yes, it does happen - MM is separating

[magichands]

That way... if he, himself ever becomes a middle aged cliche... he'll know just how it's done.

Sorry...I just couldn't help myself. Brilliant!

[GreenEyedLady]

I'm not really sure how to word what I want to say...It is sad when a M ends, for everyone...but sometimes it is necessary...and if that is one or both of the participants choice, that is their choice...

 

Is it really healthy for children to grow up in a household where the parents don't love each other and one or both wish they were with someone else? At least in this situation he can be with who he loves and wants to be with and his stbxW can find someone who will love and cherish her...

[yesmaybe]

Yes, I suppose a 13-year-old would be completely clueless about how the world turns.

 

MM isn't perfect, especially as a husband. But as a father - he's great. He's not only a great financial provider, he's also the primary emotional provider to his son.

 

And despite his demanding career, he always makes time for his son. I know so many men who have less demanding careers and more free time, and yet still sort of waffle around.

 

I can't think of many men who tell their children "I love you" everyday. Or spend so much one-on-one time with them. Or give such warm attention and consideration.

 

The love between father and son, even at this rebellious age, is really wonderful.

[noforgiveness]

I agree.

 

He's close to fifty? You'll be tired of him in five, or six years and want someone younger. You don't think so now, because you've built this up in your mind, but you wait and see.

 

 

ahhh but just think, then the son will be of age. I'm sure he's much closer than her age than the dad and I'm sure he'd love an older woman. Sigh i just love a happy ending.

[GreenEyedLady]

I sense alot of bitterness on this thread (perceptive huh?)...is it really so threatening to be faced with someone's experience where a MM did leave his W?

[noforgiveness]

intersting how you've mentioned the money, position and travel much more than the love you share.

 

Personally i don't believe you got him to go to couples councelling before he even left his wife. i also don't believe any 13 year old would be happy to see love messages or talk about his daddy's girlfriend. Do not buy it. He would feel too guilty and bad for his mom.

 

Something smells fishy here....

[noforgiveness]

I sense alot of bitterness on this thread (perceptive huh?)...is it really so threatening to be faced with someone's experience where a MM did leave his W?

 

not at all when it's true love but this is so cliche. The perky little half his age secretary gets mr. money bags. All i hear mentioned is money and travel. Personally i'm not buying the posters story at all.

 

tell me one 13 year old boy who would ask his dad about a girlfriend heoverheard talking to and ask do you love her? Not buying that. the kid would have been angry and concerned for mom.

[noforgiveness]

LOL Omg enjoy him!!!!

 

as posted previously by yesmaybe.

He has Austin Power teeth (it must be a European thing)

 

- He isn't as hygenic as I'd like (again, it must be a European thing - sometimes, I wonder if he's scared of soap!)

 

- He dresses atrociously. Ties with bras printed on them. Sometimes, he forgets to tuck in his shirt. Thanks to me, he's improving in this area. But...he's a top-level executive. Why is this is an issue with him?

 

- He walks like there is a stick up his ass. Suffice to say, he can't dance. Looks like a 1,000-year-old mummy when he tries.

 

- No one at work respects him. He sucks as the president.

 

And the list goes on and on.

Wow...when it's down in writing - I'm almost irritated by him.

[GreenEyedLady]

NF: My comment was directed as a general statement, not to anyone in particular...and who is to decide when it's true love? I'm sure it always seems that way to those involved in it...

 

you don't have to buy the poster's story at all...I'm sure she doesn't care if you do or don't...

[noforgiveness]

NF: My comment was directed as a general statement, not to anyone in particular...and who is to decide when it's true love? I'm sure it always seems that way to those involved in it...

 

you don't have to buy the poster's story at all...I'm sure she doesn't care if you do or don't...

 

 

I'm saying the poster has made no real mention of love and how happy they are blah blah blah it's more like i get to travel the world and pick out a house.

[GreenEyedLady]

LOL Omg enjoy him!!!!

 

as posted previously by yesmaybe.

He has Austin Power teeth (it must be a European thing)

 

- He isn't as hygenic as I'd like (again, it must be a European thing - sometimes, I wonder if he's scared of soap!)

 

- He dresses atrociously. Ties with bras printed on them. Sometimes, he forgets to tuck in his shirt. Thanks to me, he's improving in this area. But...he's a top-level executive. Why is this is an issue with him?

