lovestruck234 Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 I went away to see friends on the weekend and while I was away my bf on 2 occasions did something that I wasn't too happy with... 1) I got a phone call from a friend who said he had just seen him (bf) in town with another guy friend, hanging out with a whole big bunch of girls...and he was apparently hanging his arm over 2 girls shoulders that were walking either side of him... 2) I found out off him that he had gone to the beach while I was away with the same guy friend, his gf, and another bunch of the girls' friends. At the beach. As in, girls parading around him in bikinis... This is probably my paranoia and jeaousy coming out but would anyone else be uncomfortable with these situations? Especially along with the fact that I was out of town for the weekend.... You know....while the cat is away the mouse shall play sort of situation... Does this give me a reason not to trust him? should I be reacting the way I am? Or should I talk to him about it? Or is it not that big of a deal and should I just leave it? It's just eating me up, that's all... Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 #2 doesn't sound wrong in and of itself but #1 doesn't sound right. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Sorry, love...your late-hours intimate talking and laughing with Buddy is a lot more to worry about than anything Rhys could have done in public with a bunch of gigglingn girls... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 Sorry, love...your late-hours intimate talking and laughing with Buddy is a lot more to worry about than anything Rhys could have done in public with a bunch of gigglingn girls... But Buddy and I have been friends since I was 12. Rhys didn't even know these girls.... I understand what I did was probably not the most honest thing, but NOTHING happened, we are JUST FRIENDS, we talked, laughed....things that FRIENDS do...that realy good friends do. Like I said, I could have thrown myself at him, i had a perfect opportunity to, but I didn't. I think it's unfair that I feel as though i am denied of good friends, just because they are guys... Ok, so I'm sounding a little hypocritical, but he spent the whole weekend with a RANDOM bunch of girls, going to the beach... My only issue is that he wouldn't do that sort of thing if I was there, but the fact that I had gone away for the weekend, he decides to "play up", if you look at it in that repsect. I just feel as though every time I go away for a weekend, maybe ONE day, his inhibitions will go soaring out the window... Link to post Share on other sites
hugznkisses21 Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 norajane I agree.... Maybe your own good time on the weekend is making you insecure about what he is doing when u are away.... At the same time - u need someone more like buddy in your life that Rhys Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 I understand what I did was probably not the most honest thing, but NOTHING happened, we are JUST FRIENDS, we talked, laughed....things that FRIENDS do...that realy good friends do. Like I said, I could have thrown myself at him, i had a perfect opportunity to, but I didn't. I'm not buying that bridge you're selling... He kept saying "I should go" but deep down, I didn't want him to go. We ended up laying on the grass next....lol. WE were laying next to each other looking at each other. Lol, I felt stoned cos I was laughing so much!! He put his hand on mine that was laying on the grass. Then he pulled away. I didn't make any moves or anything, I was just laying there.... ...Rhys was just the same at the start... You can deny it all you want, but you and Buddy were NOT being "just friends". You didn't feel stoned because you were laughing so hard. You felt stoned because you were...really, really enjoying the high you got being with Buddy. And I'll be you that bridge and raise you a swamp that Rhys wouldn't see what you and Buddy did as being harmless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 norajane I agree.... Maybe your own good time on the weekend is making you insecure about what he is doing when u are away.... At the same time - u need someone more like buddy in your life that Rhys It's just, he has done this before... That is my only issue. The fact that he does stuff that he wouldn't normally do if I was around... *sigh*....I think it's a little different if you're just hanging out with someone you've grown up with for a few hours, rather than hanging out with a bunch of skanky girls he didn't even know for well over 24 hrs... Sorry about the bitterness. I am just, I'm not having a good day today... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 I'm not buying that bridge you're selling... You can deny it all you want, but you and Buddy were NOT being "just friends". You didn't feel stoned because you were laughing so hard. You felt stoned because you were...really, really enjoying the high you got being with Buddy. And I'll be you that bridge and raise you a swamp that Rhys wouldn't see what you and Buddy did as being harmless. *sigh* NORAJANE! No. I don't have feelings for Buddy. We are just friends. I get that high when I'm hanging around people of whom I enjoy their company, this same rule can apply for girls as well...