am i wrong?

[Crystal]

okay, since everybody and their brother know all my business on this board cause i keep posting it i need an opinion on something else here.

 

my fiance has a friend who may be able to get me on at this big gigantic warehouse, sams club.

 

we use to shop there and i truly hate that store and feel extremely nervous in that type of warehouse environment with the high ceilings and all those flourescent lights make me feel even more anxious.

 

so today when i found out where the job was i told him i was not going to work there, and how i hated that place.

 

so now he is mad at me. i fully understand his frustration as it is very hard to find a job around here or anywhere for that matter.

 

i want to work, i have no problems with working at all, but i do not want to work there!

 

so now i dont know what to do, tomorrow he is expecting me to go to this place and talk to this lady and i dont want to.

 

i feel like a little kid who wants to disobey her mommy...like i cant make my own decisions because he thinks that when the opportunity comes along you need to take it regardless of what other things are going on.

 

am i wrong?

[Sara]

I think you should tell him why you don't like the job. You spend much of your day at work. That is a lot of time to spend some where you are not comfortable.

[0=====>]

well I can totally see how he's frustrated. Correct me if I'm wrong but from your posts here, you don't seem to stay at a job too long and often quit them and have many excuses as to why you quit them (didn't like a coworker, hard work, physically strenuous work, anxiety, etc). Didn't your fiance offer to have you work for him part time in the past/run errands for him?..but you didn't want to do that, either..and you came here complaining about all the reasons for not wanting to do it.

 

Seems clear to me that you just make a lot of (poor) excuses for why you can't do things...whether it's telling your fiance that you don't like the way he treats you and that you don't want to marry this July if he keeps it up....to making zillions of health/mental health related excuses as to why you can't work. What on earth is the big deal with working in a warehouse type building that has fluorescent lights? LOL What's next..you can't work in a place that has grey floor coloring and blinds on the windows? Don't you see how ridiculous this is? You are simply making EXCUSES for not getting out of your house and being like most adults: working. It seems that people try and try to help you..like your fiance, who's trying AGAIN to help you get off your duff and get a job/contribute to your household/relationship (financially, plus get you doing something other than sitting home all day surfing the net)...like people here who have spent countless hours giving you advice after advice. It's clear that you really do thrive on being stuck in this self-imposed rut you're in. You enjoy it. You also enjoy making pitiful excuses.

 

You already admit that jobs are hard to find. SO what, this isn't a dream job, but it's a job. Millions of people have to deal with anxiety, and they also have families to support, rent to pay, groceries to buy...so they have to work..and sometimes in jobs that are horrible/not ideal. Look at people who work in factories on an assembly line.....in the middle of the summer when it's as hot as hell (ones that don't have air conditioning)...long, hard, repetitive work...for low pay. They don't have the luxury of a fiance who'll pay their way..so they can sit at home and make insane excuses why they don't want to work "wherever"...

 

I really don't know how your fiance respects you for all the excuses you make and your lack of motivation. He must sometimes feel like he's engaged to a child, no offense.

[sare]

Sorry but i agree with your fiancee and some of the other responses here. Guess that's not what you want to hear but it's what i think. good luck.

okay, since everybody and their brother know all my business on this board cause i keep posting it i need an opinion on something else here. my fiance has a friend who may be able to get me on at this big gigantic warehouse, sams club. we use to shop there and i truly hate that store and feel extremely nervous in that type of warehouse environment with the high ceilings and all those flourescent lights make me feel even more anxious. so today when i found out where the job was i told him i was not going to work there, and how i hated that place. so now he is mad at me. i fully understand his frustration as it is very hard to find a job around here or anywhere for that matter. i want to work, i have no problems with working at all, but i do not want to work there! so now i dont know what to do, tomorrow he is expecting me to go to this place and talk to this lady and i dont want to. i feel like a little kid who wants to disobey her mommy...like i cant make my own decisions because he thinks that when the opportunity comes along you need to take it regardless of what other things are going on. am i wrong?

[Daisy]

I'm afraid I agree with the others. I also feel that you are making excuses. I think it's awfully kind and helpful of your fiance to try and help you find a job like that. You need to appreciate this. I have many male friends (husbands and boyfriends) who would dump their women in a heartbeat if the women appeared lazy and always making all kinds of excuses. Laziness and making excuses are not attractive qualities. Just buck up, meet the lady and try your hardest to get this job. There are likely hundreds of people out there who are out of work who would give anything to have the opportunity like you have.

okay, since everybody and their brother know all my business on this board cause i keep posting it i need an opinion on something else here. my fiance has a friend who may be able to get me on at this big gigantic warehouse, sams club. we use to shop there and i truly hate that store and feel extremely nervous in that type of warehouse environment with the high ceilings and all those flourescent lights make me feel even more anxious. so today when i found out where the job was i told him i was not going to work there, and how i hated that place. so now he is mad at me. i fully understand his frustration as it is very hard to find a job around here or anywhere for that matter. i want to work, i have no problems with working at all, but i do not want to work there! so now i dont know what to do, tomorrow he is expecting me to go to this place and talk to this lady and i dont want to. i feel like a little kid who wants to disobey her mommy...like i cant make my own decisions because he thinks that when the opportunity comes along you need to take it regardless of what other things are going on. am i wrong?

