Went NC with unrequited crush - advised to break it because I'd look immature

[magichands]

Today I felt like unblocking him on msn messenger and telling him *exactly* what I think about him.

But I was a nice girl and resisted the urge.

It's not so much about being nice. He won't care, and it will just make you feel worse knowing that he doesn't care.

[Ssheena]

Substitute something else. Go to amazon and look for all the books like, "don't call that Man" (I have a library at home full of books along those lines) or go to your nearest bookstore and peruse them all there.

 

Don't stoop to his level, it's way below you.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

You know what, Adunaphel?

 

He doesn't, even, deserve to have a lengthy & whole thread dedicated to his words and behaviour. The analysis, and torture of decoding men.

 

The time, and thought energy you are [ & were] wasting on him is irreplaceable.

 

Open your arms, wide, to the morning sun. There is tomorrow to consider.

 

I hope you feel better.

 

Sand&Water

[magichands]

Open your arms, wide, to the morning sun. There is tomorrow to consider.

Yes...go take a ride on a raft.

[Adunaphel]

It's not so much about being nice. He won't care, and it will just make you feel worse knowing that he doesn't care.

 

Well, I meant I have been nice to myself.

But you are right. Thank you, Magic.

 

A part of me would *love* to get a reaction out of him - he is irritated by rudeness, he is one of those polite sh*ts who can say very hurtful/upsetting things, but god forbid they ever are offensive to someone.

Just can't tell apart the difference between being offensive and using bad language. Well, I guess they can very well, but it's part of the game.

They can say whatever they wish without feeling like they have been offensive of rude because they use no bad words.

 

But I would basically let him know that not only I decided to go NC because I had enough of hanging around hoping he would consider ever trying to get to know me better, but that I now regard him as a spineless idiot.

 

And that he offended me last time I talked to him. *Last* straw.

And that it's pointless that he complains about womankind if his last two exes cheated on him - **he** chooses to hang out with pathetic excuses for women. And that his "I do not judge anyone" attitude is both pathetic and hypocrite.

 

But you are right - he won't care.

Well, he will rather make poor use of selective hearing and decide that if I appear again after vanishing for a month to be offensive to him, I must be troubled, and I did him a favour to disappear.

[Adunaphel]

Substitute something else. Go to amazon and look for all the books like, "don't call that Man" (I have a library at home full of books along those lines) or go to your nearest bookstore and peruse them all there.

 

Don't stoop to his level, it's way below you.

 

I'll check at local bookstore first - hopefully they translated it in italian and it can be found on sale, without need to order it and wait a lot of time to have it delivered. Thank you for the tip, and for your kind words.

 

I am below him in many ways, actually. (Well, I probably am.)

But at least I am not such an hypocrite.

 

RE:

 

The time, and thought energy you are [ & were] wasting on him is irreplaceable.

 

You are right. I have to think in a more positive way. Since I blocked him on msn messenger, I have been on LS more. And I resumed an old pastime of mine (drawing).

 

Open your arms, wide, to the morning sun. There is tomorrow to consider.

 

I love this image.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

Yes...go take a ride on a raft. & And I resumed an old pastime of mine (drawing).

 

I wish it was, that, simple. Ideally, I have to test out whether or not the raft will float.

 

I suggested to The Raft Man to get a yacht [err . . . actually, a luxury boat] - he called me a Gold-Digger!

 

Awesome, Adunaphel!

 

You revived an old pastime. You are blooming and progressing, afterall.

 

I like that image, too. Didn't realize the after glow.

 

Regards,

Sand&Water

[Adunaphel]

I suggested to The Raft Man to get a yacht [err . . . actually, a luxury boat] - he called me a Gold-Digger!

 

He was kidding, right?

 

 

-------------------------------------------

 

Update.

 

I unblocked him.

Stupid thing to do.

Goes in the "look at how good I am at taking advice" series.

 

In case you feel that all your replies went wasted, I would have probably unblocked him on msn messenger yesterday. And I'd have probably ended up telling him exactly what I think about him. So much for diplomacy.

 

I basically broke no contact because I was not handling it.

I was piling up frustration.

Today I was so nervous I threw up.

(Which is not a typical thing to happen to me. Last time it happened was in 2003, when I hardly came out of LS cheating, flirting and jealous forum to have a peek at posts in other forum sections)

 

It is ridiculous I am reacting so badly.

