, it's distant, polite, and short. Even our kids rarely play together anymore. So whatever crap they fill hubby's head with is totally NOT based on any information that they could possibly have. And hubby NEVER talks about our marriage with them.

 

Kinger, I love your Karma approach to this case. My uncle told me: "YOU, don't do anything so he can see that everything comes from THEM!" And indeed, the less I do, the more THEY do, and the more hubby sees that all the stink comes from their house.

 

I am totally relaxed now, they are practically not in my life.. and before I know they will think of something - mark my word! They don't want to let go of us and let us be happy. They have to try to destroy us or otherwise they feel like they're wasting their time.

[Guest]

no idea what that was about

 

thank gawd i am single man with my identity protected by the wizard of oz

[Guest]

Its about drama. Some people like it more than others, or at least subconsciously attract it. You can find a relationship that doesn't have this kind of crap going on if you know what to look for, or more to the point, look out for.

 

I know from my perspective, I couldn't deal with the relationship that RP and her husband have. Regardless of the fact that she really does seem to love him. The things that go on there would destroy any foundation I had with someone. Maybe sooner, maybe later, but most assuredly at some point.

[RecordProducer]

I know from my perspective, I couldn't deal with the relationship that RP and her husband have. Regardless of the fact that she really does seem to love him. The things that go on there would destroy any foundation I had with someone. Maybe sooner, maybe later, but most assuredly at some point.

The grapes are sour, I know. You're single by choice, not because nobody wants you!

 

Hubby and I have never had an argument about something serious. Since I quit drinking, things are just fine and we enjoy our love to the fullest. Here and there we argue, so what? everybody does from time to time, but as long as it gets straightened out, everything is peachy.

 

SIL is a problem, but I'll get rid of her in one way or another. Hubby is not a problem, he is a wonderful husband and a great dad to my kids. We're not going anywhere from him.

[Guest]

The grapes are sour, I know. You're single by choice, not because nobody wants you!

 

Hubby and I have never had an argument about something serious. Since I quit drinking, things are just fine and we enjoy our love to the fullest. Here and there we argue, so what? everybody does from time to time, but as long as it gets straightened out, everything is peachy.

 

SIL is a problem, but I'll get rid of her in one way or another. Hubby is not a problem, he is a wonderful husband and a great dad to my kids. We're not going anywhere from him.

 

I think its very interesting that you need make subjective remarks about someone you think you know. If someone doesn't agree with your posts, you go to great lengths to rationalize your views and try to discredit the responder in what usually amounts to rude personal attacks wholly unrelated to the issue at hand.

 

Its sad you can't recognize that differences between people may not be a matter of right or wrong, but just different.

 

I also find it very interesting that you completely air your dirty laundry here on Loveshack without shame and then get offended when people comment that you seem to have a whole lot of drama in your life.

 

I made the personal observation myself just by reviewing the threads you have posted and was replying to another anonymous poster in the hopes that my counterpoint could possibly persuade him to not give up on finding his counterpart in life.

 

I never stated your hubby was bad to your children, nor that you didn't love him, or that he didn't love you. Contrary, I think all of that is true, or he wouldn't have taken the time and expense to visit you in Serbia, and then eventually marry you. Nor, I imagine, would you as a responsible mother put your two children in an unfit environment. Certainly there is love and caring there.

 

However, I see solely based on your posts that you create a lot of stressful events in your life. Some people enjoy that stress, and some create it subconsciously for various reasons.

 

I think you are someone who likes to be the center of attention, and you will consciously or subconsciously create stress, or drama, in order to make sure you stay there because the attention is more important than the stress.

 

If the whole world is wrong and only you are right, maybe a little bit of introspective and soul searching might be in order?

 

Regardless, I stated I personally wouldn't be happy with that much drama in my life, and that any relationship I had like that would eventually fall apart. So obviously I am more stress averse than you are. I guess that means you and I would never work out, nor get along? It sounds like neither of us are upset about that.

 

As long as you are truly happy, that is what counts!

[lovelorcet]

Hubby and I have never had an argument about something serious. Since I quit drinking, things are just fine and we enjoy our love to the fullest. Here and there we argue, so what? everybody does from time to time, but as long as it gets straightened out, everything is peachy.

 

 

The comments from the Guest hit the nail right on the head. I actually feel sorry for RP a lot of the time because she puts so much energy into rationalization or attacking people who do not share her point of view...

 

 

And am sorry but fighting with your hubby over whether or not to abort a fetus that was caused by your negligence as you decided to just stop taking the pill would be an argument about something serious in my book. But that is just my POV

[Marcus1963]

recordproducer, look at this situation froma practical point of view, they want to squeeze you out as you said but it wont happen. Your husband thinks they arejerks and you have a good marriage. why do you let them bother you?i understand it annoys you so come here and vent but dont let them affect your life, they are not worth it. Just ignore them and avoid them. By ignoring them youll stay clean in your husbands eyes and show them that they are not worth your attention.

 

by the way, i love your pictures

I also find it very interesting that you completely air your dirty laundry here on Loveshack without shame and then get offended when people comment that you seem to have a whole lot of drama in your life.

wtf!!!? Of course she comes here to vent and you are using it against her.she has a right to expose her dirty laundry if she wants to. you did not even respond to her post!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I think you are someone who likes to be the center of attention, and you will consciously or subconsciously create stress, or drama, in order to make sure you stay there because the attention is more important than the stress.

she fights for her own position and there is nothign wrong with taht..you on the other side have nothing smart to say.you sound like those people who try to make others miserable just for the fun of it

 

If the whole world is wrong and only you are right, maybe a little bit of introspective and soul searching might be in order?

her husband thinks they are being jerks so do you suggest that she should be a jerk too? you are obviously being one

 

any relationship I had like that would eventually fall apart.

oh i get it now, youre trying to justify your own failures by blaming others for them...... to let something fall apart is not a big deal but to involve effort and energy it takes a strong person. Does it bother you that someone is stronger than you and willing to work on their problems instead of give up.

