Signals from men?

[velvet]

What are the signs if a guy is really into you? Every man is different but when your really interested in someone I believe the signs are usually all the same right? Like a phone call once a day, plans to get together as soon as possible, a flower in between.

 

Im getting mixed signals. Where my friends say "he really digs you" and it would seem as though he really does. Than it looks like hes digging some other chick a few hours later while dancing all up on her. He says things like we are so great together. But than I only see him once a week.

 

Hes super flirty with me and can be romantic and amazing to spend time with.

 

We had an argument last night. I invited him to meet me and my girlfriend at a dance club. We had a wonderful night together when he came. Later we all decided to go to another dance club. I got there and about an hour went by and I had not seen him yet. So I walked to the other side of the club and saw him dancing with a chick. Thing is, he was dancing with her like he had with me. Looking in her eyes, holding her face and kissing her cheak. He kisses everyone on the cheak including my friends. But I felt jealous seeing him kiss someone I dont know. I turned and asked my friend If that was cold or what? She agreed with me. Two minutes later he came to me and tried to dance with me and noticed I was pissed and he asked why. I told him it was rude that I invited him to meet me at the club and he dances with another chick. He says she just a friend. Later he mentioned that he could of had her! After hearing that I felt 100% sure she was no friend.

 

Driving home my g/f calls him for me and leaves him a message saying that I was having a good time last night and he made me sad. He called me back 3 or 4 times last night on up to 6:30 in the am. We talked about it, but its not resolved. He says he danced with her because he saw me dancing with another guy. Which was true but I dance with anyone and everyone, but Im not rubbing my body on them and kissing their face like he had done. He followed me all around the club last night but I keep giving him the cold shoulder and walking away. I felt like I had no choice, but to. Hes laying the blame on me. Making it out on me and some other guy I was dancing with, who is just a friend. But he says he could tell this guy friend of mine is interested in more.

 

I havent dated this man very long but I dont know how he feels about me. I like him, and I dont want to be played. I dont wont to have to go through it. He says hes a good guy and not like the other guys Ive dated. He sences I have had a problem with men in the past and he says hes not like them.

 

I havent asked, but its possible hes seeing other women, he and I are not exclusive so I dont have the right to feel upset toward him if he is. I would like to spend more time with him and get to know him more than I do, but Im afraid to.

 

So what are the signals of being played and being serious.

 

Is there confusion and games played during the whole getting to know each other period. I wish I knew how to read the signs better. Because last night we played games all night with each other, I feel like I had just as much to do with it as him. So I think I'll let it pass.

[BeenThere]

He's a typical male, Velvet...Or should I say "boy." The hair is standing up on my neck with sudden flashbacks of the "club scene."

 

Which is why I don't frequent them!

 

John and I tried going together a couple of times. Use to like them when we were single. But we just weren't into the "meat market" thing after meeting each other. Maybe we're just getting OLD, but the one-on-dates (absent of the half-naked drunk distractions)have always been the most enjoyable for us.

 

Get him ALONE, and then figure out just how much "fun" he really is!

 

What are the signs if a guy is really into you? Every man is different but when your really interested in someone I believe the signs are usually all the same right? Like a phone call once a day, plans to get together as soon as possible, a flower in between. Im getting mixed signals. Where my friends say "he really digs you" and it would seem as though he really does. Than it looks like hes digging some other chick a few hours later while dancing all up on her. He says things like we are so great together. But than I only see him once a week. Hes super flirty with me and can be romantic and amazing to spend time with. We had an argument last night. I invited him to meet me and my girlfriend at a dance club. We had a wonderful night together when he came. Later we all decided to go to another dance club. I got there and about an hour went by and I had not seen him yet. So I walked to the other side of the club and saw him dancing with a chick. Thing is, he was dancing with her like he had with me. Looking in her eyes, holding her face and kissing her cheak. He kisses everyone on the cheak including my friends. But I felt jealous seeing him kiss someone I dont know. I turned and asked my friend If that was cold or what? She agreed with me. Two minutes later he came to me and tried to dance with me and noticed I was pissed and he asked why. I told him it was rude that I invited him to meet me at the club and he dances with another chick. He says she just a friend. Later he mentioned that he could of had her! After hearing that I felt 100% sure she was no friend. Driving home my g/f calls him for me and leaves him a message saying that I was having a good time last night and he made me sad. He called me back 3 or 4 times last night on up to 6:30 in the am. We talked about it, but its not resolved. He says he danced with her because he saw me dancing with another guy. Which was true but I dance with anyone and everyone, but Im not rubbing my body on them and kissing their face like he had done. He followed me all around the club last night but I keep giving him the cold shoulder and walking away. I felt like I had no choice, but to. Hes laying the blame on me. Making it out on me and some other guy I was dancing with, who is just a friend. But he says he could tell this guy friend of mine is interested in more. I havent dated this man very long but I dont know how he feels about me. I like him, and I dont want to be played. I dont wont to have to go through it. He says hes a good guy and not like the other guys Ive dated. He sences I have had a problem with men in the past and he says hes not like them. I havent asked, but its possible hes seeing other women, he and I are not exclusive so I dont have the right to feel upset toward him if he is. I would like to spend more time with him and get to know him more than I do, but Im afraid to. So what are the signals of being played and being serious. Is there confusion and games played during the whole getting to know each other period. I wish I knew how to read the signs better. Because last night we played games all night with each other, I feel like I had just as much to do with it as him. So I think I'll let it pass.

