Leaving a friend because of feelings?

[Arazi1982]

Predictable first post. I recently went back to college for post-grad study. First week I meet a girl - pretty, intelligent and fun. We start to hang out a lot - we talk for hours, I enjoy every minute with her, she's unlike anyone I've ever met. Start to fall for her - never felt such strong feelings before.

 

I ask her out, we go out a couple of times, have a great time but nothing romantic. Resign myself to her not been attracted to me in the same way - its ok, to be expected to be honest.

 

Then she calls me up the next day, asks me out, we go out, talk for hours again, flirting continuously (at least I'm trying to). I'm elated. We arrange to meet the next day again, we do, spend the day together but I start to think I misread her feelings. I still feel I have to tell her (for my own sanity), I tell her I like her (even after I had rehearsed my "movie-style lines" a hundred times beforehand, I bumble my way through it). She says she's glad I brought it up as she wanted to talk about it but didn't know how to start - she'd prefer for us to "just be friends".

 

Even though her response is exactly how I expected, I'm crushed to my soul - I guess a part of me still thought there was a chance, however remote. We still meet the next day for a run - its a little awkward, but she makes it comfortable for me. She was concerned that I was feeling sad - I said I was fine. I don't kiss her cheeks when I say goodbye now.

 

I feel awful for the next few days, telling any of my friends/family that would listen how heart broken I am - just for own self-therapy. I know that I don't want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way. So I give myself a few days without her.

 

We hang around the with the same group (of 5/6 or so) - the group goes out together a few times - I have a fantastic night each time, I get on great with her, we're starting to become good friends but there is less time when its just the two of us now. I'm not sure if anyone in the group knows how I feel about her, or even that I told her that I liked her. I go out with lots of other friends other nights but not as much.

 

The group starts to go out a lot together, dinner parties etc. - its so much fun spending time with them, but she is still my favourite. To me, it feels clear that she and I are the closest friends in the group - whether anyone else thinks that I don't know. It feels like I'm getting over her and still managing to be good friends - everything seems rosy. I think one of the guys likes her too - he looks at her the same way I do, touches her arm often, looks pissed off when I'm talking to her - I'd find it almost comical if I didn't get such pangs of jealousy when she talks to him.

 

Then today, I realise I'm daydreaming continuously of her, of these ridiculous fantasies where - of course - we end up together. The group spends the whole day together - and suddenly I start feeling terrible in the evening when I realise it'll never happen between us. She notices and asks why I'm gloomy (second day in a row) - I know she knows why, but I deny being sad anyway.

 

My closest (guy) friend advises me to talk to her, tell her I still have feelings for her and think it would be better for me I didn't see her for a while. I know that this is probably the "right thing to do" - but I hate the feeling when I think of this. Especially as the group have made arrangements to go out/do stuff together for the next couple of weeks.

 

Other girls like me, they ask me out, but I'm just not interested in them. I know that if don't lose these thoughts, I could miss meeting someone else who's great and who does like me - but my heart aches when I think of losing her as one of my best friends.

 

Any advice appreciated...

[noclobber]

Take this from someone that went down this path and ended up suffering a lot.

 

Always remember this -> After you declare your feelings to a friend, the dynamics of the friendship will change! Either she shares the same feelings and you both get into a relationship OR she rejects you and the friendship becomes harder for you.

 

In your case she told "lets just be friends". It's painful but atleast you made your move and got the answer. Now please listen to this very carefully. DO NOT DO THE MISTAKE OF CONTINUING YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH HER. Trust me on this one, it will only bring you lot of pain. If you continue with her as friends you will be constantly reminded of her rejection and somewhere down the lane you may even end up watching her kissing her boyfriend. Save yourself the pain and bow out before its too late.

 

Don't think you will miss a best friend or a great friend. Just think that you are saving yourself from a lot of pain. She may wonder why you are distancing yourself and will try to get you closer. Don't fall for it or settle for it. Just say that it won't be a good idea to be such close friends and you are distancing yourself. Just be her acquanitance at best.

 

If she doesn't like you that way then it's her loss, you just move on. She has the right not to like you in that way. And you have the right not to continue the friendship in the same way.

 

I only hope that you heed to my advice and find happiness with a girl that wants you instead of pinning away for a girl that rejected you. You only live once and life is too short. Don't waste any more time thinking about your OA. It's just not worth it.

 

Move on!

