Phone Sex, Porn and the Internet in Relationships

[new_stella]

I think ALL women love chocolate!! Is like their, "fix',.... some even replace sex with it sometimes!!

Sorry to disappoint you, but I am a woman and I don’t like chocolate.

 

See, generalisations never work

[Moose]

Sorry to disappoint you, but I am a woman and I don’t like chocolate.

 

See, generalisations never work

HAH!!! Hey there new_stella!!! Congrats!

[Pink_Tulip]

For some reason, I'm getting the idea you like chocolate . Works for me too!

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Really? How would you get that idea? Are you psychic?!

[Pink_Tulip]

I think ALL women love chocolate!! Is like their, "fix',.... some even replace sex with it sometimes!!

 

Whoa, hold on there, I wouldn't go that far... I mean, chocolate is good and all, but...

 

However I will say, my husband learned early on that if he brought home chocolate and gave me a foot massage while I ate it, things always came to a happy ending for him...

[Pink_Tulip]

Sorry to disappoint you, but I am a woman and I don’t like chocolate.

 

See, generalisations never work

 

Are you sure you are a woman?

[new_stella]

I’m pretty sure.

 

I even have some self-image issues to prove it!

 

Plus, I LOVE shopping

[Mr. Lucky]

However I will say, my husband learned early on that if he brought home chocolate and gave me a foot massage while I ate it, things always came to a happy ending for him...

Happy ending in the figurative sense, or happy ending in the literal sense?

 

Mr. Lucky

[ohmy3]

jersey wack it off for him , he'll love it and if you see him looking at porn get right in there w/ your hands and let him watch you do it!!!!!!!! and a little this he'll "come" around if you do it enough.................

[Jersey Shortie]

I do see commercials, billboards, etc. to be pretty immoral these days, but I don't think of them as porn in the context of this discussion. For me, there is still a distinct difference between a man who is looking at traditional porn, and a man who sees a hot chick on a billboard and has a fantasy about her later. I think we all agree on that point, except Jersey.

 

Pick Tullip, it would be nice if you decided not to speak on my behalf. Being that you do not know what I am thinking on every score or even most scores. I do not speak on your behalf or assume to know everything about you. And this statement above is pre-emptive and condesending. I agree that happening to see a billboard and choosing to look at porn are two different things. Because in one you are physically seeking out something, the other you just happened across. As you can see, the assumption you made was very wrong.

 

 

You say this is all you want, for men to acknowledge that porn is not good in relationships. And here you have it, yet you have not acknowledged it at all. Hence my comment about you ignoring what doesn't fit your agenda

 

I don't have an agenda and I haven't ignored anything. I have acknowledged these statements that where made but the truth is the majority of men do not think like the 3 men you pointed out. And god knows, the men I have had relationships with, not one of them thought this way. So yes, as much as I want men to acknowledge that porn can be damanging and hurtful, I guess more impotantly is the men who do acknowledge it. I guess it doesn't mean so much coming from men on a message board I don't know and it would mean more if it was from men in my life and the majority of them felt this way. Maybe that is asking for too much but that is okay. If you set your standards low, you get nothing but low standards.

 

 

 

I take great exception to you saying no one is being compassionate to you. Again, you are either being intellectually dishonest in this discussion, or are ignoring comments to fit your agenda.

 

I think you have some reading comprehension issues. I never said "no one" is being compassionate to me and I am suprised you would make that illogical conclusion. Please go back and look and see if I said that anywhere. I however have taken issue with certain posters who have gone after to me. I have taken alot of heat on this thread and yes there is some compassion here, that is not only what is here. And I will defend myself against the attacks. I am sorry you dislike that and that you try to push it off as being "intellectually dishonest" just because you don't like it. But that is your own issue, not mine. You have made the mistake many times before of pushing ideas on me that where never there.

 

 

But as you can see, the angrier and more volitile you become, the thinner that compassion wears.

 

Again, you dislike my opinions and volitile reponses and I am sorry for that. Compassion and understanding is nice. But I will not compromise the way I feel about something or think about something just because I was offered a few words of understanding and compassion to appease the person who offered the words. Which seems to be what you want. That is in no way to disrespect the person who offered the understanding and compassion. However, my issues and problem with this topic go deeper then that. And it is extremely self centered and self concerned of someone to be more concerned with being appeased for their "gracious" offering of kind words hoping that the person they are offering to them says "oh thank you oh thank you, it's all better now".

