Lizzy101 Posted April 23, 2002 Share Posted April 23, 2002 My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and I really want to get married to him. He reasons that we have plenty of time so why should we do it now? Well, we do have plenty of time, but why do it later just because we can? I don't want to force him into marriage, I just think he needs a little push. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 23, 2002 Share Posted April 23, 2002 Well, I don't recommend you getting pregnant...especially if you're dating a guy like Robert Blake. You really can't force somebody to marry you. You can be kind and be yourself but you can't force another person to the altar and you really don't want to. If your guy doesn't ask you to marry him in a reasonable amount of time, tell him you obviously have differing agendas and while you love him you want marriage in your life...and you must find a like-minded partner. Chances are excellent that will motivate him more than anything else you could do. Link to post Share on other sites
Jackie Posted April 23, 2002 Share Posted April 23, 2002 Tony's advice is spot-on (as usual), and I don't really need to add anything. I must, however, question why some women today are still obsessed with marriage? Unless you're a Christian, and need this validation to have sex with your partner, I just don't see why some women still need to go through this rite of passage? If you don't feel secure in your relationship until your partner signs a matrimonial contract, then there is something wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
ok Posted April 23, 2002 Share Posted April 23, 2002 How old are you and your boyfriend? What's the rush? Please tell me you are not living with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted April 24, 2002 Share Posted April 24, 2002 I was with a girl for over 2 years, she wanted me to get married also. Then she cheated on me, reality check..... bye bye. If he has a problem with this, then something must not be right! You had better think about this seriously! My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and I really want to get married to him. He reasons that we have plenty of time so why should we do it now? Well, we do have plenty of time, but why do it later just because we can? I don't want to force him into marriage, I just think he needs a little push. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetheart Posted December 16, 2002 Share Posted December 16, 2002 My advice.. ....a road trip to Vegas...and plenty of liquor. Marriage normally comes out of that mix. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted December 16, 2002 Share Posted December 16, 2002 Originally posted by Jackie Tony's advice is spot-on (as usual), and I don't really need to add anything. I must, however, question why some women today are still obsessed with marriage? Unless you're a Christian, and need this validation to have sex with your partner, I just don't see why some women still need to go through this rite of passage? If you don't feel secure in your relationship until your partner signs a matrimonial contract, then there is something wrong. No, there is nothing wrong and marriage is not just for Christians nor is it about sex. And it's not just women that want marriage - men do too. It has nothing to do with feeling secure, although you have to be extremely secure in the relationship to get married. I can't explain it all here -- it would take pages and pages to say it. Part of it is about making a statement to friends, family, and strangers that you have made a commitment to a person. But that is just a small part. I couldn't imagine NOT being married to my husband or not being his wife. It's a whole different realm of emotion and understanding and commitment - although with divorce as easy and prevalent as it is nowadays, the commitment part for some doesn't mean anything. Marriage is not for everyone and if someone doesn't understand the basics of what marriage is about then I don't think they should get married. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 16, 2002 Share Posted December 16, 2002 there are also the people who view marriage as a checklist of sorts: "go to college, check, meet someone, check, marry, check, have kids, check, buy a house, check ...", so it's something like an acquisition or a social wishlist, is how I see it. Why do you need to be married so badly? Because you've been together so long? Because you want legal validation of your feelings for this person? So you can finally have sex with him (though, in this day and age, I don't buy that)? You need to figure out why this is so important, then figure out why your guy feels secure with what you've got that he's willing to wait a bit longer. Are you afraid of losing him that you're willing to tie the knot just to keep him? Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted December 17, 2002 Share Posted December 17, 2002 Ever thought of taking him to dinner and getting down on one knee? Link to post Share on other sites
Liven_On_Love Posted December 17, 2002 Share Posted December 17, 2002 I would have to say that marrage isnt JUST for Christians..... if it were , than why would NON Christians be married? Good Question Eh? Some guys just arent ready..... some are just waiting around for something better to come along... some are 'AFRAID' to fully commit, and some actually dont believe in it.... I myself am not married... although I wish to be, and had the dream since a little girl... I havent been asked yet, Ive been with the same guy for 7 yrs.... half of those years were pretty bad, but Im not gonna go into detail... but I will say this... IM GLAD we werent married then..... its harder to get away! I was with another guy for 7 yrs.. and I AM SO GLAD I never married him..... because the last time we actually exchanged words he dented the cartalidge in my nose by punching me. wich was the first hit and the last ! Peace :0) Liven_ON_LOVE Link to post Share on other sites
SoFlyAngel Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 i am 16 and when i turn 17 my b/f will be 18..what states will let me and him get married without a parents conscent? Link to post Share on other sites