[Guest]

as hard as it sounds had/have basically same situation and it sux got out while its on ur mind

[Guest]

Can't believe someone who asked you out only wanted to be friends. She should have been up front with you when she did. Don't feel bad for misreading her feelings. I'm in a similar situation although we've never been out...I wanted to know how she felt before asking her out to avoid getting my hopes up. I didn't reveal my feelings too much, just said I kinda had a crush on her. She said she thought of me as a best friend (not as bad as "I just want to be friends" but still not a good sign) and that she just got out of a bad relationship and doesn't look for a boyfriend. So it appears I won't have to worry about her having a boyfriend for a while. I used to see her twice a week but now I haven't seen her in 3 months. I still appreciate her friendship. If she asks you out again, decline if you can't handle just being friends.

[jerbear]

I would have to agree with NC (noclobber) on this one.

 

It is not easy to be friends with someone you have the hots for.

 

I would say move on for now. If she wants to pursue a relationship then she'll contact you but in the meantime, go do your own thing.

[Arazi1982]

Hmmm, I've thought about your advice for a good while but I don't think I'll walk away like this now. Leaving would mean sacrificing doing things and going places that I actually enjoy. I really like her company and although romance may never happen, I don't think ending a great friendship this early is what I should focus on.

 

If life is truly short, I therefore want to spend it with people I care about. Getting over these feelings is my own issue and although I may experience pain, if I focus on continuing to find great people, then I may very well find another - and not have to substitute companions because things don't work out in the "perfect" way.

 

Thank you for your replies though - it was much appreciated and certainly considered.

[kleeka]

Your romantic feelings cannot just be turned off. They will keep growing as you continue to spend time as "friends with her". You will try to fight off the feelings but trust me , you will lose out the more you fail to admit to yourself that you are losing control of your inner emotions. Who can possibly see or think straight when they're in enshrouded in a fog?

[phyrespryte]

Hmmm, I've thought about your advice for a good while but I don't think I'll walk away like this now. Leaving would mean sacrificing doing things and going places that I actually enjoy. I really like her company and although romance may never happen, I don't think ending a great friendship this early is what I should focus on.

 

If life is truly short, I therefore want to spend it with people I care about. Getting over these feelings is my own issue and although I may experience pain, if I focus on continuing to find great people, then I may very well find another - and not have to substitute companions because things don't work out in the "perfect" way.

 

I agree that life is short, which is why it's better to devote your energy to people who won't suck the life out of you. And I have a feeling this girl will do just that.

 

I'm not saying you shouldn't spend time with your group and stop having a good time. But you might want to be less friendly with this girl, be more of an aquaintance than a friend. Be pleasant, but not personal. If you continue this friendship it will make things more complicated for you.

 

Like Noclobber said, you'll be constantly reminded of her rejection. You'll also find that the more you get to know her, the more you like her. It's that whole wanting what you can't have thing. And even worse, one day she'll be coming to you for advice about another guy she likes. eck.

[blue16]

First off i'd like to say kudos to you for having the guts to say something and having the strength to consider walking away from this situation. Atleast you're not the other guy who clearly likes her but doesn't have the balls to tell her...

 

But this kinda sucks huh? I mean, if it was just her seperately...it would be a lot easier decision. But by giving her up...you also lose the friends group you've grown accustomed to.

 

The first step is to realize that you two will never be together. I know it's a tough pill to swallow, but as soon as you realize this scenario the easier it will be to get over her - and at the same time, you'll have better chances in meeting someone else.

 

If I were you, I'd keep going out with the group...but DON'T HANG OUT WITH HER ON YOUR OWN. Doing so will just fool you into thinking there is a chance...and will only cause your feelings to continue. Bottom line is to keep going with this group and see how it goes. If you walk away, you lose so much social interaction and a pleasant group dynamic. But BE CAREFUL...how would you handle it if you found out she had a new bf? Not too good, i bet. By staying around her (whether in a group or not) you run the risk of this awful scenario taking place... That being said, I think the pros of staying in the group outweigh the potential cons of the future.

[JCD]

Same thing happened to me. Oh how I wish I never developed feelings for her. There was a brief period where I debated if I should fall in love with her or not and then soon after I fell for her. I wish I had a time machine and could go back. I work with her and sometimes I get to hear how she spent her weekend with her husband. Sometimes she mentions that she's unhappy with her marriage and that gives me false hopes. She's the type that will run back to her husband despite him being bad to her.

