Something is bothering me

[Kelso]

Hello everyone -

 

In January I met this wonderful girl through my friend. We got to know each other a little better and I fell in love with her about month later. It took me two months to get the first kiss ... what a wonderful feeling We started a relationship which I was very happy with to begin with. Then things started to change and I didn't like that at all.

 

I think I probably got to needy and probably jellous when she wanted to spend time with her friends. I know that it was wrong ... but you can't blame me for wanting to spend time with the girl I loved. On Thursday (11 days ago) we had scheduled a date in the evening. I called her after work and she told me that she had to cancel the date because she decided to go to a Music Festival for the whole weekend. We had discussed about going to this festival 2 weeks earlier and both decided no to go. Now she called ... cancelled the date ... didn't even ask me if I still didn't want to go.

 

It made me furious, but I didn't tell her. The morning after we broke up. I was quite happy when I walked from her house ... but as the day went be I started to feel uncomfortable and called her and asked if she was sure that she wanted to end the end the relationship. She still said yes. A week later (last friday) I called her again and she thought it all over and still said yes.

 

Since then, I have realized that this relationship wasn't gonna work out in the past. Still I want her again. I know that even though we would sort things out...I would constantly be worried about her being happy in the relationship.

 

That was a briefing of my relationship but my problem is, that I don't know what is bothering me. Why do I constantly think about her, even though deep inside I don't want this relationship. Why do I feel sad in the morning? Why do I have dreams about her during the night? Why do I keep imagine her with other guys, even though I know she's not seeing anyone. I keep thinking about her and can't concentrate on work or my school. I still have a part of my heart in the stomach...and it bothers me...

 

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THIS RELATIONSHIP BACK...

 

What can I do to get over this girl. I already have decided to cut all communication from me behalf until new year. Both to her and all her friends who I have been in contact with on MSN and Yahoo!

 

What can I do to forget her and move on??

 

Sincerely yours,

Kelso

[GB111]

Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time.

 

My initial advice would be to take up a hobby. Perhaps there is a community college where you could take some English classes? Just a thought.

 

Other than that, you're doing the right thing. Just avoid all contact and let time work its magic. Oh, and get out and try to meet the right girl. I'm sure she's out there somewhere, just waiting to be found!

 

Best,

 

GB

[melodymatters]

I understand what you are going through all too well. Just because intellectually we realize the person isn't right for us, and we could never be happy, does not stop the heart from being " hungry" for them.

 

My Bf did something terrible to me and i would never take him back in a million years, but i still have dreams about him where we are happy and together and it sucks to wake up and face reality.

 

So, I guess we just have to put one foot in front of the other, stay busy, meet as many new people as we can, and just wait to heal.

 

whether its a burn, scrape or broken heart, healing takes time, and as they say in AA, Time takes time.

 

Good luck !! Stay strong !

 

Melody

[Kelso]

Thank you both for your reply's. I'm feeling a lot better today than I felt 2 days ago. Thanks to you and my friends

 

However there is more to this story that I didn't tell you in my first message. I need to tell it to someone.

 

Last Thursday I got the image in my head that she'd been cheating on me while we were a couple. She had been talking a lot about this guy who is in a band that she and her friends just love. They often met at clubs (my ex and her friends) and went to her place (7-8 people) for an afterparty. However this never happened while I went clubbing with them. I decided to show up at her door unexpectedly and confront her. I beginned by telling her that I had no right to do so and that she didn't need to answer if she didn't want to. I asked her if she'd been sleeping with this guy...she said no...and I believe her. I apologized for the question and she said OK...but she wasn't okay...of course not...

 

I met her again on Saturday at a club ... that time it was a coincidence. We talked and she smiled to me and looked happy to see me and everything. I know it isn't smart to talk to your ex drunk, the weekend after you break up. However ... I wanted her so badly ... that instead if going home ... I went to her house (thought she was probably having an afterparty) ... which turned out right ... she was there with some people ... including the guy that I thought she had been seeing.

