Adultery should be legal

[burning 4 revenge]

Ugly women can have sex with no strings attached with handsome guys, so if women are sex-starved, it's usually because they are picky or need to feel an emotional connection.

This is so true

[DanielMadr]

Adultery is legal but it is not moral because it is betrayal, disloyalty.

 

You made some good points in reasons why we cheat. Women are more independent - free and society is not so strict. It is also true that cheating took time 50000 b.c. too and it is man's and also woman's desire to enrich his/ her genetic fund, thats why.

 

Monogamous marriage is brand new think. It is institutionalized LTR....another step in exclusivity. It was so to protect women and children not to die of hunger.

 

People cheat when they are not happy in relationship and have no integrity. If they had integrity they would divorce-break up first.

 

I think men should marry when they are mature, horsed about and with certain career. Just find the best girl and then forget about others.

 

Adultery cant be legal in moral terms because it is basically bad thing to do:eek:

[amerikajin]

Adultery is legal but it is not moral because it is betrayal, disloyalty.

 

You made some good points in reasons why we cheat. Women are more independent - free and society is not so strict. It is also true that cheating took time 50000 b.c. too and it is man's and also woman's desire to enrich his/ her genetic fund, thats why.

 

Monogamous marriage is brand new think. It is institutionalized LTR....another step in exclusivity. It was so to protect women and children not to die of hunger.

 

People cheat when they are not happy in relationship and have no integrity. If they had integrity they would divorce-break up first.

 

I think men should marry when they are mature, horsed about and with certain career. Just find the best girl and then forget about others.

 

Adultery cant be legal in moral terms because it is basically bad thing to do:eek:

 

What exactly is adultery comparable to on the moral sliding scale? I'm not being a smart-ass, just asking 'cause I've been thinking about it myself.

 

I mean, I know people who've cheated on their spouses. I don't agree with what they've done, but because I don't really have any connection to the spouse, I honestly don't really care. Do I lose a little respect for them? Yeah, I do. And certainly, I feel it's irresponsible if they have kids, but I feel it's irresponsible to the extent that if the other person finds out it's going to have negative repercussions for everyone involved, particularly the kids, which is why I disagree with it. But even so, these same people, to be honest, are otherwise decent. I mean, I would go out and have a beer with them. I would trust them, to a point, in other ways. The serial cheaters, I wouldn't trust so much, but the guy who has marital problems and ends up having an affair with his secretary isn't necessarily a devil. Guilty of poor judgment? Yeah. Not a complete dick, though.

 

My own father cheated on my mother, at least once and she actually now suspects it was more than once. He was generally a decent father in many ways. Not the best husband, but a decent father and otherwise a decent human being. He was no worse than a lot of other people I've known over the years. I could say the same about other people. I wouldn't put adultery in the same category as, say, embezzlement or being just generally dishonest - all people are situationally dishonest at one point or another in their lives.

 

Does cheating say something about someone's character? I think it can in some situations, depending on the circumstances. Sometimes, though, cheating is just nothing more than a bad way to end a relationship. Sometimes, it's a more self-aggrandizing sexual appetite.

 

But my point is, it would appear that almost half of all people (and for men, a slight majority) cheat at one point in their relationships or another. We hold this to be such a great ideal (monogamy), yet the evidence would suggest that we aren't really interested in being monogamous - especially men. Maybe we should allow men to have harems.

[a4a]

But my point is, it would appear that almost half of all people (and for men, a slight majority) cheat at one point in their relationships or another. We hold this to be such a great ideal (monogamy), yet the evidence would suggest that we aren't really interested in being monogamous - especially men. Maybe we should allow men to have harems.

 

Oh great then we would have harems of women posting here about their husbands lack of quality time spent with them.

 

Interesting that you find it so hurtful to the children not so much to the betrayed spouse..... hell I am the product of a home of divorced parents and it really had no effect. I could have cared less as my new daddy was just as great as the old daddy. I think the betrayed spouse suffers a hell of a lot more than the kids IMHO - in most cases in a non abusive, non addictive, cheaters household.

 

Maybe you need to reexamine how much pain and hurt your mother actually did suffer. Think about how she probably also made your dad appear to be a decent father while he was busy diddling another hole.

 

I think if people wanna screw other people it is fine. Just don't lie to your partner about it. Don't hide it..... give them the choice to decide if it something in their own life that they wish to embrace or reject as the partner of the diddler.

 

If you were in business with a partner would it be fair for one partner to decide to shut down one part of a company and put the funds and effort into another without telling the other partner? No it would not be.

