Shadows and dust Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 I need help, im not sure this is the right forum or place but I have nothing to loose. Ive been with my girlfriend for 14 months. I love her so much, more than anything in the world. I want to marry her. Weve talked about marriage. We both want to be with each other and there is no doubt about that. But this thing is haunting me. In the beginning of our relationship, lets say the second month. A few other girls came into my life, I kissed them, and felt around a little. That is cheating I know I really messed up. But the thing is the girls that I kissed dont think it was cheating. I was just seeing who I wanted to be with. I remember asking my girlfriend if we are exclusive now but I cant remember if that was before or after this. Regardless I feel like **** and I dont know what to do. Its haunting me and I want to marry this girl. On top of that I have a secret that ive been keeping for the whole relationship, I was a virgin when we met but she doesnt know that. I was worried she would judge me or something stupid so I said I had been with four girls. Thats odd cause why would someone want to be with another person that has been around. Some things are better left unsaid, is this one of them? What should I do? Should I confess my mistake and hope for forgiveness, should I tell her my secret? or should I shut up and make her happy? Please give me some advice Link to post Share on other sites
chadnickole Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 I need help, im not sure this is the right forum or place but I have nothing to loose. Ive been with my girlfriend for 14 months. I love her so much, more than anything in the world. I want to marry her. Weve talked about marriage. We both want to be with each other and there is no doubt about that. But this thing is haunting me. In the beginning of our relationship, lets say the second month. A few other girls came into my life, I kissed them, and felt around a little. That is cheating I know I really messed up. But the thing is the girls that I kissed dont think it was cheating. I was just seeing who I wanted to be with. I remember asking my girlfriend if we are exclusive now but I cant remember if that was before or after this. Regardless I feel like **** and I dont know what to do. Its haunting me and I want to marry this girl. On top of that I have a secret that ive been keeping for the whole relationship, I was a virgin when we met but she doesnt know that. I was worried she would judge me or something stupid so I said I had been with four girls. Thats odd cause why would someone want to be with another person that has been around. Some things are better left unsaid, is this one of them? What should I do? Should I confess my mistake and hope for forgiveness, should I tell her my secret? or should I shut up and make her happy? Please give me some advice Tell her you were a Virgin when you started dating, Woman like that stuff she's your First......... Leave the other stuff out, she may have been doing tghe same thing. If not well at least you have something in your heart to allow you to be more forgiving if she should mess up. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 If you're talking marriage, i think you should tell her both things. 1) The kissing: This could be bad, but she also might forgive and accept considering it was early in your relationship. Whatever you do, don't make excuses for it. Rather, tell her you needed to be honest about it with her because you really do want to be with her forever. 2) The virgin thing... doesn't seem like a big deal to me. It was a lie, but it sounds like a lie because you were insecure about your inexperience. It wasn't malicious. I don't think this is something she'd be particularly upset about, so I'd suggest you tell her the kissing story first, and this second. She might be ultra enamoured that you want her to be the one and only. You should be prepared for anger though, like I said, don't excse your behavior, don't get angry because she gets upset (if she gets upset), and make sure you are apologetic and let her know you wanted to clear the air before making a lifetime commitment to her, because she means that much to you. Others may have dif opinions, but this is my two cents. Bravo for wanting to be honest. If she does accept and forgive you, make sure to follow up for a while after with a "just because" bunch of flowers, and a dinner, or some nice stuff for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shadows and dust Posted October 30, 2006 Author Share Posted October 30, 2006 Thanks for the help, I really needed it. Im sure ill tell her the virgin thing. That was almost obvious. I want other opinions on this as well if anyone has other thoughts. I dont want to tell her my mistake, but I do. I just dont want to ruin a good thing. If I choose not to tell her that what I did, how can I better cope with it so I dont dwell? In additon to that, how do I go about telling her? Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Why oh why would you ever in a million years confess to fooling around with other women in the initial stages of your dating? Don't be silly, don't bring that up. Leave it where it belongs, in your memory. Don't voice it. If my boyfriend confessed that to me I'd be really hurt and it could possibly change the way I feel about him...I would certianly question if I could trust him. Seriously- keep that to yourself...Geez. You'll only hurt her and introduce trust issues into the relationship. That would be bad news. You want to tell her to rid yourself of your own guilt...but you'll end up hurting her then you'll both feel like crap. DON'T DO IT! The virgin thing is no big deal... that's more sweet than anything else. That is the kind of secret that is okay to admit. That wouldn't bother me in the least bit if I loved someone....the cheating would. Think long and hard before revealing you cheated many months ago when you were unsure about where things were heading. Why open that can of worms? It won't do any good whatsoever. I would instantly distance myself from someone if they revealed that kind of thing to me. Maybe I'd stay with them, but I'd think of them differently and it would cause me to question the relationship. Virgin? Okay, no biggie. Tell her. Cheating? Could be a deal breaker... so don't even take the chance. What matters is your love and committment right now... not the past. Geez... can't believe you'd even consider bringing that up now. Hope that insight helps... D Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shadows and dust Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 Thats just what I needed to hear, thank you. I am greatful Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Hope I wasn't too harsh with that... Just couldn't stress enough how damaging such a confession as that could be to the relationship. Didn't want to see you make a mistake you might not be able to undo... ya know? No harm done- no biggie. I wouldn't even worry about it or feel guilty about it now. It's in the past. I married a "V"... heehee. (we were young when we started dating and it didn't work out)... but I had no issue whatsoever with that. She won't either. The other stuff~ just keep a lid on it and forget about it. D Link to post Share on other sites
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