 

- He walks like there is a stick up his ass. Suffice to say, he can't dance. Looks like a 1,000-year-old mummy when he tries.

 

- No one at work respects him. He sucks as the president.

 

And the list goes on and on.

Wow...when it's down in writing - I'm almost irritated by him.

 

 

Is there a particular reason that you are so personally invested in this story? You seem very motivated to tear them down. I'm almost irritated by it...

[noforgiveness]

Is there a particular reason that you are so personally invested in this story? You seem very motivated to tear them down. I'm almost irritated by it...

 

 

nah i just did a search on posters posts because i wasn't buying the story and wanted to see if she said other things about her man. I just can't buy the 13 year old asking daddy if he loves the girlfriend he just overheard daddy talking to. NO way this kid would see his family falling down and wouldn't say ooh daddy a girlfriend do you love her. nOT buying it. Then i saw that post and thought it was funny.

 

Yesmaybe i hope you are happy but i don't see you living 24/7 with this guy. Especially if you work with him and think he sucks as president.

[pricillia]

intersting how you've mentioned the money, position and travel much more than the love you share.

 

Personally i don't believe you got him to go to couples councelling before he even left his wife. i also don't believe any 13 year old would be happy to see love messages or talk about his daddy's girlfriend. Do not buy it. He would feel too guilty and bad for his mom.

 

Something smells fishy here....

 

or maybe he is perceptive and he knows that his father is happy and he is happy for him.

[yesmaybe]

intersting how you've mentioned the money, position and travel much more than the love you share.

 

Personally i don't believe you got him to go to couples councelling before he even left his wife. i also don't believe any 13 year old would be happy to see love messages or talk about his daddy's girlfriend. Do not buy it. He would feel too guilty and bad for his mom.

 

Something smells fishy here....

 

 

Please check this link for the first time I mentioned that MM wants to do joint therapy. Actually, now that I look at the date, it was back in April, so it's actually been 7 months. Wow.

 

Here is the link of his son asking about me in August.

 

Here is the link telling some of our back story. If you want to read about my love for the man...read the back stories. I've been on this board for some time.

 

People always say - if a man loves you, he will divorce his wife to be with you. And divorce entails lots of pesky finances and etc.. Which is why most men won't. And yet this man, who can look at a balance sheet and know if a company is solvent within 3 seconds, decided to take action. He put his money where his mouth is, almost literally.

[yesmaybe]

LOL Omg enjoy him!!!!

 

as posted previously by yesmaybe.

He has Austin Power teeth (it must be a European thing)

 

- He isn't as hygenic as I'd like (again, it must be a European thing - sometimes, I wonder if he's scared of soap!)

 

- He dresses atrociously. Ties with bras printed on them. Sometimes, he forgets to tuck in his shirt. Thanks to me, he's improving in this area. But...he's a top-level executive. Why is this is an issue with him?

 

- He walks like there is a stick up his ass. Suffice to say, he can't dance. Looks like a 1,000-year-old mummy when he tries.

 

- No one at work respects him. He sucks as the president.

 

And the list goes on and on.

Wow...when it's down in writing - I'm almost irritated by him.

 

LOL. I remember this post. This was a thread about "all the ways your MM irritates you."

 

To the poster who though I'm overly impressed by this older man...I'm really not. Oh, I see his faults very clearly.

 

And...by the way...I'm not his secretary, who is a very nice woman. I started out his international marketing assistant, and then added on duties as web designer/graphic designer.

[noforgiveness]

Please check this link for the first time I mentioned that MM wants to do joint therapy. Actually, now that I look at the date, it was back in April, so it's actually been 7 months. Wow.

 

Here is the link of his son asking about me in August.

 

Here is the link telling some of our back story. If you want to read about my love for the man...read the back stories. I've been on this board for some time.

 

People always say - if a man loves you, he will divorce his wife to be with you. And divorce entails lots of pesky finances and etc.. Which is why most men won't. And yet this man, who can look at a balance sheet and know if a company is solvent within 3 seconds, decided to take action. He put his money where his mouth is, almost literally.

 

thank you. I'll read them.

 

lol I loved the faults thread. Tried to bump it but it was too old but found it very funny.

[Touche]

NoForgiveness, I absolutely agree with what you said. I also thought the OP mentioned the travel and money a lot. She even said they've "done the math." I mean she mentioned that before counceling, etc. What does that mean? She assessed his bank account before making the decision to move in?

