yes, it does happen - MM is separating

[Guest]

Where is yesmaybe to defend herself? It does happen and she may be telling the truth.

[lasan]

Who knows? I do know I posted part of something that was going on in my life and someone accused me of making it up. I never went back. I wasn't about to argue with message board people about whether I was telling the truth or not.

[Guest]

All I know is that if this father did tell his son about his girlfriend and had him sending video postcards and whatnot he's done that boy a terrible disservice. He had NO right to expose his child to something like this. It messes kids up one way or the other. What the hell was he thinking? He's showed him that marriage and loyality to one's family is a joke. If he's made to believe that it's perfectly acceptable to cheat on a spouse by his father, he's much more likely to have very unhealthy boundaries in his own relationships.

 

Way to go dad. Just take him on a trip or buy him some new toys, that will make it all better.

[Newly Single Mother]

I am in a similar situation although when I found out my mm was cheating I kicked him out right away. I then talked to the other woman and found out she knew all about me and our three kids. I just don't understand how any "woman" can be with a man who is married especially with little kids involved? Where have values gone to? Don't you see that if did this to his wife he'll do it to you? What makes a woman think she is better than the next. Its apparent that he loves his wife, this is just something new for him and all new things get old. How are you going to feel when he does the same thing to you? Is this just some thrill woman like you get from getting a man away from his family? I don't mean to come off strong but it just bothers me to hear woman brag about taking a man away from his family. You are probably going to lose that thrill once you get him and his wife moves on. She is going to get over this and then he isn't going to have 2 woman fighting for his attention like he has now. Then he will just move on to another version of this drama. So don't fall in love with someone who will never really love you. Once a cheat always a cheat especially if he hasn't outgrown this behavior by his age.

[frannie]

All I know is that if this father did tell his son about his girlfriend and had him sending video postcards and whatnot he's done that boy a terrible disservice. He had NO right to expose his child to something like this. It messes kids up one way or the other. What the hell was he thinking? He's showed him that marriage and loyality to one's family is a joke. If he's made to believe that it's perfectly acceptable to cheat on a spouse by his father, he's much more likely to have very unhealthy boundaries in his own relationships.

 

Way to go dad. Just take him on a trip or buy him some new toys, that will make it all better.

 

I have to agree with this. I cannot see in any way that telling the child about his girlfriend, and having them communicate in this way before his wife even knew is showing the child that it is acceptable to have absolutely no respect for this woman.

 

I find it completely sickening and can't fathom why that happened.

[RecordProducer]

My only advice is, ALL of you work together and put those kids first. Put aside ego, hurt feelings, or ANY resentment. This is going to be very difficult for them, so you, him and his ex-wife can make it easier by all getting along, for the kids sake.

I respect your noble advice, honey, but I don't think she cares to put his kids in the first place. She has a life of her own to live.

 

Of course she should be good to them and even ready to replace their mother if necessary... but this reminded me of my own case: when I saw a psychologist about my problem with my step-daughter in my first marriage, the problem was that I felt completely neglected by my husband because of her. She was a difficult child (he ate up his nerves, too) and our marriage was falling apart because of her. It did fell apart because of her.

 

So the psychologist told me: "I see... Well what's most important now is to do what's best for the child so that the child is happy."

 

I was thinking to myself: "Screw you! "

[noforgiveness]

I've learned that i should never say never............i agree.

 

Yes, i do trust him. He has been nothing but honest with me. If we did end up together, i don't think he would cheat on me. Yes, there is always a possibility, but i don't believe he would. I know this man inside and out, i know his every move.

 

He is not a serial cheater, i am the first person he ever cheated with in his life. He has been with 5 people in his 42 years of life. He is not a man whore, and he doesn't make eyes at any girl that passes by. In fact, you will never catch him looking at another girl.