[0=====>]

You're still coming back here for advice regarding this player/loser? To recap, this is the guy who's wined and dined you and wore a suit on your first date. This is the guy who tells you smooth, BS lines to charm you yet you don't see it. This is the guy who STOOD YOU UP TWICE, am I correct? The first time it was on a Friday night.when you both had plans but he called you up last minute and said he had to work late (yeah right). Then you ended up seeing him at a club on another occasion, you told him you didn't appreciate him treating you rudely like that (standing you up) but you kissed his ass, told him to call you some time and now you're still with him/back here complaining about him? Guess some people just learn a lot more slowly than others.

 

The guy is a chump. And you're fairly dense to not see this despite the 346 warning signs and red flags. He's a player. P L A Y E R. But let me ask you, what do you expect with chumps you meet at a club? Those places are meat markets where everyone is on the make. 99% of them are just looking to score, both men and women. If you want to meet a nice guy who treats you right, why don't you spend some time where intelligent and decent people hang out? If you hang out with dogs, you'll end up getting fleas.

 

What do you even like about this guy? It's so obvious to us reading your posts that he's on the make and likely has 5 other women on the go. That night he stood you up wasn't because he had to work but because he decided to date someone else. Of course he's on the dancefloor sucking face with other chicks. But if he does that when you're there, what the hell do you think he does when you're not there? Think. Use your head. Can't feel sorry for someone who stays with an obvious creep but keeps complaining about him. Either put up with his games or stop wasting your time and move on. Geez.

[velvet]

Sure we have been alone, and my first impression of him was hes good people. Now, I just dont know anymore. Im jealous of my g/f. She meet a man at the club two weeks ago, and they are together every chance they get. He even made a dental appointmet at her office to see her. He brings her flowers and at the club they dont part for a second.

 

Thats what I want. I want someone to be crazy about me.

He's a typical male, Velvet...Or should I say "boy." The hair is standing up on my neck with sudden flashbacks of the "club scene." Which is why I don't frequent them! John and I tried going together a couple of times. Use to like them when we were single. But we just weren't into the "meat market" thing after meeting each other. Maybe we're just getting OLD, but the one-on-dates (absent of the half-naked drunk distractions)have always been the most enjoyable for us. Get him ALONE, and then figure out just how much "fun" he really is!

[Bill]

What planet is this relationship from?

 

I haven't heard of a guy so uninterested.

 

That signal is enough.

 

I'm not going to tell you any signals because it seems that you and your guy there are completely different from how I am.

 

I just know when a guy likes a girl, he doesn't dance with another one!

 