*gasp*... So it's ok for Rhys to go to endurance rides with my sister and sleep in the same tent as her? AS well as the other girls at the endurance ride? That's ok is it? And it's ok for him to go out and visit his friends sister while he's going on a motorbike ride? And it's ok for him to go motorbike riding with her? All of that is ok? Acceptable? Ha, geeez, I MUST be bitter about all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Well in my experience when your in a serious relationship you gotta watch your friends no matter how long you've known them. If you both want to have friends of the opposite sex, you both need to be well aquainted with these friends and if one person feels uncomfortable, the other person should make whatever decision that needs to be made so the relationship doesn't start going downhill. You and your boyfriend and your male friend should go hang out often just to make sure things are on the up and up. Cool! Cya Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 So it's ok for Rhys to go to endurance rides with my sister and sleep in the same tent as her? AS well as the other girls at the endurance ride? That's ok is it? And it's ok for him to go out and visit his friends sister while he's going on a motorbike ride? And it's ok for him to go motorbike riding with her? All of that is ok? Acceptable? It's acceptable if you trust him. If you don't trust him, then for him to go to the corner store for some milk is unacceptable, isn't it? The girl behind the counter might be cute, or he might meet someone in the dairy aisle, or the police officer giving him a parking ticket might be hot or... Trust. Either it's there and sustains you, or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 It's acceptable if you trust him. If you don't trust him, then for him to go to the corner store for some milk is unacceptable, isn't it? The girl behind the counter might be cute, or he might meet someone in the dairy aisle, or the police officer giving him a parking ticket might be hot or... Trust. Either it's there and sustains you, or not. Okay, okay I understand what your saying, but obviously...that's a little extreme about him going to the shops... Of course....I trust him. Well, atleast I think I do. If I trusted him, this wouldn't bother me, would it? *sigh*... Neither him nor I have done anything to one another to make us not trust each other.... I am so unhealthingly insecure it's not even funny. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 I went away to see friends on the weekend and while I was away my bf on 2 occasions did something that I wasn't too happy with...... does he have anyone spying on you while you're away L234??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 does he have anyone spying on you while you're away L234??? WTF? Who said anything about spying? I happened to have a friend who saw him in town and he gave me a quick ring to let me know, but I don't send out people to "spy" on him while I'm away.' You're obviously missing the whole point here, alpha. Re-read post. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 You're obviously missing the whole point here, alpha. no I'm not... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 Well either that, or I have NO IDEA what you're on about... Yes, OK, I ADMIT IT, I don't trust him when I'm not around, it drives me crazy....is that what you're trying to say? My lack of trust is driving me to over-obsess about things like this? Yes, I'm insecure, yes I'm self-concious, yes, it's perfectly clear I have issues. Don't know what else you want me to say. Do you want me to admit that I'm in the wrong? Cos I don't think I am. I will stress and say it again, my issus here is the fact that most, if not every time I go away for the weekend, I come back and hear stories like this. I am worried that ONE day, MAYBE he will just go one step further. I think we need to realise here that if the shoe was on the other foot, what would have happened by now. He most likely would have come out with lines like "I will never trust you again" etc... Oh, and the Buddy thing, if that's what you're talking about as well. I have GROWN UP WITH THIS BOY. WE used to play trucks together when we were young. We know everything about each other. The fact that I needed someone to talk to, someone who would listen....I didn't know that talking to good friend was such a crime? My gf's don't listen when I talk to them, I'm wasting my breath with them, that's why I prefer to chat with the boys. Hell, call me a slag for being like that, but I find it easier... Maybe I AM looking for comfort within another boy? Sun-conciously. Maybe I am. Maybe because that's what I'm lacking in the f*cked-up situation I'm in now. Sorry for being human. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Yes, OK, I ADMIT IT, I don't trust him when I'm not around, it drives me crazy....is that what you're trying to say? My lack of trust is driving me to over-obsess about things like this?. basically....yes Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 I will stress and say it again, my issus here is the fact that most, if not every time I go away for the weekend, I come back and hear stories like this. Well, not to put more thoughts in your head, but it's unlikely that you hear about everything that happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 That's messed up. Although it seems like he should be able to be free to hang out with his friend and members of the opposite sex, he shouldn't. Only because HE HAD HIS ARMS AROUND 2 GIRLS. That is so flirtatious. If he's that shameless then he will probably cheat on you. I'm giving it to you raw but it's what I really think. My boyfriend would NEVER do that. If he wouldn't do that right in front of you then he knows that he shouldn't be doing it or that you wouldn't like it. Break up with him. There are so many loyal wonderful guys out there. If you can't trust him then your relationship will not be enjoyable- it will be extremely stressful. Sara Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 but it's unlikely that you hear about everything that happens. I doubt it....L234 has "operatives" all over the place. