When the other woman was your best friend.

[NoIDidn't]

((((((noforgiveness))))))

 

Definitely try to get Not Best Friends by Shirley Glass. It will show your H that he was way over the line of what is appropriate with your rightfully FORMER friend.

 

She was obviously very needy following her H's leaving, but your H should not have played the "Knight in Shining Armor" to her. I can believe that they didn't have sex, but that's really up to you to decide. Some men have a strong need to feel wanted and appreciated for strength and comfort (NOT for sex so much as many OPs think) and they are really vulnerable to this type of affair.

 

If you can also look up books by Frank Pitman, another really good author and relationship psychologist.

 

I can't blame you for feeling that you will never forgive her. The pain and shock is just too fresh. In time you may revisit it. And it takes a LOOOOOOT of time to even want to revisit it.

 

It might help to move this thread to another forum too.

 

Wishing you peace of mind, and healing.

[herenow]

I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Sometimes it's harder to accept the emotional part of an affair then the physical part. The posters here have given you some good advise, so I'm just here to support you and wish you well.

[reneet]

Hey, you can get rid of your husband & the girlfriend - that's another option.

[NoIDidn't]

Hey, you can get rid of your husband & the girlfriend - that's another option.

 

Is this even necessary?

 

This is why you should move this thread.

[herenow]

Hey, you can get rid of your husband & the girlfriend - that's another option.

 

Go back to your friends on the other thread. You are a seriously cruel person and you need some help.

[stillhere]

NF, I'm so sorry the one woman who you should never have to worry about, went and crossed that line and did something she should have never thought about.

 

I too had a best friend who would do this behind my back. It was with boyfriends (yes, plural) and i finally got rid of her. Friends do not do that to each other. Well, true friends at least don't do that.

 

I understand that he was helping her, and they both got caught up, they leaned on each other and depended on each other way too much. That is what you were there for, not him.

 

I'm glad you cut all contact with her. She was the first thorn to be removed. Now i agree with the others when they say you both should go to counseling. He needs to understand exactly why you are feeling this way. Men are not as emotional as us women, and some have a hard time wrapping their brains around the fact that something like this isn't really all that innocent.

 

I wish you much luck, and i hope you and your H can work this out.

[stillhere]

Hey, you can get rid of your husband & the girlfriend - that's another option.

 

Just because she's a BS, renee, doesn't give you the right to attack her. She came here for support, as you did.

 

She has not attacked you, has she? You and i are both OW's, but we need to feel compassion for the BS's as well. They bleed just like us.

 

There are some BS's that are bitter and will take it out on us, and i choose to ignore them. Maybe you should start and do the same.

[BlueEyedGirl]

It just seems to me that you are putting entire blame on your former best friend. Your hubby is just as much to blame as her. Yet you are willing to cut her completly out of your life and work on things with your H. What happens when another woman comes along? You said your marriage was 100% happy. I find it hard to beleive that was the case. Maybe you are the one who was 100% happy with the marriage. Obviously there was something missing for him, perhaps he wanted to feel needed. I'm sorry but husbands that are 100% happy don't have EA's or PA's.

[noforgiveness]

yes i did aready say maybe he needed to feel needed. Our company practically runs itself, our kids are in the young teen age and i am not a needy person. Our marriage really was extremely happy. We talked all day. He would constantly call from the office just to say hi and chat about everything. We always took time for ourselves away from the kids including vacations. We were happy. He was happy. I think he just got so sucked in by a very needy woman and really enjoyed being helpful. I think his ego got a huge boost too. My friend is beautiful. The kind of woman you love to hate. 5'8" blonde 110 pounds and big old fake boobs and my short little self never felt threatened by her. Stupid but that's how confident I was in my marriage. Now i know no woman and no marriage is invulnerable no matter how happy.

 

I have put much blame on my husband but he IS MY HUSBAND and the father of my kids. I can't cut him out of my life whereas I can her. Another woman no matter how close you were with her is not worth keeping around at the risk of your marriage.

 

I told them in the beginning if they wanted me to give her a chance then lets the three of us talk together. The two of them together look at me and talk. She refused. She said she'd talk to me alone not with my husband. NO GOOD.