 

It is interesting how neg. things seem to get more attention and are emulated by others more frequently. How many Dr. Phil shows or Jerry Springer shows are there topics on : Meet this wonderful couple and see what a great R is. or Married couples that lasted over 50 years. Very rare.

 

We are bombarded by the neg ........because it is more fun, more interesting, and much easier to copy that behavior I think we tend to do so and consider the results of doing those things to be ...... well not so bad compared to the actions and results of others. ( I only had 1 affair, she had 3, and screwed 2 guys at once, wow I guess I am not that bad)

 

But why not strive to be your best do what is right for you and not settle to the standards of others or your learned behavior of what is a standard of being not so bad or okay?

[a4a]

Perhaps you are pointing to not being legal as much as you are pointing to encourage it and make it a social norm?

[DanielMadr]

Maybe we should allow men to have harems.

 

You are right. It is about circumstances. If your wife is ill it is better to cheat and stay then to leave her completely. IMO when you love your wife and you have fine relationship, you should control yourself not to bang some super hot chick just for egoistic reasons. If you cant resist these things you shouldnt get married....or marry super hot chick;)

 

Polygamy? Harems? Hmmm....if you are sultan or sheikh....yep why not. I dont think it can work in normal cirsumstances. You going to work and 3 wives waiting for you in small flat. You would have to feed them and satisfy them, take care of their rivality and you would have to defend your house against desperate lonely guys who werent so Alpha. And then who says that the hot secretary would be your 4th wife only to inovate your harem? You would be cheating on 3 wives now:D

 

I think it is possible to be loyal the whole life to one person. First you have to choose well and then work at it. You being the man who earns her respect, love and loyalty. Her trying to stay sexually appealing to you, loyal, caring etc... It is not so easy to cheat....hot chicks dont fall of tree if we are not talking about prostitution.

[amerikajin]

Oh great then we would have harems of women posting here about their husbands lack of quality time spent with them.

 

Interesting that you find it so hurtful to the children not so much to the betrayed spouse..... hell I am the product of a home of divorced parents and it really had no effect. I could have cared less as my new daddy was just as great as the old daddy. I think the betrayed spouse suffers a hell of a lot more than the kids IMHO - in most cases in a non abusive, non addictive, cheaters household.

 

Maybe you need to reexamine how much pain and hurt your mother actually did suffer. Think about how she probably also made your dad appear to be a decent father while he was busy diddling another hole.

 

I think if people wanna screw other people it is fine. Just don't lie to your partner about it. Don't hide it..... give them the choice to decide if it something in their own life that they wish to embrace or reject as the partner of the diddler.

 

If you were in business with a partner would it be fair for one partner to decide to shut down one part of a company and put the funds and effort into another without telling the other partner? No it would not be.

 

It is interesting how neg. things seem to get more attention and are emulated by others more frequently. How many Dr. Phil shows or Jerry Springer shows are there topics on : Meet this wonderful couple and see what a great R is. or Married couples that lasted over 50 years. Very rare.

 

We are bombarded by the neg ........because it is more fun, more interesting, and much easier to copy that behavior I think we tend to do so and consider the results of doing those things to be ...... well not so bad compared to the actions and results of others. ( I only had 1 affair, she had 3, and screwed 2 guys at once, wow I guess I am not that bad)

 

But why not strive to be your best do what is right for you and not settle to the standards of others or your learned behavior of what is a standard of being not so bad or okay?

 

I said my pops was not the best husband. It did hurt her, and he was obviously wrong for that, but you know what, there's probably ***** she did to piss him off, too. Not that I'm justifying the cheating, I'm just saying that marriages are complex. Humans are complex. I have all the respect in the world for couples who are loving, happy, faithful...the very epitome of what marriage should be. I had an older cousin who died a few years ago of cancer, and he looked at me as he was dying and told me eye to eye, "I can honestly tell you I've never cheated on my wife" And I believed him. And I respected him for it.

 

But if he had said "You know, I have to confess, I once shagged my office secretary because my wife and I weren't communicating very well and she didn't put out for 6 months. I was wrong but we both opened up the lines of communication again and made it work," I wouldn't have thought all that much less of him.

[a4a]

Hey why couldn't the harem members get side action too?

 

WTF is this attitude of yours?

 

sheesh!