 

My relationship with her started as being friends then developed into love then slowly like a pendulum that kept swinging wider and wider I started to keep my distance longer each day. I got mad, we didn't talk for a day the next day we were back being friends then I got mad again, next two days I didn't speak to her, etc. Now, it has been over a month I haven't talked to her as a friend. Hurts like hell but I found some other girl friends to talk to so I'm slowly starting to forget about her. I wish I could turn off my feelings for her but it's impossible. Only time and emotional separation will cure me, I hope. The worst part was that while I was in love with her, this other girl liked me and she was hot but she had enough of my indecision and went out with someone else. The good thing is that I saw her looking at me recently, so she probably still has feelings for me and maybe wants me again. I just need to get to know her better for her personality, looks are perfect 10 though. Also, this girl I love, she has the same personality as me so we clicked together extremely well in the beginning. So do as I do, separate yourself from her and give those other girls that want to date you a chance. I know your heart is with this girl of yours but you need to let go of her. I bet you'll meet someone even more special and who's also into you as much as you are into her. That's the best outlook there is.

[Guest]

exact same thing happened to me 3 months ago....and it happened almost 2 years ago as well...lol

 

what i have learned though is you CAN TURN OFF those feelings...and its not rejection...they just make a choice. hey, i know what i have to offer someone, and if they decide that's not their cup of tea...that's ok....

 

in fact, i have gotten really got at not letting this stuff bug me, because when someone else is 'keeping all options open' and u are a 'one woman kinda guy' u know its not gonna work anyhow....see, i know right away if i wanna hang with that person, and its obvious when the other isn't sure...so, u just back off and let them go find the love they need....

 

its happened to me twice now so i have learned that its not about rejection - its just that the two of you were not meant for each other....hey, the last person i was with told me that was the deal but we still had something planned and we went...i had fun...because i knew where i stood...either someone digs ya or they do....that's life in a fish bowl - lol

 

does that make sense?

[empathyfriends]

Hi.. So sad to hear your story.. But at least I guess the girl is still lucky as u still love her. I was once did go thru the same situation as the girl but my story was different coz I have told the guy that I too like and later love him.. tho at first I deny and keep saying that we r frens and better be frens when he question.. but now things happened the other ways round.. his feeling towards me was flat and plain.. left me wit my own feeling and his empty sweet dreams.. he just wanna be fren now after spending time as couple wit me. I find it difficult to be fren anymore. I regretted for not remembering my own words "better be fren then lover as fren will remain. Frens after love will never last and always difficult".

 

Now I do understand why the dun wan to be ur special.. maybe she scared things will happened same like me too. So I guess u should juz remain to be her best frens since she have already "rejected" u. At least u cld still be her best fren rather then nothing at all. I knew the feeling not really good but sumtimes when we love a person we should let them go to find their own happiness. One day who knows things will change. Remember this "if its yours no matter where or how long .. its still yours BUT if its not yours no matter how. .its still won be yours.. FATE! Take care fren. We r in the same ship "HEARTBROKEN SHIP"

[ddnnee]

forget it, i dont know why the OP posted for advice and end up taking the same road he's taking. Sort of like you know the path is a dead end but you take it anyway. I've been on this road before and it ended the friendship rather than grow into a relationship. It's okay though.

[phyrespryte]

Yeah I know.

Too bad. I really wonder how it's working out for him though.

2 posts and poof he's gone. I really hate how that happens. I feel hurt. Maybe I should start no contact on this thread.

[Arazi1982]

I'm still subscribed to this thread and read all comments - I had not replied with an update yet as its only been a week since my last post and was going to be patient with my decision. But I'll put up a verbose update anyway.

 

As regards to the feedback, which was really much appreciated by the way, although the majority favour cutting off contact completely lest I suffer terribly in the long run, the replies have displayed a mixture of opinions nonetheless.

 

The purpose of this post is to tell others of the outcomes to the decision I made and what I was thinking during that time.

 

4 of us in the group go to the same college social club/society meeting (really fun nights - something I definitely don't want to give up going to if I'm supposed to avoid her) - anyways, the night was great as usual, but I made the conscious decision not to give her (I should really give her an identifier, lets say Bee) much attention that night - I'd still be friendly, but I'd try to continue conversation with the other people I knew. This worked out great actually - still enjoyed the night, joked around with Bee when she came over for a chat and (tried ) chatting up a couple of the girls there that night, just for practice

 

It was then I noticed that the other guy in our group, Max (I've mentioned him before), sure does give Bee a lot of his attention. When I was talking and joking with him, he would dart off to "check on her", grab her arms at every chance, ask her questions that I knew he knew the answer to, funny little things like that. But I wasn't jealous at all - it was even a bit humorous to me, which made me feel pretty good - making progress and all that jazz.