What are the signs if a guy is really into you? Every man is different but when your really interested in someone I believe the signs are usually all the same right? Like a phone call once a day, plans to get together as soon as possible, a flower in between. Im getting mixed signals. Where my friends say "he really digs you" and it would seem as though he really does. Than it looks like hes digging some other chick a few hours later while dancing all up on her. He says things like we are so great together. But than I only see him once a week. Hes super flirty with me and can be romantic and amazing to spend time with. We had an argument last night. I invited him to meet me and my girlfriend at a dance club. We had a wonderful night together when he came. Later we all decided to go to another dance club. I got there and about an hour went by and I had not seen him yet. So I walked to the other side of the club and saw him dancing with a chick. Thing is, he was dancing with her like he had with me. Looking in her eyes, holding her face and kissing her cheak. He kisses everyone on the cheak including my friends. But I felt jealous seeing him kiss someone I dont know. I turned and asked my friend If that was cold or what? She agreed with me. Two minutes later he came to me and tried to dance with me and noticed I was pissed and he asked why. I told him it was rude that I invited him to meet me at the club and he dances with another chick. He says she just a friend. Later he mentioned that he could of had her! After hearing that I felt 100% sure she was no friend. Driving home my g/f calls him for me and leaves him a message saying that I was having a good time last night and he made me sad. He called me back 3 or 4 times last night on up to 6:30 in the am. We talked about it, but its not resolved. He says he danced with her because he saw me dancing with another guy. Which was true but I dance with anyone and everyone, but Im not rubbing my body on them and kissing their face like he had done. He followed me all around the club last night but I keep giving him the cold shoulder and walking away. I felt like I had no choice, but to. Hes laying the blame on me. Making it out on me and some other guy I was dancing with, who is just a friend. But he says he could tell this guy friend of mine is interested in more. I havent dated this man very long but I dont know how he feels about me. I like him, and I dont want to be played. I dont wont to have to go through it. He says hes a good guy and not like the other guys Ive dated. He sences I have had a problem with men in the past and he says hes not like them. I havent asked, but its possible hes seeing other women, he and I are not exclusive so I dont have the right to feel upset toward him if he is. I would like to spend more time with him and get to know him more than I do, but Im afraid to. So what are the signals of being played and being serious. Is there confusion and games played during the whole getting to know each other period. I wish I knew how to read the signs better. Because last night we played games all night with each other, I feel like I had just as much to do with it as him. So I think I'll let it pass.

[lona]

Hes laying the blame on me. Making

it out on me and some other guy I was dancing with, who is just a friend. But he says he could tell this guy friend of mine is interested in more.

The issue here is not whether the other guy is attracted to you (because frankly there's nothing you can do about that) but whether you're into the other guy. It sounds like he's playing stupid head games with you, and trying to distract you from the fact that he's acting like a player.

 

THis is my theory on how to tell if a guy's interested or playing, when he's sending mixed signals:

 

mixed signals (but he's sincere): he expresses interest and withdraws (because he's not sure if you're into him or not), expresses interest and withdraws etc. Eventually he'll express more consistent, unwavering interest, especially as he realizes that you're into him.

 

mixed signals (and he's playing): expresses serious interest and then withdraws from you while he goes to somebody else (who he's PRIVATELY expressing interest in), expresses interest in you just as you become convinced that he's completely phony, and then afterwards once you're convinced that everything's ok he withdraws again to hit on someone else, etc.

 

the key difference I think is that the player will try to deny, minimize, or distract you from the fact that he's hitting on other women. And he'll try to tell you that he cares more about you than her, but he won't actually commit to you in any real, test-able way. He's hoping that you'll ignore his actions and listen to his words (lies). Meanwhile he's giving the other women another version of the same story.

 

If you can't tell which category you're dealing with yet then just keep your eyes wide open and pay attention to his actions as well as his words.

[Angel]

Sweetie, this man is a player! When a man loves you and only wants you--you will know it. He will certainly not act like tnis one does. Let him go--for your sake. Hold no hard feeling for him--you admitted it was not exclusive. When a man loves you he takes himself off the market and asks you to do the same. It is that simple! Good luck.

You're still coming back here for advice regarding this player/loser? To recap, this is the guy who's wined and dined you and wore a suit on your first date. This is the guy who tells you smooth, BS lines to charm you yet you don't see it. This is the guy who STOOD YOU UP TWICE, am I correct? The first time it was on a Friday night.when you both had plans but he called you up last minute and said he had to work late (yeah right). Then you ended up seeing him at a club on another occasion, you told him you didn't appreciate him treating you rudely like that (standing you up) but you kissed his ass, told him to call you some time and now you're still with him/back here complaining about him? Guess some people just learn a lot more slowly than others. The guy is a chump. And you're fairly dense to not see this despite the 346 warning signs and red flags. He's a player. P L A Y E R. But let me ask you, what do you expect with chumps you meet at a club? Those places are meat markets where everyone is on the make. 99% of them are just looking to score, both men and women. If you want to meet a nice guy who treats you right, why don't you spend some time where intelligent and decent people hang out? If you hang out with dogs, you'll end up getting fleas. What do you even like about this guy? It's so obvious to us reading your posts that he's on the make and likely has 5 other women on the go. That night he stood you up wasn't because he had to work but because he decided to date someone else. Of course he's on the dancefloor sucking face with other chicks. But if he does that when you're there, what the hell do you think he does when you're not there? Think. Use your head. Can't feel sorry for someone who stays with an obvious creep but keeps complaining about him. Either put up with his games or stop wasting your time and move on. Geez.

