help!

[Jenny]

All right, I feel a little silly posting here but I stumbled across this page looking for relationship help and it seems like maybe this is a good place to start. I've been dating a guy for a little over a year now. We're both in college, and I started dating him at the beginning of my freshman year (his sophomore.) We kept things together over the summer-not too hard since we both live in the same city-but it was a different environment at home with our parents, so we both had a little difficulty adjusting. Problem is, now we're back up at school again and I'm feeling really bored with the relationship. I'm looking around and seeing other people in more satisfying relationships than the one I have, and I feel like maybe I missed out attaching myself to this one guy for so long. My main problem is, we're both active in the same organization and if we break up it could make things difficult. Besides that, I'm not really sure I want to break up with him - it seems like I've invested a lot of time and I don't want to throw it away on what may be a whim. I still feel like I love him, but it seems like maybe I love him out of habit more than anything else. Any advice on what to do (especially from someone who's been in a situation like this) would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[Ryan]

I think your questions are very valid for a couple of reasons. First, it is simply naive to believe you are going to find your life partner in high school, much less at the START of high school. It takes many relationships to learn and grow as a person. Second, perhaps this relationship IS breaking down. Your feelings are perfectly natural. You've never had a chance to explore yourself. You shouldn't feel obligated to stay with him. You should feel satisfied in a relationship and receive something above and beyond merely living. It shouldn't come to the point where you call it a HABIT. You make it sound like you are trying to quit smoking. I believe you should put some serious thought into what you are feeling. You've grown up a lot since that young high school girl, so it is understandable that you desire to grow in a few other ways that you haven't had the chance to yet. He may feel something similar, but then again he may not. It could be a painful situation if you decide to cut your ties, but that is a crucial part of social interaction and development. Don't try to silence these uprising feelings. They need to be heard.

[LoveAngel]

All right, I feel a little silly posting here but I stumbled across this page looking for relationship help and it seems like maybe this is a good place to start. I've been dating a guy for a little over a year now. We're both in college, and I started dating him at the beginning of my freshman year (his sophomore.) We kept things together over the summer-not too hard since we both live in the same city-but it was a different environment at home with our parents, so we both had a little difficulty adjusting. Problem is, now we're back up at school again and I'm feeling really bored with the relationship. I'm looking around and seeing other people in more satisfying relationships than the one I have, and I feel like maybe I missed out attaching myself to this one guy for so long. My main problem is, we're both active in the same organization and if we break up it could make things difficult. Besides that, I'm not really sure I want to break up with him - it seems like I've invested a lot of time and I don't want to throw it away on what may be a whim. I still feel like I love him, but it seems like maybe I love him out of habit more than anything else. Any advice on what to do (especially from someone who's been in a situation like this) would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Awww.. don't feel silly posting here! Your comments are very insightful and you'll have to excuse Ryan for skipping over the fact you're in college. I think he assumed you meant that you were a sophomore in high school. I'll rough him up a bit for doing that.

 

Getting bored in relationships is very common. But this is going to have to involve a bit more work on your part. You have to decide whether it *is* love or if it's just, as you say, love out of habit. Perhaps it has become a habit, or perhaps in someway it's transformed to loving, but from the way you describe it, it appears that you're not in love with him anymore. Things like that happen. All of the time. However, I wouldn't be using others to judge your relationship. It may give you some insight on how you're doing, but I wouldn't suggest putting too much emphasis on it. You two, as a couple, need to learn how to work things out for yourselves and what's best for the both of you. If you're having doubts, why not sit him aside and talk about your feelings? His input may surprise you and perhaps you've both been feeling that it's time to move on. And breaking up doesn't mean you can't still be friends. As idealistic as it sounds, if you're close to him and he is to you, then you can mutally decide to be friendly towards one another. Granted, it would be awkward most likely at first, but after a while, it may be the best decision for the both of you. Best wishes to you both and feel free to come back and let us know how things are going!

 

Yours,

 

LoveAngel

[Bill]

Sorry I may have missed sending the first response. I realize that you ahve been seeing this guy for quite sometime. You are young and have to try and look into the future. Where will this relationship be in 10 years and where do you want it to be in 10 years. What do you want out of life ? These are all tough questions. I am alittle older than you are. I got married 20 years ago and recently found out that my wife now has a boyfriend it gets much harder later, especially after you are married. Is this guy the type of person you wish to stay involved with ? Only you can make that decision for remember most people care but they have their own problems. You have to live with your decision. Hope this helps.