This guy was not ever even interested in me.

(well, if he had never sent me mixed signals to start with, I'd not be in such a mess)

 

Again, I'm probably depressed.

 

I guess I was partly hoping for a reaction out of him.

Otherwise I would have been feeling better as time passed. Moving on. I guess.

[magichands]

Today I was so nervous I threw up.

Poor you. I usually see carrots and peas (and I don't even eat carrots and peas!).

 

Your mind is running too fast.

[Adunaphel]

Poor you. I usually see carrots and peas (and I don't even eat carrots and peas!).

 

Your mind is running too fast.

 

It has to, if I want to keep it in its place.

If I wanted to move on, my mind should run at least twice that fast.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

He was kidding, right? ll . . . ll I unblocked him.

Yes. He was kidding around. He likes to tease, play, and bug me. The man, is very sarcastic. The other day, I took his sarcasm, the wrong way. What a night it was!

 

You unblocked him, Adunaphel!

 

You did the right thing. This is a phase, you would have encountered in reality or internally -at any given time. You may not realize it now, but unblocking him is not the solution to the problem. To many people, in this position, unblocking the person is a temporary release of emotions without any consequences.

 

This is where you will be tested. You, must not, contact/message him.

 

You smartly know, he has never cared. Care for you now -is the last of his priorities.

 

Hold your thoughts together, and repel in a different direction.

 

There are 3.5 billion other men, Adunaphel.

 

Analysize the number for a minute. Numbers, and human morals are in your favour.

 

Take Care,

Sand&Water

[Adunaphel]

Thank you a lot for replying again, Sand&Water.

 

RE:

 

Yes. He was kidding around. He likes to tease, play, and bug me. The man, is very sarcastic. The other day, I took his sarcasm, the wrong way. What a night it was!

 

Ouch. Sarcasm is something I appreciate (like you, I think) but misunderstandings can provoke a lot of unneeded pain.

Sorry to know that it cost you a bad night. I hope you are okay now.

 

You unblocked him, Adunaphel!

 

You did the right thing. This is a phase, you would have encountered in reality or internally -at any given time. You may not realize it now, but unblocking him is not the solution to the problem.

 

To many people, in this position, unblocking the person is a temporary release of emotions without any consequences.

 

You are making me feel a lot better. Funnily enough yes, it helped to released some emotions (or at least prevented me from bottling more in too small space for the time being).

 

It's the "without any consequences" part I am not sure about.

 

This is where you will be tested. You, must not, contact/message him.

 

Problem is, I already did.

Well, *he* messaged me (no surprise here)....greeted me with an enthusiastic hello, asked how I was doing. I replied.

Had a little talk. I was very cold - and he sensed it. So he might not be writing to me again. Or he might be the one blocking me. Which would be fine.

 

i do not actually find it so hard not to contact him first when we are both on msn messenger. Actually, before I blocked him, he was the one initiating converations nine times out of ten. In the last couple of months, I never talked to him first.

 

You smartly know, he has never cared. Care for you now -is the last of his priorities.

 

Anyone who would have cared, would have called/emailed me to ask where I had disappeared (if he had had no idea that I was upset with him), or would have at least said he was sorry that I no longer felt like talking to him.

that is the harsh truth, I guess.

 

 

Hold your thoughts together, and repel in a different direction.

 

There are 3.5 billion other men, Adunaphel.

 

Analysize the number for a minute. Numbers, and human morals are in your favour.

 

the numbers would be comforting, if the % of very interesting people weren't so low.

 

I really liked him. Really did.

 

Good news is... would I still want him?

probably not.

[Walk]

I just read your thread Adunaphel. I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time with this guy.

 

Anything I can do to help?

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

I am, just, saddened that this is happening to you. IF, only, the feeling was mutual.

Ouch. Sarcasm is something I appreciate (like you, I think) but misunderstandings can provoke a lot of unneeded pain.

Sorry to know that it cost you a bad night. I hope you are okay now.

I am doing much better. Thank you.

 

It wasn't a bad night, because I grew closer to him -in a certain way. He [The Raft Man] and I misunderstood each other because of the way he was expressing his sarcastic voice.

 

It was obvious he was very tired, and burnt. But, that didn't give him reason to say degrading and hateful comments. I, informed, him that his remarks were not appropriate.

 

He easily made it clear he was not at all degrading, or insulting me in any form. It was, just, his very sarcastic nature coming out. He apologized.

