What makes something romantic?

[laguy10]

Ok ladies, I have a question for you (and gentleman too, if you already have this figured out to a certain extent)....

 

A little background on myself first: I have come a long ways, in being able to talk to women, get numbers, go on dates, etc, etc - however, rarely, if ever, do I feel the women are interested in me in any lasting way. I'm a pretty attractive guy (I've been told); I'm very intuitive, I am a "reformed nice guy" - meaning, I don't do the obvious stuff guys do to turn women off - like giving them everything they want all the time, never disagreeing, etc. All of that makes sense to me....

 

Now for my question: WHAT is it exactly that transforms a guy from a normal guy who has got his life together and is dateable, to a Don Juan or the kind of guy you spend your waking moments always talking about and dreaming about? People have told me that this is just what happens as a result of getting to know someone better, however, I disagree (in some ways); I'm convinced that there are some specific ways guys can act, think, talk, etc that will give you women the kinds of feelings I'm talking about, and I'm asking you to dust off the books that have been on the bookshelf for far too long, and let me in on the little secret....I promise I will not use it to be malicious - that should be seen from my posts thus far on this site. I really would just like to find a girl who I get along well with, find attractive, is down to earth, and likes the same kinds of things I do --- but I've been very discouraged with the types of results I normally get. So, please spill the beans for me here.

 

Also, what is it about romantic novels that cause you to spend all night long reading them, and then to think about the characters for weeks afterwards, and to see it as something which is actually real? How can a man create the same type of feelings in you....what can he do, say, act like, etc?

 

Let me have a peak at the feminine mind....

 

Thanks

[Guest]

Ok ladies, I have a question for you (and gentleman too, if you already have this figured out to a certain extent)....

 

A little background on myself first: I have come a long ways, in being able to talk to women, get numbers, go on dates, etc, etc - however, rarely, if ever, do I feel the women are interested in me in any lasting way. I'm a pretty attractive guy (I've been told); I'm very intuitive, I am a "reformed nice guy" - meaning, I don't do the obvious stuff guys do to turn women off - like giving them everything they want all the time, never disagreeing, etc. All of that makes sense to me....

 

Now for my question: WHAT is it exactly that transforms a guy from a normal guy who has got his life together and is dateable, to a Don Juan or the kind of guy you spend your waking moments always talking about and dreaming about? People have told me that this is just what happens as a result of getting to know someone better, however, I disagree (in some ways); I'm convinced that there are some specific ways guys can act, think, talk, etc that will give you women the kinds of feelings I'm talking about, and I'm asking you to dust off the books that have been on the bookshelf for far too long, and let me in on the little secret....I promise I will not use it to be malicious - that should be seen from my posts thus far on this site. I really would just like to find a girl who I get along well with, find attractive, is down to earth, and likes the same kinds of things I do --- but I've been very discouraged with the types of results I normally get. So, please spill the beans for me here.

 

Also, what is it about romantic novels that cause you to spend all night long reading them, and then to think about the characters for weeks afterwards, and to see it as something which is actually real? How can a man create the same type of feelings in you....what can he do, say, act like, etc?

 

Let me have a peak at the feminine mind....

 

Thanks

 

 

 

 

Stop being a robot and a tin man!

[Guest]

Ok ladies, I have a question for you (and gentleman too, if you already have this figured out to a certain extent)....

 

A little background on myself first: I have come a long ways, in being able to talk to women, get numbers, go on dates, etc, etc - however, rarely, if ever, do I feel the women are interested in me in any lasting way. I'm a pretty attractive guy (I've been told); I'm very intuitive, I am a "reformed nice guy" - meaning, I don't do the obvious stuff guys do to turn women off - like giving them everything they want all the time, never disagreeing, etc. All of that makes sense to me....

