He wanted me but I didnt want him...But I've changed my mind! Arghhh

[megs_star]

Hi everyone,

 

I would really appreciate some help on this one.

I met a guy and we had a great connection and we went out once but I couldnt be with him as I was getting over my Ex.

He was extremely persistant but I told him we could only be friends and he surprisingly agreed and we have remained close.

But our friendship has been not normal - as in we regularly have phone sex - about once a week. He has always pushed me to be more open but I made it hard for him.

 

Anyway it's 3 months since we met and he is starting to ask out other girls. I am jealous and have realised for awhile that I have missed out on a great guy and wish I didnt take so long getting over my Ex.

He has picked up on my jealousy when he talks about other girls and doesn't understand it since we are only supposed to be friends. He kinda gets a kick out of it at the same time. He also said to me in a kind but frustrated way, "But you have conditioned me to only think of you as a friend".

He is right unfortunately.

 

Now this weekend I have the house to myself and have asked him over. He said yes and we both flirted with the idea of sleeping together and told him that I did think about it. I always told him I was just interested in him physically so he thinks we are going to sleep together.

 

ARGGhhh....I don't know what to do.

I feel that I shouldn't sleep with him if we are not in a relationship cause then there would be no hope for one in the future?

Should I tell him before he comes over that it's not about sex but about spending time together? Or should I just leave it and be flirty and bring it up on the night that I am interested in more - that I would like us to see eachother properly. Or say something on the phone first?

 

Just Don't Know what to do :-(

Megs

[Ssheena]

1) unless I'm really old fashioned, friends do not have phone sex once a week. You are cheapening yourself by doing this with him - I'm saying this as I assume it was his idea?

2) What do you want with him? Do you want a committed relationship? Are you over your x now?

3) Do you maybe have somewhere in your mind the idea that he is only interested in getting you into bed? Why was he so persistant earlier? What was he trying to talk you into? Just going out?

4) It seems to me, as I have done this myself before, that you are trying to keep his interest in you by offering him sex. Your parents are out of town and you are asking him over and flirting around the idea that you two can be together? There's a word for that, sweetie.

 

Figure out what you want from this "relationship" and if he is on the same page as you. If he doesn't want the same thing as you, do not have him over. You have set him up with high expectations that he will get laid this weekend without any sort of obligation to you. As a matter of fact, he's already getting his rocks off with you on the phone. What exactly are YOU getting out of this? A guy that respects you? A guy that wants to be with just you and get to know you and spend time with you? I don't think so. He is using you for his own pleasure. Wise up.

This is exactly the situation where girls like you end up getting raped. Do NOT let him come over to your house.

[megs_star]

1) unless I'm really old fashioned, friends do not have phone sex once a week. You are cheapening yourself by doing this with him - I'm saying this as I assume it was his idea?

 

It's just something thats happened - it's unusual for me and he knows that but it's very respectful.

 

2) What do you want with him? Do you want a committed relationship? Are you over your x now?

 

Yes, I was stuck before which is why I was honest and couldn't go out with him.

 

3) Do you maybe have somewhere in your mind the idea that he is only interested in getting you into bed? Why was he so persistant earlier? What was he trying to talk you into? Just going out?

 

He said he saw something different in me but the timing wasn't right for me. He was interested in a relationship

 

4) It seems to me, as I have done this myself before, that you are trying to keep his interest in you by offering him sex. Your parents are out of town and you are asking him over and flirting around the idea that you two can be together? There's a word for that, sweetie.

 

Haha which word. We are friends with benefits you might say at the moment which was my decision. I would of been happy with just that before with him but now I know I want a relationship and not to have sex outside a relationship.

 

Figure out what you want from this "relationship" and if he is on the same page as you. If he doesn't want the same thing as you, do not have him over. You have set him up with high expectations that he will get laid this weekend without any sort of obligation to you. As a matter of fact, he's already getting his rocks off with you on the phone. What exactly are YOU getting out of this? A guy that respects you? A guy that wants to be with just you and get to know you and spend time with you? I don't think so. He is using you for his own pleasure. Wise up.

This is exactly the situation where girls like you end up getting raped. Do NOT let him come over to your house.

 

 

I am going to speak to him before friday and tell him I got carried away and don't want him to come over for that reason and that I have invited him in order for us to spend time together.

I'll see what he says.

He is a lovely respectful guy and Rape isnt what Im worried about.

I want to do things the right way and have changed my mind and am interested in being in a relationship but Im not sure if it's too late.

[tdmce]

If you are serious about having a relationship, definitely don't sleep with him for awhile.

 

It's funny how girls want what they can't have, I see it time and time again

 

You definitely have a chance still with him, let him know you are keen and then put the ball into his court and watch his actions not his words.

 

Good luck