Will she ever come back?

[Porkchop]

My ex and i broke up early June. It's been almost 5 months. She is now with the guy who we broke up about. She's been with him the day after we broke up. The first two months after we broke up we still saw each other. It was almost like we were almost getting back together. I took her to disneyland etc etc. At the time she said she felt so stuck, but i told her to come back to me and just leave him. I just dont understand why she feels so stuck when she can easily come back. Well I stopped talking to her for like a month and week after huge drama happened and she calls me out of the blue on oct 12. She was crying and basically saying she misses me. She was jealous of a girl I was talking to and asking me a few questions about it. I think she still has feelings for me, if she called me. Her relationship with the guy cant be that great when she calls me when she isnt supposed to.

 

About a week ago. We got into another argument. I said stupid things like "if you dont want to hang out with me then forget it" she got really pissed. After I left, I texted her saying "I dont want to bother you anymore, I love you but maybe it is best that we never contact each other anymore." I really didnt mean that. i was just frustrated. I tried to call her to apologize and text her but she doesnt pick up that night. I wrote her a long letter of apology and she replys with "you can stop thinking if i got your messages or not cuz I did and i do think it is best that we dont contact each other" I called her once today to see how she is doing after not calling her for a week.

 

I know she doesnt pick up my calls if she is with her boyfriend, but I dont know if that is the real reason now why she isnt picking up. I feel like **** every single day. I still cant eat or sleep and it's been almost 5 months. I love her so much. Do you think she will talk to me again? Do you think she will ever come back to me? I know she misses me, but she said she doesnt know if she can come back to me because a lot of poeple know about our situation and that she said she wants to move forward. She said she doesnt know if she can come back because she doesnt know if it will be the same.

[Ukwizard]

Hi Porkchop,

 

I know she doesnt pick up my calls if she is with her boyfriend, but I dont know if that is the real reason now why she isnt picking up.

 

Stop this now! Stop it. Stop phoning her, texting her all the time. If you want her back then you have to limit the damage!

 

All the phoning, and text will finally suceed driving her away from you, and into the arms of the other man.

 

Do you think she will talk to me again?

 

The answer to your question is............Yes!

 

But the way you are damaging your "friendship", she is not going to come back is she? Think about it my friend. Imagine if you had a new girlfriend, and your ex keeps on pestering you. Your sure not going to like it, and also they may discontinue the friendship to get peace.

 

About a week ago. We got into another argument. I said stupid things like "if you dont want to hang out with me then forget it"

 

Listen to yourself! Do you really love her? If so, you wouldn`t go out of your way to hurt her, and say things you don`t mean. Remember love is kind. Love is patient. I don`t know you, and I don`t know who broke up with who, but there`s always a reason.

 

You have to give it time. The new man may not be as what he`s cracked out to be. In a new relationship, they still are in the honeymoon period. Your ex still may come back to you, but it really depends if you havent caused anymore damage.

 

Go into NC, or RC. There`s no need to say things like,

 

I texted her saying "I dont want to bother you anymore, I love you but maybe it is best that we never contact each other anymore."

 

Stop saying things like that. Its just going to fustrate her even more, and do you know what? She WILL stop talking to you.

 

I wrote her a long letter of apology and she replys with "you can stop thinking if i got your messages or not cuz I did and i do think it is best that we dont contact each other"

 

Now, writing a letter of apology is not right. Why? Well, it makes out that youv`e done something wrong, and your apologising for it. Now its got to the point she`s stopped talking to you because your becoming high maintenance.

 

How do I know all this? I ve been there. I did some chasing when my ex girlfriend left me. For 6 months, we still talked to each other. We still emailed, until she met another man. Thats when I came on a bit too strong. She stopped talking to me too, just like your stiuation. Its been 5 months since I last spoke to her. It may take longer for her to reply to you too.

