Adultery should be legal

[amerikajin]

Hi folks!

 

Yes, you read that right - adultery should be legal. Let me explain.

 

You see, the divorce statistics prove that we have this idiotic notion of what marriage is and should be. We think that marriage's fortunes should hinge upon that emotional high called 'being in love'. But when that emotional high fades, and when couples are no longer feeling 'in love' with the other person, then they want out.

 

I'm sure many will agree with me that not being in love is not necessarily a reason for divorce, especially if you have kids. Marriage is a commitment, and commitments should be honored unless there is a situation that poses a threat to the other person's well-being (i.e. abusive or grossly irresponsible to the point of bringing the other person down with them, etc...).

 

But not being in love? Not having sex enough? Nah, that's not a reason for divorce - and yet that's what happens in a lot of dead marriages. Of course there are the arguments over money, power, control in the relationship, but not being in love, or not knowing the other person anymore...that's bogus.

 

I think women and men should have roles in relationships. They don't necessarily have to fit the traditional gender roles, but a couple has to iron out what those roles are going to be in a relationship before said relationship really gets off the ground. And surely, over time, there will be some changes, but again, the two people should cooperate to that end.

 

But hey, if I, as a man, want go shag some 24 year old secretary, why shouldn't I be allowed to? And hey, if a woman wants to get it on with someone else, she should be allowed to as well. People want sex, and sometimes they're going to want sex with other people outside their marriage/relationship - that's just, like, nature, you know!?

 

The problem is, divorce is legally too easy.

[KittenMoon]

Yes, you read that right - adultery should be legal.

 

So should drinking alcohol. And owning dogs. And playing baseball.

[rainfall]

But hey, if I, as a man, want go shag some 24 year old secretary, why shouldn't I be allowed to? And hey, if a woman wants to get it on with someone else, she should be allowed to as well. People want sex, and sometimes they're going to want sex with other people outside their marriage/relationship - that's just, like, nature, you know!?

 

If you wanna go shag a 24 year old because your wife is no longer good enough for you and because you are shallow and only care about looks then maybe you shouldn't off got married in the first place. I really don't think its nature to wanna sleep with a bunch of people. I only wanna sleep with my bf and I think if someone wants sex with someone outside their relationship, maybe they should stop and see if their relationship is actually one they should be in.

[Tony T]

First of all, your thread title implies that adultery is illegal. It is not in most countries. It is, however, a breach of contract which is a civil matter.

 

Your concept of cheating is understandable. However, if people are going to make commitments to be loyal to each other they should keep their word or change the contract. The unfortunate thing is that most people, especially the young, think the love "high" will last forever so they don't give thought to the possibility they may want to be with other people in the future.

 

Betrayal hurts and causes grave damage to spouses and entire families.

 

The antidote for all of this is simply to better educate our young people about marriage and emotions. We give them too much romantic BS. They experience the best part of it and think it will last forever. Our biggest mistake as humans is that we think everything that's great will last forever...great stock markets, great real estate markets...great relationships.

 

The problem isn't that divorce is too easy. The problem is a basic human one. The grass always looks better between the legs of the person next door, simple as that. Many members of our current generation weren't taught the morals and principals of yesteryear. It's anything goes, no matter what.

 

I think, really, that marriage may just be on the way out. It's awful for the kids but millions of them now only have one parent anyway. It's much better for them to be happy with one parent than to grow up watching one of them banging the next door neighbor while the other is at work.

 

The problem isn't that divorce is too easy. It's that getting laid is way too easy!

[amerikajin]

First of all, your thread title implies that adultery is illegal. It is not in most countries. It is, however, a breach of contract which is a civil matter.

 

Your concept of cheating is understandable. However, if people are going to make commitments to be loyal to each other they should keep their word or change the contract. The unfortunate thing is that most people, especially the young, think the love "high" will last forever so they don't give thought to the possibility they may want to be with other people in the future.

 

Betrayal hurts and causes grave damage to spouses and entire families.

 

The antidote for all of this is simply to better educate our young people about marriage and emotions. We give them too much romantic BS. They experience the best part of it and think it will last forever. Our biggest mistake as humans is that we think everything that's great will last forever...great stock markets, great real estate markets...great relationships.

