herenow Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 FOR YOUR INFORMATION, YOUSAVEME & I ARE FRIENDS OUTSIDE OF THIS FORUM! I AM PART OF HER SUPPORT SYSTEM. HEALTH WISE & OTHERWISE. Good, I'm glad you have each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 Changing my appt. I've decided im not going to make him stress about me , if he is with his stepdad. And i'm not going to have him stress about his stepdad if he is with me. That way he can be at both if he wants... Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Yousaveme, Can I say something? Not that you want to hear it. I don't believe that both appts are on the same day. You have changed your appt now to accommodate HIM, what about YOU? When your new appt date comes up, don't be surprised when he can't come. I can here the excuses now: 1. my stepdad has a follow up, wouldn't you believe it 2. Can't get away from work 3. etc, etc, etc, ad nausea!!!! (I know its ad naseum, don't know the spelling) And for your information, this IS support. You are being lied to and manipulated to stay on the side. This guy has NO respect for you. Hopefully when this is all over you will still have some left for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
reneet Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Look out. Someone claims to be giving you support in the same breath that they are putting you down. You can email me if you need to blow your top on somebody here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 Yousaveme, Can I say something? Not that you want to hear it. I don't believe that both appts are on the same day. You have changed your appt now to accommodate HIM, what about YOU? When your new appt date comes up, don't be surprised when he can't come. I can here the excuses now: 1. my stepdad has a follow up, wouldn't you believe it 2. Can't get away from work 3. etc, etc, etc, ad nausea!!!! (I know its ad naseum, don't know the spelling) And for your information, this IS support. You are being lied to and manipulated to stay on the side. This guy has NO respect for you. Hopefully when this is all over you will still have some left for yourself. For your information his stepdad's appt was in Dec, there was an opening and he took it. to get it over and done with. as for my appt it was set and its just routine. He doesnt have to be there so there is no need for an excuse because if you really read my thread you would have read i didnt want him to go. I wanted him to go with his stepdad. Im not being manipulated if he wanted to work thing out and be with his wife i told him to do that. The marriage is over, its for the best of the kids at the moment. THE MARRIAGE WAS OVER BEFORE ME... Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 yousaveme, I don't know you or you MM, so obviously I don't know if this is your situation, but I know this was the case with my H. So here goes: some MM have a need to be needed. By changing your appt so that he can be with you, you are feeding his need. You say he would be stressed if he wasn't there. The fact is, he is not committed to you, he is married. He would be stressed if he wasn't there and you realized you don't need him there. It's all about him and his feelings. He needs you to need him and if you were to be dependent and on your own at the doctors office it would stress him out. You are his damsel in distress and he needs you to depend on him. If he was so concerned with your health, he would be with you in more ways than attending a doctors appointment. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 Is it because he is still with me that annoys you? Even after getting caught... Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Is it because he is still with me that annoys you? Even after getting caught... Are you talking to me? Because, I'm not annoyed at all. I'm just sharing another possible reason why he would be stressed about a routine doctors visit. You don't seem stressed about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 yousaveme, I don't know you or you MM, so obviously I don't know if this is your situation, but I know this was the case with my H. So here goes: some MM have a need to be needed. By changing your appt so that he can be with you, you are feeding his need. You say he would be stressed if he wasn't there. The fact is, he is not committed to you, he is married. He would be stressed if he wasn't there and you realized you don't need him there. It's all about him and his feelings. He needs you to need him and if you were to be dependent and on your own at the doctors office it would stress him out. You are his damsel in distress and he needs you to depend on him. If he was so concerned with your health, he would be with you in more ways than attending a doctors appointment. Just a thought. Just to let you know he is here more ways than attending doctors appts. I just think his focus on Monday should be on his stepdad. My appt is routine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 Are you talking to me? Because, I'm not annoyed at all. I'm just sharing another possible reason why he would be stressed about a routine doctors visit. You don't seem stressed about it. No sorry, that wasnt directed to you...Im not stressed about the appt its routine. Thats how he is , he worries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 By the way she ( the W ) knows and has even admitted the marriage is over. Its just an act for the kids at the moment. She knows how he feels about me and knows it hasnt gone away.... Link to post Share on other sites