 

Now for my question: WHAT is it exactly that transforms a guy from a normal guy who has got his life together and is dateable, to a Don Juan or the kind of guy you spend your waking moments always talking about and dreaming about? People have told me that this is just what happens as a result of getting to know someone better, however, I disagree (in some ways); I'm convinced that there are some specific ways guys can act, think, talk, etc that will give you women the kinds of feelings I'm talking about, and I'm asking you to dust off the books that have been on the bookshelf for far too long, and let me in on the little secret....I promise I will not use it to be malicious - that should be seen from my posts thus far on this site. I really would just like to find a girl who I get along well with, find attractive, is down to earth, and likes the same kinds of things I do --- but I've been very discouraged with the types of results I normally get. So, please spill the beans for me here.

 

Also, what is it about romantic novels that cause you to spend all night long reading them, and then to think about the characters for weeks afterwards, and to see it as something which is actually real? How can a man create the same type of feelings in you....what can he do, say, act like, etc?

 

Let me have a peak at the feminine mind....

 

Thanks

 

 

 

You are not a child, be your self fool

[riobikini]

re:

 

laguy10: "WHAT is it exactly that transforms a guy from a normal guy who has got his life together and is dateable, to a Don Juan or the kind of guy you spend your waking moments always talking about and dreaming about?"

 

I'm wondering the *same* thing, layguy10.

 

(Smile)

 

Actually, I've never been all that thrilled about the "Don Juans" in real life -they usually wind up being something less than long-term partner, or marriage material, as they seem to never be quite done with exercising all their Don Juan abilities, even up into their elderly years.

 

And yet, it's OK for me to fantasize about them, once in a while, as long as I don't drag the fantasy into my real-life world.

 

Sean Connery is the ultimate Don Juan, in my book, no matter how old he gets.

 

As for romance novels -I don't read them- I don't need to run away from my own reality that often, it's exciting enough for me.

 

One of the most romantic things I like to do is have dinner on (or near) the water at night -someone who likes this as much as I do, could probably qualify as a Don Juan, I guess.

 

-Rio

[IpAncA]

I'm convinced that there are some specific ways guys can act, think, talk, etc that will give you women the kinds of feelings I'm talking about.

 

Yes there are but it depends the person. What one guy does may not have the same effect as it does on another women. Its kind of hard to explain because when you feel it you feel it. It could be a number of things like dominance, indpendence, attractive, intelligence, etc...to name a few. There's not really a specific guideline that says "if you act like this, they will come." It would be nice if that happend but in all reality it doesn't. Sure there are some things that are a turn off and most people would agree.

 

I don't really have a opinion, on the romance novels because thats is a whole other story in itself.

[laguy10]

re:

 

 

 

I'm wondering the *same* thing, layguy10.

 

(Smile)

 

Actually, I've never been all that thrilled about the "Don Juans" in real life -they usually wind up being something less than long-term partner, or marriage material, as they seem to never be quite done with exercising all their Don Juan abilities, even up into their elderly years.

 

And yet, it's OK for me to fantasize about them, once in a while, as long as I don't drag the fantasy into my real-life world.

 

Sean Connery is the ultimate Don Juan, in my book, no matter how old he gets.

 

As for romance novels -I don't read them- I don't need to run away from my own reality that often, it's exciting enough for me.

 

One of the most romantic things I like to do is have dinner on (or near) the water at night -someone who likes this as much as I do, could probably qualify as a Don Juan, I guess.

 

-Rio

 

It's interesting that you see romance novels as an escape from reality - already that helps me to put some pieces of the puzzle together. Since you kind of ran with the whole Don Juan idea, would you mind describing what a Don Juan type means to you?

[laguy10]

Yes there are but it depends the person. What one guy does may not have the same effect as it does on another women. Its kind of hard to explain because when you feel it you feel it. It could be a number of things like dominance, indpendence, attractive, intelligence, etc...to name a few. There's not really a specific guideline that says "if you act like this, they will come." It would be nice if that happend but in all reality it doesn't. Sure there are some things that are a turn off and most people would agree.

 

I don't really have a opinion, on the romance novels because thats is a whole other story in itself.