 

The problem isn't that divorce is too easy. The problem is a basic human one. The grass always looks better between the legs of the person next door, simple as that. Many members of our current generation weren't taught the morals and principals of yesteryear. It's anything goes, no matter what.

 

I think, really, that marriage may just be on the way out. It's awful for the kids but millions of them now only have one parent anyway. It's much better for them to be happy with one parent than to grow up watching one of them banging the next door neighbor while the other is at work.

 

The problem isn't that divorce is too easy. It's that getting laid is way too easy!

 

Tony, my friend, you're romanticizing a past that never existed. People used to cheat back in the 20th Century - hell, they even did it during the Victorian Age. It's just that people were a lot more discreet about it than they used to be, and people didn't make such a big deal out of it because, well, basically it was men who went out and did the cheating while women were largely confined to their homes - after all, not being able to earn money meant that they didn't dare cross their husband, lest they get thrown out onto the streets in shame with nobody to support them - it had nothing to do with virtues that were or weren't taught.

 

The difference is that, now, women can get in on the game, too. And the other difference is, and a bigger one, divorce court has been seen as increasingly an option for those who aren't satisfied with their marriages. In the old days, divorce was a no-no, a matter of shame.

 

Throughout history, though, humans have on the one hand entered into matrimony with the pretense of maintaining the ideal of fidelity; in reality, humans want to f--k other humans from time to time. No need to sexually repress yourself, I say. Just be sensible about it.

[shoedevil]

Throughout history, though, humans have on the one hand entered into matrimony with the pretense of maintaining the ideal of fidelity; in reality, humans want to f--k other humans from time to time. No need to sexually repress yourself, I say. Just be sensible about it.

Just a simple History Major's view: Marriage has historically been a economic contract between the two families involved. It was a patriarchal institution that developed in order protect land and resources. Fidelity and romantic notions evolved as ideals over time in the West. What you're advocating is open relationships. And you're quite free to enter into them. Nobody's stopping you. I don't know what you're complaining about. Maybe you're just upset that swingers aren't guaranteed social acceptance. People are very diverse, you know. Not every man or woman instinctively wants to screw every other thing that moves. I doubt most do. We're not slaves to our genes. And the divorce rate for young people in their 20s and 30s who are getting married for the first time is around 40%. Maybe you should find out why 85-90% of Americans (men and women) admit that they are happiest when in monogamous, committed, conflict-free relationships...

[Tony T]

"Throughout history, though, humans have on the one hand entered into matrimony with the pretense of maintaining the ideal of fidelity; in reality, humans want to f--k other humans from time to time. No need to sexually repress yourself, I say. Just be sensible about it."

 

Well, you do have a point there. So, then, what the hell's the point?

[dropdeadlegs]

But hey, if I, as a man, want go shag some 24 year old secretary, why shouldn't I be allowed to?

 

You don't specifically state whether or not YOU are married, but I am assuming you are, otherwise why would you care about any of this, right?

With that assumption...

 

...if people are going to make commitments to be loyal to each other they should keep their word or change the contract.

 

Many marriage vows ie: "contracts" vow fidelity to one another. However, contracts can be renegotiated assuming the approval of all parties. Ask your wife to renegotiate.

 

Betrayal hurts and causes grave damage to spouses and entire families.

 

You might want to talk to your kids about any renegotiation agreements, too, since they could be subjected to shame, humiliation, and gossip should your "shags" with other ladies somehow come to their attention.

 

...Marriage has historically been a economic contract between the two families involved. It was a patriarchal institution that developed in order protect land and resources. Fidelity and romantic notions evolved as ideals over time in the West. What you're advocating is open relationships. And you're quite free to enter into them. Nobody's stopping you. I don't know what you're complaining about. Maybe you're just upset that swingers aren't guaranteed social acceptance

 

Maybe you should find out why 85-90% of Americans (men and women) admit that they are happiest when in monogamous, committed, conflict-free relationships...

 

I don't know about the percentages quoted, but do know that I am happiest in that kind of relationship. I have never been in an "open" relationship and would not want to be, myself. Marriages in many other countries are still by and large economic contracts and often prearranged by parents. A move to another country could be the solution to your complaints.