 

Thanks stillhere for the kind words.

 

Thank you also here now.

 

I don't know how to move this thread if someone could help.

[reneet]

Just because she's a BS, renee, doesn't give you the right to attack her. She came here for support, as you did.

 

She has not attacked you, has she? You and i are both OW's, but we need to feel compassion for the BS's as well. They bleed just like us.

 

There are some BS's that are bitter and will take it out on us, and i choose to ignore them. Maybe you should start and do the same.

 

In no way was my suggestion one of attack. It was a suggestion.

I used to feel "bad" for the bs, it's been 6 years now. Time to move on.

[noforgiveness]

In no way was my suggestion one of attack. It was a suggestion.

I used to feel "bad" for the bs, it's been 6 years now. Time to move on.

 

Inserting your bitterness in your situation into mine? Want every marriage to end in divorce since your mm won't divorce his wife? You think once another woman enters a relationship it's off to divorce court? How'd that work for you? Has your MM divorced and married YOU yet in SIX years time.

 

Real nice suggesting someone goes right to a divorce board immed. after a bump in the marriage but that is what the other womans mindset is.

[reneet]

Inserting your bitterness in your situation into mine? Want every marriage to end in divorce since your mm won't divorce his wife? You think once another woman enters a relationship it's off to divorce court? How'd that work for you? Has your MM divorced and married YOU yet in SIX years time.

 

Real nice suggesting someone goes right to a divorce board immed. after a bump in the marriage but that is what the other womans mindset is.

Why come here then? Do you enjoy the grief you encounter when reading these posts?

 

 

And your mindset is?

[Buttaflyy]

And your mindset is?

 

Wow...and you call the BS bitter?

[reneet]

Wow...and you call the BS bitter?

 

I will NEVER be as bitter as the betrayed wife.

No harsh words here.

[Buttaflyy]

I will NEVER be as bitter as the betrayed wife.

No harsh words here.

 

Ave Maria! I'll pray for you!

 

BTW, at first, I thought your comment was just an opinion and that you didn't mean any harm by it. Some folks don't really believe in the sanctity of marriage, especially if they hadn't been there. That is until you've redeemed your true feeling. But obviously, with you being on the "other side" of the situation, you would think that way. Just throw him away and give em to me, eh?

[reneet]

Ave Maria! I'll pray for you!

 

BTW, at first, I thought your comment was just an opinion and that you didn't mean any harm by it. Some folks don't really believe in the sanctity of marriage, especially if they hadn't been there. That is until you've redeemed your true feeling. But obviously, with you being on the "other side" of the situation, you would think that way. Just throw him away and give em to me, eh?

 

My man was not thrown away, he left his wife. There was no sanctity in that marriage. He married her because he got her pregnant at a young age. No sanctity there.

 

Oh & I've been there. Married & divorced. Once!

[herenow]

In no way was my suggestion one of attack. It was a suggestion.

I used to feel "bad" for the bs, it's been 6 years now. Time to move on.

 

6 years for you not her, this is still very new for her. But then again this is all about you isn't it? Just like everything is all about you. You have no concept of what it's like to actually care about someone else (except someone else's husband). I guess that's the type of conscience you need to be a OW in the first place. You are right, time to move on. I'm sure there is some OW on this board that needs your help in furthering her illicit relationship. Everyone is good at something, so go use your talents to help someone who needs them.

[reneet]

6 years for you not her, this is still very new for her. But then again this is all about you isn't it? Just like everything is all about you. You have no concept of what it's like to actually care about someone else (except someone else's husband). I guess that's the type of conscience you need to be a OW in the first place. You are right, time to move on. I'm sure there is some OW on this board that needs your help in furthering her illicit relationship. Everyone is good at something, so go use your talents to help someone who needs them.

 

Well now, I will say ditto. There are other places for YOU to help all the Betrayed Wive's in the world.

[Buttaflyy]

Well now, I will say ditto. There are other places for YOU to help all the Betrayed Wive's in the world.

 

And this happens to be it . At least we can show a little compassion for one (the OP here).