 

and I would love to have a male harem...... all well endowed of course, with different skills, one should cook, one to clean, one to garden, one to give the perfect massage...... and unlike a harem headed by a male I could actually sexually satisfy them all in the same night without the use of viagra. :lmao:

[a4a]

I said my pops was not the best husband. It did hurt her, and he was obviously wrong for that, but you know what, there's probably ***** she did to piss him off, too. Not that I'm justifying the cheating, I'm just saying that marriages are complex. Humans are complex. I have all the respect in the world for couples who are loving, happy, faithful...the very epitome of what marriage should be. I had an older cousin who died a few years ago of cancer, and he looked at me as he was dying and told me eye to eye, "I can honestly tell you I've never cheated on my wife" And I believed him. And I respected him for it.

 

But if he had said "You know, I have to confess, I once shagged my office secretary because my wife and I weren't communicating very well and she didn't put out for 6 months. I was wrong but we both opened up the lines of communication again and made it work," I wouldn't have thought all that much less of him.

 

So recognizing that would you not want to strive to be better than your Pops?

 

Or is there a fear that it is unavoidable because if he did it there is a chance you could as well. Many times I think we wish to view our parents or other figures in our life as perfect, and are more willing to excuse their poor judgement...... or use that as an excuse for our own misdeeds.

 

Cheating is a choice. Some people fail to realize that and think it is a need. If that biological need was so great to stick your dick in anything that moved I think we should encourage rape and sodomy as well.

 

If you are lacking something in your marriage you have a choice to address it and fix it, ignore it and accept it, or fulfill the void in some other manner.

 

choice.......

 

I do not believe divorce is evil, I believe lies and deciet are evil.

[Guest]

If you ever allow yourself to become emotionally intimate with someone; if you ever place your trust in someone to that extent - and then get cheated on, you'll understand why it's wrong.

 

Have you not read all the threads on LS by jilted people? You see words like 'devastated', 'agony', 'constant pain'. Betraying someone causes that person a huge amount of pain. You don't know how badly your mom suffered.

 

Of course there are some occasions when the adulterer is a jerk anyway and the marriage was in trouble so that the adultery isn't as painful but in many cases, it crushes people. Which is why it's wrong. Morality isn't about rules. It's about behaving in a way that does not cause damage to others.

[LaughMachine]

Have I been living under a rock?

I never even new adultry was illegal...ha

[alphamale]

my take AMERIKAJIN is that men shouldn't get married in the first place. there is really no benefit to getting married for men. if a man wants kids he can have kids and stay single. if he wants sex he can have plenty of sex with many women while single. he can keep his own financial assets while single. Marriage mainly benefits women.

 

If people get married they should stay married and abide by the marriage contract. If they feel they cannot do that then stay single.

 

I advocate that men stay single. You can have everything you want without being married.

[Rooster_DAR]

This will clear up the questions of legal declarations of Adultery.

 

Historically, adultery has been subject to severe sanctions including the death penalty and has been grounds for divorce under fault-based divorce laws. In some places the method for punishing adultery is stoning to death.[1]

In the original Napoleonic Code, a man could ask to be divorced from his wife if she committed adultery, but the adultery of the husband was not a sufficient motive unless he had kept his concubine in the family home.

In some jurisdictions, including Korea and Taiwan, adultery is illegal. In the United States, laws vary from state to state. For example, in Pennsylvania, adultery is technically punishable by 2 years of imprisonment or 18 months of treatment for insanity (for history, see Hamowy). That being said, such statutes are typically considered blue laws, and are rarely, if ever, enforced. In the U.S. Military, adultery is a court-martialable offense only if it was "to the prejudice of good order and discipline" or "of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces" [2]. This has been applied to cases where both partners were members of the military, particularly where one is in command of the other, or one partner and the other's spouse. The enforceability of criminal sanctions for adultery is very questionable in light of Supreme Court decisions since 1965 relating to privacy and sexual intimacy, and particularly in light of Lawrence v. Texas, which apparently recognized a broad constitutional right of sexual intimacy for consenting adults.

In Canadian law, adultery is defined under the Divorce Act. Though the written definition sets it as extramarital relations with someone of the opposite sex, the recent change in the definition of marriage gave grounds for a British Columbia judge to strike that definition down. In a 2005 case of a woman filing for divorce, her husband had cheated on her with another man, which the judge felt was equal reasoning to dissolve the union.

[shoedevil]

my take AMERIKAJIN is that men shouldn't get married in the first place. there is really no benefit to getting married for men.

I guess you don't think being healthier, wealthier, and happier are benefits, huh?

http://www.academia.org/campus_reports/2000/december_2000_4.html

Yeah, all those men who end up getting married must deluded idiots...