 

I can totally understand that not one general rule exists for all women, but I think there must be some similarities somewhere....would you mind stating what a guy would be doing, in order to have that kind of effect on you, personally?

 

Also, please explain what you mean by romance novels being an entirely different story....do you see them as an escape from reality as well? Or do you say this for a different reason?

[laguy10]

Rio, I tried to edit my post, but it would not let me, so I'm having to repost here...I just wanted to clarify my question a little bit more:

 

re:

 

 

 

I'm wondering the *same* thing, layguy10.

 

(Smile)

 

Actually, I've never been all that thrilled about the "Don Juans" in real life -they usually wind up being something less than long-term partner, or marriage material, as they seem to never be quite done with exercising all their Don Juan abilities, even up into their elderly years.

 

And yet, it's OK for me to fantasize about them, once in a while, as long as I don't drag the fantasy into my real-life world.

 

Sean Connery is the ultimate Don Juan, in my book, no matter how old he gets.

 

As for romance novels -I don't read them- I don't need to run away from my own reality that often, it's exciting enough for me.

 

One of the most romantic things I like to do is have dinner on (or near) the water at night -someone who likes this as much as I do, could probably qualify as a Don Juan, I guess.

 

-Rio

 

It's interesting that you see romance novels as an escape from reality - already that helps me to put some pieces of the puzzle together. Since you kind of ran with the whole Don Juan idea, would you mind describing what a Don Juan type means to you?

 

Please take the whole dinner on the water at night idea, and tell me why you'd find that romantic....like why would that be so important to you? (don't get me wrong, I'm not asking you to defend why you think the way you do, I'm trying to put some logical thinking to your description of what would make you feel these blissful feelings....so all I'm asking for, is some examples of what you'd feel, and why you would feel it, if this sort of event occurred, if that makes sense)....I'm guessing you'll say something like it shows that he's thinking of you, that he's willing to go to the effort to be creative, etc. -- anything else that you want to add?

[laguy10]

Stop being a robot and a tin man!

 

That was so profound, that I had to read it twice....I'll be the ladies love you for your depth of character, huh?

[laguy10]

You are not a child, be your self fool

 

For some reason, this post obviously bothers you, because you feel you must attack me personally for starting it....I think the better question to ask yourself is who you are, instead of telling me to be who I am. Please, don't make your response deep like the last post you made....I may not be able to fully comprehend it if you do.

[crazy_grl]

Why are you interested in how to make women crazy about you instead of how to find one woman that's right for you? Even if you came up with a solution to get 97% of women to fall madly in love with you, it's not going to matter if the woman you fall for fits into the other 3%.

 

It's fine to get opinions on what others think is romantic. But my advice is to stop trying to come up with a one-size-fits-all solution based on generalizations (Not all women read romance novels for example), and when you find a girl you like, focus on what she finds romantic.

 

You can start out with your basic ideas, but then you have to listen to her about what she likes and dislikes. And if you end up dating a girl who says she wants one thing actually wants another (as I've heard many guys say they think all women do), then you need to take a critical look at your choice of women.

[laguy10]

Why are you interested in how to make women crazy about you instead of how to find one woman that's right for you? Even if you came up with a solution to get 97% of women to fall madly in love with you, it's not going to matter if the woman you fall for fits into the other 3%.

 

It's fine to get opinions on what others think is romantic. But my advice is to stop trying to come up with a one-size-fits-all solution based on generalizations (Not all women read romance novels for example), and when you find a girl you like, focus on what she finds romantic.

 

You can start out with your basic ideas, but then you have to listen to her about what she likes and dislikes. And if you end up dating a girl who says she wants one thing actually wants another (as I've heard many guys say they think all women do), then you need to take a critical look at your choice of women.

