masaki1085 Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 There is this girl that I dated about a year ago--I only dated her for 3 months. This girl had some very jaded views of romance and relationships; typically, any relationship she had ended in about three months because she gets really freaked out by the idea long-term commitment that a relationship may imply. Without analyzing too much, I think it had to do with many of the men she had dated prior to me. We had started dating in both our final semesters of school, as a 1-hour long distance relationship. She and I were both very busy with our tasks, but there was a point late in her semester where she got so caught up in her work that she stopped calling and did not have the time to meet up on a weekend every now and then. Needless to say, this put some strain on the relationship. About two weeks after school ended, I had the same issues contacting her or hanging out with her--it seemed like she was blowing me off any time I would want to get together. We had also had talks about relationships and her stances on them a few times up to this point. We had gotten together one last time before I broke up with her, where we grabbed some dinner and talked about our status. She wanted to take the status of our relationship down to casual dating, in order to make her feel more comfortable--she got freaked out by the semantics of calling what we had a relationship (keep in mind that she had no problems with this notion and was her suggestion in the beginning), but I was a rarity because I apparently was good enough to want to keep around to some extent. I hesistantly agreed, but dwelled upon it for a bit until I saw her next, when I said I just wanted to be friends. I think it was too hard for me to deal with someone who couldn't relax and just have a good time with me. Anyways, now that I've gotten all that out of my system, you'll be surprised (or will not be) at the next thing I say. After 10 months pass, I call her up and we hang out and talk over some drinks--just to catch up. And although I was the one who ended it before, I still felt something for her this night--I guess I am still interested in her it seems. Despite the bad spots that I described above, she is still a great girl, but I was not interested in the drama and frustration that came from what she suggested when I broke up with her. Whatever the case may be, I have been dwelling often on this since I saw her last week. It has been bothering me a little. My priorities have shifted since last year, and I haven't really been searching for a relationship because I have been working and saving heavily for more education, but this is not to say that I, myself, am not interested in the idea of casual dating. So I am asking some advice, because I am wondering how to approach this. She has expressed interest in hanging out from time to time, so I can take advantage of that to try and get to know her again. After thinking about this, I have come up with a couple possibilities: 1) Perhaps things would end up like last year again--so maybe just not follow this feeling and move-on. 2) Hang out with her as a friend, see if I still feel the way I do, and follow through with it if I do. I want to be honest with myself and her--If I hang out with her, I don't want to BS and be just "her friend" if I desire something more (I am mature enough to make my feelings known). But at the same time, is it worth pursuing this at all? I guess this is a choice I must make on my own, because only I know what is best for me. What would you do if you were in my shoes? What do you think I should do? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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