[magichands]

Yeah, all those men who end up getting married must deluded idiots...

Not deluded idiots - of course not. People do what's best for them. Going against social norms is going to cause you nothing but trouble. And most policies favour married couples.

 

And there is a (sizeable?) proportion of unmarried people that are unfit to wipe their own butts. One should be careful drawing too many conclusions about the "inferiority" of not being married.

In an ironic addendum to this theme, The Case for Marriage which was originally set to be published by Harvard University Press was spiked due to the intervention of a special committee. Even the publishing house's spokesman admitted that it is "rare" for a book to be refused after having been accepted by two scholars.

This is very dodgy research at best. The bias is disturbing, but it's not worthless. Just propaganda for the married (makes a refreshing change, I suppose).

[insomnie]

my take AMERIKAJIN is that men shouldn't get married in the first place. there is really no benefit to getting married for men. if a man wants kids he can have kids and stay single. if he wants sex he can have plenty of sex with many women while single. he can keep his own financial assets while single. Marriage mainly benefits women.

 

If people get married they should stay married and abide by the marriage contract. If they feel they cannot do that then stay single.

 

I advocate that men stay single. You can have everything you want without being married.

 

 

I agree with this 100%. Marriage IS there to benefit and protect women, and this new society we live in where getting laid is so easy and everyone comes from a broken home really screws women over. Commitment is not to be expected from men anymore, which means oftentimes women get stuck going to work, doing all the chores, AND taking care of the kids. ANd what do men do? Whatever the f%ck they feel like. They get to keep the assets, they get to have sex without strings, and oftentimes kids without strings.

 

Instead of buying the theory that marriage is just a paper and sex is just sex, women need to wisen up and realize that if it were just a paper, their boyfriends wouldn't mind getting married, and that for centuries sex has been the most powerful tool for manipulation women have had. I don't mean that in a bad way, that we should manipulate men with our vaginas, but as alpha pointed out, in a society where sex is free and reproduction is possible with minimal investment there is no incentive for real commitment. And that's really unfair for the women.

 

Sexual liberatoin sounds like a fantastic concept, but we pay for it dearly when we realize our boyfriend just left us for a hotter younger chick who is better in bed and we are left raisinghis kids, going to work to support them, and cleaning the house.

[shoedevil]

And there is a (sizeable?) proportion of unmarried people that are unfit to wipe their own butts. One should be careful drawing too many conclusions about the "inferiority" of not being married.

 

This is very dodgy research at best. The bias is disturbing, but it's not worthless. Just propaganda for the married (makes a refreshing change, I suppose).

Well, I'm not married (but plan to be), so I wouldn't say anyone is "inferior" merely because of their marital status. These aren't new findings; I've read similar research done by sociologists in the U.K. and by economists here in the States that back up these conclusions. You can just Google "benefits of marriage/health/wealth/happiness" if you want. Which bias are you talking about? If anything, Harvard's refusal to publish the book shows their bias... You're entitled to believe whatever you want and ignore whatever facts or research conflict with your position.

[magichands]

You're entitled to believe whatever you want and ignore whatever facts or research conflict with your position.

The point is that this work has been peer reviewed, and the conclusion is that it shouldn't be published in its current form. There are holes in this "research" big enough to drive a SUV through, so I'm not in the least bit surprised.

[shoedevil]

The point is that this work has been peer reviewed, and the conclusion is that it shouldn't be published in its current form. There are holes in this "research" big enough to drive a SUV through, so I'm not in the least bit surprised.

Well, I've read the book (at least) and made up my own mind. I don't know if you have. And it's already been published, by Doubleday. Harvard's "special committee" dumped the book because they said it didn't meet the impossibly high standard that they set. And they haven't insisted that any other social science research meet the same standard. I'm willing to have an open mind and look at any research you can cite. You could also check out Rutgers University for some similar findings:

http://marriage.rutgers.edu/publicat.htm

But you really don't have to. You've already made up your mind without reading a thing...

[magichands]

Harvard's "special committee" dumped the book because they said it didn't meet the impossibly high standard that they set.

No, just a standard. A good one. Have you heard of standards?

But you really don't have to. You've already made up your mind without reading a thing...

Haha. Of course there is a correlation between being married and a longer life - I don't need to read even more books to tell me this. It's not got much to do with the reasons cited in this capriciously-researched book, though.

[shoedevil]

No, just a standard. A good one. Have you heard of standards?