 

My motivation in asking a large pool of women what they view romanticism as, is because if I were to just ask a few, I would not be able to pinpoint the generalities that I'm convinced exist. I'm not trying to get laid by 10,000 women here or anything; I am trying to just find one girl to be with, however, usually everything is shot down before it ever even gets off the ground....I will take your advice into consideration and try this when one is established enough to do s. So, continuing, I'm trying to gather as much opinions as I can, in order to make an educated guess about this whole subject, so I can try to figure out where I'm going wrong.

 

By the way, you didn't answer the question in the post, and I'd appreciate it if you would; would love to hear your take on my questions. Thanks.

[riobikini]

re:

 

layguy10: " It's interesting that you see romance novels as an escape from reality - already that helps me to put some pieces of the puzzle together. Since you kind of ran with the whole Don Juan idea, would you mind describing what a Don Juan type means to you?

 

Please take the whole dinner on the water at night idea, and tell me why you'd find that romantic....like why would that be so important to you? (don't get me wrong, I'm not asking you to defend why you think the way you do, I'm trying to put some logical thinking to your description of what would make you feel these blissful feelings....so all I'm asking for, is some examples of what you'd feel, and why you would feel it, if this sort of event occurred, if that makes sense)....I'm guessing you'll say something like it shows that he's thinking of you, that he's willing to go to the effort to be creative, etc. -- anything else that you want to add?"

 

Romance stories are *just that* to me, unless I know the person really lived and breathed -and even then -if the tale sounded too tall- I'd probably sit and enjoy it, but only for the entertainment value.

 

Besides there are plenty of *real* folks out there who did live the "fairytale" -except it was never as rosy and sweeping as they tend to write about in the romance novels.

 

On the other hand -about every ten seconds- from page to page, the hero/heroine teams of romance novels live through one harrowing, desperate moment after another. Depending on the writer, of course (and I'll bet a little bit of what's going on -or not- in their *own* lives).

 

(Smile)

 

OK -you want to know why I "ran" with the Don Juan theme; no reason except that you threw it out there.

 

Don Juan's are a bit of a joke, hardly fitting into the diaper and bottle scene, or everyday life. They just race around all day on horses through deserts like the Sahara, or through some windy plains somewhere, or somehow always seem to have millions to splurge on planes, yachts, estates, and private islands, and let's not forget: they always get the girl.

 

What a life!

 

(Smile)

 

And maybe that's some of the thrill of indulging yourself in a fantasy novel depicting a beautiful girl and a gorgeous guy: the chase, which is a subject often discussed and debated here in the boards.

 

Some think the chase is a good thing to incorporate into your "master plan" to attract the opposite sex -and some think it's silly.

 

I recognize the appeal, and the thrill of it, but I'm not so certain I would ever rely on it to keep anyone around.

 

So that's *one* reason that romance novels get written and sold by the g-zillions: it's our fantasies come to life.

 

Except it's still only a book -some one's wishful, wistful *idea* of what romance is- and it winds up as a chunky little item at the Wal-Greens counter, right next to the batteries, breath mints, and chap-stick, calling to just the "right" people.

 

 

About the dinner on the water thing: it's just something I love.

 

It's quiet, it's relaxing, -even when there's lots of people nearby, it still feels kind of private, intimate.

 

And I guess it's because I love the sound and smell of water, and I like the way light looks on water at nighttime.

 

So there -that's enough said about that.

 

In closing, you wanted to now a bit about what I find romantically appealing in men.

 

You are going to be highly disappointed, because my answer is not going to sound the least bit romantic.

 

I find people who can reach out to others and not be afraid to contribute their knowledge and give of themselves in a compassionate way, *extremely* attractive.

 

I like to see people who have gained much in life, slip out of their comfort zones and choose to walk into the middle of any disaster in the world, roll up his sleeves, and work without looking up at the clock, or wondering *if* he will be compensated in any way, or expecting a "thank you". And show up again, and again, the next day, and the next.

 

*That's the kind of person that gets *my* attention.

 

And he's hardly a dime store hero -but he's the *best* kind of "everyday" one!