[clia]

Velvet,

Im getting mixed signals. Where my friends say "he really digs you" and it would seem as though he really does.

What has he done to show you he digs you? With men, actions speak louder than words. So what if he took you to a nice restaurant once or met you at a club? So what? Anybody can do that.

He says things like we are so great together.

Blah, blah, blah. Talk means nothing.

But than I only see him once a week.

Red flag! You just met him. If he really liked you, he would want to see you much more than this. He would be calling you every day asking when he can see you next.

Hes super flirty with me and can be romantic and amazing to spend time with.

Being flirty means nothing. Anybody can put on that act. And there are lots of people out there who are amazing to spend time with.

We had an argument last night. I invited him to meet me and my girlfriend at a dance club.

Never do this again. Let him chase you. Don't invite him anywhere. Tell him you're going out with your friends to the clubs. Tell him to have a nice night without you. You are letting him have the pleasure of seeing you with no effort on his part. Not good.

Thing is, he was dancing with her like he had with me. Looking in her eyes, holding her face and kissing her cheak.

So, what's your question here? Why are you making excuses for him? If he really was into you, he would have been with you, not her.

He kisses everyone on the cheak including my friends.

Yuck. Sounds like a playa to me.

But I felt jealous seeing him kiss someone I dont know.

Don't give him the satisfaction next time. Act like you didn't even see. Have fun. Whatever...you have better things to do than let him hurt your feelings!

Later he mentioned that he could of had her!

Red flag! Why is he bragging about this? I hope you changed the subject quickly after he said that, so he knew he was boring you with his bravado.

Driving home my g/f calls him for me and leaves him a message saying that I was having a good time last night and he made me sad.

NO, NO, NO!!! Why did she do this? Never do this again. This is very junior high. Act like an adult, and request the same of your friends. Don't call him. Let him call you.

He called me back 3 or 4 times last night on up to 6:30 in the am.

How rude to call you in the middle of the night.

He followed me all around the club last night but I keep giving him the cold shoulder and walking away.

Is this true, or just his excuse for dancing with another girl?

Hes laying the blame on me.

Why do you want to be with him? You are already "fighting." You shouldn't be fighting yet! You just met. And why be with someone who can't take responsibility for their own actions? He knows he's wrong, but he's trying to play you into believing that he only acted because he was hurt because of you. Always the victim, those playas.

But he says he could tell this guy friend of mine is interested in more.

So what? None of his business. And frankly, his dancing with another girl is none of your business now either since you aren't exclusive. However, the way adults act when they like each other is not doing things like that in front of a person they have an interest in having a relationship with. Making others jealous backfires in the end. (As you have seen here.)

I havent dated this man very long but I dont know how he feels about me.

IMO, he may think you are a nice gal, but he's not into you. He wouldn't act this way if he was.

I like him, and I dont want to be played.

Too late! Disappear off the face of the earth for a few weeks. Don't return his calls.

He says hes a good guy and not like the other guys Ive dated.

Of course he says this. Do you think he's going to come out with the truth. Again, actions speak louder than words. Anyone can say anything.

I havent asked, but its possible hes seeing other women, he and I are not exclusive so I dont have the right to feel upset toward him if he is.

If you are only seeing him once a week, I'd say it's highly likely he's dating other women. As he should be able to if you are not exclusive. Don't even ask. It's none of your business. And you should be dating other men as well.

I would like to spend more time with him and get to know him more than I do, but Im afraid to.

I don't blame you. I'm still unclear why you like him so much, other than his looks. You've gone on and on about how great looking he is, but have been posting here about what a jerk he is. Just because he's pretty on the outside doesn't mean he's pretty on the inside.

So what are the signals of being played and being serious.

Players will lay it on thick and do/say whatever they can to keep you hanging on. They usually don't mean it. They spend just enough time with you to keep you around, but no more than that. They call only to keep the lines of communciation open, but no more than that. They don't introduce you to friends, co-workers, or family. They keep you on the outside of their life. They take you to expensive restaurants on the first date to reel you in. (Guys who have a lot to offer don't feel that they have to do this on a first date. No one in their right mind spends an obscene amount of money on a girl on a first date when they don't even know if there will be a second one.) They blame everything they do on someone else. They play the victim to make you feel sorry for them and take them back. etc.....

 

When a guy really likes a girl, he acts like your gf's guy. He calls often. He wants to see you. He doesn't leave your side when you are out. He wants to talk to you. He asks questions about your life. etc... I don't think men are different about this at all.

Is there confusion and games played during the whole getting to know each other period.