[quankanne]

why on earth should you be stuck in a work place where you know you're going to feel stress and anxiety because of the environment? I love Sam's, but I also can see how having that much contact with people when you aren't capable of handling that much contact with people can be a problem.

 

Is there any way you can compromise, say like go on the job interview (to show yourself that you're willing to try) and just get it overwith? It might be beneficial or helpful in providing a chance to interact with people outside your limited environment, because it might help you take that first step in conquering your phobia.

 

You might also make a list of the jobs you'd really like to pursue, ones that don't scare the pants off you (been there, done that, lol); then make another list of jobs that you could be comfortable doing.

 

People might disagree, but if you had the choice of working someplace where you felt comfortable, or the environment was supportive, or the team you worked was the best think since bottled milk, why would you settle for less? Life's too short to be miserable in a job you hate. Besides, Crystal, the only one who is going to look out for your happiness is YOU, not your fiance, not us. So look for something you can be comfortable doing, and forget the naysaying.

[Crystal]

thank you very much for the support, i wish i could get more of it at home though.

 

ya know it just seems easier to leave this relationship, honestly i have been thinking of it all day.

 

yesterday he was mad when i told him i would not go, today he didnt say a word about it.

 

going on the interview for experience is a very good idea but i dont waste her time or mine either but it is a good idea and one i have not written off yet, if it comes up again.

 

the problem is i dont have much experience in anything except in cleaning and even that is sparse around here and surrounding areas.

 

i feel like such a burden to him, i know i'm not doing what i should be doing, in one way i feel so trapped in myself without knowing how to get out and then on the other he has made it easy for me to get so lax from when i was really sick and he took care of things for me.

 

i guess one would call him an enabler, intentional or not, he is a good soul, but has his limits like we all do, but in a way i think he created a monster and i've had so much time to fester in my fears and anxiety and now trying to come out of them is proving extremely difficult.

 

it would be much easier to leave my heart and my life and let him be rid of me and the burdens of our life together....maybe that would force me to get off my duff and do something, anything!

 

i am still waiting to hear from the clinic about something for the anxiety, i asked for celexa but she wanted to put me on paxil and i said i dont want paxil, been there done that and it is horrible with side effects and kills your ability to have an orgasm! "blush"

 

anyway, i'm still working on it, but i feel my time is running out as his patience are running out and i'm panicky about what to do for a job, any job short of a ware house job.

 

beggers cant be choosers i guess and that is what i'm starting to feel like, this is killing my self-esteem as well as his respect for me i'm sure.

why on earth should you be stuck in a work place where you know you're going to feel stress and anxiety because of the environment? I love Sam's, but I also can see how having that much contact with people when you aren't capable of handling that much contact with people can be a problem. Is there any way you can compromise, say like go on the job interview (to show yourself that you're willing to try) and just get it overwith? It might be beneficial or helpful in providing a chance to interact with people outside your limited environment, because it might help you take that first step in conquering your phobia.

 

You might also make a list of the jobs you'd really like to pursue, ones that don't scare the pants off you (been there, done that, lol); then make another list of jobs that you could be comfortable doing. People might disagree, but if you had the choice of working someplace where you felt comfortable, or the environment was supportive, or the team you worked was the best think since bottled milk, why would you settle for less? Life's too short to be miserable in a job you hate. Besides, Crystal, the only one who is going to look out for your happiness is YOU, not your fiance, not us. So look for something you can be comfortable doing, and forget the naysaying.

[Daisy]

Crystal;

 

I noticed of all the people who gave you the opinions you asked for, you only took the time to respond to the one person who "took your side". Could we take from that that the reason you come here posting about the same problems on an ongoing basis is because you keep coming back until you can find someone who will give you some sympathy? Obviously Beenthere doesn't know your history here? Plus she's a very wise and kind soul.

thank you very much for the support, i wish i could get more of it at home though. ya know it just seems easier to leave this relationship, honestly i have been thinking of it all day. yesterday he was mad when i told him i would not go, today he didnt say a word about it. going on the interview for experience is a very good idea but i dont waste her time or mine either but it is a good idea and one i have not written off yet, if it comes up again. the problem is i dont have much experience in anything except in cleaning and even that is sparse around here and surrounding areas. i feel like such a burden to him, i know i'm not doing what i should be doing, in one way i feel so trapped in myself without knowing how to get out and then on the other he has made it easy for me to get so lax from when i was really sick and he took care of things for me. i guess one would call him an enabler, intentional or not, he is a good soul, but has his limits like we all do, but in a way i think he created a monster and i've had so much time to fester in my fears and anxiety and now trying to come out of them is proving extremely difficult. it would be much easier to leave my heart and my life and let him be rid of me and the burdens of our life together....maybe that would force me to get off my duff and do something, anything!

 

i am still waiting to hear from the clinic about something for the anxiety, i asked for celexa but she wanted to put me on paxil and i said i dont want paxil, been there done that and it is horrible with side effects and kills your ability to have an orgasm! "blush" anyway, i'm still working on it, but i feel my time is running out as his patience are running out and i'm panicky about what to do for a job, any job short of a ware house job. beggers cant be choosers i guess and that is what i'm starting to feel like, this is killing my self-esteem as well as his respect for me i'm sure.