 

 

And am sorry but fighting with your hubby over whether or not to abort a fetus that was caused by your negligence as you decided to just stop taking the pill would be an argument about something serious in my book. But that is just my POV

another jerk are we?

 

if she stopped taking the pill then how is it negligence! its her husbands negligence too unless she lied to him that she is on the pill...... did you lie recordp?

so were you really pregnant? what happened at the end

[lovelorcet]

another jerk are we?

 

 

Excuse me?

 

Right, anyone with a critical point of view is wrong and a jerk. How interesting...

[2sunny]

Reading that "guest" post made me wonder if it was RP's SIL posting....

 

Geez, it seems difficult at times when it is labeled "guest."

 

Maybe RP's SIL is following her around on LS??????

[Marcus1963]

Excuse me?

 

Right, anyone with a critical point of view is wrong and a jerk. How interesting...

if criticism comes with advice and suggested solution then its helpful........if it serves the purpose of judging someones "negligence" then its useless....so ok youre not a jerk you are just useless........you had the urge to tell this woman that it would be a serious issue in YOUR book so fine you would be divorced if you were her but she seems to be happily married.........so you think she is not taking the "issues" seriously enough,you think she should be miserable like you would be....if someone can get past the serious issues you can only admire their tolerance not criticize them for being happy after all the troubles

Hubby and I have never had an argument about something serious. Since I quit drinking, things are just fine and we enjoy our love to the fullest. Here and there we argue, so what? everybody does from time to time, but as long as it gets straightened out, everything is peachy.

didnt yuo read this!!!!!!

[JamesM]

Okay out of fairness and respect for the OP...let us ignore those negative comments which are not directly related to the thread topic. Posters are free to type what they want, and some people feel that when they stay anonymous, they are "safe" in saying anything.

 

And although I strongly feel that too much negative criticsm is just insults in disguise, criticism is necessary for all of us if we hope to ever improve ourselves.

 

Marcus, I am sure RP appreciates the "help" but we don't want this thread deleted before more helpful feedback is given. Ignoring those posts/comments that do not bring solutions is a better way to be of "help" to RP. Insulting lovelorcet is not helpful.

 

lovelorcet, a critical POV is helpful. Like you and everyone here, I try to always remember that someone is looking for help...and many times they can be more sensitive to criticism that they usually are. And I try always to remember that if I was receiving my criticism...how would it make me feel.

 

RP, as has been said, do your best to ignore the SIL. I do wonder why she feels she has some sort of hold over your husband. Is it because she has seen him through two marriages and divorces? Was she a friend to him during difficult times? Did she imagine herself more than a friend....or was she?

 

Always take the high road with those who attempt to drag you down. Listen to what they say and glean out the criticism that is helpful. But always ignore the comments that are intended to hurt. This can apply to your family as well. If you ignore the nasty comments from SIL and others, it will be amazing to you how soon they realize that these comments are ineffective. Then they may actually quit! Yeah right.

[lovelorcet]

I have read a lot of RP threads and posts over the last few months...

 

 

I do agree that RP is here looking for help and support but I also feel that there is a part of her which is searching for positive attention. Just like she was upset that her hubby didn't compliment her enough she is searching for this for this here...

 

I know full well what it is like to pack up and move to another country and to try and start a life there. It gets lonely and I actually have quite a bit of compassion for her but there is this reoccurring theme of her not being able to accept critical comments. If you look at a lot of her problems that she posts many would have never been "issues" if she was able to take criticism with a cool head.

 

That is all that I am really trying to point out I guess...

[princessa]

I have read a lot of RP threads and posts over the last few months...

 

 

I do agree that RP is here looking for help and support but I also feel that there is a part of her which is searching for positive attention. Just like she was upset that her hubby didn't compliment her enough she is searching for this for this here...

 

I know full well what it is like to pack up and move to another country and to try and start a life there. It gets lonely and I actually have quite a bit of compassion for her but there is this reoccurring theme of her not being able to accept critical comments. If you look at a lot of her problems that she posts many would have never been "issues" if she was able to take criticism with a cool head.

 

That is all that I am really trying to point out I guess...

 

I concur. I've read a couple of her posts in the past, and she's always first to reply with negative comments to anybody who disagrees with her point of view. A lot of times these comments are just plain unfounded assumptions about the other person, and personal attacks to people she knows nothing of.

 

I'm not writing just to be a bitch, or to attack her. I just want the posters who said that Guest or others were jerks for saying what they said about her, to take a fair look at what's going on, and that it was in fact her who started stirring up dirt earlier in this thread with her remark:

 

The grapes are sour, I know. You're single by choice, not because nobody wants you!

 

It was only fair for others to put her back in her place. I personally think that such remarks have no place in this forum, where we all try to give constructive criticism to eachother. Nobody likes to be criticized, but nonetheless this is why we come here for, and we should be greatful that others at least take the time to comment on whatever we want to rant about.

 

Oh yeah, and gotta love her posts that start with "SOME POSTERS on this forum think this and that... and give this kind of advice to some people... HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT"

 

My two cents.