Need Help With Feelings

[Michelle]

Ok... please tell me if I am crazy or what. I'll try to sum this up the best I can.

 

My close friend of about two years has been single for a long time. I as well as others have tried to set her up but to no avail. Well...recently my husband set her up with a fellow co-worker of his. He is a really nice guy and attractive as well. They have been on about 7 dates by themselves, hung out with us quite a few times, and talk on the telephone regularly. The other day he drove about 50 miles just to come and have lunch with her. I am very close with this friend of mine and love her dearly. I am very happy for her that she has finally found someone who seems to be treating her well. (It has been sometime since her last boyfriend.) My friend has a key to my house because I wanted her to have some time to spend with this guy. She lives as home with her parents, and he lives with room mates. Anyways I spent Friday evening through Saturday evening with her and this guy - granted a few hours. As happy as I am for her this relationship is driving me crazy!! I kinda feel as if they are moving too fast or something. I realize that this really isn't my problem. They are the type of couple that spend a lot of time touching, sitting on one anouthers lap, etc...I have never been this type of person either. The funny thing is is that she wasn't that way until recently when she met him. she in fact would make comments about couples who were in the vicinity touching. Saying things like "Get a room" under her breath. She wanted to cook dinner at my house so I said fine. And every time they were together I would walk in the kitchen and they would be touching. Now keep in mind my friend is a virgin, and is not in any way easy. I have approached her about the way I feel and tried to analyze my feelings. I thoght that it may be jealousy but I am not sure. I set her up before but never had this feeling. Some more information that I have is that this guy is 32 and she is 24 but that doesn't bother me. I have been married for 54 years and am happy. My husband and I hold hands and such but I've never been that way. I have a healthy relationship with my hubby. Any insight that you can give me would be apprciated.

[Guy]

I was the same way when my girlfriend and I got together at first. Before we started dating I had always hated public displays of affection. And after we started seeing each other we both got a lot of negative feedback about that type of thing. I think the deal was that since we were in a long distance relationship and both lived with roomates we got very limited time alone. Affection is a great part of a relationship especially at the beginning. So the only way we could be close sometimes was to do it in front of other people. And I know it did irritate me a lot when others got annoyed by it because it can seem like they're bitter that you are so happy. So I wouldn't make a big deal about it unless they're making out in front of you. If it's just a lot of cuddling and holding and a kiss here and there it really shouldn't be a big deal. Besides once they've been together awhile and can feel really close without that constant contact they'll calm down a bit. In the meantime let them have their fun, especially if it's been a long time for your friend...she deserves it. Both my and my sig other's best friends complained a lot and it put strain on the friendships and our relationship. My advice is to avoid this if possible, unless they're so discustingly cute that you just can't take it. Then you may want to very eloquently tell her that they should tone things down just a bit.

 

Ok... please tell me if I am crazy or what. I'll try to sum this up the best I can. My close friend of about two years has been single for a long time. I as well as others have tried to set her up but to no avail. Well...recently my husband set her up with a fellow co-worker of his. He is a really nice guy and attractive as well. They have been on about 7 dates by themselves, hung out with us quite a few times, and talk on the telephone regularly. The other day he drove about 50 miles just to come and have lunch with her. I am very close with this friend of mine and love her dearly. I am very happy for her that she has finally found someone who seems to be treating her well. (It has been sometime since her last boyfriend.) My friend has a key to my house because I wanted her to have some time to spend with this guy. She lives as home with her parents, and he lives with room mates. Anyways I spent Friday evening through Saturday evening with her and this guy - granted a few hours. As happy as I am for her this relationship is driving me crazy!! I kinda feel as if they are moving too fast or something. I realize that this really isn't my problem. They are the type of couple that spend a lot of time touching, sitting on one anouthers lap, etc...I have never been this type of person either. The funny thing is is that she wasn't that way until recently when she met him. she in fact would make comments about couples who were in the vicinity touching. Saying things like "Get a room" under her breath. She wanted to cook dinner at my house so I said fine. And every time they were together I would walk in the kitchen and they would be touching. Now keep in mind my friend is a virgin, and is not in any way easy. I have approached her about the way I feel and tried to analyze my feelings. I thoght that it may be jealousy but I am not sure. I set her up before but never had this feeling. Some more information that I have is that this guy is 32 and she is 24 but that doesn't bother me. I have been married for 54 years and am happy. My husband and I hold hands and such but I've never been that way. I have a healthy relationship with my hubby. Any insight that you can give me would be apprciated.

[Totally Confused]

I think you are getting too involved with your friends relationship, but at the same time, I can understand why - and I thing that you're also being a good, concerned friend. You've set her up and you think she and this new man are really great, you don't want her to lose herself and get hurt, if it doesn't work out. You probably also know the saying "The quickest flame dies the fastest." Well unfortunately, there is really nothing you can do. When someone's heart is involved, everything else goes out the window. They follow their heart and not their head. The only thing you can do about the quick intensity of their relationship, is to let them be. I know it may be annoying too it's the beginning stages. They're both excited right now, and it will settle down after the initial nostalgia wears off. Bear with them. Every relationship goes at the speed that is comfortable for the 2 people involved. It doesn't make it better or worse than yours relationship, just different.

 

You also are used to your friend being a certain way. Now she's in love, she's not the same person. She probably seems almost foreign to you. You probably miss the way she was and this new person is so lost in la la land, it too is frustrating. Your happy for her, but at the same time, you probably want to smack her. Again, nothing you can do when the hearts involved. You have to try to let go of trying to control this situation. It isn't yours to control. It seems you've taken her under your wings and now she's flying the coop. You have to let her be and do what makes her happy. Even if you agree or not.

 

When you were talking about your friend wispering under her breath,"Get a room," when other couples got a little to close in public, that may have been a bit of jealousy on her part. Now that she has love and is very happy, she may look at another lovey couple now, and not think a thing, except,"isn't that romantic, everyone should be in love and as happy as I am." When one isn't in love, one can't understand the feeling as much. They can remember, but it's hard to actually fully understand something, unless you're going through it, that's why she probably made those negative comments before.

 

Anyway, try not to let it get to you, and when it does, just say to yourself, "I have to focus on me not them. I can only control what's in my life. It's her lesson to learn if there is to be one, and there's nothing I can do about it." If she does get hurt, just be there for her. Good Luck and I hope everything works out for the both of you.