[Pink_Tulip]

Pick Tullip, it would be nice if you decided not to speak on my behalf. Being that you do not know what I am thinking on every score or even most scores. I do not speak on your behalf or assume to know everything about you. And this statement above is pre-emptive and condesending. I agree that happening to see a billboard and choosing to look at porn are two different things. Because in one you are physically seeking out something, the other you just happened across. As you can see, the assumption you made was very wrong.

 

Really? Are you sure you want to stick to that statement? I can think of several instances where you have said that fantatasizing about another woman while masturbating is wrong and you didn't like it, and why can't men just think about their women only. I don't have the time, or care enough at this point to hunt it down and post it, so I won't. I honestly don't give a crap if you think men shouldn't fanatasize about other people while masturbating, but YOU clearly stated that, which is why I pointed it out. In fact I think you used those exact words in another thread. If you choose to see that as condescending, rather than pointing out what you yourself said, then that is not my problem.

 

 

 

 

I don't have an agenda and I haven't ignored anything. I have acknowledged these statements that where made but the truth is the majority of men do not think like the 3 men you pointed out. And god knows, the men I have had relationships with, not one of them thought this way. So yes, as much as I want men to acknowledge that porn can be damanging and hurtful, I guess more impotantly is the men who do acknowledge it. I guess it doesn't mean so much coming from men on a message board I don't know and it would mean more if it was from men in my life and the majority of them felt this way. Maybe that is asking for too much but that is okay. If you set your standards low, you get nothing but low standards.

 

Can you please show me where you acknowledged these statements? I can't seem to find it. Please show me so I can apologize for making that error.

 

Also, maybe next time you can specify that you want ALL men to renounce porn, or only your man, so we can all choose not to jump in to the futile argument in the first place. If you want only men you date to not look at porn, as I have said many times in this thread, bring it up early. I am married to a man who doesn't look at porn, and never dated one who did. Yes it is hard, but not impossible. Trying to change the person you are with is. And that is all anyone here has tried to tell you. I hate porn and wish it never existed. However, it is here. And I have no right to tell others what to watch or how to think about it, so I need to take responsibility for myself and maintain relationships within the boundries I set. This is all a CHOICE, Jersey. You have no right to expect all men to conform to your beliefs, but you do have the right to only get involved with men who share your beliefs. What is frustrating to people here is, rather than empower yourself by doing what you CAN do, you play the victim and state your intent is to do what you CAN'T do, ie chaning every man's mind, then complain that it isn't working. Do you see that about yourself? Again, if you CHOOSE to see that as condescending, go right ahead. But I think you will most likely find, the other posters have pretty much given up responding at all for that exact reason.

 

 

 

 

 

I think you have some reading comprehension issues. I never said "no one" is being compassionate to me and I am suprised you would make that illogical conclusion. Please go back and look and see if I said that anywhere. I however have taken issue with certain posters who have gone after to me. I have taken alot of heat on this thread and yes there is some compassion here, that is not only what is here. And I will defend myself against the attacks. I am sorry you dislike that and that you try to push it off as being "intellectually dishonest" just because you don't like it. But that is your own issue, not mine. You have made the mistake many times before of pushing ideas on me that where never there.

 

Again, please show me where you responded to another poster in kind so I can apologize for that statement. Because from everything I have read, you have either ignored people who were kind, or continually chewed Trimmer a new one for trying to have an intellectual discussion with you. I think if Trimmer were here, I doubt he'd say he felt you treated him with kindness. And part of a civilized discussion involves give and take, which means, when someone reaches out to you, you respond with kindness and acknowledge that people are trying to understand your point. That shows you acknowledge their compassion. Like I said, please show me where you have made any attempt to show appreciation for others' compassion so I can quickly apologize.

 

 

 

 

Again, you dislike my opinions and volitile reponses and I am sorry for that. Compassion and understanding is nice. But I will not compromise the way I feel about something or think about something just because I was offered a few words of understanding and compassion to appease the person who offered the words. Which seems to be what you want. That is in no way to disrespect the person who offered the understanding and compassion. However, my issues and problem with this topic go deeper then that. And it is extremely self centered and self concerned of someone to be more concerned with being appeased for their "gracious" offering of kind words hoping that the person they are offering to them says "oh thank you oh thank you, it's all better now".

