kdark Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 I am 20 years old. I am 6'2''. I am 195 pounds. I work out and run regularly. I go to a good college and make good money at my job. I am very good looking/cute (this has been confirmed by members of the opposite sex). I am funny (this has been confirmed by people I know and girls who have taken the time to get to know me). I have 2 problems... One is that I am afraid of asking girls on a date that I truly want to have a relationship with. I get to know them at work or school by talking to them, but I enjoy talking to them so much and like being with them that I don't want to ruin our friendship by trying to take it to the next level. And I'm not a guy who isn't going to go on a date with you unless I really, really like you. I can't stand being led on, so I'm not going to do that to anyone... Second, is that girls who take the initiative and try to ask me out on dates or proposition me with sex, I am not attracted to. No matter what they look like/act like. It has to do with the way my first girlfriend treated me... This got to the point where down at college I would refuse to go to parties that all my friends were going to, just because I didn't want to have to deal with the two or three girls who I knew wanted to have sex/make out with me. I don't know what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 u just make it easier to not worry about not caring when this comes down so feel free to take and change all u want that's why its still there silly and as for yer story u can move it around as long as u wish i will not be the one that has to explain how it related to fraud and all that stuff sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 First problem : You really need to learn to just go with the flow a little bit. My friend use to do what you're doing right now. He felt he needed to know if he really liked a girl before he even asked her out on a first date. Problem with that is, he needed time to know his own feelings, and during that time, the girls lumped him into the "friend" category. Then all of a sudden, he asks the girl out, and she's surprised because she thought they were just friends. So that even hurts the friendship more. I advised him he needs to start taking a little more chance. You need to get to know her while dating. You need to put your feelings out in the open first, so that you both are on the same wavelength, and if she doesnt reciprocate your feelings, then you can decide if a friendship is worth pursuing. It saves you both a lot of time and effort. And you are not leading someone on by getting to know them and then losing interest. That's why it's called dating and not marriage You dont need to be exclusive in the beginning either, and you dont have to not be exclusive either. He liked to concentrate on one girl at a time, which is ok too, just as long as you realize the girl might not be exclusive until you both have "the talk". For your second problem, there's two possible meanings. Do you mean if any girl initiates a relationship with you, you are not attracted to her? Why not? I can understand and admire you for not being attracted to someone who comes out and propositions you for sex on the first date, but why not someone who wants to spend time with you? Maybe she really likes you, and since you dont ask anyone out until you are completely sure, she's taking the chance and asking you out herself? What's wrong with that? Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 I am 20 years old. I am 6'2''. I am 195 pounds. I work out and run regularly. I go to a good college and make good money at my job. I am very good looking/cute (this has been confirmed by members of the opposite sex). I am funny (this has been confirmed by people I know and girls who have taken the time to get to know me). I have 2 problems... One is that I am afraid of asking girls on a date that I truly want to have a relationship with. I get to know them at work or school by talking to them, but I enjoy talking to them so much and like being with them that I don't want to ruin our friendship by trying to take it to the next level. And I'm not a guy who isn't going to go on a date with you unless I really, really like you. I can't stand being led on, so I'm not going to do that to anyone... Second, is that girls who take the initiative and try to ask me out on dates or proposition me with sex, I am not attracted to. No matter what they look like/act like. It has to do with the way my first girlfriend treated me... This got to the point where down at college I would refuse to go to parties that all my friends were going to, just because I didn't want to have to deal with the two or three girls who I knew wanted to have sex/make out with me. I don't know what to do... I dont think you will understand what Im going to tell you....I probably wouldnt....at least I try. You look good so you (would like to) go for good-looking girls....aka hard targets. Confident or overconfident girls from out of your "league" cant resist you, but you have no feelings for them and you hate to put them down. People expect you to be DonJuan but you cant match their expectations. Some girls are intimidated by you, people are jealous so you try to be nice person. It is lot of pressure. You are developing social-phobia man. 1. Find ballance in your life... 2. F@ck what strange people think of you... seeking approval is bad. If you can look in the mirror without half a bottle of whiskey - you are doing good. Match your standards not others. 3. Fight the fear of meeting girls you like. Its only about controlling your emotions which you can do, when you become a little bit more careless. Dont be nervous, practise talking with womenm dont think too much. 4. You should know that girls like strong, confident guys. Just because your looks intimidate some girls (they are nervous) dont start to slouch and start imitating those overly-nice guys. Looks mean jackshyte. If you look like Brad Pitt and have no balls....you are doomed. 