Now he's getting married

[Guest]

So I dated this guy for 5 months. We told each other that we loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We were so perfect for each other. We got along well, and had a lot in common. We both are in the same profession, we have kids the same ages, we even have children with the same "disability". We could talk for hours and hours and the physical feeling that we had for each other was amazing. I really think we had a future together. Then, in comes his ex gf. They dated for about a year and a half, off and on. The last time they were together was last November. She broke up with her latest bf and came to him mid Sept. and asked for another chance.

 

So, for weeks, I knew something was wrong, but he said, he was just having some personal issues that he was dealing with and he was ok. He insisted that he wanted to be with me forever. Then, he broke up with me. He said, "there are things about you that I can't be with". Whatever that meant. I found out later, that he went back to the ex, then NEXT day! So, now it's been four weeks, and I found out from a friend that knows HER, that they are getting married next month. Not only are they getting married, but they are planning on getting pregnant after they get married. She has 4 kids and he has 2. I just really can't believe it, since just two weeks ago, he told me that he loved me, but he had to go with her to see what they had, and he felt bad because he couldn't give her 100% because he was worried that it wouldn't work.

 

So, here I am wondering what happened? Why did he choose her over me. He told many people that she was just "comfortable" and that he didn't have a deep love for her. He told me he had that deep love for me, even after we broke up. He said to me, she was safe. Why is he afraid to take a chance with me? Why would he marry her?

[Krying]

I'm sorry to hear this. My situation was similar and today my ex married her ex. To top it off, they rushed the wedding too. She left me, got back with him (or got back with him, then left me). They make a date a few months down the line, then just got married today. And here's the kicker. Their issues were not resolved. As he said to a mutual friend, they were going to get married, then work things out lol.

 

Anyway, why do people go back to a "comfortable" or "safe" relationship? Maybe it was the "ideal" of what they had in the beginning and not what it's like now with you or the ex. So both hold onto that beginning feeling of it being nice and they can't move forward.

 

But take my words with a grain of salt. I'm certainly no relationship expert and am struggling to move forward myself. I loved my ex unlike anyone I had met in my life. I was going to marry her. Now she's married to her ex, even before our wedding date was set.

[Guest]

I think that alot of us have been in a situation where we have to watch an ex, who we are not over yet, marry another. And then, just like 'When Harry Met Sally', we proceed to ask ourselves why they didn't want me. Who knows why? Maybe, perhaps, because they can now obtain the unattainable. Anyway, Dr. Phil once said that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If their relationship did not work in the past then the same issues will eventually resurface. Starting out your marriage with six kids plus maybe one more will be no piece of cake! Mark my words this will not be a perfect situation.