Chibaby Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 I need help. My fiance is really into football. I mean REALLY into it. Which I guess is fine, but it is starting to really get on my nerves. We are planning a wedding for next year, and what bothers me the most is that he spends more time on fantasy football and watching games then he does planning the wedding! We are doing a destination wedding too, which makes it really difficult, and I need help with it. I don't want to be the only one making decisions, since the wedding is about the union of two people, but he just doesn't seem interested which hurts my feelings. When I bring up the fact that he can spend hours watching football, but puts nothing into the wedding, he get's very defensive. What's worse is he makes an excuse every time instead of just owning up to the fact that he has done nothing what-so-ever for planning our wedding. The biggest exuse he has is that I push or nag him too much which makes him not want to do anything. But at the same time, we've been engaged for a year already, and he has done nothing to help me. Maybe I am tackling this problem the wrong way, but if I let him be, nothing get's done, if I talk to him about it, it's "pushing" him. What can I do to handle this situation the right way? Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 I think it is perfectly natural for a guy not to want to do wedding planning. I'm a girl planning a wedding with no help from fiance. Sometimes I give him a couple things to do (like buy his wedding band or something) but I give him weeks and weeks to get it done and I don't nag him about it. If you really do need help. Tell him, honey, I can't plan this on my own, will you help me pay for a wedding planner because I need help. You can also say that you understand that he doesn't want to help, but that if he never gives any input then he has no right to complain about any decisions that you make. Then you go ahead have a wedding of your dreams and just tell him when and where to show up. Just because he is not interested in wedding planning, doesn't mean he's not excited about being MARRIED. IMHO, wedding planning is for girls. I don't think it means anything about his feelings for you. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 he wants you to make all the decisions regarding the wedding. most of his advice would be useless to you anyways. just tell him where and when to show up and what to wear. if you really want to humour him then pick out cocktail napkins with all the NFL team logos on them. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 he wants you to make all the decisions regarding the wedding. most of his advice would be useless to you anyways. just tell him where and when to show up and what to wear. if you really want to humour him then pick out cocktail napkins with all the NFL team logos on them. good luck Good advice . Oh, and don't forget to set his watch for the time he needs to show up or he'll forget. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Agreed. Ya gotta pick your battles and any guy that gets too into wedding planning is probably gay. Maybe give him one " guy type" assignment each week, but otherwise don't expect too much. At least he loves you and wants to marry you. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 For football guys, there are a limited number of free brain cells available during football season. The Superbowl is in January. Can you wait until then to plan? If not, do it yourself. If it's too complicated for you to do alone - SIMPLIFY the wedding. It's not a royal coronation; it doesn't have to be a huge "do". Or ask your maid of honor to help - that's what they're for. However, be prepared to be a football widow the rest of your life with this man. Football season is EVERY fall/winter, plus the college games. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 For football guys, there are a limited number of free brain cells available during football season. about 17 on average... The Superbowl is in January. Its February now, sister. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Its February now, sister. It's gonna be a COLD one this year - Go Bears! Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 I don't think that even if it was football season he would help like you want him too. Most games are on the weekends. I've never seen a guy be the first one in line to help decide wedding arrangements. You probably don't want his honest opinon anyways because from what I've seen lots of guys just want to arrive on time, say I do, go to the party, eat, have a few drinks, mingle, and then head back to the room. They normally don't stop and check to see if the flowers or decorations match. However he should sit down so you can run things by him so he's not completely in the dark. I wouldn't take it personal though. You could always have other people help you or like others said just wait until the season is over. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 However he should sit down so you can run things by him so he's not completely in the dark. Trust me...he wants to be in the dark. Its the best place for a condemned man to be. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Trust me...he wants to be in the dark. Its the best place for a condemned man to be. LMAO. You forgot the ball and chain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chibaby Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 OK, I guess you guys are right now that I sit back and think about it. I guess the hardest part for me is just finding a ceremony and reception sight that we can afford. He has so many people he wants to invite, and it frustrates me because my family cannot afford all of his guests. We are paying for everything. The flowers, colors, and froo-froo stuff isn't an isssue with planning. It's just that I can't afford all his guests, plus my own, for a destination wedding. I want help finding a place in Hawaii that's affordable that isn't my uncles backyard. Link to post Share on other sites
