Still Being Strong

[Chapter2]

I love it!

 

Every few weeks when I have nothing much to do, I come back here to see how the OWs are doing. How appropriate that I have come back today to see this.

 

NoIDidnt - I am astounded at your attack on WA! So much so that I went back and perused through some of your prior posts and threads and came upon this:

 

A response from WA to you:

 

I think some OW respond defensively is because they have a God given conscience and it is hammering them with guilt. They may not be aware of the guilt because of the other overriding feelings that they are feeling, but it is there, nevertheless.

 

Plus, so often, the relationship is discounted as an addiction. Some are, perhaps, but I believe that others are true romantic relationships that are laden with moral and ethical barriers.

 

These relationships aren't right, but the feelings that these OW feel are REAL. And, it hurts to have someone constantly remind you that your MM is "using" you or "cake eating" or any other comments that are perceived as bashing.

 

Yes, the OW bleeds. She bleeds deeply. I was one of them.

 

Even we, the OW, don't like to be kicked when we are down. Most KNOW they are in a mess....they just can't find their way out because it is difficult to walk away from a relationship when both parties still care for each other.

 

And, yes, there is defensiveness.

 

I think they are defending their FEELINGS for the MM more than the relationship.

 

Just my take.

 

But, you have made a good point.

 

WA

 

AND YOUR RESPONSE:

 

I have seen threads from the OW that want to know why they can't feel *safe* here. Unfortunately, with this being the internet and open to whomever wants to post as Guests, that level of safety simply does not exist.

 

WA, your post was really good. Thank you.

 

So I ask you this: Are you Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde today? For one, you complimented WA and then you became what you abhor about posters!

 

WA is my very good friend. In fact, she is the first person who PM'd me in support and to be strong when I posted my story and was attacked.

 

I have no idea why you suddenly feel the need to attack her. Do you know her story? Do you know how she was sucked into an A without her knowledge? Do you know that the MM also sucked her children in? Do you know that her world crumbled around her and shattered her faith in men? Her circumstance was far more hurtful than my own.

 

I know for a fact that she has been doing the work to get over what happened to her. I have been there every step of the way. I know for a fact that she did not go back to her MM! Where is that statement coming from? Because she became a member of a private board of friends? You know not of what you speak!

 

And now you discount her support for Freedom Now!!!!!!!

 

I know nothing of you or your circumstance, but you should get your facts straight before you start slandering other people with false accusations!

 

To Freedom Now, I assure you, WA has never guarded her strength. She has been human and as I said before, has done all the work while going through a very difficult time. I don't know your whole story but I hope you learn from her strength as well as those who have been here before you and I wish you well.

 

And to all of the other OWs, I will say again. It is possible to come out the other side and be happy with someone who loves you and values your worth and shows you everyday how wonderful you are. But that can only happen when you love yourself enough to allow it to happen. I am living proof.

 

MO

[ahotmess]

MO.....so good to see you online today! You may not remember, but you reached out to me:)

 

FN....we early NC folks are in this together. Let us be empowered. Taking things one day at a time. We can and will get through. My other attempts at NC have failed because I never "felt" like it was time. I wasn't ready. But now I am......finally.

[NoIDidn't]

Whoa folks!!! I made a mistake. I confused her with another poster.

 

You guys have incredibly THIN SKIN if me saying that she wasn't strong enough to stay away from him (by mistake, I admit) is an attack. Seriously. Get a grip. Like I said to BTDT, I have been there myself (not with a married guy, but still). Geesh!!! Can't even make an innocent mistake around an OW without getting your head cut off!

 

Walking Away, I did cross you with someone else. And I do apologize.

 

Movingon05 - I really don't know what to say to you other than to read the above. That you could read so much into so little that was posted is unbelievable. Slander? LOL. Thanks.

[Freedom Now]

The OW, from what I can see, get attacked for what they DO do. It is unacceptable to get accused of something they did NOT do. Especially something as insulting as going back to the MM in Walking Away's situation. She has held herself with the utmost of dignity and should be commended for that. I know that I respect her strength and dignity.

 

I do not consider it being thin skinned. NO ONE likes to be accused of something they are not guilty of...OW or not. And, personally, I find it wonderful that they stick together. That is what friends are for. There is alot of pain on these boards and you have hurt a fellow human being who surfaced on LS to help and support me.

 

It isn't an OW defending an OW thing.....it is friends defending a friend. There is no distinction between OW and other people. We all bleed when cut. And Walking Away has been cut.

[NoIDidn't]

The OW, from what I can see, get attacked for what they DO do. It is unacceptable to get accused of something they did NOT do. Especially something as insulting as going back to the MM in Walking Away's situation. She has held herself with the utmost of dignity and should be commended for that. I know that I respect her strength and dignity.

 

I do not consider it being thin skinned. NO ONE likes to be accused of something they are not guilty of...OW or not. And, personally, I find it wonderful that they stick together. That is what friends are for. There is alot of pain on these boards and you have hurt a fellow human being who surfaced on LS to help and support me.

