Cant Trust Boyfriend!!

[sll004]

Hi,

 

I am new to this forum and really, really need some help with my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and everything is good but this year i found out that he was looking a tonnes of porn on the internet. Now, i know that guys like to look at females etc. however i dont think that it is necessary AT ALL when you are in a great very sexually active and satisfying relationship. I confronted him about this and he lied to me saying it was spam so i decided to do some digging. I found out he had used his credit card to join teenfuns.com and had several hundreds of videos and pictures of discusting girls doing sll sorts of things to themselves in front of the camera it makes me sick!!. I was so upset and angry at this and we had a huge argument which led to him saying he wouldnt do it again. I beleived him but shortly after i found out he done it again, we fought again, he swore he wouldnt do it again but did. this time he said it doesnt mean much to him but because it means so much to me he will stop WHAT LIES!! If it didnt mean much to him why continue doing it when he knows how distraught it makes me feel? Now i dont trust him at all and hate leaving him on the computer by himself at all for the fear he will do it again. i cant stand it. i love him and i dont want to break up but i cant stand him getting off on discusting videos like that it makes me not want to do anything sexually with him. As much as he has promised me he wont do it again i dont believe him and i cant trust him. It makes me feel like crap especially when he always tells me how much he loves my ass and is always making sexual comments about it then goes on the computer and looks up "nice asses"! How does he think that makes me feel? He says something nice about my body then looks at other womens? what should i do? this is ruining my feelings for him!! How do i make him realise that he shouldnt be doing this and he should respect the way i feel about this issue? He tries to turn it around on me and says i shouldnt spy on him and that that is just as bad as what he is doing. I dont think so. i only spy because i cant trust him!! PLEASE HELP!!

[DanielMadr]

Hi,

 

I am new to this forum and really, really need some help with my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and everything is good but this year i found out that he was looking a tonnes of porn on the internet. Now, i know that guys like to look at females etc. however i dont think that it is necessary AT ALL when you are in a great very sexually active and satisfying relationship. I confronted him about this and he lied to me saying it was spam so i decided to do some digging. I found out he had used his credit card to join teenfuns.com and had several hundreds of videos and pictures of discusting girls doing sll sorts of things to themselves in front of the camera it makes me sick!!. I was so upset and angry at this and we had a huge argument which led to him saying he wouldnt do it again. I beleived him but shortly after i found out he done it again, we fought again, he swore he wouldnt do it again but did. this time he said it doesnt mean much to him but because it means so much to me he will stop WHAT LIES!! If it didnt mean much to him why continue doing it when he knows how distraught it makes me feel? Now i dont trust him at all and hate leaving him on the computer by himself at all for the fear he will do it again. i cant stand it. i love him and i dont want to break up but i cant stand him getting off on discusting videos like that it makes me not want to do anything sexually with him. As much as he has promised me he wont do it again i dont believe him and i cant trust him. It makes me feel like crap especially when he always tells me how much he loves my ass and is always making sexual comments about it then goes on the computer and looks up "nice asses"! How does he think that makes me feel? He says something nice about my body then looks at other womens? what should i do? this is ruining my feelings for him!! How do i make him realise that he shouldnt be doing this and he should respect the way i feel about this issue? He tries to turn it around on me and says i shouldnt spy on him and that that is just as bad as what he is doing. I dont think so. i only spy because i cant trust him!! PLEASE HELP!!

 

Internet porn is addictive, you have to even increase impulses....from soft to hard . Ive read some article in British newspapers about this. There are even psychologist who treat it. Reasons? He is bored...he has plenty of time probably and sexual excitement is powerfull narcotic and he probably has high sex-drive.

 

What can you do? I am sure he will prefere real sexy YOU than supersexy virtual girls. Get rid of forbidden fruit syndrome by sharing his sessions. Initiate sex more often...not only in the evening and do something more adventurous...he might enjoy watching you doing some stunts like the girls on the internet. If you wear no panties under skirt and some sexy top....he wont be watching porn but you;) If his sex-drive is high maybe you are on path to more sexual household;)

 

Or he can get his excitement from some hobby like freefalling....then he wont be even home:rolleyes:

 

good luck

[Mythical]

I really don't think you should have a problem with this at all. My boyfriend of almost two years has porn everywhere, he doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you he just uses it for masturbation, I do also doesn't mean he doesn't turn me on.

Would you rather him cheat or look at porn?