reneet Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 By the way she ( the W ) knows and has even admitted the marriage is over. Its just an act for the kids at the moment. She knows how he feels about me and knows it hasnt gone away.... :) :) :) Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 By the way she ( the W ) knows and has even admitted the marriage is over. Its just an act for the kids at the moment. She knows how he feels about me and knows it hasnt gone away.... Just a warning about staying for the kids. That is the oldest excuse in the book. I believe that he loves his kids, but the truth is when someone loves you and wants to be with you, they will always find a way. I know, I originally said that I was staying for the kids, but after time I realized, I'm staying for myself. MM say, "Oh, I will leave when_____goes to college" and then that time comes and then it's "I can't do it now, but soon I promise" and before you know it, you have spent years and years waiting for something that will never happen. You can't get those years back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 Just a warning about staying for the kids. That is the oldest excuse in the book. I believe that he loves his kids, but the truth is when someone loves you and wants to be with you, they will always find a way. I know, I originally said that I was staying for the kids, but after time I realized, I'm staying for myself. MM say, "Oh, I will leave when_____goes to college" and then that time comes and then it's "I can't do it now, but soon I promise" and before you know it, you have spent years and years waiting for something that will never happen. You can't get those years back. I do understand that..But i dont believe this is the case. Since like i said the marriage was over on both parties before me. They have discussed divorce before. neither of them are happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 So basically you dont trust your husband even though you have said you have a great marriage..HMMMM....If it is so great why is he looking else where? Something isnt that great about it. Sounds like you were second best since he decided to be with someone else before you and misses them. Maybe the betrayed wife is seeing someone else also? Maybe she's going on vacation to be with someone else? We'll just never know... Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 I do understand that..But i dont believe this is the case. Since like i said the marriage was over on both parties before me. They have discussed divorce before. neither of them are happy. So, you say you were caught. That means he wasn't open with his W about you in the first place. If their marriage was over, why did he keep you a secret? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 So, you say you were caught. That means he wasn't open with his W about you in the first place. If their marriage was over, why did he keep you a secret? No they do not have an open marriage. Yes he was caught. She told him to workout it for the kids for the time being then they will do what they need to do. This is also when alot of issues in their marriage came out that was no longer about them , but they are just together for the kids. She knows he loves me, she told him she knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 What's you're major malfunction? Said the cowardly lion! Ha! Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Oh shyte they have a club! Club TWOTS The women on the side! No comment on your post except, that's a club I will never join. but I did want to tell you that the dog is cute! Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 No comment on your post except, that's a club I will never join. but I did want to tell you that the dog is cute! Why thank you *flutters lashes* Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 So, you say you were caught. That means he wasn't open with his W about you in the first place. If their marriage was over, why did he keep you a secret? I think you are confused my relationship with him in the beginning was not suppose to be like this. It was going to be a FWB things on both sides. I was also in a previous relationship. The relationship developed , neither one was expecting it or planned it. I know im going to get attack for saying that but it is true. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 No they do not have an open marriage. Yes he was caught. She told him to workout it for the kids for the time being then they will do what they need to do. This is also when alot of issues in their marriage came out that was no longer about them , but they are just together for the kids. She knows he loves me, she told him she knows. How do you know he is telling you the truth. Have you ever spoken to her? Do you have any other proof, that what he says about his marriage and wife are true, other than what he tells you? You know he was lying to his wife when he met you, what makes you think he isn't lying to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 Maybe the betrayed wife is seeing someone else also? Maybe she's going on vacation to be with someone else? We'll just never know... Maybe she is...She is willing to except he doesnt love her and stay for the kids. She has told him , she knows he isnt stay for her but for the kids. She has asked if he has talked to me etc....and in the same breathe said you wouldnt tell me anyway..He has responsed NO I WOULDNT...Yet she excepts this. She has told him I know you love her...He defended me when she found out. She admitted this to ME and i heard myself. This is solely for the kids at the moment... Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 How do you know he is telling you the truth. Have you ever spoken to her? Do you have any other proof, that what he says about his marriage and wife are true, other than what he tells you? You know he was lying to his wife when he met you, what makes you think he isn't lying to you? Yes , i have talked to her. When she found out about me. I also have other proof that he hasnt lied to me. He has stated to a friend that their marriage was over - just there for the kids...And his feelings about me and hopes for the future. Thats why im still around.. If not i would have bailed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 Said the cowardly lion! Ha! where are you getting this? Link to post Share on other sites
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