 

(Smile)

 

 

-Rio

[alphamale]

I really don't know what makes something "romantic". But I do have the capability to be romantic on occasion. I have to be in the mood and motivated big time. Women don't think of me as the romantic type but i do have my moments. It is a very subjective thing, I guess. Everything has to spontaneously come together in the right place at the right time...

[Rooster_DAR]

You know, there are two women on the forum that I think are the most intelligent and real people that I think I have ever run into, not to mention mature. Every post I read by them are worthy of consideration, and the world would be a much better place with more people like this. And those two women are!

 

crazy_grl

riobikini

 

You gals rock! Excellent advice and posts.

 

Cheers!

[laguy10]

re:

 

 

 

Romance stories are *just that* to me, unless I know the person really lived and breathed -and even then -if the tale sounded too tall- I'd probably sit and enjoy it, but only for the entertainment value.

 

Besides there are plenty of *real* folks out there who did live the "fairytale" -except it was never as rosy and sweeping as they tend to write about in the romance novels.

 

On the other hand -about every ten seconds- from page to page, the hero/heroine teams of romance novels live through one harrowing, desperate moment after another. Depending on the writer, of course (and I'll bet a little bit of what's going on -or not- in their *own* lives).

 

(Smile)

 

OK -you want to know why I "ran" with the Don Juan theme; no reason except that you threw it out there.

 

Don Juan's are a bit of a joke, hardly fitting into the diaper and bottle scene, or everyday life. They just race around all day on horses through deserts like the Sahara, or through some windy plains somewhere, or somehow always seem to have millions to splurge on planes, yachts, estates, and private islands, and let's not forget: they always get the girl.

 

What a life!

 

(Smile)

 

And maybe that's some of the thrill of indulging yourself in a fantasy novel depicting a beautiful girl and a gorgeous guy: the chase, which is a subject often discussed and debated here in the boards.

 

Some think the chase is a good thing to incorporate into your "master plan" to attract the opposite sex -and some think it's silly.

 

I recognize the appeal, and the thrill of it, but I'm not so certain I would ever rely on it to keep anyone around.

 

So that's *one* reason that romance novels get written and sold by the g-zillions: it's our fantasies come to life.

 

Except it's still only a book -some one's wishful, wistful *idea* of what romance is- and it winds up as a chunky little item at the Wal-Greens counter, right next to the batteries, breath mints, and chap-stick, calling to just the "right" people.

 

 

About the dinner on the water thing: it's just something I love.

 

It's quiet, it's relaxing, -even when there's lots of people nearby, it still feels kind of private, intimate.

 

And I guess it's because I love the sound and smell of water, and I like the way light looks on water at nighttime.

 

So there -that's enough said about that.

 

In closing, you wanted to now a bit about what I find romantically appealing in men.

 

You are going to be highly disappointed, because my answer is not going to sound the least bit romantic.

 

I find people who can reach out to others and not be afraid to contribute their knowledge and give of themselves in a compassionate way, *extremely* attractive.

 

I like to see people who have gained much in life, slip out of their comfort zones and choose to walk into the middle of any disaster in the world, roll up his sleeves, and work without looking up at the clock, or wondering *if* he will be compensated in any way, or expecting a "thank you". And show up again, and again, the next day, and the next.

 

*That's the kind of person that gets *my* attention.

 

And he's hardly a dime store hero -but he's the *best* kind of "everyday" one!

 

(Smile)

 

 

-Rio

 

Rio, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your honesty and effort on this; I REALLY appreciate it. If you have not found your ideal man yet, I hope he will come to you soon....you definitely are the kind of woman who can attract a man like that I think. I'm finding that younger women seem to be into the whole fantasy thing still, whereas older women seem to have grown out of it. Maybe some sort of experience with reality knocking does this, I don't know. Maybe I'm not willing to settle for a woman less than one who is real, because of the way reality has knocked in my own life, I don't know. At any rate, thanks.

[IpAncA]

Also, please explain what you mean by romance novels being an entirely different story....do you see them as an escape from reality as well? Or do you say this for a different reason?