[reneet]

I don't see where the topic of this is Support For the Bitter Betrayed Wife.

 

But hey, whatever you're into.

[Buttaflyy]

I don't see where the topic of this is Support For the Bitter Betrayed Wife.

 

But hey, whatever you're into.

 

Ok, then I'll explain...It goes back to if you have nothing nice to say...(hopefully you know the rest). It seems that since you don't have any insight relative to the OP, then you would post on another thread. There is no debate here that seems to be of interest to you anyways. You threw out the option that she might want to leave, she clearly stated that she is working on her marriage.

 

I'll take no more time away from her thread to be directed toward you. Hopefully, you get the point now. It's not about you and your MM or his wife. But if you wanted to start another thread about it...

[herenow]

My man was not thrown away, he left his wife. There was no sanctity in that marriage. He married her because he got her pregnant at a young age. No sanctity there.

!

 

Oh, I'm really confused. I obviously don't know your story since I'm new here. So, if MM left his wife I'm assuming that he is with you as a single man now. If so, then you are not an OW and why are you here? Sounds like you got what you wanted and we are all happy for your happy ending. LIke I said your talents can be used to help some other struggling OW. YOu are wasting them here.

[whichwayisup]

Sorry for your pain.

 

I have put much blame on my husband but he IS MY HUSBAND and the father of my kids. I can't cut him out of my life whereas I can her. Another woman no matter how close you were with her is not worth keeping around at the risk of your marriage.

 

This was a double betrayal, the worst kind. Your husband IS just as at fault as your bestfriend, yet you are right, you built a life with him, had kids with him so because of that, he is worth giving another chance to. Your bestfriend should have known better, seeing as what her own husband did to her, she KNEW firsthand the pain involved with a cheating spouse...

 

Fact is, that friendship is over, it has to be and your husband cannot be friends with her at all either. If he can't accept that, and tries to keep intouch with her, you must make him decide. He can't have it both ways, as their friendship is not healthy for your marriage.

 

Is he willing to go to marriage counselling?

[noforgiveness]

Sorry for your pain.

 

 

 

This was a double betrayal, the worst kind. Your husband IS just as at fault as your bestfriend, yet you are right, you built a life with him, had kids with him so because of that, he is worth giving another chance to. Your bestfriend should have known better, seeing as what her own husband did to her, she KNEW firsthand the pain involved with a cheating spouse...

 

Fact is, that friendship is over, it has to be and your husband cannot be friends with her at all either. If he can't accept that, and tries to keep intouch with her, you must make him decide. He can't have it both ways, as their friendship is not healthy for your marriage.

 

Is he willing to go to marriage counselling?

 

thanks.

 

Yes he is willing to try counselling. We just haven't quite come to the point where we are sure it is necessary. i go away next week without him so i guess we'e waiting till after that small time away from each other. This will be the first time i have ever traveled without him.

[herenow]

Sorry for your pain.

 

 

 

This was a double betrayal, the worst kind. Your husband IS just as at fault as your bestfriend, yet you are right, you built a life with him, had kids with him so because of that, he is worth giving another chance to. Your bestfriend should have known better, seeing as what her own husband did to her, she KNEW firsthand the pain involved with a cheating spouse...

 

Fact is, that friendship is over, it has to be and your husband cannot be friends with her at all either. If he can't accept that, and tries to keep intouch with her, you must make him decide. He can't have it both ways, as their friendship is not healthy for your marriage.

 

Is he willing to go to marriage counselling?

 

I agree. You made the choice to cut her out of your life in an effort to save your marriage. He needs to do the same. Can't have his cake and eat it too. That's why they call these guys cake-men.

 

I found that counseling really helps both of us understand why the affair happened. If your H will go, make sure that both of you like the therapist. If you don't both feel comfortable and feel that you are equally being heard, find a new therapist. This is something you need to be in complete agreement with or it won't help your marriage.

 

By the way, if you find a place where we (the BW) can go to help each other without the drama of the OW, please let me know and I will do the same if I find one. I'm new and haven't shared my story yet because I'm not interested in the negativity of these bitter OW.