Women Only !!

[Pre-Owned Lover]

I need some honest answers please, (preferably)from women who have cheated on their husbands and have a child.

 

OK, not sure how to sum up my situation in the shortest way. I'll start with my situation first...then my question afterwords.

 

At the beginning, we had gone out 2 times through a mutual friend of ours. We both knew we were for each other. The 3rd time we saw each other was at that friends house(party). Ever since that night, we never left each others side. She literally moved in with me that night. A few years gone by and everything was perfect. She wanted to start a family, as I did also. Well, we find out she was pregnant and decided to get married, which we knew we wanted to do since day 1. After the child was born we were both very happy. But of course things started change in our relationship from not having enough time with each other. I was working 60-70hr 6 day weeks so she could stay home with the baby. Of course, I had lost focus on her because of working so much, then to come home and cook dinner(5days min./wk) and give the baby a bath at night so she could relax a minute, then by the end of the night we were both exhausted to do anything. Which this may seem like an excuse for me not showing her more affection, but this what the reality of the situation was. I know no matter what, I should have tried a little hard(as so she should to). But, life went on. After a year with the baby in our lives, we both wanted to buy a house. But the area we wanted to live in was expense, and we could not afford it with just my income alone. So we talked about it and she decided she would go back to work. Well, about 4 months before the baby turned 2, I had changed jobs to further my career to make more money. Which turned out to be a flop and it left my wife with the burden of making majority of the income. During this time I wonder why she had been going out more often than usual. I figured it would be good for her anyways to go out and relieve some stress. Well go to find out that she had been talking to one of her co-workers, but I didn't tell her that I knew. Then all of the sudden, withing a week of me getting suspicious about her talking to this other guy, she is telling me that she wants to move out and get her own apartment and separate. She didn't want to go to counseling, as I begged her numerous time for us to work things out before they got out of hand and for the sake of our family. So one night I was going to go out and get drunk. But at the last minute I decided to stay home and try to talk with her. Well thing escalated to an argument, and she was wanting to leave to get out of the house. I decided that I was going to leave instead. So I leave, and after thinking to myself, I decided to go back home and see just how bad she wanted to leave me. So I get back and tell her to pack her stuff and leave the house. She packed her stuff and left and got a hotel. Which about 4 days later I go to the hotel she was staying at and find out she is with that other guy. Since then, divorce has been in the works...

We still talk (very small talk) mainly about or child, since we split him through the week.

We have been separated about 4mos. now and every time I see her I look into her eyes and seem to sense that this is not what she wants. But her words to me says otherwise(i.e. Just move on, I truly hope you find a woman that makes you happy. Hope you get married and have a million kids together). But then she tells me that I'm the one that wants to get the divorce, and I'm the one that kicked her out of the house and changed the locks. When I bring up about her talking to this guy for a month before I kicked her out she says that I wasn't like that. Which is BS!

I know reading this, it's hard to understand the whole situation, and the emotions that have been involved(or maybe you do?)

 

But my question is this...

How can I show her that I am the man that she married, the one that she felt so confident in. What steps can I take, or things should I say, to get her to feel a connection again with me.

What can I do from a womans prospective?

If you were in my wifes position, what would you tell me to do to win your heart back, and not feel like all was just a broken promise?

 

Any and all help/answers/suggestions will be much appreciated.

[Gunny376]

I know that you're said "Ladies Only" but hey WTF?

 

Sue me!

 

What are you going to do? Shave my head, ship me off to the Marines and Parris Island? Send to far off lands to kill people I don't know?

 

Use harsh language?

 

Short term answer? Dump her! Walk away like its cool, and then go and find you someone who appreciates a man that is willing to work 60-70 hours a week, so she can stay home with the children. Quit listening to her BS, and her "double-speak"

 

She's not got the supply my friend, she's got the demand. Good men that are willing to work their butts off, pulling OT, and putting up with the Bosse's crap, not to mention co-workers, not to mention the drugery are in short supply. And, you're not a drunk, a drug addict, a whore-monger, a gambler. Granted you got into a rut, granted you didn't "date your mate" granted you quit doing the things that you did to get her.

 

Whaaaaaaa!

 

Life is hard ~ its even harder if your stupid!

 

Research this borad ~ and what works is not being a doormat! What works is not laying down, what works is standing up! What works is manning up!

[Gunny376]

I know that you're said "Ladies Only" but hey WTF?

 

Sue me!

 

What are you going to do? Shave my head, ship me off to the Marines and Parris Island? Send to far off lands to kill people I don't know?

 

Use harsh language?

 

Short term answer? Dump her! Walk away like its cool, and then go and find you someone who appreciates a man that is willing to work 60-70 hours a week, so she can stay home with the children. Quit listening to her BS, and her "double-speak"

 

She's not got the supply my friend, she's got the demand. Good men that are willing to work their butts off, pulling OT, and putting up with the Bosse's crap, not to mention co-workers, not to mention the drugery are in short supply. And, you're not a drunk, a drug addict, a whore-monger, a gambler. Granted you got into a rut, granted you didn't "date your mate" granted you quit doing the things that you did to get her.

 

Whaaaaaaa!

 

Life is hard ~ its even harder if your stupid!

 

Research this borad ~ and what works is not being a doormat! What works is not laying down, what works is standing up! What works is manning up!

[Lor]

Have you asked her outright if she wants a divorce?

[Dayzie]

Yes, ask her if she wants the divorce, if she seems hesitant in her answer, then she really doesn't. Have a heart to heart talk with her about it all, see if she would be willing to go to counseling to make it work.

 

When my ex and I broke up I told him to move on and I hoped he'd find someone and be happy, but I didn't mean it. I knew that even if we didn't get back together I wanted him to love me forever and only want me yes it was selfish but oh well! but in the end we both moved on and it all worked out.

 

I suggest you talk to her, communication is vital in all relationships!!