 

Yeah those are a different story because women read those kinds of books for all sorts of reasons. Just do a search in for Romance Novels in the threads here and you will see how people really feel about them. Those books don't really do anything for me. Sure it's fun to read about how this girl got swept off her feet by the most incredible man but in all reality those books are not real life and some people get so wrapped up in them that they expect to find someone like the guy in the book. Usually when I think of romance novels, I think of my grandmother who has like 100 of those books and they just suck her right up. Don't know what she gets out of them but to her their probably exciting, romantic, etc...

[crazy_grl]

My motivation in asking a large pool of women what they view romanticism as, is because if I were to just ask a few, I would not be able to pinpoint the generalities that I'm convinced exist.

 

Sorry, but I don't think you'll have a lot of success. Good luck to you though.

 

I'm not trying to get laid by 10,000 women here or anything;

 

Actually, that wasn't my concern. My concern was that instead of being yourself and finding a compatible girl, you're trying to adapt your behavior based on generalizations. I don't want you to spend too much time on what all girls want and not enough on what your girl wants. It's fine to do general things in the beginning when you don't know someone well, but as the relationship goes on, if you continue to use generalizations instead of doing things specific to what that person likes, then you're not going to go very far.

 

By the way, you didn't answer the question in the post, and I'd appreciate it if you would; would love to hear your take on my questions. Thanks.

 

Your question was "How can a man create the same type of feelings in you....what can he do, say, act like, etc?" I felt I already did answer it, but I'll try again.

 

If you're looking for specifics, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to give you a very useful answer, but here you go. For me to completely fall for a guy, he has to want the same things in life (travel, no kids, no pets, to live someplace warm), not be preoccupied with money but still appreciate nice things, like to workout and be active, like sci-fi, be willing to eat tofu, treat me with respect, pay attention to my likes/dislikes, give me meaningful, random gifts, be accepting of not celebrating holidays, be mature enough to appreciate the nice things I do for him (you'd be surprised how many guys I've met who've taken nice guestures like buying them a house-warming gift to mean I'm 'clingy' ), and be willing to express how he feels. It doesn't matter if he has a great personality, if he says or does supposedly romantic things. While romantic guestures do help, if we don't share those things (especially goals for the future), I'm not going to be swooning over him, because it would be a waste of energy.

 

I doubt that's what you're looking for, because it's not really very 'romantic', but that's the best I can give you.

 

Actually, maybe I can give you this: I suppose if you're looking for something you can use to do for a woman, I'd suggest giving her meaningful and random gifts. Unless you know your girl loves jewelry and flowers, don't just get her those all the time. Give her something you know she wants, like tickets to a concert she said she wanted to go to. And tell her how much you appreciate her, how pretty she is, and what she means to you. One of the best things to hear are specific compliments, like "I love your eyes" or "You have such perfect legs."

 

But don't forget about your own life. Don't trail her like a puppy. Be passionate about your own life and interests as well as her.

 

But enough of my long rambling. I hope that helps some.

[crazy_grl]

You know, there are two women on the forum that I think are the most intelligent and real people that I think I have ever run into, not to mention mature. Every post I read by them are worthy of consideration, and the world would be a much better place with more people like this. And those two women are!

 

crazy_grl

riobikini

 

You gals rock! Excellent advice and posts.

 

Cheers!

 

Wow. Thanks, Rooster. You've brightened my entire day. You rock, too!

[Rooster_DAR]

Rio, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your honesty and effort on this; I REALLY appreciate it. If you have not found your ideal man yet, I hope he will come to you soon....you definitely are the kind of woman who can attract a man like that I think. I'm finding that younger women seem to be into the whole fantasy thing still, whereas older women seem to have grown out of it. Maybe some sort of experience with reality knocking does this, I don't know. Maybe I'm not willing to settle for a woman less than one who is real, because of the way reality has knocked in my own life, I don't know. At any rate, thanks.