 

I am glad, he eventually saw my side of the story. I am happy. He, even, thanked me for undestanding him that night -on top of a couple of compliments . . . hinting he will be dropping by my city sometime. [i ignored the hint, and changed the subject. What am I going to do with this man!].

Problem is, I already did. Well, *he* messaged me (no surprise here)....greeted me with an enthusiastic hello, asked how I was doing. I replied.

Had a little talk. I was very cold - and he sensed it. So he might not be writing to me again. Or he might be the one blocking me. Which would be fine.

Initially, I thought only the unblocking had occured.

 

He messaged you. Definitely, changes the dynamics of the situation. It is common sense, to apply to his actions. You, were away, for a month -so he messaged you out of curiosity.

 

Was he concerned as to why you were cold-in-nature?

 

IF he was asking you, to explain your uncomfortable/non-enthusiastic vibe, this would suggest and indicate his care -or rather pieces of care.

 

It is crudely his loss. Hopefully the vibe you sent, stung him in the arm for a second -essencially to teach and allow him to understand the parameters of the situation.

 

Either way, seems he was disconnected from life's memorable pleasures.

 

You have to, find strength, within yourself to move on. Get up on your feet, and preserve the hope of finding love in the next phase of your life.

 

There are more precious people, in your life -family, relatives -to love.

 

Apologies for hijacking your thread with regards to The Raft Man.

 

Take Care,

Sand&Water

[Adunaphel]

RE:

 

You, were away, for a month -so he messaged you out of curiosity.

 

Was he concerned as to why you were cold-in-nature?

 

IF he was asking you, to explain your uncomfortable/non-enthusiastic vibe, this would suggest and indicate his care -or rather pieces of care.

 

 

This is the whole (short) conversation we had...

it is going to sound weird, because it took place in a different language - so this is only a (bad)translation.

 

Hi!!!!!!

How are you doing?

Hello to you.

I am not exactly doing fine, but I cannot complain.

Sorry to hear it.

Having problems writing your thesis?

Yes, I also have problems with it. It happens.

You indeed do not sound like you are in a great shape.

Indeed, I am not.

Why are you not?

I do not feel like talking about it, also because it is a tad complicated to expalin, but thank you for asking.

It’s okay, sorry if I have been intrusive.

Not a problem, do not think about it.

Are you going to [event linked to the environment we both hang in] tomorrow?

No, I am kind of used to missing [name of the event, which comes up twice a year]. It’s akind of curse, just softer, which at least makes me save money on drinks. Will you be there?

Yes, I will. Are you going to [name of other event]?

You usually never miss them.

Have also my share of fun, then.

This round I’m missing this other event, too. What about you?

You must be really down… (“down” as in= “feeling bad/depressed/in a bad mood)

No.

We haven’t been invited.

Also, since I knew that it would bother you to go to one of those events if I am there, too, you can go without worrying about it if you want to.

Thank you for the thought, but I have to say, I did not even think about it.

Luckily.

I used to have this problem (i.e. not wanting to see him in person) in June, back in the old times. When you had just gotten together with your at-that-time-current gf.

She is also the last one.

Which I hope was absolutely understandable, even to you.

The last one?

I don’t have a gf.

Currently.

oh, okay

thank you for explaining

What did you not understand?

I wasn’t really getting what you were referring to when saying “she/it’s the last one”

Thus my confusion.

Okay.

 

After which, I did not write anything else, and neither did he.

 

----------

In the conversation I referred to the fact that in june I once told him i was not going to a specific event because it would not have been exactly healthy for me to see him with his (then) new gf.

 

One more bit of background...

 

I have already said that he had sent me mixed signals some months ago.

But I never mentioned what kind of mixed signals.

 

Well, if you ask (actually write, on msn messenger) a guy "do you think I could ever have some chances with you?", he replies "Honestly, I have no clue, but I think you do...but do not let it get to your head " AND some three or four days after he text you for no apparent reason other than joking about something you told him online two minutes before...you reply... you end up sending 30 text messages each in two days... after two more days he texts you again for no apparent reason... well, that spells interest in my book.

 

Two weeks after that, when he informed me that he got together with a girl, I asked him about the above episode. Turned out he meant something totally different *and* he did not think that I would have read anything in the text messages. To him, it was just a way to continue the conversation we were having online.