 

It isn't an OW defending an OW thing.....it is friends defending a friend. There is no distinction between OW and other people. We all bleed when cut. And Walking Away has been cut.

 

I have already apologized and don't feel the need to do it to your satisfaction. What I did was indeed a mistake. OW or not, when folks admit to an unintentional mistake, it is inappropriate to continue to cry foul. And I do consider it thin skinned, especially when reparation has been made. I remembered an argument with WA and another poster with one of them claiming that the other went back to MM. I didn't re-read to ensure that I was correct before I posted. I still feel that you are strong in what you have done, but now you are just using the safety in numbers approach really misappropriating that strength. I am not your enemy or anyone else's here for that matter. But I don't run away when my actions (or posts LOL) cause a ruckus.

 

Sorry for all the distraction I caused in your thread, BTDT.

[Freedom Now]

I do not see you as an enemy. Just stating my opinion, that is all.

[BenThereDunThat]

No worries, NID. I know who you were thinking of and I admit I get posters mixed up a lot of times too.

 

WA and MO - it was good to hear from you. You were both practically my lifeline when I was in the throes of my mess. I'm so happy to hear you're both still doing so well.

 

Please continue to check in and throw in an encouraging word!

[alphamale]

meet local sluts tonite!

[BenThereDunThat]

meet local sluts tonite!

 

I know, what was that all about?! I wonder what's taking so long for the mods to notice it....

[movinon05]

Whoa folks!!! I made a mistake. I confused her with another poster.

 

You guys have incredibly THIN SKIN if me saying that she wasn't strong enough to stay away from him (by mistake, I admit) is an attack. Seriously. Get a grip. Like I said to BTDT, I have been there myself (not with a married guy, but still). Geesh!!! Can't even make an innocent mistake around an OW without getting your head cut off!

 

Walking Away, I did cross you with someone else. And I do apologize.

 

Movingon05 - I really don't know what to say to you other than to read the above. That you could read so much into so little that was posted is unbelievable. Slander? LOL. Thanks.

 

When there are so many posters with so many stories, it is easy to confuse. Which is why, when I used to post here, I would make sure I knew who I was talking about when I said something. Your mistake was acknowledged which certainly helps. But until that mistake is acknowledged, there are those of us who are going to stand up for the people who are hurt. Given what WA went through, I was compelled to make sure that her support for someone was not thrown away by false accusations. I wish you well.

[Guest]

No worries, NID. I know who you were thinking of and I admit I get posters mixed up a lot of times too.

 

WA and MO - it was good to hear from you. You were both practically my lifeline when I was in the throes of my mess. I'm so happy to hear you're both still doing so well.

 

Please continue to check in and throw in an encouraging word!

 

For a final time, I will post since I have been the source of quite a ruckus. NoIDidn't....thank you for your apology. I pray that my MM has given up hope on trying to find me here on LS and that my post today as WA went undetected. In order to walk away from him, I have had to cut off all contact. And to my dismay, the NC encompassed LS. I found tremendous support and strength from the posters here. But, it wouldn't do for him to have access to my thoughts and feelings. He simply was not going to be allowed access to my mind. Hence, my disappearance from LS.

 

I miss you all and hope for the best for everyone.

 

Freedom...thank you. I see myself in you. And, yes, I did get hurt this afternoon. And, I stepped out of my safety net of anonymity to defend myself. I hope it wasn't a mistake. I tend to defend myself and my beliefs vehemently, as I see you do also. And for your support of my strength, I thank you.

 

To Movinon and Chapter2, I appreciate all the support and love. You guys are my rock.

 

BTDT....great to see you are doing well. Keep up the strong work. You are a strong woman. Stick to your guns.

 

Perhaps when things are settled and done forever with my xMM, I can post freely again. Until then, I watch you all and support you quietly from the sidelines.

 

WA

[lovernotafighter]

No worries, NID. I know who you were thinking of and I admit I get posters mixed up a lot of times too.

perhaps she was thinking of me...I dunno ,I broke with MM 6 times now..yuck! (chapter 2 how could I not know you...your post about your break ups could have been written by me!! woah..amazing, nice to meet you LNF here )

 

WA and MO have been my rock many many times! I love these amazing women and wonderful friends!

[PoshPrincess]

For a final time, I will post since I have been the source of quite a ruckus. NoIDidn't....thank you for your apology. I pray that my MM has given up hope on trying to find me here on LS and that my post today as WA went undetected. In order to walk away from him, I have had to cut off all contact. And to my dismay, the NC encompassed LS. I found tremendous support and strength from the posters here. But, it wouldn't do for him to have access to my thoughts and feelings. He simply was not going to be allowed access to my mind. Hence, my disappearance from LS.

 

I miss you all and hope for the best for everyone.