Master Chief Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 Originally posted by SoFlyAngel i am 16 and when i turn 17 my b/f will be 18..what states will let me and him get married without a parents conscent? Read the title. Hold up. Stop. Put the brakes on. NOW. If you try to give him that "little push" - you'll push him right away. 17 and 18 is way too young to get married. I know there's some folk who can make it work, but I think you'd better stop now. People change. You two need to know yourself before you can know each other. Do you truly know yourself? And even if you know yourself now - do you know yourself in five years, after college? Stop. By all means, continue dating. But don't get married, engaged, or anything. And do not pressure the poor guy. - MC Link to post Share on other sites
SoFlyAngel Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 my guy asked me and i dont care what anyone says we are getting married..we have been together for 5 years and b cuz of home situations we have to Link to post Share on other sites
Master Chief Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 Originally posted by SoFlyAngel my guy asked me and i dont care what anyone says we are getting married..we have been together for 5 years and b cuz of home situations we have to Why do you "have to" get married? There must be more to this story. Especially the fact that you've been together for 5 years, when a few posts ago you'd only been together for two. Either you're blowing smoke up my arse, or you're a 4th-dimensional being. - MC Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 what is it with people thinking that getting married or getting pregrnant (especially at such a young age) is going to solve all their problemss. marriage is a big commitment, whether you've been with someone a year or for five years -- as master chief points out, people change. I can't tell you how many friends of mine or of my family got married at 18, thinking this was the prize for going steady with the same guy all throughout high school, and ended up divorced. Some after a couple of years, some after a couple of kids and several years. My guess is that one or both parties grew up and because of change, the relationship wasn't strong enough to survive those changes. for pete's sake, give yourself a chance to find out who you are -- don't drag an unwilling spouse into the question, or a worse, a defenseless baby. Many of us haven't reached a level of maturity at 17 that is needed to make a marriage or parenthood work smoothly, although there are a few rare individuals who have. things going bad at home is not a reason to rush into a marriage (or parenthood) because whatever problems you had there are going to follow you, especially if your expectations are unrealistic. Link to post Share on other sites
daisys4u42 Posted May 12, 2003 Share Posted May 12, 2003 I feel the same way as you do. My boyfriend and i have been together for a while and he doesn't want to even think about marrage. He says it's not in his vocabulary! I get upset because i think i am not what he wants or i'm not good enough for him. so i'm with u why not now. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted May 12, 2003 Share Posted May 12, 2003 You can want to be with the person for the rest of your life and not want to get married right now Link to post Share on other sites
Lila Posted May 12, 2003 Share Posted May 12, 2003 Getting married at age 17 or 18?!? Are you nuts? Do you realize how much weddings cost? I hope you both have good jobs and aren't looking for handouts from mommy and daddy to support yourself. If you're serious about each other, stay engaged for a few years, but don't rush into a marriage. Just because you love somebody doesn't mean you have to get married. Wait and see how things work out. Also, between the ages of 18 to about 22 people change a lot. Those are the years where people mature and become independent. Wait until you guys have grown up a little more and see if you are still serious about marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
SillyBean Posted May 27, 2003 Share Posted May 27, 2003 Originally posted by Lila Getting married at age 17 or 18?!? Are you nuts? Do you realize how much weddings cost? I hope you both have good jobs and aren't looking for handouts from mommy and daddy to support yourself. If you're serious about each other, stay engaged for a few years, but don't rush into a marriage. Just because you love somebody doesn't mean you have to get married. Wait and see how things work out. Also, between the ages of 18 to about 22 people change a lot. Those are the years where people mature and become independent. Wait until you guys have grown up a little more and see if you are still serious about marriage. I have to totally agree with Lila. I had a friend get married right out of high school and they are still pretty much happy, but I noticed lately that her husband gets aggrevated with her. Last time I was over I couldn't help but thinking that their fighting comes from the fact that they really didn't know who they were and now they just have to try to make who they are now work. Now I've been with my boyfriend since I was 17 and he was 19. After we were together a year we talked about getting married and I told him that I wanted to finish college first. I think that was one of the best decisions I ever made. We gave each other space to grow up separately while growing together. I'm 21 now and he's 23 and I have about a year and a half left until I graduate but that doesn't mean I'll be walking down the aisle then. You have the rest of your life to be married to each other, don't rush it. And if you two truly love each other then you can wait until you're both mature enough. Marriage is a serious thing. It's not a game and it's not for children. Link to post Share on other sites