TylerC Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Don't have the wedding in Hawaii then. My uncle got married at Lake Tahoe and it was really nice. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 OK, I guess you guys are right now that I sit back and think about it. I guess the hardest part for me is just finding a ceremony and reception sight that we can afford. He has so many people he wants to invite, and it frustrates me because my family cannot afford all of his guests. We are paying for everything. The flowers, colors, and froo-froo stuff isn't an isssue with planning. It's just that I can't afford all his guests, plus my own, for a destination wedding. I want help finding a place in Hawaii that's affordable that isn't my uncles backyard. That's your real problem then, not the football. Just flat out tell him that your family can't afford this type of wedding for all the guests. Then make the decision not to have a destination wedding, cut down the number of guests, or have him and his family pay for part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Really........ he does not want to participate even though you told him you need or want his help? Have you told him? If so well this is going to probably be just as bad after you get married. If this is truly an issue and you really need his help and he neglects that I guess if you are willing to put up with it now, so be it. Looks like a predictor for the future Mrs. Football Widow though to me. There are guys out there that want to help their fiance plan a wedding, or at least notice that their fiance needs help with it and choose to do that instead of watching the game. If you plan to have kids make sure you plan it well so your delivery does not hit smack in the middle of football season......... IMHO red flag...... now if you were as big of a fan as he is, no problem. Have a football theme wedding then. Get married on the 50 yard line. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 OK, I guess you guys are right now that I sit back and think about it. I guess the hardest part for me is just finding a ceremony and reception sight that we can afford. He has so many people he wants to invite, and it frustrates me because my family cannot afford all of his guests. We are paying for everything. The flowers, colors, and froo-froo stuff isn't an isssue with planning. It's just that I can't afford all his guests, plus my own, for a destination wedding. I want help finding a place in Hawaii that's affordable that isn't my uncles backyard. Are you paying for their hotels and tickets? If not, realistically, how many people are going to make the trip? We went to a wedding in Hawaii recently and there were at total of 12 people there. They had the wedding on the beach, and made dinner reservations for the "reception" It was beautiful and initimate. For destination weddings, less is more. Link to post Share on other sites
Grrlish Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Personally, I wouldn't plan our wedding if my future husband wasn't right there planning it, too. Key word here: Our. If the man who wants to walk down the aisle with me isn't just as excited about the wedding as I am, I would see that as a big red flag. But, hey, that's just me... Sounds like he's interested in having a certain type of wedding at your family's expense but he doesn't even want to help plan it. Sounds selfish and unappreciative, if you ask me. He's saying he doesn't want to help because you're asking him to? As someone said above, make no mistake...how he is treating you now and acting now is how your marriage will be. You need help planning something that is very important, assumably to you both. He's not helping - either by his own volition or your request. More specifically, he's not being pro-active or participatory in your wedding planning, even though your family is going to pay for the event. He's more interested in watching football than working together to make your wedding happen. (Hello?) I'd say that you should revise the wedding plan to plan something more simple or suck it up and just plan it all yourself. Accept that this is the way it's going to be and decide not to hold a grudge or complain. If he has too many names on the guest list, then tell him that he needs to whittle it down or figure out what guests/invitees need to pay for and what your family can pay for and apply this rule across the board (or just to friends, or...whatever works). Wait, let's back up: Do you have an actual wedding date set? Or are you planning a wedding without a date? If you don't have a date set, why are you planning? Could be that he's in no rush, doll, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted November 22, 2006 Share Posted November 22, 2006 Yes, it is very annoying when a fiance won't help plan a wedding, but I really don't think it is a red flag. Most fiances are pretty hands off when it comes to the wedding. I have seen many posts on this topic on a wedding website I go to. Only the lucky few women have a fiance who is as interested in the wedding as they are. However, if he refuses to set a date, then that is a whole other story. Link to post Share on other sites
vanessabg Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 Trust me...he wants to be in the dark. Its the best place for a condemned man to be.yes i am also agree to you on this point."Alphamale" Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 he wants you to make all the decisions regarding the wedding. most of his advice would be useless to you anyways. just tell him where and when to show up and what to wear. if you really want to humour him then pick out cocktail napkins with all the NFL team logos on them. good luck Yeah I agree with alpha on this one.... Let him be with his football, you fell in love with him and the fact that he loves you does not mean he should change his love for football. You do the wedding planning and wow him with all of your great choices... He will show up and enjoy the day with you. Thats what friends and family are for. Don't nag him about something he has no interest in doing, it will just create a larger gap between you and him. Is he pressuring you to love football? Link to post Share on other sites
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