[Guest]

Maslow. Said humans have love/belonging needs as well as safety/security needs. A good relationship (i.e. in which both people remain loyal and loving to one another) fulfils both those needs to a major degree. Admittedly, they are higher-order needs than just the needs for love and sex, but hopefully at least some people in the world are trying to fulfil other than the lowest-order needs (food, sex, sleep, excretion).

 

So it's awful sad to see so many people speak of only sex as a need that must be honored. Forget wanting belonging or trust or any of the needs that are generated someplace other than in the primal brain - 'git me some beer and a burger and booty and that's all I need'.

 

Ain't life grand.

[Moose]

Marriage should be a covenant.

 

Contracts are too conditional.

 

Yes, it is possible for a marriage to be one. I have one. Many people I know have one. Some even have them where infidelity had been involved, but they've overcome it, and by doing so now have a stronger covenant than ever before.

 

Yes, divorce is too easy....so is getting laid in this day and age....too easy....

 

I think we can try all we want to teach our kids the values that'll avoid them taking the path of infidelity, but unless we ourselves live by example they haven't got a snowballs chance......

[westernxer]

I thought adultery was legal.

 

I mean, they can't arrest you for it anywhere in the Western world.

[Art_Critic]

adultery

 

Consensual sexual relations by a married person with someone other than his or her spouse. In many states, adultery is technically a crime, though people are rarely prosecuted for it. In states that have retained fault grounds for divorce, adultery is always sufficient grounds for a divorce. In addition, some states alter the distribution of property between divorcing spouses in cases of adultery, giving less to the "cheating" spouse.

 

 

In NC it is called Criminal Conversation to sleep with a married person

 

 

It is a criminal offense in the State of Alabama.

 

It seems the list goes on and on.. So yes it appears that adultry is illegal.

 

But the just punishment seems to be divorce rather than criminal punishment

[insomnie]

What you are advocating, amerikajin, is an open relationship. While it's not ok to lie to people that you promised fidelity to about shagging 24 year olds at the office, there are some people that would be ok with this arrangement. Personally, not my cup of tea, though.

 

I think there are a couple of reasons people choose monogamy. You are right that it is human nature to want to have sex with others, but you're forgetting that it is also human nature to be jealous. Sex is finite, which means that if you're doing it with a hot 24 year old, you AREN'T doing it with your spouse. Of course, under your arrangement she can go find some on the side, but this constant search for partners would get exhausting, especially for people who have other thigns going on in their lives like children and work. Plus, sex is never just sex...the more time you spend apart, the further apart you grow, so by constnatly rotating partners you basically condemn yourself to a life of unfulfilling relationships.

 

It's kind of sad that kids nowadays grow up with so few models of GOOD lasting relaitonships that many have it in their heads that there is no such thing as a happy marriage, that effort and commitment just aren't worth it. I look at my parents, happily married for 25 years, and I know that they are.

 

Anyway, something else you mentioned also stuck in my mind, amerikajin. You said that short of being in a dangerous situation, divroce shouldn't be an option. Well, something like 1 in 4 Americans nowadays have an std. Sex outside a commited monogamous relationship IS dangerous, and it's unfair to expose your spouse/gf to all the nasty crap you can get by shagging 24 year olds. That's another reason some prefer monogamy: you are guaranteed sex (hopefully), and you know it won't make you sick.

[dropdeadlegs]

adultery

 

Consensual sexual relations by a married person with someone other than his or her spouse. In many states, adultery is technically a crime, though people are rarely prosecuted for it. In states that have retained fault grounds for divorce, adultery is always sufficient grounds for a divorce. In addition, some states alter the distribution of property between divorcing spouses in cases of adultery, giving less to the "cheating" spouse.

 

 

In NC it is called Criminal Conversation to sleep with a married person

 

 

It is a criminal offense in the State of Alabama.

 

It seems the list goes on and on.. So yes it appears that adultry is illegal.

 

But the just punishment seems to be divorce rather than criminal punishment

 

In my state adultery and conviction of a felony by your spouse are grounds for an immediate divorce, no six month waiting period.

 

I believe adultery is called Alienation of Affection in many states and that an alienated spouse can actually sue the OM/OW for monetary damages, but that is a civil matter as pointed out by Tony T in one of his posts.