 

Freedom...thank you. I see myself in you. And, yes, I did get hurt this afternoon. And, I stepped out of my safety net of anonymity to defend myself. I hope it wasn't a mistake. I tend to defend myself and my beliefs vehemently, as I see you do also. And for your support of my strength, I thank you.

 

To Movinon and Chapter2, I appreciate all the support and love. You guys are my rock.

 

BTDT....great to see you are doing well. Keep up the strong work. You are a strong woman. Stick to your guns.

 

Perhaps when things are settled and done forever with my xMM, I can post freely again. Until then, I watch you all and support you quietly from the sidelines.

 

WA

 

All the best WA, you are such a strong person. I hope I can get as far as you have. You know where we all are if you ever need us but seems like you are doing good! Keep it up.

[BenThereDunThat]

I'm a little buzzed, so bear with me here. I have to get it out and will not send him an email.

 

By the way, I miscalculated. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks, not 3.

 

Know how I said time and distance helps you get a clearer head, helps you see things for the way they REALLY were, not just the fantasy you were caught up in?

 

This is part of that process. As everything becomes more clear, I find I'm getting pissed again. Following is what I want to say to him, but won't because I don't want to give him the attention or satisfaction.

 

Dear Fathead,

 

I get it now. I've been watching, seeing, thinking, putting pieces together. Pieces of what you've told me about your life, pieces I've seen for myself, pieces I've picked up from others.

 

You were raised a good Christian boy. You married a good Christian girl. Life has been just fine. But, unfortunately, you have enough of your rebel dad in you that you have a secret side. A side you've been raised to believe is "dirty."

 

You can't do these "dirty" (so you think) things with your good, Christian wife now can you? So what is a successful boy to do? I know! Find that missing puzzle piece with someone you were raised to not have any respect for. After all, according to your mother and her parents, these are just throw-away kind of people.

 

BUT, and here's the kicker, you just don't have it in you to have a "dirty" fling. If you convince yourself, and her, that there really is LOVE there, well, then, your God will be a little more forgiving of that and maybe you can sleep a little better at night.

 

Meanwhile, you will continue to live your life, do things with your wife, travel, have a social life, have friends that the "dirty" secret is not allowed to be a part of because, GOSH, what could she be so upset about?? You told her that you LOVE her! You are constantly telling her you UNDERSTAND. What more could she want? If I tell her this isn't really just me getting my rocks off, why can't that be enough? MAN! Poor me. She just doesn't get it.

 

Well, fathead, good luck with all that. There are plenty throw-aways out there for you to pick and choose from. Have at it.

 

Sincerely,

BTDT

[Jane Doe]

Great letter!!!!

[BenThereDunThat]

Great letter!!!!

 

Thanks....arghhh...I'm DYING to send it to him but I know that my continued silence speaks more than that letter ever could.

[lovernotafighter]

haha! nice letter BTDT! but definatly don't send it..it will tell him you are spending way to much time thinking about him and he totally doesn't deserve any attention from you..

[BenThereDunThat]

haha! nice letter BTDT! but definatly don't send it..it will tell him you are spending way to much time thinking about him and he totally doesn't deserve any attention from you..

 

LMAO - thanks LNF. I was a little bit buzzed when I wrote that! It just tells me that I've been thinking about him too much though. Definitely will NOT send to him.

[Freedom Now]

Silence speaks volumes.

 

Remember that, BTDT.

 

[BenThereDunThat]

Silence speaks volumes.

 

Remember that, BTDT.

 

 

Absolutely! Believe me, I won't forget.

[Freedom Now]

 

I know you won't.

[BenThereDunThat]

Yes, I'm still being strong. No problem there.

 

I just don't want anyone to think that it's easy. That I just decided that I'm just gonna be over him and 'poof' that's that.

 

I'm just saying this because it's a CHOICE. I have so many weak moments. But I CHOOSE to be over him. I CHOOSE to be above him.

 

If I can do it, with him staring me down every chance he gets, YOU can do it.

 

You don't think that I want to email him, right now even, knowing that once I do that it will open a dialogue that will pave the way to us getting back together? Because I do. All the time, I do.

 

But I KNOW better. If I don't look out for me, who will?

 

This is part rant, part me trying to help you all out.

 

F**k a bunch of that -- we are all better, and we deserve better.

[Freedom Now]

My sentiments exactly.

 

We do deserve so much better. We are better than these relationships.

 

And with each day we are getting stronger and more resolved to stay the path.

 

Keep going in the right direction BTDT. I am right there with you.

[BenThereDunThat]

Thanks, FN, 5 weeks this Friday. Someday the time will come that I won't even have to count.

 

I turned a corner today, and there he was. He just looks at me. Even when I look away, I can still tell that he stares at me. WHY?? Does he think that I'll return his gaze and melt or something?

 

What he doesn't get is that the more he does that, the more pissed I get. The more pissed I get, the more I'm liable to do something that could be not so good for him.

 

If he would just go away, all would be fine. But if he wants to continue to be in my line of sight, well, then, I just don't know.