 

I just didn't have the nerve to bring that up but since you did...

 

The OP mentioned that her MM's wife said that she couldn't believe the positive changes in him since he's met his new love. COME ON! I'm calling you on THAT one! He either paints a really rosy picture for you that you're buying or your prettying this all up in your own mind.

 

What wife, especially one whom you've said was "scrambling" to get the marriage back on track, would be overjoyed with the positive changes in her husband that were brought on by his love for his mistress? I mean REALLY? He told you that she said that? I'd question that one!

 

So yes, I agree with you NF.

[noforgiveness]

yesmaybe did you go back and read that one thread you pointed me to? Please make sure you are in love with this man before you turn his life upside down.

 

you said.

 

My attachment to him is based on a deep desire for him to "choose" me as being so special that he would walk away from his marriage. But quite honestly, if I dig deep down, I am not sure that I truly want him. I think I'm flattered by his attention, impressed by his credentials, and enthralled with a fantasy of a life we might have together. But I'm not sure that's something solid enough to build a true relationship upon.

 

and

And, would I want to be with a man who would lie to his wife, and deprive her of a real relationship, just so he doesn't have to be alone? Again...selfish!

 

Just to clarify...he's not a bad man. He's a total disaster as a husband, but professionally he is known for being a man of integrity. And he and his son adore each other. What he is is weak, easily led astray, selfish. But he's not bad.

 

 

think hard please. You also mentioned he'd be 65 when you are 42. I'm 2 now and can not imagine being with a 65 year old.

 

You said he had a prenup with his wife. I find that ard to believe that 18 years ago he had a prenup. If he had one with her then then you can bet with the boatload he has now he Willhave one with you.

 

Just be careful. You do not sound like you are bursting with love. Think 24/7. You sound successful and do not need an OLD man for his money.

[noforgiveness]

NoForgiveness, I absolutely agree with what you said. I also thought the OP mentioned the travel and money a lot. She even said they've "done the math." I mean she mentioned that before counceling, etc. What does that mean? She assessed his bank account before making the decision to move in?

 

I just didn't have the nerve to bring that up but since you did...

 

The OP mentioned that her MM's wife said that she couldn't believe the positive changes in him since he's met his new love. COME ON! I'm calling you on THAT one! He either paints a really rosy picture for you that you're buying or your prettying this all up in your own mind.

 

What wife, especially one whom you've said was "scrambling" to get the marriage back on track, would be overjoyed with the positive changes in her husband that were brought on by his love for his mistress? I mean REALLY? He told you that she said that? I'd question that one!

 

So yes, I agree with you NF.

 

you know it might seem rude or like nerve to mention that but this is a support board and i think a big part of support is missing by everyone cheerleading and not thinking about the hard questions. I just want her to know she loves him before he turns his life upside down. It might sem exciting and fun and she won but money does not buy love and happiness.

 

Is this man really someone you can live the rest of your life with?

[whichwayisup]

He was unhappy, he had the courage to step up and do something about it. Isn't everyone always saying if you're unhappy get out so the other person can have a chance at happiness with someone they deserve?

 

Courage? Sure...But real courage would have been him divorcing his wife BEFORE he decided to have an affair. Any problems that were going on in the marriage either got worse or didn't matter anymore as soon as he decided to cheat on his wife. Any inclination of fixing his marriage or putting the effort in was gone the minute he chose to have an affair...That's not courage, that's the easy way out. Sorry...

 

Though it is good that he has actually MADE a decision now and isn't leading on two women.

[yesmaybe]

Thank you, noforgiveness, for bringing this up.

 

These old posts are from quite some time ago. As I mentioned before, MM and I have been in therapy since April. Most of these issues have been addressed and resolved.

 

Yes, he does have a pre-nup with his W. The lawyers have already divied things up. And I have no problems signing one, considering chances are high I will end up making more money than him in a few years.

 

As for not seeming to burst with love...I think my love is more balanced. I've questioned every motivation of mine. I've really analyzed the pros and cons. We've been to lawyers, accountants, therapists. We've spent hours upon hours talking to each other. I've never sugar-coated or glossed over any issues. My past posts are a perfect example of this hard-nosed way of looking at this affair.

 

And at the end of the day, the conclusion was: yes. I want to be with him. He wants to be with me.

