of loss, betrayal, and searching

[c.r.]

I thought that by posting this, it might be of good help in resolving my dilemma, so here goes:

 

I met my best friend at an amateur radio function (both of us are hams) and we've talked and became fast friends. Later, we fell in love despite our vast age differences--I am 22 (and female), he is 74 (and widowed). We regarded one another as each other's halves, lovers, and best friends.

 

I went on summer break, keeping in touch with him...and when I returned, he found someone his own age and I felt so betrayed, so alone...I know it's natural to bond with your own peers, but he was my only friend and now I'm alone. It's easy to say "Find someone your own age...", but I have trouble finding him (and that problem is compounded with high-functioning autism, so it meant hard times for me). And I wanted to be together again...but he's itching to get married (in one and one-half years from now).

 

I've been seeing a counselor for that and did not find solace, and am willing to take a stab in the dark to find a solution to all of this. I know it'll be very hard and tedious and would take years (possibly)... but I am really am reaching for something. If you can provide input, I'll be very grateful.

[Cici]

I think you should continue seeing the counselor. It's important to note that you must be an active participant in the therapy experience in order to get the most out of that interaction. Also, you might consider that the philosophy that that counselor subscribes to might not necessarily be helpful to you. If you are unhappy with your counselor, seek out a new one who might be more able to help you.

 

It's normal to feel these feelings after the end of a relationship that entailed a close emotional bond. It's also important to remember that life does go on, with or without you, and you must be strong. You are a good person, a unique person with value. I know it's a cliche, but time does heal all wounds, as long as you search within yourself to find healing and your own inner strength.

 

In order to feel happy about ourselves, we must learn to look at ourselves honestly AND acceptingly. It's easy to do the first part, but that can often lead to a person being overly critical of themselves, a detriment to their own self-esteem. To learn to accept yourself and all your faults is much more difficult. This is the first step on the way to learning to love yourself, which is much more difficult. It takes time, and hard work, but the rewards are very gratifying. Think long and hard, and continue with therapy. Good luck!

 

C

I thought that by posting this, it might be of good help in resolving my dilemma, so here goes: I met my best friend at an amateur radio function (both of us are hams) and we've talked and became fast friends. Later, we fell in love despite our vast age differences--I am 22 (and female), he is 74 (and widowed). We regarded one another as each other's halves, lovers, and best friends. I went on summer break, keeping in touch with him...and when I returned, he found someone his own age and I felt so betrayed, so alone...I know it's natural to bond with your own peers, but he was my only friend and now I'm alone. It's easy to say "Find someone your own age...", but I have trouble finding him (and that problem is compounded with high-functioning autism, so it meant hard times for me). And I wanted to be together again...but he's itching to get married (in one and one-half years from now). I've been seeing a counselor for that and did not find solace, and am willing to take a stab in the dark to find a solution to all of this. I know it'll be very hard and tedious and would take years (possibly)... but I am really am reaching for something. If you can provide input, I'll be very grateful.