 

You say I have a reading comprehension problem, and then you say I dislike your opinions. Have you read anything I have said? Do you not see I agree with just about every opinion you have regarding porn? Yet I am the one with the alleged reading comprehension problem? LOL! Please show me where I said you should compromise your feelings about porn, I am anxious to see what I wrote, as I don't recall writing that at all. No one has ever tried to appease you. Telling you that you need to find someone who shares your beliefs rather than force change on someone else is appeasement how??? The fact is, you see EVERYTHING as an attempt at appeasement if it isn't a total agreement with you that ALL men should not be allowed to look at porn. And if thats what you want, you should have said so in the beginning, and this could have been a very interesting FREE SPEECH discussion instead.

 

Trimmer, I don't know how you did it for so long. I truly have a much greater respect for you, seriously.

 

Jersey, I will not respond to you again. I give up, as others have. I have said all there is to say. Good luck with whatever you are looking for.

[Jersey Shortie]

Are you sure you want to stick to that statement? I can think of several instances where you have said that fantatasizing about another woman while masturbating is wrong and you didn't like it .....I honestly don't give a crap if you think men shouldn't fanatasize about other people while masturbating, but YOU clearly stated that, which is why I pointed it out. QUOTE]

 

 

Yes I said that and I stick to my statement. Thinking about other women and pleasing yourself sexually to other women is disrespectful to the woman you are claiming you are loyal too. But I do think there is a difference between a man seeking out other women in porn and a man just coming across a billboard of a pretty woman and looking at it and thinking she is pretty. I think it is wrong when men willingly seek out other women to look at and think about. However, if they so happen to come across something such as a billboard, something they weren't seeking out, and if they take the respectful measures to control their thoughts, then I do not think this is wrong.

 

You seem to be saying that you do not agree with porn and believe that men should show some self-control and not look at it but if they see a billboard of a pretty woman and masturbate to her, you think lack of self control is okay and that he can masturabate to it then. It's okay for him to think of other women and masturbate to them as long as it is something he just came across then saw in porn. That is what you are saying no? I don't think masturbating to some woman he happened to come across is any different then masturbating to a woman in porn he seeked out. I however do think it is different if he so happens to come across a pretty woman and acknowledge that and shows self control with that. Surely you understand the difference.

 

Pink Tulip, I think it is reasonable to request that you do not impose your ideas on what you "think" I think. That is all I ask. It really isn't as a big deal as you are making it out to be. And it is a rather simple request. If you have questions about things you do not understand , just ask in the futre.

 

 

 

Can you please show me where you acknowledged these statements? I can't seem to find it. Please show me so I can apologize for making that error.

 

 

You brought up this point before and I acknowledged it before. At this point you are just bringing something up again that has already been discussed. I have acknowledged these things but like I said, 3 men on a message board is hardly going to make me say.."most men acutally do care about the woman in their lives more then porn".

 

 

 

And I have no right to tell others what to watch or how to think about it....

 

Please lol. How am I telling others what to do by expressing my own opinion on the matter? If you really believe in the above statement you made then you are basically telling everyone not to have a mind of thier own on ANYTHING and to be politically correct beyond ridiculousness. Maybe I am just not laziness enough to settle for less then what people can be. Is there nothing you fight for and stand up for? I would hate to live like that and sell myself out like that.

 

The irony is you feel you have the right to tell me all kinds of things on how *you* think I should behave or how I should react to things and how I should think while lecturing me on how I think. The kettle shouldn't call the pot black.

 

 

What is frustrating to people here is, rather than empower yourself by doing what you CAN do, you play the victim and state your intent is to do what you CAN'T do, ie chaning every man's mind, then complain that it isn't working. Do you see that about yourself? Again, if you CHOOSE to see that as condescending, go right ahead

 

There are things I can do and will do about the situation. But yes, I do see myself as the victim in this because I am. I didn't choose for men to be disloyal and not respect their SOs. I didn't choose for men to want to think about having sex with everyone but their SOs. I didn't choose for men to like fake looking women and make that their ultimate fantasy making theeir real life women feel like second choice. Yes, the "victims" in this does turn out to be the woman most often.