 

Haha. Of course there is a correlation between being married and a longer life - I don't need to read even more books to tell me this. It's not got much to do with the reasons cited in this capriciously-researched book, though.

You're very selective in what points you respond to. So, have you read the book? Or for that matter any other sources I pointed to? And by all means, please tell me where to find the wealth of research that supports your view, which you still haven't managed to express...

[magichands]

And by all means, please tell me where to find the wealth of research that supports your view, which you still haven't managed to express...

View on what? Adultery?? I think it's the dark side of human nature.

 

Look - the book was turned down by Harvard for valid reasons. It's "tabloid" research. Enjoy.

[shoedevil]

Look - the book was turned down by Harvard for valid reasons. It's "tabloid" research. Enjoy.

Arrivederci a voi anche... when you learn how to think critically, we can talk about something else...

[mamabear]

Girl you are hilarious, you give advice with a bit of entertainment. I have come to look forward to what you point of view is on a lot of the posts here!!!! Keep it up....its like I go to read someones post and I fine myself wondering what A4A 's response is??? How does A4A feel about that??

[Flyin in Clouds]

....adultery should be legal. Let me explain.

 

But hey, if I, as a man, want go shag some 24 year old secretary, why shouldn't I be allowed to? And hey, if a woman wants to get it on with someone else, she should be allowed to as well. People want sex, and sometimes they're going to want sex with other people outside their marriage/relationship - that's just, like, nature, you know!?

 

The problem is, divorce is legally too easy.

 

No adultery should be illegal, punishable by 5 years in jail. It is basically rape but we treat it as breach of contract with no penalty attached.

 

And as you say you want to bang the 24 year old secretary, then get your wife's permission first. Then it's not adultery because it would be consensual for all three of you. But if the sex outside marriage is non-consensual then it's a problem. If it's not consensual adultery is much more like rape. Rape would be forcing someone to have sex against their will. Adultery - as in the cheating kind - is sort of forcing your partner to have sex, indirectly, without their knowledge or consent with the OW/OM. Think STD....

 

Now back in the day in Europe arranged marriages were bascially financial deals, joining estates of the rich and famous and it was presumed that both married parnters would have affairs of the heart and take lovers. And if they were kept discreet then no big deal.

 

So if you want an open marriage, just agree to that or agree to be faithful or what ever you and your partner want to agree to but agree. If you can't agree then don't get married or split.

 

If you wanna go shag a 24 year old because your wife is no longer good enough for you and because you are shallow and only care about looks then maybe you shouldn't off got married in the first place.

Men like variety. Eating filet mignon gets boring if you have it every day. Same for sex with the same woman.

 

I really don't think its nature to wanna sleep with a bunch of people.

Then you don't know nature. Google Coolidge effect and do some reading up on it.

 

I only wanna sleep with my bf and I think if someone wants sex with someone outside their relationship, maybe they should stop and see if their relationship is actually one they should be in.

Rainfall, hate to break this too you but guys are different than girls... guys get excited by other women. It's biological. Nothing to do with you personally. It's a million years of evolution. A few 10s of thousands of years of "cultural" monogamy isn't going to undo those million years.

 

By the way, while typing this and watching TV there was an ad for zetra to make women want it more, and one for levitra... you'd think sex was all anyone was thinking about...

 

Not every man or woman instinctively wants to screw every other thing that moves.

There is a difference between wanting to and doing.

 

It's kind of sad that kids nowadays grow up with so few models of GOOD lasting relaitonships that many have it

My BIL is a teacher. In class discussion one day a 6th grade girl said " well my second husband will be... " he was floored. This girl assumed she'd be divorced and remarried from the git go. Yikes!!

 

The only reason were different from any other living creature, is that our brains evolved into extreme cognizance which inevitably gave us what we know as emotions (guilt, sadness, anger, depression, etc...).

Our brains evolved to the point of knowing right from wrong. You know, we ate the apple from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. And that's caused all our problems ever since.

 

What exactly is adultery comparable to on the moral sliding scale?

 

rape.

 

Maybe we should allow men to have harems.

I'll vote for that...

 

I have all the respect in the world for couples who are loving, happy, faithful...

You got the order wrong. Faithful first, happy, then loving.

 

Hey why couldn't the harem members get side action too?

For the same reason women, in general, aren't as interested in porn, that a greater percentage of men have more affairs than women, that there are 10 or 100 female strip clubs for every male strip club, ... Just look at magazine covers. Percentage of women v men...