 

Covenant marriage...I think my state (Louisiana) may still offer that. I don't know much about it, but I seem to have heard that they are not as easy to get out of through divorce. That may not be a bad idea. I have always thought it was very simple and easy to get married and very complicated, expensive and hard to get divorced. I suppose if you have an elaborate wedding, marriage would be expensive, but a license and a Justice of the Peace, Clerk of Court, Judge or whatever is required are pretty cheap.

[dropdeadlegs]

something like 1 in 4 Americans nowadays have an std. Sex outside a commited monogamous relationship IS dangerous, and it's unfair to expose your spouse/gf to all the nasty crap you can get by shagging 24 year olds. That's another reason some prefer monogamy: you are guaranteed sex (hopefully), and you know it won't make you sick.

 

I don't know about marriage anymore. but that is a very important reason why I choose monogamy. When someone complains that being in a relationship means you can only have sex with one person, I reply that my BF CAN have sex with someone else. Temptations may be out there every day. What our relationship means is that if he wants or chooses to have sex with someone else, he can, but he can't have sex WITH ME anymore.

 

And vice versa, of course.

[RecordProducer]

Hi folks!

 

Yes, you read that right - adultery should be legal.

Geez, I stopped for a moment and thought: "Am I going crazy or what? Didn't this say 'illegal' half an hour ago? "

 

Adultery is legal! And very welcomed by our society.

[Rooster_DAR]

Not every man or woman instinctively wants to screw every other thing that moves. I doubt most do. We're not slaves to our genes.

 

First, I believe adultery is illegal in most U.S. states. I could be wrong but that's what I've read.

 

Second, the quoted statement above I will somewhat argue with. I believe there is a natural driving force that creates attraction, and the need to pair with the opposite sex (sometimes the same sex). I also believe the genes are part of the driving force behind reproduction and evolution of the species. The only reason were different from any other living creature, is that our brains evolved into extreme cognizance which inevitably gave us what we know as emotions (guilt, sadness, anger, depression, etc...).

 

I know there are many of you who will ignore this notion, but at some point I think we will all realize that nature is more powerful than our will to change it. I"m not sure if we could eventually overpower these natural forces, but time will tell.

 

In lamence terms, we are born to bonk the opposite sex and that's the driving force behind evolution and pro-creation.

 

Regards,

[CrushedOrgans]

not sure why you think this an original concept. people who feel this way, as someone mentioned, can opt for an open relationship. may be harder to find, but maybe not, since so many people are cheating anyway.

 

if you can't find it, there's the option of accepting the conditions of what many consider the norm--a monogamous relationship--or staying single.

 

legalizing something doesn't mean that everyone will become accepting of it, same as making it completely illegal will not stop people who want to.

[amerikajin]

Many states have not made adultery a crime, but there are legal consequences for adultery. And more recently, in a few cases, lawsuits have not only been filed against the offending spouse, but also against the third party for so-called 'alienation of affection' statutes which remained on the books largely unnoticed in most jurisdictions for a long time.

 

I don't know, I just don't see why we get so worked up over adultery. I'm advocating that people cheat on their partners - ideally, we wouldn't do that. But I just find it interesting that publicly we shame adulterers when research shows that nearly half of all people who've ever been married have engaged in at least one incident of adultery in their lifetime. Granted, there's adultery and there's ADULTERY - as in a full-blown affair.

 

In Asia, lots of people have affairs. Ain't no big deal, really. People just tend to use discretion out of respect for their partner. It used to be only a male thing but now the women are getting in on the act as well. I can only speak for Japan, but I'd say 75 percent of the men here have had some sort of extra-marital sex, and I wouldn't be surprised if the percentage is higher. I've heard that's true in other Asian countries as well. And I think that more than half of men in America have cheated at least once, and I would suspect the number's just as high in other Western countries. Women cheat less, but not out of virtue - they simply bear the greater burden of shame due to traditional values of the sex roles, and moreover, it also has to do with economics. A smart woman isn't going to get herself thrown out on the street left to support herself wearing a scarlet letter A on her forehead.

[magichands]

cynical cynical cynical

[rainfall]

Not every man or woman instinctively wants to screw every other thing that moves. I doubt most do. We're not slaves to our genes. quote]

 

I agree with this. I really don't wanna screw anyone I am not in a committed relationship with. Just plain sex for the sake of sex doesn't do anything for me. I got a vibrator to meet those needs. I don't understand why some people find it hard to belive that every human doesn't wanna sleep with anyone just for the sake of sex.