I am very ok with it, and my b/f never lies to me, because I wouldn't get mad, now that he is arfraid to dealth to masturbate and look at porn he is going to HAVE to lie to you.

Do you truely beleive guys will never have fantasies or think about having sex with other woman of course they do! He probabaly even thinks of other woman at times when hes sleeping with you.

Its harmless and everyone does it.

But if you truely can't deal with it thean explain to him how it makes you feel.

But I really don't think you shouldn't trust him, guys are visual and like to see what girls will do thats why what you seee him look at is probabaly "Disgusting" to you

Don't worry

[ely]

Hi,

 

I am new to this forum and really, really need some help with my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and everything is good but this year i found out that he was looking a tonnes of porn on the internet. Now, i know that guys like to look at females etc. however i dont think that it is necessary AT ALL when you are in a great very sexually active and satisfying relationship. I confronted him about this and he lied to me saying it was spam so i decided to do some digging. I found out he had used his credit card to join teenfuns.com and had several hundreds of videos and pictures of discusting girls doing sll sorts of things to themselves in front of the camera it makes me sick!!. I was so upset and angry at this and we had a huge argument which led to him saying he wouldnt do it again. I beleived him but shortly after i found out he done it again, we fought again, he swore he wouldnt do it again but did. this time he said it doesnt mean much to him but because it means so much to me he will stop WHAT LIES!! If it didnt mean much to him why continue doing it when he knows how distraught it makes me feel? Now i dont trust him at all and hate leaving him on the computer by himself at all for the fear he will do it again. i cant stand it. i love him and i dont want to break up but i cant stand him getting off on discusting videos like that it makes me not want to do anything sexually with him. As much as he has promised me he wont do it again i dont believe him and i cant trust him. It makes me feel like crap especially when he always tells me how much he loves my ass and is always making sexual comments about it then goes on the computer and looks up "nice asses"! How does he think that makes me feel? He says something nice about my body then looks at other womens? what should i do? this is ruining my feelings for him!! How do i make him realise that he shouldnt be doing this and he should respect the way i feel about this issue? He tries to turn it around on me and says i shouldnt spy on him and that that is just as bad as what he is doing. I dont think so. i only spy because i cant trust him!! PLEASE HELP!!

 

 

 

 

Something similar happened to me if you read what I wrote you would get the full story. He started off with the dirty web sites gfeanonymous.com and he cheated on me with multiple escorts. Check and see what sites your man is going into and it will give you an insight on what he is doing.

[ely]

Something similar happened to me if you read what I wrote you would get the full story. He started off with the dirty web sites gfeanonymous.com and he cheated on me with multiple escorts. Check and see what sites your man is going into and it will give you an insight on what he is doing.

 

 

Some people told you it is normal, but what he is doing he might act on it later and you will be sorry, so put it to a stop now!

[Mythical]

Something similar happened to me if you read what I wrote you would get the full story. He started off with the dirty web sites gfeanonymous.com and he cheated on me with multiple escorts. Check and see what sites your man is going into and it will give you an insight on what he is doing.

 

 

Sorry Ely, I don't think that is very good advice, becuase that was your situation.

Every guy that looks at porn doesn't cheat on thier girlfriends.

Im sorry that happend in your situation, thats terrible and disgusting that he disrespected you and took the chance of giving you STD's or something.

But looking at porn is mostly harmless and she should know that

[sll004]

First of all thank you all for your help in this situation.

 

In reply to DanielMadr when you said - What can you do? I am sure he will prefere real sexy YOU than supersexy virtual girls. Get rid of forbidden fruit syndrome by sharing his sessions. Initiate sex more often...not only in the evening and do something more adventurous...he might enjoy watching you doing some stunts like the girls on the internet. If you wear no panties under skirt and some sexy top....he wont be watching porn but you;) If his sex-drive is high maybe you are on path to more sexual household

 

I already do so many adventurous things in the bedroom i am only 19 so you could just imagine my sex drive!!! Basically anything he wants he gets!!! I do evrything those girls do and more!! So what more can i do? I always do sexy things like wear no undies or flash my ass at him or bend over in front of him as well as other dirty things that i probably shouldnt mention here. I love sex, i am very sexually active and he says to me that he has never experiened anyone like me before, he thinks im a freak or alien or something! So if this is the case i dont see why he needs to look at other women that way. He is not bored because he is busy a lot of the time so thats not it either. I feel like i go to so much effort to satisfy him in the relationship and he just blows it back in my face.

