I'm Depressed and Don't Know Why or How

[Guest]

Hi. Firstoff, I'd like to say that I'm new to the forums, and don't know exactly where to post this.

 

I'm a 17 year old guy, and my best friend is a girl (who turned 18 last month). We've been really good friends for a little over a year. I really like her, because I think she's very mature for her age (she prioritizes really well, works hard, is passionate about something,...she seems like she's a senior in college, not in high school). She's also pretty attractive.

 

Last night, when we were with 2 other people, hanging out, something came up in the conversation, and I learned that she had hooked up with two guys at our school a month or two ago. They are both tall and ripped, but neither of them are all that smart. I'm pretty much the opposite (5'9'' and I'd consider myself pretty smart, not to sound like a jackass, but telling it how it is).

 

She's said lots of times to me (and others when she talks to them) that if she was looking for a relationship (which she says she currently isn't), she'd look outside her school and groups of friends (which I think is probably a good idea anyways). Somehow, I feel betrayed by her actions of a while back, though. It just seems different, even though I know she doesn't want a relationship with them.

 

Last night, I felt really depressed about it, and didn't exactly know why. I guess it may have been that the realization of the "friend zone" finally kicked in. I mean, I'm in high school, and I see PDAs all the time, but I think relationships are more than just physical. I'd much rather go out with someone who I could talk to, and have fun with, than just make out with (or more). I don't know why I'm feeling so sad, since nothing has changed between us as friends. I guess I'm just feeling lonely (she has way more friends in her outer circles, but we are most definitely best friends, so I guess I might be feeling lonely because of that).

 

Thanks for reading this much and for your responses. If you have any further questions, please ask. Thanks again.

[seanryann]

I'm guessing you feel crappy because she told you about hooking up with those guys. Maybe a bit of jealously? No problem with that.

 

I'd guess you have feelings for her, and I think you either have to ignore any feelings you have for her, or let her know how you feel.

 

If you go with the latter, you of course run the risk of making the friendship awkward.

 

It's a coin toss.

[Guest]

Hi. Firstoff, I'd like to say that I'm new to the forums, and don't know exactly where to post this.

 

I'm a 17 year old guy, and my best friend is a girl (who turned 18 last month). We've been really good friends for a little over a year. I really like her, because I think she's very mature for her age (she prioritizes really well, works hard, is passionate about something,...she seems like she's a senior in college, not in high school). She's also pretty attractive.

 

Last night, when we were with 2 other people, hanging out, something came up in the conversation, and I learned that she had hooked up with two guys at our school a month or two ago. They are both tall and ripped, but neither of them are all that smart. I'm pretty much the opposite (5'9'' and I'd consider myself pretty smart, not to sound like a jackass, but telling it how it is).

 

She's said lots of times to me (and others when she talks to them) that if she was looking for a relationship (which she says she currently isn't), she'd look outside her school and groups of friends (which I think is probably a good idea anyways). Somehow, I feel betrayed by her actions of a while back, though. It just seems different, even though I know she doesn't want a relationship with them.

 

Last night, I felt really depressed about it, and didn't exactly know why. I guess it may have been that the realization of the "friend zone" finally kicked in. I mean, I'm in high school, and I see PDAs all the time, but I think relationships are more than just physical. I'd much rather go out with someone who I could talk to, and have fun with, than just make out with (or more). I don't know why I'm feeling so sad, since nothing has changed between us as friends. I guess I'm just feeling lonely (she has way more friends in her outer circles, but we are most definitely best friends, so I guess I might be feeling lonely because of that).

 

Thanks for reading this much and for your responses. If you have any further questions, please ask. Thanks again.

 

HEY...I KNOW THE FEELING...U JUST HAVE TO LET THE OTHER PERSON DO WAHT THEY WANT TO DO....IF SHE WANTS TO SHAG SOME HUNKS, IT IS NONE OF YER BUSINESS...IF U ARE LIKE ME, YOU LIKE TO DO A LITTLE OF BOTH...I DON'T DATE SOMEONE TO KNOCK BOOTS, IF SHE DOES THAT'S HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH U...BESIDES, MAYBE SHE JUST WANTS TO EXPERIENCE THAT...I HAD A FEMALE FRIEND AT WORK THAT WANTED TO DO THAT AND SHE ASKED ME IF THAT WAS WRONG...AND I SAID, IF YOU GO INTO SOMETHING WITH THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND, AND FOR HONEST REASONS, THEN GO FER IT -

 

SHE THOUGHT IT WAS WRONG FOR A WOMAN TO THINK OR WANT THAT WHEN GUYS DO IT ALL THE TIME - I TOLD HER, AS LONG AS YOU ENSURE YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF THE SITUATION AND YOUR EMOTIONS - GO DO A STUD - NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT AND YOU'LL LEARN MORE ABOUT YERSELF...NEXT DAY SHE CAME INTO WORK WITH A SMILE ON HER FACE....AND SAID, YAH IT WAS GREAT BUT I'VE DONE THAT NOW...BACK TO REGULAR LIFE...SEE, SHE NEEDED TO KNOW IF SHE COULD JUST DO THAT...SHE DID...ENJOYED BUT WOULDN'T DO IT AGAIN...SHE'S KEWL...BUT THEN AGAIN...SHE WASN'T MY GF..I WAS JUST THE OLD WISE FART!

[spider_freek]

Its difficult to ignore your feelings, so I would recommend you tell her how you feel. It might effect your friendship, but if you really are good friends then it wont matter. You never know, she might like you back.

[Guest]

Thanks for all the responses guys. I think I do have feelings for her, but what I'm starting to see is that most people at my school view relationships almost strictly physically. And I was in that group for a while, and I didn't really understand how that was such a big deal (in fact, I felt like these relationships were quite wasted).

 

I've been best friends with her for a little over a year now, and I'm starting to realize that she's someone that can keep me focused, she's someone I can talk to about pretty much anything, and she's always there for me....something I figure would be in a relationship better fit for me. I don't know. I still haven't had too much experience with them, so I could be totally off-base.

 

Also, I think I found it kind of odd, since she's a person with very high catholic morals. I mean, she's totally for abstinence, and the conversation leading up to me learning about her various hookups came form a conversation about the morality of pornography. I don't know. It just seems kind of out of character for her, but I could be wrong.

 

Thanks again for the responses. Keep 'em coming please.

[Guest]

Well, I have another quandary, How am i supposed to tell her how I feel? Is there a correct way to go about it, or should I just be direct?

[Guest]

I also realize that if I do tell her about my feelings, that the friendship changes. I also know that if she does not reciprocate those feelings, I need to get out of that friendship. This is the problem. She's my best friend, and at times has been the only one there for me. I don't have a lot of friends, but I know I can count on her. So, I can either deal with this and keep her as a friend, or gamble at it. If I lose, it'll be bad, but if I don't, what changes?