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 I wouldn't be comfortable with any of it. I mean especially if my mother was sick. My focus would be on her and not on my abusive boyfriend...but that's just me. Why don't you just tell him that you need a break to concentrate on your family now? Also, in my view, there's much more of a chance of something blossoming between two people who have had such a long friendship than with some strangers on a beach. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 I doubt it....L234 has "operatives" all over the place. Please leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 I wouldn't be comfortable with any of it. I mean especially if my mother was sick. My focus would be on her and not on my abusive boyfriend...but that's just me. Why don't you just tell him that you need a break to concentrate on your family now? Also, in my view, there's much more of a chance of something blossoming between two people who have had such a long friendship than with some strangers on a beach. Yeah, ok Touche... I knew I shouldn't have started this thread anyway. I would have got nothing but remarks like this. I AM COMPLETELY AWARE THAT MY MUM IS SICK. But thank you ONCE AGAIN, for reminding me.... I am trying to balance it all out, with Rhys as well as mum, as well as everything...it's surprizingly easy believe it or not! (Yeah, and THAT'S why I am on here looking for help, cos I have my life sorted! Pfft.) It's obvious I have things that need sorting out. Thanks for pointing that out to me... Well, look at it this way, now you can go and give some of your advice to someone else cos you won't have to see me around here anymore. I am leaving LoveShack. See ya 'round. Link to post Share on other sites
insomnie Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Aw, don't leave, Lovestruck! I must admit your thread seemed to be particularly full of completely unhelpful and purposely insensitive remarks ...but I think everyone's just frustrated because it is so obvious (from your posts, at least) that your bf is bad for you. You are blinded by love, infatuation, and inexperience, and that makes it really hard to see the light and leave...but 1. he is abusive and 2. he doens't give much consideration to your feelings. Sure, maybe you have some trust issues... but I think they stem from the way he treats you and not from your inherent insecurities. If he ACTED like he loved you 100% of the time (and someone who loves you is NOT capable of being abusive and DOES take your feelings into serious consideration), I don't think you would be feeling so insecure every time he was around any girls. But the fact is, he's being a jerk overall. That's the big issue, I think. The lack of trust from your side is just a symptom of your insecure feelings about HIS feelings, although if I were in your position and my bf ran off to the beach while I was out of town I'd be pissed too. Please consider taking a break from him. At the very least, please consider the possibility that he is NOT the only one for you, that life will not end if it doens't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Flyin in Clouds Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 *sigh* NORAJANE! No. I don't have feelings for Buddy. We are just friends. Why are women so fricking dumb? Men are not "just friends" with women. Men are always hoping for more or FWB as the new euphemism for casual sex. Just because you don't have feelings for him doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for you. So it's ok for Rhys to go to endurance rides with my sister and sleep in the same tent as her? AS well as the other girls at the endurance ride? That's ok is it? And it's ok for him to go out and visit his friends sister while he's going on a motorbike ride? And it's ok for him to go motorbike riding with her? All of that is ok? Acceptable? ... No, not if it makes you uncomfortable. And if Rhys doesn't care about you and Buddy... OK. But if he knew all about it (I take it he doesn't and I sure haven't read your whole story.) and he was uncomfortable with that relationship what would you do about it? I have GROWN UP WITH THIS BOY. WE used to play trucks together when we were young. We know everything about each other. The fact that I needed someone to talk to, someone who would listen....I didn't know that talking to good friend was such a crime? Who's Buddy's girlfriend? Or is he one of those "It's OK, cause I'm gay" guys? If he's unattached ... My boyfriend would NEVER do that.I would never do that either - put my arms around other women when I had a committed relationship. Well, except at the Christmas party under the mistletoe. I doubt it....L234 has "operatives" all over the place. does she know where bin Laden is? L234, you hear these stories when you're out of town. Does your guy ever tell you about them? If he doesn't that's a problem. If he says yeah I was hanging with joe, his girl and these other women... that's different than not telling you. And yes, he needs to be telling you those things, as you need to tell him about your relationship and talks with Buddy, because that's what a relationship is. You owe each other disclosure of what is going on in your lives that can affect the other person. I know for sure that if my wife had guys hanging on her when I wasn't around I'd be pissed. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Well... maybe LoveStruck is a little pissed off at hte fact that Rhy's called her up and implied he didn't trust her not to cheat on him bright and early saturday morning.... And not but a few hours later, she hears how he's huggin up on a bunch of scampily clad women. Link to post Share on other sites
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