There shouldn't be. No this much. It's one thing to play a little hard to get, but this is crazy.

Because last night we played games all night with each other, I feel like I had just as much to do with it as him. So I think I'll let it pass.

Player Mission Succeeded. You fell right into his trap by blaming yourself. Do you really believe that the way he acted is the result of what you did? Do your really think a guy who liked you would act that way? I don't know why you are allowing yourself to be put through this. Forget about him. Move on with your life. I really don't think he's out for anything serious with you.

[BeenThere]

By a show of posts, How many of us ladies out there have heard THIS ONE before!

 

You guys really need to come up with a more original line. Don't you ever get together and compare notes?

 

Jeesh!

 

Velvet, What has he done to show you he digs you? With men, actions speak louder than words. So what if he took you to a nice restaurant once or met you at a club? So what? Anybody can do that. Blah, blah, blah. Talk means nothing. Red flag! You just met him. If he really liked you, he would want to see you much more than this. He would be calling you every day asking when he can see you next. Being flirty means nothing. Anybody can put on that act. And there are lots of people out there who are amazing to spend time with. Never do this again. Let him chase you. Don't invite him anywhere. Tell him you're going out with your friends to the clubs. Tell him to have a nice night without you. You are letting him have the pleasure of seeing you with no effort on his part. Not good. So, what's your question here? Why are you making excuses for him? If he really was into you, he would have been with you, not her. Yuck. Sounds like a playa to me. Don't give him the satisfaction next time. Act like you didn't even see. Have fun. Whatever...you have better things to do than let him hurt your feelings! Red flag! Why is he bragging about this? I hope you changed the subject quickly after he said that, so he knew he was boring you with his bravado. NO, NO, NO!!! Why did she do this? Never do this again. This is very junior high. Act like an adult, and request the same of your friends. Don't call him. Let him call you. How rude to call you in the middle of the night. Is this true, or just his excuse for dancing with another girl? Why do you want to be with him? You are already "fighting." You shouldn't be fighting yet! You just met. And why be with someone who can't take responsibility for their own actions? He knows he's wrong, but he's trying to play you into believing that he only acted because he was hurt because of you. Always the victim, those playas. So what? None of his business. And frankly, his dancing with another girl is none of your business now either since you aren't exclusive. However, the way adults act when they like each other is not doing things like that in front of a person they have an interest in having a relationship with. Making others jealous backfires in the end. (As you have seen here.) IMO, he may think you are a nice gal, but he's not into you. He wouldn't act this way if he was. Too late! Disappear off the face of the earth for a few weeks. Don't return his calls. Of course he says this. Do you think he's going to come out with the truth. Again, actions speak louder than words. Anyone can say anything.

 

If you are only seeing him once a week, I'd say it's highly likely he's dating other women. As he should be able to if you are not exclusive. Don't even ask. It's none of your business. And you should be dating other men as well. I don't blame you. I'm still unclear why you like him so much, other than his looks. You've gone on and on about how great looking he is, but have been posting here about what a jerk he is. Just because he's pretty on the outside doesn't mean he's pretty on the inside. Players will lay it on thick and do/say whatever they can to keep you hanging on. They usually don't mean it. They spend just enough time with you to keep you around, but no more than that. They call only to keep the lines of communciation open, but no more than that. They don't introduce you to friends, co-workers, or family. They keep you on the outside of their life. They take you to expensive restaurants on the first date to reel you in. (Guys who have a lot to offer don't feel that they have to do this on a first date. No one in their right mind spends an obscene amount of money on a girl on a first date when they don't even know if there will be a second one.) They blame everything they do on someone else. They play the victim to make you feel sorry for them and take them back. etc..... When a guy really likes a girl, he acts like your gf's guy. He calls often. He wants to see you. He doesn't leave your side when you are out. He wants to talk to you. He asks questions about your life. etc... I don't think men are different about this at all. There shouldn't be. No this much. It's one thing to play a little hard to get, but this is crazy. Player Mission Succeeded. You fell right into his trap by blaming yourself. Do you really believe that the way he acted is the result of what you did? Do your really think a guy who liked you would act that way? I don't know why you are allowing yourself to be put through this. Forget about him. Move on with your life. I really don't think he's out for anything serious with you.

 

[clia]

I think the operative question is how many ladies HAVEN'T heard this one before...

 

Must be in the guys rulebook it's so overused. But girls still fall for it. Guess that's why they still use it!

By a show of posts, How many of us ladies out there have heard THIS ONE before! You guys really need to come up with a more original line. Don't you ever get together and compare notes? Jeesh!