 

 

 

Again, please show me where you responded to another poster in kind so I can apologize for that statement.

 

 

They run through-out this whole thread. There is no need to re-hash these points.

 

 

Because from everything I have read, you have either ignored people who were kind...

 

That is just your very weak and wrong assumption. It is impossible to express every little point on a thread that has run 20 pages long. I was not able to responde to every little thing said. That does not mean I have ignored it just because I did not respond to it. Again, you are pushing your ideas on what you only *think*, without any fact, and pushing it on me.

 

 

"...or continually chewed Trimmer a new one for trying to have an intellectual discussion with you."

 

Where have I "chewed" Trimmer? We both spoke honestly and opennly. He talked about how he still masturbates to other women and the likes of that. And I gave him my honest respones back.

 

Or would you rather I not pose difficult questions and say the harsh realities? That seems to be what you want. Should I be saying:.."oh thank you oh thank you, men are wonderful! They don't cheat physically, just mentally with any woman they can. Yes that is great! Lets here about more married men that think about other women and masturbate to them while they have SOs who care for them."

 

 

I think if Trimmer were here, I doubt he'd say he felt you treated him with kindness.

 

I don't think I treated Trimmer with non-kindness. We were BOTH honest in our opinions and there is nothing wrong with honestly.

 

If you want to get into "kindness" , why are you not posting about the people who did not respond kindly to me?

 

 

And part of a civilized discussion involves give and take, which means, when someone reaches out to you, you respond with kindness and acknowledge that people are trying to understand your point.

 

Who said I didn't do that? You seem to think that understanding people's points means agreeing with everything they say. You seem to have a very set and strict way you wish people would respond only in terms of how *you* best see fit. I am sorry you don't think I fit neatly in how *you* wish people would respond to things. but that is your own self-involved issue.

 

 

You say I have a reading comprehension problem, and then you say I dislike your opinions. Have you read anything I have said?

 

 

You do have some reading comprehension problems. This is a pefect example.Because saying you have reading comprehension problems has nothing to do with the fact that you don't or do agree with porn. That is just silly.

 

 

 

....if it isn't a total agreement with you that ALL men should not be allowed to look at porn.

 

 

It isn't that I think men should or shouldn't be allowed to do anything. I think if men really loved, respected and cared for their so's, they wouldn't want to look at porn.

 

 

Trimmer, I don't know how you did it for so long. I truly have a much greater respect for you, seriously.

 

Thank you for the nicely done put down Pink Tulip. It was cleanly done.

 

People are jumping all over me just because I don't agree with them! But they are allowed to not agree with me and that is okay! It is jsut so silly.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

jersey wack it off for him , he'll love it and if you see him looking at porn get right in there w/ your hands and let him watch you do it!!!!!!!! and a little this he'll "come" around if you do it enough.................

 

 

I don't think you read any of this tread. If he is looking at porn I don't want to help him do anything! Because it is about him and the porn and the girls in the porn. It certainly isn't about him loving me or being turned on be me! And I would just be the convienant tool around for him to release after being turned on by other women! HOw would men feel if it was that way for them!

[shoesies05]

wow! Lots of debate on this one... guess it shows that with each couple it would vary wether or not whatever is cheating, or wrong. Some people are swingers- thats way further than jerking off to a porno or sex talk online, and they dont consider it cheating.

 

It all depends on the person. For me, i would hate to have my bf/hubby jerk off to a video or pics when i am there to screw! I think that phone sex and sex online is way worse though because they are actually talking to the other person and interacting with them. They are telling them all the things they wanna do to them and all these intimate details that they should just keep in their thoughts. I dont think imagining sex w/ a girl on a video is wrong, but it is hurtful, because if thats wrong, or cheating they cheat constantly with 1/2 the women that pass by!

 

I think if a guy was really into porn, and it was like a constant thing that there is a huge problem and it really is wrong then because then its an obsession. Same goes for a girl. If its done together as a couple and both are open and willing to wtaching porn to get off or get it started thats cool, whatever floats your boat! But things really should be kept between the couple and not pictures really.

[Mr. Lucky]

It all depends on the person. For me, i would hate to have my bf/hubby jerk off to a video or pics when i am there to screw!

But what about when you're not "there to screw"? You might be apart, or just tired or disinterested. That seems to be the challenge for a lot of guys.

 

Mr. Lucky