masaki1085 Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 I wasn't sure whether or not to post here, or at "Second Chances." So I am posting in both places. Long story short--I dated this one girl for about 3 months. It wasn't a long time. There was an up, and then an abrupt down. But we ended on friendly terms and we agreed to be friends--I was the one who ended it with her. Here is a more detailed version of the story if maybe more background is necessary: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t102955/ 10 months pass, I call her up, and we decide to catch up over some drinks. This was about a week ago, and I still feel weird from this encounter--the same kind of weird I feel when I am "in like" with someone. I still felt something for her. After dwelling on this for about a week, I am still very lost, and I am trying to evaluate my options. I don't talk to this girl much anymore--she doesn't have the internet, and of course, there was a 10-month long period before we met when we didn't talk to each other. I haven't had a chance to talk to her since we recently met up. I don't know what I should do, if I should: -Follow through on this feeling (I don't like "what-if's" in my life) and try to reconnect with her (and if I should, how should I approach this)? or -Because we already dated and I was the one that broke up with her, ignore this feeling and keep trying to move on (it was something she was doing to me that prompted my break-up decision). She seemed happy to see me when we hung out the other day, but I am bad at reading people--I couldn't tell if it was really happy like she would still be interested in me, or just happy to see me as a friend. I never broke her heart when I ended our relationship, and she was perfectly fine with just being friends--I think a relationship was hard for her to handle at the time. Does anyone have any advice on how I should approach this situation? Anyone been in my shoes before? Maybe I should approach this as a clean slate? Any advice would be super-appreciated! Thanks so much! -Masaki Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 Reply: You should give yourself a pat-on-the-back! She, genuinely, wants to continue contact with you. This is beneficent. 10 months pass, I call her up, and we decide to catch up over some drinks. Re-read this part of the story. Clearly. There is importance to the call you made. Question: Did you accidently glance at her phone number in your phonebook? or Did you deliberately, call her that day because you were thinking of her? All in all, overlooking 10 months without ever thinking of her is rare. Generally, in reality, for a man to constantly -or sporadically -think about a woman for a long period of time indicates that she triggers something bizarre, unique, and addictive in his mind. Naturally, it is uneasy to pin-point the exact something that is intoxicating you into a wirl-wind of love. I believe, since she is not stopping you in your tracks, then it is not hazardous to continue contact with her. Although, the past is unbalanced: You dated her for 3 months, did you not feel anything for her? By then, most men, would have been head-over-heels in love. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
Author masaki1085 Posted November 2, 2006 Author Share Posted November 2, 2006 The story is a bit more complicated beyond what I've mentioned so far--we dated for 3 months and I was very much into her--I was not sure about her case, however... In a nutshell, this girl got very weirded out by the implications of a long-term relationship and commitments. She dated some real whackjobs in the past, and usually her relationships failed after about a 3 month timeframe, whether its the guy or if she just gets freaked out by what the relationship would become eventually. I knew of this going into the relationship with her--I didn't care though. But this, coupled with a long distance relationship (only an hour though--we saw each other on weekends) in our final semesters of school, I could see the signs of her getting freaked out, not necessarily at me, but at the idea of a relationship. I broke up with her a date after she suggested we "downgrade" our relationship to a more casual dating type of... thing, because the idea of a relationship made her uncomfortable. While this seems odd, the catch here is that I am the only guy in her life that she wanted to even do this with. Every other guy was a goner (in effect, I am the only guy that initiated a break-up with her). But I was tired of the stress at the time, so after much thought I broke up with her, but it was on super-friendly terms and we agreed to remain friends. Then 10 months pass. You may think I am totally crazy, though. Because, despite this whirlwind story I told you, this aside I think she is still a wonderful girl (and I would make a case for this, but I would be writing a post twice as long--take my word for it, lol). I didn't want to break up with her--but I did so for my sanity at the time. To answer your question, I had been thinking of calling her for awhile before I actually did. What triggered it was that I found out that a co-worker at my new job is her new roommate, and I thought "it would be really nice to catch up." At this point, I thought any romantic interest was long gone. So I think this sheds more light on why I'm confused. She's my friend--I pretty sure that's a constant at this point. And she was happy to see me, and she is happy that "we are still friends." If I choose to hang out with her more and I still feel the same, I don't want to BS her--I would like to express how I'm feeling. But, regarding all of what I've mentioned now, should I move forward and see what happens (and if so, how)? Or should I back off, given the past situation? Thanks for your reply! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 So I think this sheds more light on why I'm confused. She's my friend--I pretty sure that's a constant at this point. And she was happy to see me, and she is happy that "we are still friends." If I choose to hang out with her more and I still feel the same, I don't want to BS her--I would like to express how I'm feeling. But, regarding all of what I've mentioned now, should I move forward and see what happens (and if so, how)? Or should I back off, given the past situation? Thanks for your reply! As bizzare of a situation you're in, it's a striking resemblance to the situation i was in not too long ago. Unfortunately in my case I had lost all romantic interest in her, but when we met up it appeared the opposite for her. We hung out a few times thereafter, but I just enjoyed her company nothing more. I made a wise decision to move on when i broke it off with her, It hurt then, but with time it's easy to get over someone. You're right, you dont want to BS her. If you're still romantically interested, make a move. If you arent then keep it friendly. If you arent, realize that you'll be acquantances. If you think its worth testing the waters, then go for it. But people break up for good reasons, as old problems can have the potential of rising again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author masaki1085 Posted November 2, 2006 Author Share Posted November 2, 2006 Unfortunately in my case I had lost all romantic interest in her, but when we met up it appeared the opposite for her. We hung out a few times thereafter, but I just enjoyed her company nothing more. Your situation makes more sense then mine it seems--you broke up with her, then hung out and she was still into you. In mine, I broke up with her, and I'm still into her. Anyways, did she admit that she was still interested in you? Did you hang out with each other to see how you felt? If you think its worth testing the waters, then go for it. But people break up for good reasons, as old problems can have the potential of rising again. This is a concern of mine, but I suppose nothing ventured nothing gained--I suppose the only way to find out for sure is to hang out with her, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 Your situation makes more sense then mine it seems--you broke up with her, then hung out and she was still into you. In mine, I broke up with her, and I'm still into her. Anyways, did she admit that she was still interested in you? Did you hang out with each other to see how you felt? The break up part is complicated to explain, it was kind of mutual and kind of on my end. No she didnt admit it nor did i want to find out, but the way she spoke/behaved/ and especially the way she dressed that day was more than enough to say the least, she behaved as if the break up didnt happen. That was one of the reasons why i chose to hangout, to see if there was still a spark or if my feelings could grow for her (like the way it used to be). But it never happened. instead each time we met up, the more i got turned off. As i learned new things about her life and youth I never knew then...(you can learn a lot about someone over a cup of joe). This is a concern of mine, but I suppose nothing ventured nothing gained--I suppose the only way to find out for sure is to hang out with her, huh? Yep, one thing's for sure you cant force attraction. If it's gone it's gone. Link to post Share on other sites
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