jessicakicksbut Posted May 28, 2003 Share Posted May 28, 2003 You mentioned home situation as a reason for having to get married. If things are bad at home, the worst thing you can do is get married at this time. The best thing to do is get out of the situation once you are of age and able, and form a life of your own away from you family/home situation. You need a clear mind in order to get married, and have a successful marriage. If there are issues that are plauging your life right now, I would strongly suggest working on them. One reason why people wait to until they are in their 20's or 30's to get married is to work out issues in their life, and acheive a clear mind. For instance, if one comes from a bad home life, they are best to go out of their own for a few years, get therapy or counseling, and learn how to cope with their past hurt so when they move on to the next chapter of their life (marriage), they will be more than ready. Other people wait till this age to work out other issues such as achieving their schooling/career goals, financial stability, emotional stability, etc. It is bascially a maturing process. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndwivesclub Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 Please, whatever you do do NOT get married now. I almost bought that t-shirt and I'm sooo glad I didn't. Many moons ago when I was 17, I moved in w/my bf at the time bc I was living in an abusive home. It was great while we wear living w/his parents. Then we moved out into the "real world". Holy crap what a kick in the pants! Suddenly he started becoming this total a**h*** and spending what little money we did have on gambling and parties. I used to work until 11pm and stay up all night to try and keep up on my homework, etc. Also he worked graveyards @ a convenience store and didn't trust me home alone. Long story short, things just kept getting worse. We almost took a walk down the aisle, after having a kid together whom he took away from me after I was finally strong enough to leave. The point I'm trying to make here is that while getting married to your bf now seems like a great idea, in the long run it can cause you a lot of heartache and an enormous pain in your a$$. I won't even get into how much I've spent on lawyers thus far(it's been 7.5yrs). I'm not saying he's gonna abuse you, I'm just saying take the time to find out who YOU are. You'll be glad you did. If you must leave home, explore your options; maybe try living together on a trial basis. You'd be surprised how some ppl change once you start cohabitating. If things are still going well and the relationship is still healthy in a few years, then I'd look at maybe getting more serious i.e engaged and just enjoy a longer engagement. Sorry if I sound like a lecturing mother here, but I've been there. I've also been married before, and living together is much cheaper to get out of than a marriage. Again, just my humble opinion. Good luck w/everything and take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 Getting married is NOT a solution. It does NOT change him. It is NOT guaranteed. Some people think that somehow getting married will solve all their troubles in life. WRONGO. It will add a whole lot more, particularly if you are that young. Link to post Share on other sites
Nah Posted April 30, 2004 Share Posted April 30, 2004 I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and he feels the same way about marriage as your boyfriend. Althought I would like to get married I don't don't think pushing him into something that he isn't ready for is right. How can you start a life together if one of you isn't sure about it. My advice is take your time if it's meant to be it will. One other note I'm 25 and he's 27. 16/17 18/19 is just to young. College, life, and time will change you a lot in the next couple years. Link to post Share on other sites
Embee Posted May 1, 2004 Share Posted May 1, 2004 Just to clarify peeps, Lizzy101 was the original poster and has been in a relationship for two years and then SoFlyAngel chimed in that she is 17 and has been with her boyfriend for five years ans it seemed to cause some confusion. I think if you both are out of school and have jobs, have similar values,are compatible and love each other THEN why should you not want to get married. Any guy who dates a girl for two years and with everything in place between you two, does not seem enthused about marriage, is more than likely NOT going to ask you. He is happy with the way things are. If you push the issue he may run away screaming. If he does then what the hell do you need him for? Let the coward go. He may go forever and leave you broken hearted for sometime, but you will find someone ELSE. You will. You will. You will. Even if you don't think you could love a human being anymore than you love him, trust me. You can. The human heart is so resilient. Some people say, "well then it wasn't meant to be." If that makes anyone feel better:rolleyes: He may go away and try to re-enter your life in weeks, months or years. DONT BANK ON IT! Don't wait for anyone to fulfill your dreams. There is nothing wrong with what you want and he is entitled to have his feelings too, but do not be strung along by his hedging. Don't be a passenger in someone elses life, if you don't like the destination. You go girl!!! Link to post Share on other sites
AnaE428 Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Hi sweetie! You sound like me a few years ago, until someone taught me how to play the game. I once had this boyfriend that I kept pressuring to marry me. Never happened mainly b/c I talked about it too much, kept asking, and seemed overly anxious. His response was, "I can't propose to you if you know I'm going to. I want it to be completely unexpected. That's how guys think, I learned, that they don't want to be forced into marriage. They want to initiate it when they're ready. Now I'm with another guy that's the total opposite, and I've changed too. Even though I really want to marry this man soon, I act totally oblivious, and that's what's making him want to settle with me...NO pressure! Get it??? Just the other day, my boyfriend and I were having dinner, and he took my hand and asked me my ring size. I told him my ring size and then didn't say anything else. I just let it go. I don't want him to know that I know what he's thinking. Then he kept playing with my ring and asking me if it's real, if the cut is the type I'd want, bla bla bla. Then today before I went to work, we were talking and he made a comment about how he's waiting for me to be as ready as him for this. There is a point when a man feels that you are too anxious, so it'll never happen. But when you act calm and make it seem as if it's his total idea and not yours, boom! It happens. Another thing is that if there is something coming up where he feels he might lose you (ie. new friend, vacation, career move, making yourself unavailable, etc), he will be more anxious to propose when he has no other choice but to lose you. If he loves you, he will propose. If he doesn't propose, then don't force something that's not meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
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