are we just friends?

[noclobber]

Thanks much for your detailed response.

 

I really appreciate your insight.

 

Yes, I do agree that people and feelings keep changing all the time. That's why relationships seem hard and exciting at the same time.

 

I guess the best approach would be to not label people or feelings as black or white. Most of the time they seem to be grey at best.

 

i can't speak for all women or girls. I was crushed early teens. I think you just become defensive as you get older (late teens,early twenties) and the best thing to do is to almost expect the worst from a guy. The problem is everybody f**ks up eventually. So when a guy actually becomes a friend first you get to know their faults and its okay.

 

If a guy friend stands me up i would understand or atleast would not feel heartbroken or rejected in the dating sense. I can say now that i want a BF who can be my friend also. i have dated guys for sveral months or years and they new hardly anything about me, atleast not the things i could share with a true friend. That also meant they couldn't hurt me as much when that time came. I would say from my experiences most people I know always have some intentions when dealing with OS friends.

 

You and bear hug should remember people are fluid. Your feelings are always changing. One day you can just fall in love with someone, friend or not. Over time you figure out the reasons or maybe you can't. It usually works out best when your not thinking too much at all. I dont think bear hug is being used or manipulated at all. I think this girl likes him. Probably likes him alot. His earlier breakup (a major one he said) most likely scares her a little. She wants a reaction from him. It sounds like he doesn't get mad or atleast never reprimands her actions.

 

She is not being a good friend or a good GF. She is in a safe middle. Until you walk away or confront her she will keep doing what shes doing. I wouldn't say that Bear Hug is completly innocent in this affair either. You share a bed with her. I would say no big deal if you hadn't lived with your ex before. What little you have said says alot to me.

 

I would tell both of you to figure this out. It looks like you will both get hurt the way its going.

So noclobber there is the explanatioin. Sort of. If you tell me every word that comes out of your mouth to a friend, GF or other is the plain truth, i congratulate you. But i think if you look around at the world and how we are taught to communicate you would see it isn't that easy. And hey, the chase is always the best part! Right?

[isterhabe]

And hey, the chase is always the best part! Right?

 

Bearhug, maybe your afraid to move beyond the chase asnd get on with a new and real relationship? Look out boy cause you might be in one

[bearhug]

i thought i believed i just wanted to be friends i was wrong. I have never felt like this about someone. we are close in such an honest way. when she is in my arms its like she was meant to be there. every time i look at her i see something different but always good. Sometimes i just want to take care of her, sometimes she his is my best friend, then all of sudden i have the most beautiful woman in the world in front of me. Everyday it seems she understands me, and we can be all those things. the biggest test is showing her. i want to say, trust me, but i know people are afraid to listen anymore. i can say anything to her. theres still so much to say. i cant wait to tell her and just talk.the very real truth is that my attraction to her hasnt stopped since the day i first saw her eyes.she is beautiful and the person inside her isnt even better. i hope the day i can tell her i love her is soon. if not ill wait because the truth is i love this person. sorry for all the crap before. i guess you have to just go with your heart