 

We had a discussion and I apologized for my behaviour again by asking her about this guy. She said that she had the feeling that I didn't trust her while we were a couple ... that was in part correct ... but only for the last weeks.

 

Then I decided that I need to get over the girl. You can't accuse her of having in affair ... and wanting her back. So I decided to try the No Contact think ... which I did. I decided that I wasn't gonna contact her or any of her friends until new year. It lasted two days. First I deleted them all from my MSN Messenger ... and then her friend called and told me that she had seen that in some program that I deleted her ... and she found it childish. I explained that I couldn't stand watching them coming online and offline all day long. She did understand that I then she started to ask me questions about how I'm feeling and stuff. I told her that I was devasted that I made these cheating accusitions about my ex (her best friend). She did understand me...I hope...and she saw that I felt really bad about it.

 

Now I'm dying...I want to call her so badly...but I'm not gonna. I can do it. I want this girl so much back. My heart tells me that I want this girl...but my brain tells me that that I should move on. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's the first girl I've ever really loved..even though I've been with 9 girls. I miss holding her...miss lying in bed with her...miss stroking her hair...miss having sex with her...miss everything about her.

 

What should I do ... should I follow my brain ... should I give her time and space to miss me (I know she will) ... what the heck am I supposed to do. I can't walk away like this...I CAN'T

 

Thanks everyone who read this crap I wrote. I've been thinking about it for all the day and I had to get it out of my system...

 

Please give me some advice...I want her so badly...

[D-Lish]

The only thing you can do is to give her space.

No contact really does work to help you get over things.

 

She doesn't want the relationship right now~ and no amount of contact, begging, or surprise visits is going to change that. It will, in fact, make it worse for you.

 

Instead of having an opportunity to miss you~ she will become annoyed by you. I was feeling unsure if my ex was right for me near the end of our relationship~ but when he broke up with me and went into no contact...it drove me nuts and I suddenly wanted him back.

 

Rejection can play funny tricks on our minds.

It's tough to hear, but unfortunately, sometimes people don't come back. At some point you may have that realization.

Denial first, then sadness, anger... and finally realization and recovery.

That's usually how it works.

 

You started off with the right idea by deleting her and her friends from MSN. By the way- if you go into your MSN contact window, click on "tools", scroll down to "options", then click on "privacy"...you can view who has you on their contact list. It will list everyone who has you on their "allow" list. So, yes, someone can tell if you've deleted them.

 

I found out my ex deleted me that way.

 

Just stop all contact and enquiries. DOn't go where you might run into her, let it go for now. It's only when you're absent that she will have the space to figure out whether or not she misses you. Could take a couple weeks, could take a couple months or longer. She may not contact you at all. That's just something you have to be prepared for. However, by not having contact, it will provide you with the strength to move forward again. Staying in contact with someone who doesn't want you back will only stagnate your progress.

 

Sorry you are going through this, as you can see~ so many people here are experiencing the same heart ache. It gets better.

 

Good luck, and take care of yourself,

D

[Kelso]

Thanks D-Lish ... This really means a lot to me

 

The first 5-6 days were so difficult, but as the time goes it has been getting easier. The weekends are though always tougher because that's when we spent most of our time together.

 

Tonight the first week of NC has passed, although one of her friends contacted me on Wednesday. Sometimes I really really wanna call her, but I know it's just gonna annoy her so instead I leave me phone in my room and take my laptop and read LS for 15 minutes and that's helps my not to call her.

 

One thing though that's still bothering me. I'm gonna give her time, until christmas or new year. If we will get back together...aren't there a huge odds that I will be unhappy in the relationship because I will constantly be thinking "Is she really happy ... I'm I been nice enough for her"

 

I'm a little worried by that ... but I love this girl sooo much and I need her back into my life

 

Thanks everyone for your advices...