 

3 of us (Bee, Max and I) went out later that night together. Its freezing over here now and I was starting to feel a head cold coming on so I wasn't up for spending the whole night out - but was still in good form. Then Max went to the bathroom and Bee turned to me and asked me if I was alright, that I seemed a bit distant and down - and if I ever wanted to talk, she was there. I was surprised and said I was just fine (mentioned the head cold) - that she shouldn't worry about me. She then said that her studies this week had been really tough and she wasn't feeling that great either. Max came back then and the conversation abruptly stopped.

 

We started walking back home at the end of the night (I really wasn't feeling great at this point) and Max was just being, well, weird. Bee and I are both pretty talkative so we were just chatting aimlessly to each other. But every time, after the crossing the road or whatever, and we ended up walking side by side, Max would slide up and force himself to walk between us - I thought it was really obvious, especially when Bee would be halfway through a question directed at me. So I felt a bit paranoid for a second that maybe Bee had asked Max to do this - doesn't really make sense though, more likely that he really likes her too, true? Hell, I don't know.

 

Bee and Max suggested heading out for another drink but I was frozen at this point and I guess was still thinking about the whole Max intervening thing (so a little pissed off) that I just said I was heading home - I thanked them for the fun night and headed off.

 

The next day I sent Bee a message saying I was sorry for leaving them early last night, hoped she got home OK and asked her if she wanted a cup of coffee to take a break from her studying. She said that sounded great and we met up. It was then she asked why I was so grumpy when I left last night - maybe I was, but I just said that it was because I wasn't feeling so great. Bee told me that she and Max had gone for a coffee before going home but that Cee, another girl in the group, had called Bee up and invited them over to her place for a few drinks. Bee said she didn't call me then as she reckoned that I would have been home at that point. Fair enough I said, and to be honest I didn't mind at all.

 

However, on the way to the coffee shop we passed by a park that Bee had never been in; we walked around, hit the playground () and told each other stories about where we grew up. The coffee shop I picked is beside the art gallery and as we passed she asked me if I would show her the gallery as again she had not been (she only recently moved here) - so I did.

 

And to be honest the day was fantastic from then on - I had so much fun and it was a real pleasure hanging out with her. After I had left to go to the gym, she texted me and said she was so happy now and thanked for for a wonderday day. What was good was that it was like hanging out with a best friend.

 

What had changed was that I had spoken to one of my friends the day earlier and she said, "look, if I thought you had a chance with her, I'd support you, but, you know, you don't". And that did it - once I'd heard this (and every time I even start imagining her falling for me) I just got it - its not going to happen so just enjoy her for who she is to me now.

 

So, I bumped in to another girl I knew and I asked her to have a drink, just to see how it felt. And it was good - even though I don't fancy this girl it meant that for most of a day Bee wasn't on my mind at all - sounds small right, but it reminded me that the world doesn't start and stop with Bee.

 

Sure, there will be times when I may dream of her with me - I find her attractive so its only natural - but to cut off contact with a with someone who likes me, simply because I like them more, seems anachronistic. I'm a man, and I don't want to run away when things are tough - I agree with the Guest's comments completely; its not about rejection, its just that the other person is at a different stage in their life and wants different things, that's all.

 

Basically this long, long post about trivial events is really to show that although it doesn't feel good at all when someone you like doesn't reciprocate, learn how to deal with your feelings (its a rollercoaster), keep asking advice from those whose opinions you care about, look out for yourself first and foremost, and realise that really good things can happen in your life, even when things don't turn out as expected. You may feel sad, but its because you have experienced something fantastic in someone else - so, I guess, its a kind of beautiful sadness - something I just find uplifting.

[Arazi1982]

A short update.

 

Things were going well. We still go out as a group - and Bee and I became very close friends. I had accepted the situation which meant I no longer flirted with her, I was no longer jealous when she spoke to other guys and got to go out with other people. This meant I was always in a good mood when we went out - and it resulted in Bee actually calling and texting me more.

 

Still attracted to her, but I've gone on a couple of dates with other girls. I'm not really attracted to them but it helps (I feel guilty sometimes because of this).