I did not have a nice reaction - among other things, I called him an idiot.

Anyway, we kept talking to each other...

 

Since then I kept reminding him from time to time that I was interested in him and told him on more than an occasion.

 

Before anyone says that men don't get subtle messages, my idea of asking subtly goes from "I must ask you, if you know - or as soon as you know in future - that I don't have even the slightest chance with you, please tell me so. I would really appreciate it".

 

Last time I talked with him before I blocked him, I forgot whatever subtleness and was like:

"the only reason while I am still spending so much time talking with you is that you have never clearly told me "[my name], I am not interested in you".

 

So he knows, or has figured out, that the fact that I disappeared is related to the fact that I was interested in him.

 

 

It is crudely his loss.

 

This is a sweet thing to say. thanks.

 

Hopefully the vibe you sent, stung him in the arm for a second -essencially to teach and allow him to understand the parameters of the situation.

 

He is a slow learner...

 

Very intelligent, but when it comes to understanding people and situations he is either completely retarded or just *playing dumb.

 

Apologies for hijacking your thread with regards to The Raft Man.

 

No apologies needed - I asked, and it was nice to have your update!

I would give him a chance, if I were you. many people who sound sarcastic are often sweet and caring if when you get to know them better.

And at least you know he is capable of apologizing.

 

I just read your thread Adunaphel. I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time with this guy.

 

Anything I can do to help?

 

Walk, thank you - you are always so nice. :love:

Bearing with my rants is already a huge help, and there is not much else that can be done, I guess.

 

And you have already helped me through a huge number of situations - not only with great advice.

:)

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

Thank you for replying, Adunaphel.

So he knows, or has figured out, that the fact that I disappeared is related to the fact that I was interested in him.

This is informative.

 

The top soil have been laid to rest. He comprehends the situation, and the fact that he is choosing to be seated in this position of "I-am-allowing-the-door-to-be-open-but-not-admitting-anything" is revealing for any woman.

 

You have to accept his personal concept/preference.

 

In addition, the way he corresponded with you his intentions -or rather his thoughts on the matter of "Interest" is plainly dull and hopeless. He [actually, everything -the entire situation on his part] was very wishy-washy.

 

I hope you can find comfort in the your own "In-Put".

 

The turn of events, in the situation, is only a gut injection of validation for letting go of everything [ -almost everything] associated with him.

Very intelligent, but when it comes to understanding people and situations he is either completely retarded or just *playing dumb.

Indeed. I have encountered men that only profess the surface layers of understanding the opposite sex but of course -can't grasp the real meaning behind their words/actions.

 

I am, afraid, The Raft Man will turn into the above persona. The anticipation of such grief with truly destroy my soft interest.

No apologies needed - I asked, and it was nice to have your update!

I would give him a chance, if I were you. many people who sound sarcastic are often sweet and caring if when you get to know them better.

And at least you know he is capable of apologizing.

At first, I thought, he wasn't the type of man that confirms his flaws/faults/mistakes. When, he expressed his sincere apology for the misunderstanding, I believed him.

 

I am struggling with taking a leap into unchartered waters. I am, strictly, trying to protect my feelings, soul, thoughts, intentions, and heart. I don't want to be taken for a rollercoaster ride -only, to realize the effects of the aftermath.

 

I sense he is rushing, things. Usually, rushing anything, is a sign of unaccountable insecurity. He, openly, is attempting to get to know me better.

 

Last time he stated: "I enjoy talking to you." . . . "I would never insult, degrade you." [Pardon the quotes -I can't remember much of the conversation.]

 

Perhaps he, just, wants to be friends. There are so many possibilities of rightfully and wrongfully labelling the hints.

 

I have decided to, slowly back away. I can't be available to him.

 

I will start a 2 week, No Contact interval. This is not a game, but rather to gather my thoughts together. So that, in due time, he will come out with his intentions and miss me.

 

This is, in one form or another, a type of blogging.

 

Remind yourself, Adunaphel, of the weak diversions he implanted.

 

Take Care,

Sand&Water

[Walk]

He said: We haven’t been invited.

I don’t have a gf.

Currently.

 

Whose "We" then? Him and the friend that back stabbed you?

 

Last time I talked with him before I blocked him, I forgot whatever subtleness and was like:

"the only reason while I am still spending so much time talking with you is that you have never clearly told me "[my name], I am not interested in you".