 

So please stop chasing after her. Go out, and do other things with your friends, and family. People who care about you. At this moment, and time she`s focusing on someone else. Its up to you to limit the damage. If you end up arguing all the time. When she does grow a bit older, and wiser. She will reflect, and one day that maybe she might come back to you. Don`t hold on to her, becasue she may not be the one for you. There are billions of women out there that want you attention. I ve only realised this. After my ex dumped me. I dated 2 other people. I ve not found a person like my ex, but one day I will.

 

Q Will she ever come back?

 

A. Yeah, you have two chances. Slim, and none.

[alphamale]

the lesson we should all learn from this fiasco is: Don't be friends with your ex.

[Porkchop]

Okay I will stop phoning and texting her. But what should I do if she calls me. It tears me up inside that she is still with him when she calls me. It's hard to have a normal conversation when I am just thinking, "God I really love her," "is she coming back this time for reals," "why is she still with him when we can talk about maybe coming back."

 

We talk about her getting back. So it confuses me a lot and I just dont understand why she cant come back if she still talks to me about getting back. Last time, she said she was going to have a talk with him. I dont understand why she had to talk to him if she is going to come back or not. Is she trying to see if there is an excuse or something that he has to give? She said when they had a talk, they talked about how both of them dreamt of me. Man I always screw up. I hate how things can be so unstable when we are not together.

[Porkchop]

You guys probably would think this is a bad idea, but what do you guys think if i emailed her something like... "well you dont have to respond to me, but i just want to let you know that i love you and i always will. You I am always here for you, but if this is really what you want then I will give this to you because I love you." or soemthing along that?

[Porkchop]

oh yea i was also thinking about calling her on nov 1. that would be our 1 year anniversary if we were still together. I was thinking about just giving her a call just to let her know i remember. But i think you guys think that is a bad idea too. What you guys think?

[alphamale]

We talk about her getting back. So it confuses me a lot and I just dont understand why she cant come back if she still talks to me about getting back.

Put 10% importance on her words and 90% importance on her actions...

[D-Lish]

Why want someone back who is with someone else? That would be a deal breaker for me. if I knew they had been sleeping with someone else, I could never in a million years take them back.

 

I wouldn't give this woman an ounce of your time from here on out. Wait for her to come to you, and if she does come to you- you have to make her work for you. Right now she knows she can have you back if she wants you. That won't bring her back.

 

The only thing that will get her thinking is if you cut off contact with her permanently. If she thinks she can't have you, she will go crazy pursueing you. It's a stupid game, I know.

 

Force her to respect you- don't contact her for any reason!

D

[johnnytable]

You guys probably would think this is a bad idea, but what do you guys think if i emailed her something like... "well you dont have to respond to me, but i just want to let you know that i love you and i always will. You I am always here for you, but if this is really what you want then I will give this to you because I love you." or soemthing along that?

 

Only send this if you want to sound pathetic. It is clear that this is what she wants because a) she is no responding to you and b) she is not with you. If she did not want this then things would be different.

 

Why should you always be there for her? You two broke up and she is with somebody else now. Be there for yourself. If in five years you had nice wife and children, would you still be there for this ex?

[johnnytable]

oh yea i was also thinking about calling her on nov 1. that would be our 1 year anniversary if we were still together. I was thinking about just giving her a call just to let her know i remember. But i think you guys think that is a bad idea too. What you guys think?

 

Yes it is a bad idea and you know it. What would you have to gain from this?

 

I could see it if you broke up like a week ago and was still on speaking terms. It sounds like this was about a 6 month relationship, so calling on a "1 month anniversary if we made it another 6 months" sounds like an excuse to contact her. She has made it VERY clear that she does not want to hear from you, so you need to cut it out.

[Porkchop]

I know what you guys are saying. But I really still love her. I know she still has feelings for me. It's so hard. People say she's just toying with me. either way... i still want her back so bad.

[Porkchop]

I kinda have a feeling she will come back to me, if this guy isnt with her. It's just that it's so hard "waiting" i guess. and when we do hang out we get into arguments cuz she's not with me.