 

Then, we go for coffee and afterwards she says to me, "I have something to tell you, but I don't know how to say it correctly". I said fine, tell me when you are ready. Later, we are sitting together, she starts getting quite nervous and said, "I'm a little embarrassed now. Remember that day when you told me you liked me, I wasn't entirely honest with you. I had just finished a long-term relationship [5 years]; it was my first relationship, I was finding things difficult around that day." Ok, I'll admit my heart leapt a bit at the time - but I still doubted whether this meant anything and composed myself. I asked if she was still getting over it, and she thought and said "No, but..." and trailed off. I thanked her for telling me but to be honest I hadn't a clue what to say. So we (well, I) just continued on our day like nothing happened.

 

Thinking about it now, I felt she was just telling me that she wasn't ready yet for a relationship. But was she hinting that she may like me? But then another part of me says that this was her asking if I still wanted her and now's the time...

 

I've decided that I should just continue as is; she knows I like her, we get on great, should I just have no expectations and whatever happens, happens?

[phyrespryte]

Later, we are sitting together, she starts getting quite nervous and said, "I'm a little embarrassed now. Remember that day when you told me you liked me, I wasn't entirely honest with you. I had just finished a long-term relationship [5 years]; it was my first relationship, I was finding things difficult around that day." Ok, I'll admit my heart leapt a bit at the time - but I still doubted whether this meant anything and composed myself. I asked if she was still getting over it, and she thought and said "No, but..." and trailed off. I thanked her for telling me but to be honest I hadn't a clue what to say. So we (well, I) just continued on our day like nothing happened.

 

Hmm. Why didn't you ask her what the "but" was? Do you think maybe you could find a way to ask her about that again? I get the feeling she was trying to find out if you still want her. Maybe even wants to give dating you a chance. But she could've been just looking for an ego boost. You never know. I'd try to find out what she was trying to say exactly.

 

Until then I think the friendly, but not flirty thing is a good idea.

[Bobbie]

I think it's the difference between being ready for a relationship or not.

 

Daydreaming and fantasy can be pretty much as intense as real life, and it's a substitute when you're not ready.

 

Back off for a while and go look for someone else or something else to do.

 

There's no need to write off a friendship unless you want to...it's part of the dynamics of man-woman friendships that sometimes one is romantically attracted the other isn't.

 

And though all the movies and our fantasies tell us differently there isn't just one special partner for each of us, but lots of potential partners, and the happier we are and the more ready for a relationship the more likely we connect with someone like-minded.

 

You sound lovely, don't worry. Work on that self-confidence and on being really happy as a single guy!

 

I have a friendship which is transitioning and I asked the guy outright what he wanted a few weeks ago and when he said friendship I told him to stop being romantic then! And I've changed my routine so I break the pattern.

 

Some people don't know what they want ( me included sometimes ) so they find it hard not to give mixed signals, but if someone doesn't want to be my partner I don't want us drifting into fulfilling part of the role just because it's easy or comforting- I'll only get more attached and really hurt my feelings later.

 

Feelings do fade if they're not fuelled by the little things which give hope to an unrequited or failed romance.

 

You can be friends again later when you're over it and it doesn't feel like a rejection.

 

Either way- give it some time and space. Don't be so available, and don't be dependent on this one person to guarantee your happiness.

[kleeka]

Excellent reply.

 

I was recently on a semi-romantic path with a guy who didn't seem to know what he wanted even though the attraction between us was obvious and strong. Even though we never got physically involved, (we also work at the same office but not together), it finally ended with him saying he wasn't ready for a relationship which freed me up for dating other guys. I've since developed strong feelings for second guy yet still have something in my heart for the first guy but it really helps having other elements going on in your life to weaken the intensity of emotions you have for someone who's timing is not right with yours. Time and space - great words to live and love by.

[Arazi1982]

That is a wonderful post Bobbie - very insightful and positive.

 

I was down the last couple of days because I had told myself that I "missed any opportunity" with her. Yes, I know, delusional. Think its clear she was saying that she's not ready for any relationship now. And that means that I feel like I can go back to my old self - accepting that a relationship with her is not happening and trying to find someone who does want one.

 

To be honest, I feel like telling her all this - and I think I will.

[Guest]

I don't think it will work to be honest,I tried it and generally staying "close" friends with someone who rejeceted you is too dificult.

 

 

I've been on both sides and usually you end up using the rejeceted friend as an ego boost,you know this person likes you more than you do them it's great to have that sort of adoration on tap when you need it.