5. It doesnt mean to start acting weird, be a jerk or pretending. Regain you confidence and act accordingly. 6. Remember, girls like fun. Learn how to tease them, touch them, kiss them and what to talk about. 7. When asking girl out...dont think of her as your future wife or goddes......remember its your responsibility to lead (ask her out, pick a table, initiate kiss etc.). Dont let your emotions blur your vision. Dont think too much. Dont think about what will happen with you two....you will become dreamy or scared - nervous (fear of rejection or whatever)....besides ENJOY the moment - HER. 8. Simply....dont be a wussy. Tame your fears, tame your strong emotions, remember you have spine, dont be clingy and needy. 9. Some guys tell me that it is bad to control your "love- feelings". BS. You have to. After few f@ck ups your heart will be broken or armored anyway. Only fools do the same mistake twice or quit. And to tell you the truth. When you tame your emotions-fears....you enjoy the "battle" even more...it just bubbles inside....and you can short-burst it not to spill out on first date Good luck....feedback welcomed....Daniel (6'4") Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 I agree with almost everything. Thanks for sincerity about the exclusivity and open game thing. Be careful about spilling your guts... You need to put your feelings out in the open first, so that you both are on the same wavelength, and if she doesnt reciprocate your feelings, then you can decide if a friendship is worth pursuing. . ....dont tell her you love her....just dont hide it. There is nothing wrong with girls asking boys out. It is fine. But there is probaly reason, why boys do the picking.....when we dont like what we see instantly, there is a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Be careful about spilling your guts... ....dont tell her you love her....just dont hide it. You are right and I probably should have made it more clear. I dont mean to profess your love for her, i just mean dont wait to ask her out on a date until you know for sure you like her. Date her while trying to get to know her. As you get to know her better, if you realize you dont like her, then you stop dating her. You're not leading her on if you are upfront with everything. For instance, if you dont like her, tell her that things are not working out, instead of playing the stupid phone avoidance game. Remember, she's responsible for her own emotions, just like you are responsible for yours. As long as you dont tell her anything that isnt true, you're not leading her on. Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 For instance, if you dont like her, tell her that things are not working out, instead of playing the stupid phone avoidance game. Remember, she's responsible for her own emotions, just like you are responsible for yours. As long as you dont tell her anything that isnt true, you're not leading her on. Very true. But it is hard to do. Rejection is painful and everyone knows it. I think his problem is lack of confidence. Confidence in dealing with women kind of thing. And that you cant gain if you are not dating girls. And you cant date if you have no confidence, because girls will rejct you....CATCH 22:rolleyes: You can sidetrack it by "dating" girls that you have no (little) real feelings for...you are less nervous then. BUT it is not very honest thing to do. That makes.....'Fake it till you make it' Link to post Share on other sites
Author kdark Posted October 30, 2006 Author Share Posted October 30, 2006 You look good so you (would like to) go for good-looking girls....aka hard targets. Confident or overconfident girls from out of your "league" cant resist you, but you have no feelings for them and you hate to put them down. People expect you to be DonJuan but you cant match their expectations. Some girls are intimidated by you, people are jealous so you try to be nice person. It is lot of pressure. You are developing social-phobia man. This is exactly how I feel. I have so many cases of this it makes me sad. Girls who could be models throwing themselves at me, but when I started talking they all of a sudden lost interest in me... Thanks for the feedback guys... Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 This is exactly how I feel. I have so many cases of this it makes me sad. Girls who could be models throwing themselves at me, but when I started talking they all of a sudden lost interest in me... Thanks for the feedback guys... They can feel your doubts and nervousness. Go to a dance club or bar and watch the guys there....it will give you creeps....you can smell fear, nervousness and self-doubt mile away. Be happy. Early diagnosis is fine thing. You asked for help...thats the first big step, man. Self-pitty is highway to hell. Stop it. You are handsome young man with personal integrity. Everyone is shy and in your situation - girls openly flirting versus cold shoulders....everyone would be confused. No problem at all, believe me. Just focus on things important....not what other people think of you. Stop being nice guy and become good Man. Confident, emotionally stable, self assured, control having guy with spine....if you know its inside you, dont talk let it just flow. Go speak with girls, ask some of them out. Enjoy life. If you need Confidence for life - learn selfdefence and get some education, jump from airplane or whatever. For confidence around girls....just relax, dont think too much and be like you are around your girlfriends.....only a little bit more flirty. Grow some balls and trust your gut. And thats it. Link to post Share on other sites
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