 

I know some people will have a hard time understanding all of this, but he is not a useless piece of sh*t that chases any young thing that walks by. No one knows him like me, so no one can understand the whole situation.

yes they do. His wife knows him like you do. Probably more considering you've been with him a year and his wife i think you said 12 years. Your man has a whole other LIFE that he lives that you see nothing of. He may tell you but you do not see his interactions with his family. You don't see how he acts with his wife. You don't see him make love to his wife.

 

I really don't get your situation at all. He has told you he loves his wife. Why would you stay in a situation wth no future? You sound very bright in all your writings. You sound like you'd have so much to offer to the right man. Why are you settling for half a man?

[pricillia]

yes they do. His wife knows him like you do. Probably more considering you've been with him a year and his wife i think you said 12 years. Your man has a whole other LIFE that he lives that you see nothing of. He may tell you but you do not see his interactions with his family. You don't see how he acts with his wife. You don't see him make love to his wife.

 

I really don't get your situation at all. He has told you he loves his wife. Why would you stay in a situation wth no future? You sound very bright in all your writings. You sound like you'd have so much to offer to the right man. Why are you settling for half a man?

 

 

This all may be true, but I believe that you can never truly know someone, only what they reaveal to you, so he may not have that good a relationship with his wife and he may only reveal to her what he wants her to see. If she is not observant then she could be in the dark.

 

It is her choice to stay, they could have a better relationship then said spouse, or he may want something on the side, what ever the case, things are not always black and white... however everyone eventually comes to a point in each relationship like this where you get what you need or you moove on.

[NoIDidn't]

but I believe that you can never truly know someone, only what they reaveal to you,

 

Please read before you submit. This one line proves her point. One year vs. twelve years. Whose had more time to observe? Whose had more time to have revelations? W may not know about the A, but in a M of over 10 years, you can believe she knows way more about her H than the OW - regardless of what MM says.

[GreenEyedLady]

Please read before you submit.

 

You don't have to be rude...Pricillia is just giving her philosophy, which some people probably agree with...just because you disagree doesn't mean you have to try and make someone feel bad...

[NoIDidn't]

I swear you are like a shadow, always trying to come behind me and rebut my post. I wasn't being rude. And if she feels bad, that's her problem - or yours since you are so concerned.

[GreenEyedLady]

I swear you are like a shadow' date=' always trying to come behind me and rebut my post. I wasn't being rude. And if she feels bad, that's her problem - or yours since you are so concerned.[/quote']

 

Don't worry, I don't let people make me feel bad, especially ones I don't even know...

 

I found your comment about me being a shadow rather funny, I never even noticed...

[stillhere]

yes they do. His wife knows him like you do. Probably more considering you've been with him a year and his wife i think you said 12 years. Your man has a whole other LIFE that he lives that you see nothing of. He may tell you but you do not see his interactions with his family. You don't see how he acts with his wife. You don't see him make love to his wife.

 

I really don't get your situation at all. He has told you he loves his wife. Why would you stay in a situation wth no future? You sound very bright in all your writings. You sound like you'd have so much to offer to the right man. Why are you settling for half a man?

 

In some ways, maybe his W does know him like i do, but there are many other ways that she does not. I know she does not.

 

Yes, she has much more time invested in him, but they do not talk like him and i do. I have more of his time than she does. Yes, he does love her, he's been with her a long time. BUT, he's not in love with her. She no longer has his heart. She is no longer is in his thoughts.

 

I'm not there every second he interacts with her. You're right. BUT, i have seen him interact with her, and his attention is focused on me. I'm the one he's attentive to, not her. He treats her like a room mate. I have witnessed this.

 

I do have a lot to offer. I know this, and so does he. Why am i settling for half? I don't know to tell you the truth. I love him. I have no interest in anyone else. I've tried, believe me, i've tried. No one can replace him right now. I'm not ready to give him up. I have never been with someone so amazing, someone who knew exactly what i was thinking, or who made me feel so loved. No one has ever made me feel like this before.