 

Qutting the friendship was the best thing I ever did,I am with someone else and would not have been open to them if i was still emotionally engaged with the other guy.

 

I don't have those false hopes or feelings for the friend to battle with,I know he is with the right person [his gf], distancing yourself from the situation makes that easier.

[Arazi1982]

Sigh, had the talk, it was fine, but things were already not the same. This was the first weekend we didn't hang out together and she didn't call. I found myself wasting the whole of Saturday sulking because of this. I kept checking my phone's inbox, thought of her every minute and it always had some stupid fantasy ending. I had myself convinced that I was making progress when, in truth, I wasn't going anywhere.

 

I've decided to take the original advice - I'm going to back off from the friendship. I'll probably see her around occasionally but I'll really try not, as Bobbie's great advice said, to be so available and so dependent on this one person to guarantee my happiness.

 

Christmas is approaching and she will being going abroad for a few weeks - I think that will do me good. I knew coming back to college that I was open to a relationship and when this beautiful, interesting girl liked spending time with me, I let myself fall for her heavily. Its strange - I'm 24 but I had never felt this way about anyone before - I guess I just figured that this must mean she's the one. And all those things that I did for her thinking "oh, she'll like this" - were in fact, "oh, she'll like me for knowing she'll like this".

 

So, I'm going to spend more time with my other friends now, concentrate on my studies and go back to running/cycling/football etc. - and I'll try and see who is out there that maybe would like to get to know me a little better.

 

It's kind of a pity having to break contact, but I know now that I have to look out for myself first. I would still like to be friends with her again later once I'm over her, but its best that I take a break from her for the time being - out of sight, out of mind.

 

Right now, it feels tough. But I really want to thank everyone on this thread for their help and support. Honestly, thank god for LS, don't know what I would have done without it.

[Bobbie]

Hey sweetie,

 

we've all been there, had all those hopeful feelings and thoughts and imagined all kinds of delicious things, then realised it's not going to work out after all...the secret is to have a good life anyway, so you're resilient enough to take it if a relationship doesn't work out.

 

I find personally the more hung up on a person who wasn't interested in a relationship with me I have been

 

a) the more out-of-balance my life was at the time- 'cos when I am fine I will say 'oh ok' if someone plays games or isn't interested and disengage pretty fast and move on...& if I haven't had a sexual relationship for some time or if someone is really sexually attractive to me that throws me out of balance!

&

b) I get over it if I stop seeing the person for a while and don't hang out with them at all until my feelings have moved on. This is one reason I am getting picky about boundaries with colleagues or people in activities I really don't want to miss out on...

 

Sorry you felt low this weekend, for what it's worth the guy friend I mentioned I still sort-of half hope he will call or write again. It's just a residual thing I think, when there's been no resolution and something fades away. But some people won't be honest, nor respond to honesty, for whatever reasons. In fact a lot of people avoid any kind of awkwardness, and I tend to be more attracted these days to people who don't seem avoidant or too worried by a little embarrassment between friends.

 

It won't take you as long to grieve as you think once you're busy and happy with your own stuff, your plans sound great. This is the time I usually start exercising like mad or clean my closets or take a little trip or see some movies etc.

 

There's a poem by British poet Wendy Cope goes something like this I tell myself at this point:

 

Defining the problem

 

I can't forgive you.

Even if I could,

You wouldn't pardon me

for seeing through you

 

And yet I can't quite

cure myself of love

For what I thought you were

before I knew you.

 

***

 

You seem lovely, don't worry, someone who will commit to a relationship with you will be along soon enough. Enjoy being single until then!

[kleeka]

Arazi82,

 

Dude, you're doin the right thing - moving on. And we 've all been there.

 

In fact, just try to believe that the more you let go of the one who's NOT right for you, the closer it brings you to the one who IS right for you. Keep believing...

[JCD]

I think what you had with this girl you can have with other girls as well. You just need to get out there and try to find someone. Talking to second girl will slowly take your mind off of the first girl and eventually you'll be wanting to spend more time with the second girl and start feeling happy around her. At least that's been my experience so far. I think we go into the first love with such hopes and expectations that anything negative really screw us up. After that we're a bit more cautious about getting ourselves into the same mess again. It's truly wonderful to be loved by someone in return and it's so much more fun that going back to hoping that our first love would change her mind and like us is a big waste of time. If she comes back, fine but meanwhile move on with your life.