 

As for Mythical's comments, i wish i could be that accepting but im not. i have tried but i just cant be. I feel as though when you are in a relationship you cant have your cake and eat it too.

 

I know he would NEVER physically cheat on me EVER, but i feel as though looking at that sort of stuff is a form of cheating. I also dont like the fact that sometimes he will ask me to do something sexually in the bedroom then i find out that it was from something he had watched some other girl doing on the internet. I think that is selfish. How much do men want? Basically as far as im concerned if he wants to continue his ways then he can do so alone. He says its normal and every guy does it. thats probably true but not every guy is with an attractive 19 year old who will do whatever they want sexually!!! Eveyone says to him how lucky he is to have me so why does he do this?? I am so confused (i dont mean that to sound up myself at all im just relaying what other people have said). So I really hope i dont find out again because i dont know what ill do.

[Charlotte434]

what normal male doesn't look at porn lol

[rainfall]

Do you truely beleive guys will never have fantasies or think about having sex with other woman of course they do! He probabaly even thinks of other woman at times when hes sleeping with you.

Its harmless and everyone does it.

But if you truely can't deal with it thean explain to him how it makes you feel.

But I really don't think you shouldn't trust him, guys are visual and like to see what girls will do thats why what you seee him look at is probabaly "Disgusting" to you

Don't worry

 

Sorry gotta disagree with you. I don't have fantasies about anyone besides my bf. I never have and hopefully never will. If my bf ever decided to let me know that the last time we had sex it was so great because he was thinking about some hot chick from the gas station (or whereever), well I really would not want to ever have sex with him again. There would be no point if I don't turn him on enough that he can't focus on me and only me during sex. I deserve better then to be a warm wet hole for him to get off in.

[Carbine]

Wow, you remind me of me! I'm in a very similar situation from the sounds of things.

 

Its up to you how you define 'cheating'. It doesn't have to be physically having sex with someone else. If something like porn is causing issues for you, above the initial knee-jerk jealous response, then it's obviously a problem and trying to ignore it is going to do f*** all. So what if other girls are comfortable with their bf's looking at porn? They have different lives to you, they have different issues and emotional reactions. Nobody on here is the 'authority' for whether his behaviour is ok or not.

 

If the relationship is going to work then he's going to have to have some sort of regard for your feelings and the rules in your relationship as to what cheating is. Maybe he wont give up looking at porn, but for pete's sake you'd think he could cut down a little...

 

Most people on here are going to tell you that porn is harmless and that you shouldn't get so upset about it etc. Bull****. If his behaviour is causing you to question your self-image then that's NOT harmless. Depends on where this leads to but for me personally, it hasn't gone in a very pleasant direction. I have huge issues regarding my appearance, and it devastates me when my bf looks at girls who are more attractive than me. It's led to my eating disorders becoming worse, as well as influencing me to self-harm and to abuse drugs. My self-esteem is now non-existent.

 

Just another thing - you refer to these girls in porn as 'disgusting'. Do you actually get upset because you find them truly disgusting in terms of the sexual acts they perform? Reading between the lines here, I kind of doubt it. Seems to me that it's a case of jealousy, and 'disgusting' is somewhat of a vauge cop-out. What is it about these girls that upsets you? The fact that they're more beautiful? Thinner? Blonder? Taller? More tanned? Or all of the above? Be honest with yourself and your bf because if he thinks that you're upset over the 'disgusting' behaviour in porn, then you're misleading him and unless you point it out, he's not going to think deeply enough to figure it out for himself.

 

Good luck.

[sll004]

Well actually Carbine, here's the thing i am not jealous of those girls because i have nothing to be jealous about. From the girls i have seen him looking at i know that i am at least on their looks level and the majority of the time better looking than them (not intended to be up myself), that is why i dont understand why he would look at them? Alsp, i do pretty much do all the things the girls do on the video's etc for him/ with him so suppose it is a bit of a cop out. I used the term "discusting" becasue i was angry when i wrote the post but the truth is i think i am more "discusted" in his behaviour and not in the girls. I dont have a low self esteem but it still hurts when he looks at other women.

 

I am really sorry to hear about your situation. That is terrible that it has led to you treating yourself that way. Does he know this? Does he continue to do it? I agree with you it is definately not ok to do what he is doing. He needs to realise how damaging it is to you and your health and clean up his act. I wish you all the best in your situation. Maybe we could keep in touch to discuss this when in need. (which will hopefully be never again if they begin respecting us!)