Leaving a friend because of feelings?

[Arazi1982]

2 weeks down, without contact - but its still difficult as I think of her a lot still. Plus, I saw a photo of her yesterday; new hairstyle, have to say she looked incredible, so that knocked me back a bit.

 

The thing was that I never actually said, "I'm not comfortable with current situation, I'm going NC for a while" - I just stop texting/IM'ing/calling her.

 

Thing was though that she didn't contact me - even though she could see when I would be online - so I assumed she knew what I was doing and understood.

 

However, today I discovered she has deleted me as a contact on IM (skype).

 

I don't know - is this "toys out of the pram" and she's looking for a reaction? Should I send her an email or something, saying that I just need some time but i'll soon be in touch?

 

She's still feels important to me and I was looking forward to being friends with her in the future, but now, I feel blue.

[whichwayisup]

I think you need to let go of her out of your heart and move on. You can't handle any sort of friendship with her and honestly, it's not fair to you (or to her) to keep intouch. Unless you can completely get rid of the romantic feelings you have for her, what is the point of keeping intouch? IT's just going to make you want her more and prevent you from letting yourself fall for someone else in the future...

 

Fact she's deleted you off her IM list is a hint too.

 

Good luck, keep busy and I hope you're able to get her out of your blood.

[jerbear]

2 weeks down, without contact - but its still difficult as I think of her a lot still. Plus, I saw a photo of her yesterday; new hairstyle, have to say she looked incredible, so that knocked me back a bit.

 

The thing was that I never actually said, "I'm not comfortable with current situation, I'm going NC for a while" - I just stop texting/IM'ing/calling her.

 

Thing was though that she didn't contact me - even though she could see when I would be online - so I assumed she knew what I was doing and understood.

 

However, today I discovered she has deleted me as a contact on IM (skype).

 

I don't know - is this "toys out of the pram" and she's looking for a reaction? Should I send her an email or something, saying that I just need some time but i'll soon be in touch?

 

She's still feels important to me and I was looking forward to being friends with her in the future, but now, I feel blue.

 

 

Now coming from her point of view, are you important to her?

 

By deleting you on IM (skype) she made a decision and it is end game. 2 weeks of no contact, well if I had some interests or was a friend; I would have made contact.

 

New hair do and other things is just grooming and moving on. Maybe it is her new bf she is trying to impress? Either way, when one deletes another, it is their method of moving on.

 

I deleted my ex from my nav system, cell phone, email contacts, removed items from her, and set emails from her to go into the spam folder. I literally wiped her from existence.

 

You can contact her only if you can handle the truth, it may not even be friendly and it would not be the same as the old friendship.

[Guest]

As I was kind of hoping you'd make it and manage to tune your feeling down and stay friends. Reason being I am in the same kind (not same story but same result) of predicament.

 

She did you a favour by deleting you. I sometimes wish my friend would do the same but he wants us to stay friends and even tho we get into heated discussions because of this and he knows I find it hard not to be frustrated and i'm a right pain he will not let me move on. For two or three weeks I did manage to tune my feelings down and everything was idyllic. Our friendship is wonderful then. But the slightest thing and I get all lovey dovey again grrrrr.

 

I can see his point of view: if we did not stay friends, we would still have to see each other daily and I guess that would be harder. Anyway, I was hoping to read you'd made it together. Now you will make it... without her. It's a lot easier I'm pretty sure.

[Arazi1982]

Guest, you know what, I'm moving on! This time last week, or even a couple of days ago, I wouldn't have believed I could have, but I am.

 

A couple of hours after my last post, I sent her a text message saying "sorry..." (ugh, so pathetic) "...for not contacting for a while, just needed some time, look forward to seeing you and the guys again soon". I told myself if she didn't reply within 3 days, that was it, done and dusted. And so I headed off to some Xmas party under a sad cloud.

 

Who should turn up but herself - with a mutual friend (girl). After ten mins I sheepishly went over to say hello, feeling hugely embarrassed now about the text message. Frankly, that night I got the cold shoulder - the odd sentence to me here and there, but no conversation, no friendliness and an empty-sounding "we should all get together this weekend", which of course I never got any contact if it did happen.

 

And the funny thing is, it turns out she didn't delete me from that IM at all - I just had some setting on. But either way she doesn't contact me anymore and I know she's leaving to go back home for Christmas this week.

 

But I don't feel any resentment towards her - even though I don't know why she suddenly stopped being friends. The last conversation we had was on IM, her calling me "sweetie", loads of those and wishing me a good night with an arrangement to talk the next day - an IM and two text messages (incl. above) later have all been unreplied. Perhaps she has a new boyfriend, perhaps her friends advised her this is what needs to be done, or perhaps she just doesn't want me in her life anymore. Who knows? Not me, and I'm not going to waste time finding out. I can control only my own reality and I want something different.

 

Truth is, whatever her reasons, she's not going to be the girl for me. Its true, there isn't just one person out there, there is an abundance of people to fall in love with. Credit where its due, that movie "The Secret" really helped me out so much. I now know what I want and how to feel good again.

 

So how's my life changing? I'm focusing on my studies (interested again in them), my health is great (just did my first 10k race in 46 mins - really really proud of myself) and I'm about to start my own business (got a great idea). And this good-looking acquaintance (girl) of mine told me how I seemed to be back to being confident again, and how she found that really attractive in me . She's got BF, but I have a good feeling that I'm going meet someone great soon.

 

I don't think I'll need to post on this thread again - maybe if something great happens to me, just to tie it up nicely. And it will probably provide some amusement some time in the future when I look back about the girl that first "got to me". It was some experience - there were times when I went days thinking of nothing but her, when it truly ached when she no longer called - but I'm glad I'm coming out of it, and I think a more positive, stronger and wiser person.

[Guest2]

I sometimes wish my friend would do the same but he wants us to stay friends and even tho we get into heated discussions because of this and he knows I find it hard not to be frustrated and i'm a right pain he will not let me move on. For two or three weeks I did manage to tune my feelings down and everything was idyllic. Our friendship is wonderful then. But the slightest thing and I get all lovey dovey again grrrrr.

 

 

"he will not let me move on" - you don't need his permission to move on.

 

Given the choice - he's always going to choose friendship over nothing.

After all it's not him that has to battle his feelings or his heart,it's an easy choice.

 

I've been there,really! and the "good pal" performances you have to put on eventually become exhausting.

 

Even when I was sure I felt nothing,old feelings suddenly resumed.It would be nice if were were able to just switch these things on and off but it does'nt happen i'm afraid.

 

Cut the cords while you still can.

[Arazi1982]

Well I kept up the NC (and that includes she didn't contact me either), although the optimistic nature of my last post was somewhat unfounded (some days were quite difficult). I had pretty much given up us being friends again - I was at a party recently and she was there but I didn't approach her nor her me.

 

I had sent some new year's messages to the other girls in the original group (still her friends) but apart from the usual responses, i wasn't getting contact there either. So that's that I thought. I even deleted her from IM.

 

However, couple of days ago, she IM'd saying (using "we") that thought I disappeared this year - I just said I was busy, to which the response was "that why you ditched us?", which I was none too impressed with, but ignored it.

 

The rest of the conversation was just normal pleasantries. I'm glad she contacted me as this means I don't have to worry about awkward moments when going out. Whether we'll ever be friends again, who knows.