i dont know how to put it..

[justdeleteme]

Honestly, I dont know how to put it.

I don't know if i am being insecure and unfair or if he is just being an ass.. but my man and I are having some issues and I would really like an opinion from some of you if you could.

 

Here's the story...

 

we've been dating a year now.. we've had a lot of problems in our past and worked through them. the problem that is persistant is porn (of course) - which even after we made a deal about (if i gave him some of me, that is all he would need and not use anything else) that he broke ... and a problem with some of his friends.

 

the porn thing i think i can deal with to some extent eventually.. but the friends subject is what bothers me. a lot of his friends are girls.. that only bugs me a little but what bugs me is how he flirts with them, how they flirt with him and how a good deal of them are on the slutty side or girls he has been with in the past or thought of hooking up with in the past.

 

right now my problem is one main girl... i dont think he needs her around because the problem just keeps getting bigger.. he wont go to a certain town about an hour away from us to do anything (thats where a big mall is, a six flags and a lot of cool **** is too) because thats where she lives and he usually always finds a way to hang out with her -- its been almost three years ive known him (yes, we were friends first) and i had never heard abotu this before until i wanted to go to six flags freight fest and he basically lost interest once he found out she couldnt go with - just as he had done the year before when we were just friends. i recently found comments they were leaving each other back and forth on their myspace profiles flirting with each other (and her calling him baby or honey or sweetie or sexy in almost every message) and him telling her that "damn she looks fine/hot" and" damn, great photo" (having to do with cleavage)" and now she has nothing but, excuse my french, but "tit pics" (pictures showing extreme cleavage obviously) on her page.

 

i confronted him about it and told him how uncomfortable it made me and what if i did the same.. he said there was the whole look dont touch thing and whatever. i stated i felt he didnt need to be friends with her then if thats how it was.. his reply was something along the lines of 'well i will have to delete or ignore all my friends then'

 

i feel hurt and sick.. i didnt tell you all that has gone on but this is just a topping to the cake of issues with him (ive found naked pics of some of his friends on his computer in the past, etc).

 

 

am i wrong to feel like this? and that its causing a problem with us? am i wrong to feel that he doesnt need that stuff in his life if he wants to be with me and i am uncomfortable with it?

[Walk]

I'm a self-assured, kind of egotistical person, and the stuff you just described would cause me to question his loyalty. If you seperate the things, then some of them aren't that big of a deal. The porn, and the flirty behavior. They might cause some problems, but like you said, it can be worked through. But everything all together... Seems like a big neon sign saying "I'm not ready for a committed, monogamous relationship!"

 

Especially the not being able to go to 6 flags just with you. That he has to have another woman, who he has made it clear he's very attracted to, into the mix... That one wouldn't fly with me either. That's disrespectful of you, and of the relationship you two have.

 

My suggestion. Dump him. He's not going to change, no matter what you say, or how you say it. He has so many layers of defenses to protect his behavior that mere words will never get through. He's not willing to comprimise with you... or rather, he's giving lip service, but won't follow through with actions. Or flat out denies that he's causing you any pain, or that you have a right to be hurt by his actions. He's implying you're wrong, screwed up, for feeling the way you do. And honestly, there are many many men out there who would show you respect for your thoughts and feelings. This guy isn't one of them though.

 

What he's doing isn't appropriate. He's showing you a complete lack of respect for how you feel, for the promise of exclusivity in the relationship, isn't willing to comprimise or find solutions that will benefit both of you. He's basically telling you things will go his way. Put up and shut up.

 

Don't buy his stupid line of "I'm a guy, and guys do this." BOYS do that. Men do not. Real men don't treat their SO's like that. I know my bf looks at other girls on occasion, at least I think he must. I've never seen him do it though. I just assume he must. He has one pic on his computer of a girl with big boobs.. something he got off the net, no one we know. I don't mind that... He is a guy after all. But he keeps it low profile. Nothing is thrown in my face, or paraded in front of me. It's not hidden, but I dont' feel insulted by it because it's not being used derogatorily toward me. Your bf is being derogative toward your relationship. He's throwing it in your face. Forcing you to accept his behavior in order to keep the relationship going. No guy is worth that. You'd be better off alone then with someone who is going to make you feel like crap all the time. Hell, at least alone then you'd have the option of going to 6 flags and having a blast. He's stolen that away from you. And for what? He would only go if he could take a person who supposedly doens't mean anythign to him...? he wouldn't even comprimise on that.

 

It's not healthy for you to stay there... And he's trying to make you feel like you're the one who's got a problem, shifting it from him to you. Why do you stay?