In love with my boss

[Guest]

I've just been offered a position with a new company, and I thought I would be happy - that after all the CV and interview and no response hassle, that I should be soooo happy to have been offered just what I was looking for in my statement.

 

But when I came home, there was this unbelievable sadness and horror. Because I've been offered a new full time job, so there will be no time for me to do contract work with my old boss, who I love dearly. I only left his office because he made me very angry and broke some promises, which when I got over being furious realized were ultimately out of his control (the other partners didn't agree with what he had promised me)

 

Sometimes I feel like I hate him for lying about that, then I remember all the times we used to spend laughing in the kitchen, and the times he told me he needed me and relied on me, and confided in me, and about his brother struggling with alcoholism, and his unhappiness with the other partners, I just choke up thinking how much I want to call him and go to his office and give him a big hug, feel his arms around me again, and if I could go back to the days when we were happy together and kidding around, there is nothing in the world I wouldn't give to go back to that time.

 

I hate this. Because I know a story of a similar woman in the same firm, she quit in a huff (the place gets to people eventually, no doubt) and couldn't find a job and came back and they said no, then a few months later she started begging and finally they agreed to bring her back. And they always talked about her with such condescension, that I knew I never wanted to be in that situation.

 

So I'm not like that, I'm not begging, I've found a new job and don't need them. BUT I do! I need him.

 

That's the problem. I don't care about this new job. It pays better. But I've realized I'm in love with my boss, and have been for a long time, all that anger was just a mask. The thought of giving him up for good, never having time to see him in exchange for a better paycheck rips at my chest and I just want to burst out crying.