 

I have told him over and over, that he has ruined me for any man that may possibly come after him. I will never find someone who will share such a connection with me, who will meet every need and standard i have ever looked for (except the married part).

 

And, he may leave. He's contemplating. Frankly, i wouldn't want to be with someone who would just up and leave his family at the snap of my fingers because i told him to do it. He's trying to analyze everything from every angle. That's all i ask for. I told him that it took me 3 years to leave my H, and he asked me if i really expected him to leave his W in a year. He's right, i can't expect him to do that.

 

Whatever comes of our situation, i will deal with it. I love him, he loves me, and i guess it will all come down to how much he really does love me. Only time will tell. For now, i will deal with the hand i've been dealt. I could give up, but i've been a fighter all my life. I don't give up easy, obviously!

 

Every day we fall more and more in love. I'm not just a little nookie on the side. I said that to him one day, and he freaked out. He told me that we would stop having sex all together and only talk. That he loved me and if i truely felt that way, we would never have sex again. That although the sex was mind blowing, he didn't want me to feel that way, so he would do anything to prove to me that he loved me for me, not my body. Does that sound like someone only using me for sex?

 

No one is here with us when he looks into my eyes and tells me he loves me. No one was there when he cried because he thought i was going to leave him (mind you, he never ever cries over anything). No one is here with us when we hold onto each other like we will never see the other again. No one can see how he is with me, and i can guarantee it's not just an act. If he didn't want to be here, he would never show up, or if he didn't want to hold me, he would just push me away. He is not an emotional person.

 

What it all comes down to...........i love him. And i'm not giving up just yet.

[NoIDidn't]

I found your comment about me being a shadow rather funny, I never even noticed...

 

You liked that, huh. We must be the late night crew.

[bonehead]

" but they do not talk like him and i do"

 

Not trying to burst your bubble, but one thing you want to keep in mind is YOUR NEW. She has YEARS on you in the talking department.

 

Im sure in the past they did talk.

 

But when problems creep up one of the first thing men do is shut down the communication lines.

[GreenEyedLady]

Of course they talked in the past, they got married...

 

Uh, I'm sure there's no bubble to burst...Stillhere has her eyes open...

 

And you know as for the settling...lots of people settle in R's...they settle for status and/or money, security, fear of being alone...

 

I know, others will argue that that type of settling doesn't hurt anyone...but that's just my 20 cents as usual...

[bonehead]

Of course they talked in the past, they got married...

 

Uh, I'm sure there's no bubble to burst...Stillhere has her eyes open...

 

And you know as for the settling...lots of people settle in R's...they settle for status and/or money, security, fear of being alone...

 

I know, others will argue that that type of settling doesn't hurt anyone...but that's just my 20 cents as usual...

 

And all those things can be lost..... wheres that leave ya??

 

I myself think that it does hurt to settle.

[sb129]

Sorry to pour even more rain on your parade honey but i really know EXACTLY what you are going thru.

 

My ex was a MM with a son. The whole time we were together in secret (for about a year) I kept pushing the thoughts that he was cheating and lying to everyone close to him out of my head. It was "different". As much as I hate to admit it,the thrill of the chase and the secrecy was part of the attraction. He DID move out, and we DID come clean with everyone, and it was OK for a while, despite ALOT of people getting really hurt. I adored his son. But at the end of the day his son wasn't mine. You need to be prepared for the fact that just because the wife and son live in a different house, they won't be out of your life. They will ALWAYS be there. And if your MM puts you first, thats wrong cos kids should come first, but then if he puts the son first you may struggle with feelings of resentment.

My MM was older than me by 7 years- our entire life was planned around his custody arrangements. I am 29, I still have alot left on my list of things to do before I settle down. MM wanted a younger version of his wife- one who was still sexually virile, but NOT one who wanted to live life to the full. I don't want to sound selfish but it can get a little tough when your MMs responsibilities encroach on your life. It would have been worth it had my MM been the man of my dreams, but he wasn't. He wanted to have his cake and eat it as well. He was a manipulative control freak who tried to bully me into being the perfect second wife. And what about if YOU want kids. Do you want them with a MM who clearly can abandon them so easily?