 

I dont' want to say this, but I honestly don't think this guy will ever come out and say he isn't interested. Not sure if you've ever been in a reverse situation of this... uhm... but I know there have been times in my past where I've had male friends who I knew were interested in me, and I never flat out said I didn't "like' them in that way. Mostly because I did like the person, I enjoyed their company, it just wasn't quite a strong enough spark there to drive me to pursue more with the person. At the time, I thought I was being nice by not being blunt about not liking them as strongly as they liked me. Plus, I did enjoy the person greatly. So it kind of clouded my feeligns on the matter.

 

Also, to be honest, it was a huge ego boost.. and as much as I'd like to say I'm above that, I'm sure that had a lot to do with my lack of informing them of what my true thoughts and feelings about them were.

 

To condense this.. I don't think he'll ever say he doesn't like you in that way. He probably finds you fun to talk to, a great person, witty and intelligent, but because of distance, or something that doesn't quite click in him, he doesn't feel that desire to make your friendship into something more. I think he is kind of using you to boost his ego and confidence.

 

I dont' have any good advice though on how to handle the situation.. I was just thinking about how guys have treated me and acted, and vice versa in the past. And the ultimate outcomes of those. And this situation reminds me of the guys that toyed with you just to make themselves feel a little more desirable.

 

I'm sorry he's being such an jerk about it though... Why can't men pull their heads out of their azzes?

[Adunaphel]

Walk,

Sand&Water,

 

thank you once again for your replies. I am sorry if I didn't thank you sooner for them, but I've been not much on LS lately - I have to catch up with some work and study. I've also been in a weird mood, and I tend to stay away expecially from my own threads when I'm feeling like that.

 

S&W,

Thank you for telling me you think he has been wishy-washy, too.

Your opinion helped to validate my feelings about him, and getting validation of your thoughts/feelings is something that really helps the coping process.

 

How are you doing with the raft man? I hope he has become less mysterious, and he has opened up more with you.

I also really hope he is not of the same brood as this guy.

 

Walk,

thank you a lot for your insightful, and very honest post.

It helped me a lot to shed some more light on the situation.

 

At the time, I thought I was being nice by not being blunt about not liking them as strongly as they liked me. Plus, I did enjoy the person greatly. So it kind of clouded my feeligns on the matter.

 

Allow me a question: were they the ones who initiated conversations, though? Was it they looking for you, or you looking for them, so to speak?

 

I have to say, if I hadn't been interested in him at all I would have probably considered him kind of "sticky".

 

I think I am mad at him because I feel like he owed me to be clear about the fact I had no chances with him (yes, *owed*) because I would have gotten over him a *very* long time ago if he hadn't been sending me mixed signals in may.

 

When at the beginning of may he had kind of hinted that he was not interested I was diappointed, but *I would have got over it* if the bloody idiot hadn't sent me mixed signals (that would spell I N T E R E S T to anyone who is not completely retarded) three weeks after.

 

I guess I am probably just trying to blame my feelings on him

 

But I seriously think he owed me to be very clear.

Either to be very clear or to get the f*ck off my back.

 

It's not like I was stalking him, he was the one initiating 90% of the conversation, the one occasionally sending me a text message *for no reason*.

 

I think it's inconsiderate to text for no reason someone who told you she is NOT a friend of you, to whom you *alreday* sent mixed signals, and who is *clearly* interested in you.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Also, I have some update.....

 

I think I might start a new thread... this is quite messed up already

 

 

OPne last thought.....guys like him should be taken out of the gene pool.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

Adunaphel,

Thank you for telling me you think he has been wishy-washy, too.

Your opinion helped to validate my feelings about him, and getting validation of your thoughts/feelings is something that really helps the coping process.

Glad to provide some help, to you. Hope things, and you are feeling better.

How are you doing with the raft man? I hope he has become less mysterious, and he has opened up more with you.

I created a new thread, in regards to the latest news.

 

Metaphorical Raft Man: He Wants My Companionship. I would appreciate it if you could provide some input.

I also really hope he is not of the same brood as this guy.

That's what I'm afraid of. I hope not.

 

So far, I want to just let go of the raft man. I don't want to place effort into establishing a connection, that may or may not guarantee me much of anything in the future.

 

I just want things to be normal. Let the situation just "happen".

I think I might start a new thread...

Yes. You should. Might get your mind off the guy!

 

Regards,

Sand&Water