[Ukwizard]

You guys probably would think this is a bad idea, but what do you guys think if i emailed her something like... "well you dont have to respond to me, but i just want to let you know that i love you and i always will. You I am always here for you, but if this is really what you want then I will give this to you because I love you." or soemthing along that?

 

Noooooo! Please dont send something like that!

 

"well you dont have to respond to me, but i just want to let you know that i love you and i always will."

 

Okay, the words, "you don`t have to respond to me", sound VERY pathetic!

She no doubt probably won`t reply to you.

 

Like you said in your first post,

 

but i told her to come back to me and just leave him

 

You can`t make someone love you!! You have to be you! Be the nice guy, the fun guy to be around. No one wants a crazy ex hanging about, phoning texting, bvegging them to come back. It gets stressful for the other person too. It will drive them away. A million miles away.

 

Think about it. Would you do this to your best friend. Would you phone, and text them all the time, and annoy them to come out? No you wouldn`t. You`re doing it now because youv`e lost something, and everything you`re doing, and saying, or even emailing will contain your feelings.

 

You have to change this pattern now, before she is going to get so fed up she will stop ALL contact.

 

You can be friends with an ex, and I ve seen some people get bacjk together, but it only happens when the is NO damage that has been done. You can`t make someone comeone back, and demanding to only drives them away. Be friendly, attentive, fun, and not the selfish, and obsessive ex boyfriend that wants his ex back

[panzer6]

Dude, thers an old saying, " The road to hell is paved with good intentions. " You want her back and she knows it, you are giving her the power of choice. She can sleep with this other guy and string you along to boost her ego. You need to withdraw completely. No calls, no e-mails, no IM, no text messages. NOTHING!!!!!! I know you love her and I'm sure if she loved you she wouldn't be doing this to you ! Think of all the crap she has put you through. Actions speak louder than words. You have to go NC for your own sanity otherwise you will become a wreck. I know, I have been there. The pain sits in your gut like a cancerous lump and with every passing day you feel less human, a shadow of your former self. It's time for you to grow a spine and tell her where to go. She will either come back or she won't. It's that simple. The power to choose is now yours. There are lots of women out there ! You have a say in your own happiness. Don't ever forget that. Good Luck !!!

[gfto]

But I really still love her.

Doesn't matter. The only thing that matters to her is her interest level in you, which, I'm sorry to say, is extremely low.

 

I know she still has feelings for me.

I'm afraid not.

[gfto]

Put 10% importance on her words and 90% importance on her actions...

I'd probably put those numbers at 3% and 97%.

[Porkchop]

what is wrong with me... it's been so long

lately i've been finding myself tearing up whenever i see anything emotional and I start thinking about my ex. i still want her back, but i am starting to think that this is completely bull**** and i shouldnt want her back even if she crawls back, but my heart still really loves her.

[AriaIncognito]

It's natural to feel loss and grief. Don't be upset that you're still not over it. I'm not over mine either, and tons of other people here still are struggling to get over theirs. It can take months, heck for some, it can take years. The best you can do, any of us can do, is just to live life as fully as you can and try to move forward. Try to have faith in a higher reason for things being as they are. It's tremendously hard, I know. I'm grappling with believing it for myself too, but I know I need to try, each day, until I no longer have to try.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Jennifer

[Porkchop]

After like a month of no contact, my ex messaged me today, we talked. I didnt think she would talk to me again. Seems like she's really jealous about what's going on in my life right now like my job, car, girls and other things even though they arent as great as she thinks it is. She keeps on talkin about how I have everything she wants. I still really want her back, but I'm not saying anything yet. or should i? I tried to stay away from the relatioship topic. She thinks I'm seeing someone now. I dont know what to do. She says her family loves me and that her brother and wife asked about me, told me to tell my mom she said hi and to give her a kiss, and other things like that. What am I supposed to think and what should i do now to get her back in my life? I really do love her.

[daphne]

Keep moving forward. Just because seh called doesn't mean she wants to get back with you. Treat it like white noise. She's just calling to shoot the breeze.