[magichands]

I don't understand why some people find it hard to belive that every human doesn't wanna sleep with anyone just for the sake of sex.

Men understand.

[Adunaphel]

 

But hey, if I, as a man, want go shag some 24 year old secretary, why shouldn't I be allowed to? And hey, if a woman wants to get it on with someone else, she should be allowed to as well. People want sex, and sometimes they're going to want sex with other people outside their marriage/relationship - that's just, like, nature, you know!?

 

I think the real problem is that an awful lot of people would shag the hot 24 years old secretary but would not want their W to shag the tall and muscolar windsurfer. And vice versa.

 

Honestly, would you be able to handle the fact that your partner has sex with someone else? If so, I fully respect your point of view.

 

If you feel this way, though, you should marry, or get together with, someone who shares your views. Unfortunately, you might have problems finding that someone. Women generally find it more difficult to separate sex and emotions. So you might also be dumped for someone she was supposed to have "just sex" with.

 

I am actually quite sure that a number of guys get married, or get into a monogamous relationship, mainly to have sex on regular basis. Or, generically speaking, someone waiting at home for them (it does not matter if she has a bigger income and does not cook!!!).

 

And I'm actually sure that many women when they get married give up the thrill of getting a ton of romance while getting pursued by new guys to be with someone who will NOT sleep with other people.

Or whatever they get married for, it's surely not to get sex on a regular basis.

Ugly women can have sex with no strings attached with handsome guys, so if women are sex-starved, it's usually because they are picky or need to feel an emotional connection.

[amerikajin]

I think the real problem is that an awful lot of people would shag the hot 24 years old secretary but would not want their W to shag the tall and muscolar windsurfer. And vice versa.

 

Honestly, would you be able to handle the fact that your partner has sex with someone else? If so, I fully respect your point of view.

 

If you feel this way, though, you should marry, or get together with, someone who shares your views. Unfortunately, you might have problems finding that someone. Women generally find it more difficult to separate sex and emotions. So you might also be dumped for someone she was supposed to have "just sex" with.

 

I am actually quite sure that a number of guys get married, or get into a monogamous relationship, mainly to have sex on regular basis. Or, generically speaking, someone waiting at home for them (it does not matter if she has a bigger income and does not cook!!!).

 

And I'm actually sure that many women when they get married give up the thrill of getting a ton of romance while getting pursued by new guys to be with someone who will NOT sleep with other people.

Or whatever they get married for, it's surely not to get sex on a regular basis.

Ugly women can have sex with no strings attached with handsome guys, so if women are sex-starved, it's usually because they are picky or need to feel an emotional connection.

 

I don't know how I would handle infidelity. Fortunately, I've not experienced it in any of my relationships - I've never been married.

 

But if I were, I can't say I would automatically throw the girl out of the house. If I were married right now, at the ripe young age of 32, and didn't have kids (which I don't), I'd probably seek a peaceful way out of the marriage. But if I were older, had kids and so forth, well, it wouldn't be that easy. Maybe we could just strike some agreement: I bang who I want, you bang who you want - we just stay out of each other's way and put on the nice, happy face when we're at home. :) Happy! Happy! Happy!

[Adunaphel]

I don't know how I would handle infidelity. Fortunately, I've not experienced it in any of my relationships - I've never been married.

 

But if I were, I can't say I would automatically throw the girl out of the house. If I were married right now, at the ripe young age of 32, and didn't have kids (which I don't), I'd probably seek a peaceful way out of the marriage. But if I were older, had kids and so forth, well, it wouldn't be that easy. Maybe we could just strike some agreement: I bang who I want, you bang who you want - we just stay out of each other's way and put on the nice, happy face when we're at home. :) Happy! Happy! Happy!

 

I thought you were older - no offence meant, i't just that you sound like you seen a lot, done a lot, experienced a lot from your posts.

 

I think I was being a little bitchy in the previous post - I probably partly misinterpreted your words. Sorry about that.

 

I agree that in an "already doomed, no easy way out" situation an agreement of any kind would be a good option. Sadly most people are so fond of hypocrisy that they'd rather not talk about it openly.