My new man and I are similar in age and ambition. We are at the same stages of our lives, and are really excited about doing things for the FIRST time together (travel,marriage, kids) its a THOUSAND times better than all the rubbish that went with being with a guy with so much baggage who couldn't deal with it. (men with baggage are fine- but you need to assess how they deal with that baggage and yours hasn't really gotten a gold star). I am glad I had the experiences I did, cos it has made me so muchmore tolerant, and I appreciate my new guy so much, I won't be letting him go in a hurry!

Please think about it. Is it really worth it?

[pricillia]

Please read before you submit. This one line proves her point. One year vs. twelve years. Whose had more time to observe? Whose had more time to have revelations? W may not know about the A' date=' but in a M of over 10 years, you can believe she knows way more about her H than the OW - regardless of what MM says.[/quote']

 

 

You should have quoted my whole post, not just this one line... it is like what the news does to prove thier point. and just for the record I do not feel bad. I was just voicing my opinion.

[noforgiveness]

In some ways, maybe his W does know him like i do, but there are many other ways that she does not. I know she does not.

 

Yes, she has much more time invested in him, but they do not talk like him and i do. I have more of his time than she does. Yes, he does love her, he's been with her a long time. BUT, he's not in love with her. She no longer has his heart. She is no longer is in his thoughts.

 

I'm not there every second he interacts with her. You're right. BUT, i have seen him interact with her, and his attention is focused on me. I'm the one he's attentive to, not her. He treats her like a room mate. I have witnessed this.

 

I do have a lot to offer. I know this, and so does he. Why am i settling for half? I don't know to tell you the truth. I love him. I have no interest in anyone else. I've tried, believe me, i've tried. No one can replace him right now. I'm not ready to give him up. I have never been with someone so amazing, someone who knew exactly what i was thinking, or who made me feel so loved. No one has ever made me feel like this before.

 

I have told him over and over, that he has ruined me for any man that may possibly come after him. I will never find someone who will share such a connection with me, who will meet every need and standard i have ever looked for (except the married part).

 

And, he may leave. He's contemplating. Frankly, i wouldn't want to be with someone who would just up and leave his family at the snap of my fingers because i told him to do it. He's trying to analyze everything from every angle. That's all i ask for. I told him that it took me 3 years to leave my H, and he asked me if i really expected him to leave his W in a year. He's right, i can't expect him to do that.

 

Whatever comes of our situation, i will deal with it. I love him, he loves me, and i guess it will all come down to how much he really does love me. Only time will tell. For now, i will deal with the hand i've been dealt. I could give up, but i've been a fighter all my life. I don't give up easy, obviously!

 

Every day we fall more and more in love. I'm not just a little nookie on the side. I said that to him one day, and he freaked out. He told me that we would stop having sex all together and only talk. That he loved me and if i truely felt that way, we would never have sex again. That although the sex was mind blowing, he didn't want me to feel that way, so he would do anything to prove to me that he loved me for me, not my body. Does that sound like someone only using me for sex?

 

No one is here with us when he looks into my eyes and tells me he loves me. No one was there when he cried because he thought i was going to leave him (mind you, he never ever cries over anything). No one is here with us when we hold onto each other like we will never see the other again. No one can see how he is with me, and i can guarantee it's not just an act. If he didn't want to be here, he would never show up, or if he didn't want to hold me, he would just push me away. He is not an emotional person.

 

What it all comes down to...........i love him. And i'm not giving up just yet.

 

That's because your man is a fantasy man. He is not a real man. He sees you at his best clean smelling, shaved and ready for fun. Always on his best behavior when you see him so irregularly.