 

Yeah, I agree with you here. RioBikini and Crazy_girl have it going on!

 

I think I have a crush on both of them, and I'm too old to have crushes anymore.

[alphamale]

Yeah, I agree with you here. RioBikini and Crazy_girl have it going on!

I would disagree with those two choices. I think RP and LINDYA are the two best females on LS.

[quankanne]

I find people who can reach out to others and … give of themselves in a compassionate way, *extremely* attractive

 

I think you've provided my definition for the word "romantic" – it's the person who can step outside of their own little comfort zone and do something wholeheartedly kind or generous without expecting something in return, they were/are just compelled to follow through on a certain act. Like open the car door and safely see their passenger into the seat, or splurge on a candy bar for someone who appreciates sweets, just because they want to surprise that person with a little something. Same thing goes for a peck on the cheek or head in public or holding hands – the gesture is made because the person genuinely wants to do it, not because they must.

 

Alpha, I think you could be perceived as more romantic than you think, because it's those little actions people see as thoughtful that make you romantic to them ... a lot of times one doesn't even think about what he or she is doing, yet the person on the receiving end of that gesture is very, very touched by it.

[dgiirl]

My motivation in asking a large pool of women what they view romanticism as, is because if I were to just ask a few, I would not be able to pinpoint the generalities that I'm convinced exist.

 

I think you'd have better results if you described your own approach to women and asked the large pool what they think went wrong. Then you can get a list of generalities on things about you that you can change, instead of a list of generalities to accomodate a mass group of women.

 

It's hard to explain what will attract a woman or not. Even if the guy is perfect on paper, there still might not be any chemistry. My ideal mate would not smoke, not drink, have a reliable good job, be responsible, already be settled in life, have no debt (i have none), believes in marriage, wants a family, respects women, shows me affection, but not overpowering. He'd like sci fi, and action movies, he'd like going out to resturants, he'd like to try new things, he'd encourage me in my life, and he'd depend on me for help too. But all in all, there has to be that spark. And you simply cannot create that spark. Either it's there or it's not.

[witabix]

I think you'd have better results if you described your own approach to women and asked the large pool what they think went wrong. Then you can get a list of generalities on things about you that you can change, instead of a list of generalities to accomodate a mass group of women.

 

It's hard to explain what will attract a woman or not. Even if the guy is perfect on paper, there still might not be any chemistry. My ideal mate would not smoke, not drink, have a reliable good job, be responsible, already be settled in life, have no debt (i have none), believes in marriage, wants a family, respects women, shows me affection, but not overpowering. He'd like sci fi, and action movies, he'd like going out to resturants, he'd like to try new things, he'd encourage me in my life, and he'd depend on me for help too. But all in all, there has to be that spark. And you simply cannot create that spark. Either it's there or it's not.

 

Yes I would agree with dgiirl here. You need to look at what you currently do. However I agree that certain actions are perceived by the majority of people to be 'romantic'. Nevertheless if you do not behave in this fashion naturally, from inside yourself, then changing your behaviours to fit a wider spectrum of perceptions will come across as false. Falseness is easily spotted and will end up making the 'actor' look wooden, stilted and awkward. Like a fish out of water.

 

You do, in the end, have to be yourself.

 

One final thought. IMO romantic attraction is 99% empathy and 1% chemistry. The magic 'spark' must exist, but with no empathy you can not tell what will please another person. I do as I wish to be done to.

 

Some women think I am a romantic man, others think I am an idiot, and still others think I am a out an out bar steward. Thats the way it goes.

[alphamale]

Alpha, I think you could be perceived as more romantic than you think, because it's those little actions people see as thoughtful that make you romantic to them ... a lot of times one doesn't even think about what he or she is doing, yet the person on the receiving end of that gesture is very, very touched by it.

You could be correct QUANK...usuallly the way you percieve yourself and the way others percieve you are two differing animals. As Popeye used to say: "I yam what I yam, ekh ekh ekh"