 

And the conclusion after that was: yes. We have a very good chance of surviving, because we have asked the hard questions, un-romantically being in touch with reality. We've proactively sought professional advice to ensure our best chance.

[yesmaybe]

Courage? Sure...But real courage would have been him divorcing his wife BEFORE he decided to have an affair. Any problems that were going on in the marriage either got worse or didn't matter anymore as soon as he decided to cheat on his wife. Any inclination of fixing his marriage or putting the effort in was gone the minute he chose to have an affair...That's not courage, that's the easy way out. Sorry...

 

Though it is good that he has actually MADE a decision now and isn't leading on two women.

 

 

Yes, he didn't divorce his wife before having an affair. He was weak and selfish.

 

But now, he sees he was wrong, and is full of remorse. That remorse translated into his divorcing his wife and doing what it took to make her more comfortable post-divorce.

 

Maybe he didn't do the right thing exactly at the right time...but we are human and make mistakes. The true measure of courageousness is trying to be a better person.

 

Maybe that's what I love most about him. He was a selfish a-hole before. But now, he is throwing his entire heart into being a better person. And, that inspires me to be a better person, too.

[noforgiveness]

good luck then. It really looks like you've thought this through.

 

 

Can i ask a really nosey question purely out of nosiness and curiosity. What made him get a prenup 18 yers ago? I don't think they were very common then. Does he come from money? Did she? Just seems odd and not very romantic and surprising since they did last 18 years and were married 5 before even having kids.

 

Has he mentioned marriage with you? Personally i would not move in with him till he proposes. Not for moral or religious reasons but because I can just see you a happy family with kid 5 years down the road and not married. Has he brought up a prenup with you?

 

Hope you don't mind the questions but it should actually help you think things through from a different perspective. I don't know why the Ow's get so defensive when you ask a question or point out some of the obvious.

[yesmaybe]

NoForgiveness, I absolutely agree with what you said. I also thought the OP mentioned the travel and money a lot. She even said they've "done the math." I mean she mentioned that before counceling, etc. What does that mean? She assessed his bank account before making the decision to move in?

 

Isn't this what you should do before moving in/marrying? Know the exact financial status of your partner, as well as projected financial status? To me, this is common sense. I've never been married, but from what I hear, this is 80% of what couple's fight about.

 

 

The OP mentioned that her MM's wife said that she couldn't believe the positive changes in him since he's met his new love. COME ON! I'm calling you on THAT one! He either paints a really rosy picture for you that you're buying or your prettying this all up in your own mind.

 

Why is it so difficult to imagine an amicable parting? She didn't say it joyously, but as a sad admission as to why the marriage is over. She sadly admitted many other things as well. Just as MM also sadly admitted certain things.

 

When there is no acrimony, and two people are honest with each other...they can admit these things. Neither of them were small and petty in this parting.

 

I think this is another reason why the son will be ok - it's not the divorce itself that hurts the child, but how the divorce and post-divorce life is handled.

 

And so far, everyone is being calm, mature and understanding.

[yesmaybe]

good luck then. It really looks like you've thought this through.

 

Thank you, noforgiveness. I honestly don't mind the hard-hitting posts. I don't want to be surprised, 5 years down the road, with an issue I didn't consider.

 

 

Can i ask a really nosey question purely out of nosiness and curiosity. What made him get a prenup 18 yers ago? I don't think they were very common then. Does he come from money? Did she? Just seems odd and not very romantic and surprising since they did last 18 years and were married 5 before even having kids.

 

Yes, he comes from money. His father was one of the biggest businessmen in Europe.

 

 

Has he mentioned marriage with you? Personally i would not move in with him till he proposes. Not for moral or religious reasons but because I can just see you a happy family with kid 5 years down the road and not married. Has he brought up a prenup with you?

 

He assumes we will marry right after the divorce goes through. Personally, I don't need to marry unless there are kids involved. Maybe I sound really lazy, but the thought of filling out extra paperwork makes me shudder.

 

Yes, we absolutely discussed pre-nup. I'm all for it. Makes life so much simpler.

 

Again - contrary to popular belief - I'm not a gold digger. I'm just a bit un-sentimental and practical about money and finances. This is one of the reasons why we're optimistic about our future - we both see money the same way (while he and his stbxW had huge arguments over $$).

 

Once we have a house, next step will be building a relationship with his son. I'm sure I will be back in a few months with an update!