I wonder if he would live up to your fantasy, perfect man if you lived with him 24/7 and had to do his smelly laundry, sleep with him every night as he wakes up and farts and goes in to take a ****. You have a fantasy man on a pedestal. Mr. perfct because it ison a part time basis. You have no relatives to interfere, kids to squabble over, bills to pay, friends to be jealous of. You live in this perfect little bubble that is fantasy not reality.

[pricillia]

That's because your man is a fantasy man. He is not a real man. He sees you at his best clean smelling, shaved and ready for fun. Always on his best behavior when you see him so irregularly.

I wonder if he would live up to your fantasy, perfect man if you lived with him 24/7 and had to do his smelly laundry, sleep with him every night as he wakes up and farts and goes in to take a ****. You have a fantasy man on a pedestal. Mr. perfct because it ison a part time basis. You have no relatives to interfere, kids to squabble over, bills to pay, friends to be jealous of. You live in this perfect little bubble that is fantasy not reality.

 

I think that she knows that nothing is perfect here, and I don't think that she is living in a bubble, she was once married so she knows all of the stuff that you are talking about. She knows what she is doing.

[NoIDidn't]

You should have quoted my whole post, not just this one line... it is like what the news does to prove thier point. and just for the record I do not feel bad. I was just voicing my opinion.

 

I am glad that you don't feel bad. That was never my intention. It was another poster that insinuated that I was trying to make you feel bad.

 

And that one line was still the gist of your post. You only know what they show you. And in one year with someone you only get about 2 hours a week of face time with, is hardly enough time to claim to know someone.

 

I read it somewhere that communication is 90% non-verbal. So until a person is truly able to interact with a person for more than 10 hours face to face a week, you can't really know the person you are dealing with.

[pricillia]

I am glad that you don't feel bad. That was never my intention. It was another poster that insinuated that I was trying to make you feel bad.

 

And that one line was still the gist of your post. You only know what they show you. And in one year with someone you only get about 2 hours a week of face time with, is hardly enough time to claim to know someone.

 

I read it somewhere that communication is 90% non-verbal. So until a person is truly able to interact with a person for more than 10 hours face to face a week, you can't really know the person you are dealing with.

 

Just because you live with someone does not mean you truly know them, being comfortable w/ them does not mean you really know then, you have to dig deeper, what are thier wants and desires, maybe she knows that and she does really know him...

[stillhere]

I am glad that you don't feel bad. That was never my intention. It was another poster that insinuated that I was trying to make you feel bad.

 

And that one line was still the gist of your post. You only know what they show you. And in one year with someone you only get about 2 hours a week of face time with, is hardly enough time to claim to know someone.

 

I read it somewhere that communication is 90% non-verbal. So until a person is truly able to interact with a person for more than 10 hours face to face a week, you can't really know the person you are dealing with.

 

First of all, i want to say thank you to you lovely ladies who came to my defense when i was sleeping or at work.

 

Second of all, i get about 4 hours of face time a day with him. Never once did i say i only see him 2 hours a week.

 

I can tell what is on his mind just by him walking by me. We talk for hours on the phone daily (after seeing him for about 4 hours), plus we see each other "in that way" about 3-4 times a week, sometimes more. I can guarantee you, that i see him more often than her. And talk to him more often than her. He didn't even recognize her cell number when she called him!!

 

I know what i have gotten myself into. I'm far from blind. I love a man who is married. I know this. But that has not stopped me, and it will not stop me, or him. We love each other.

 

He supports me emotionally, physically, and financially. No matter what anyone says, i am not going to stop seeing him because you tell me i should. I am extremely stubborn, if you haven't noticed by now. He is fully capable of walking away from me as well, yet he has not, and will not. That he promised me.

[CrushedOrgans]

yes, it does happen.

 

it doesn't mean that it came about in deservingly respectable circumstances, or that it will be worth it in the end.

 

for your sake, i hope it is. good luck.