Ladyjane14 Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Norajane had it right. I posted you a 'caution'. That was all. But because I'm firmly embedded in the 'other camp'... you chose to read it as an insult. I'm not commanding respect.............I have been respectful to all the BS's, even the ones who initially attacked me. I'm not talking about respect from BS's. I'm talking about respect from a MAN. Take a poll if you don't believe me. Dare ya. Ask twelve completely random people if taking money from a married man you happen to be sleeping with is okay. Not buddies, not peers. Every age group, every walk of life. Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Oh, and I would like to add this... SHE (and her kids, if there are any) are supporting you also, seeing though it (money) is coming from marital funds. I don't understand how that can be OK with you. No, I've never been a BS, so please don't even go there. Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 I have to agree with LJ's post.....maybe some of you don't agree and maybe some of you just don't want to see it. Money offered, to most men, is nothing more than bait to keep a woman around......and no matter how you want to sugar coat it..this does not equate to love! And this is in no way a degradation to men, but just what they perceive from many sources as a way to calm a woman, placate a woman, or entice her to be with him no matter what sh#t he pulls. It's ingrained by what is perpetuated. I find it hard to believe that most didn't infer the same conclusion when reading that post. UGH, i give up!! Enough of the money issue. He is not using it as bait, or payment, or any other absurd reason. Right now, he can't take care of me the way he would like to, so he does what he can. He knows that giving me money is not going to keep me around. Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Norajane had it right. I posted you a 'caution'. That was all. But because I'm firmly embedded in the 'other camp'... you chose to read it as an insult. I'm not talking about respect from BS's. I'm talking about respect from a MAN. Take a poll if you don't believe me. Dare ya. Ask twelve completely random people if taking money from a married man you happen to be sleeping with is okay. Not buddies, not peers. Every age group, every walk of life. I would really like to know, has he ever told you that he doesn't respect me? How could you possibly know that he does or does not? I'll be busy with him all day tomorrow, so the poll will have to wait. Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 UGH, i give up!! Enough of the money issue. He is not using it as bait, or payment, or any other absurd reason. Right now, he can't take care of me the way he would like to, so he does what he can. He knows that giving me money is not going to keep me around. (sigh) I came off as harsh, and I'm sorry about that, but I just think that if he wanted to take care of you the way he wanted to-he'd leave his wife. But, I think we all agree that cheating is wrong.........but emotions sometimes overwhelm-that I understand. But to top it off by taking his and his wives/kids money is incomprehensible. I just don't get how you can justify that. Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 (sigh) I came off as harsh, and I'm sorry about that, but I just think that if he wanted to take care of you the way he wanted to-he'd leave his wife. But, I think we all agree that cheating is wrong.........but emotions sometimes overwhelm-that I understand. But to top it off by taking his and his wives/kids money is incomprehensible. I just don't get how you can justify that. He'd love to leave his W too, but it's not that easy. We both wish it was. Yes, there are kids involved, and that's why he's not running out the door. He does not have a horrible relationship with his W. She is like a room mate. Can i blame him? NO, i can't. I would be having a hard time with his predicament as well. There is so much more to my story, but i am not comfortable posting it on this site. Those who know me know how much he really does love me and care about me. Our situation is not cut and dry. I wish it was. It would make it much easier on me to make a decision about our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 I'll be busy with him all day tomorrow, so the poll will have to wait. And I'll be interested in hearing the results. (p.s. to CG....Thanks...I appreciate the fact you read the posts, and didn't ASSUME that I'm posting just to piss people off and forward my own agenda. You're right. Sometimes MM do use money and resources to impress OW's. Sometimes it's covert and deliberate, and sometimes it's not. But in either case... it's up to the woman in question to protect her dignity. ) Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 All I can say is: WOW!! What happened to this thread? SH, I agree with the others. It is okay to receive money from a single guy or your spouse, but not from someone else's. Whether its hush money or not is besides the point. I know the fact that he is well off makes it seem okay to you. I read the story in the link a few weeks/days ago and thought it was hilarious. This woman bragged about how much he spent on her and then when it came time to divvy up in court it was "oh he only gave me a few items and a watch". This guy was well off too. The OW had to settle out of court. What I was saying is don't let that be you. Not passing any judgement, cause you have already made your choices whether I agree with them or not. And just because he doesn't put the money in your hand, doesn't mean you are not accepting it. If you gave it back to him after you found it, you could make that argument. And this is not advice, just my two cents. I'm entitled. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 And then if he left his wife everyone here would be saying he's less than a man, he's a cad, he'll leave you too, how can he subject his children to that, he's a coward so on and so forth...and wow some of those comments were made to the original poster of this very thread... He's damned if he does, he's damned if he doesn't... Stillhere you don't have to justify anything...these people don't know you or him... Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 He'd love to leave his W too, but it's not that easy. We both wish it was. Yes, there are kids involved, and that's why he's not running out the door. He does not have a horrible relationship with his W. She is like a room mate. Can i blame him? NO, i can't. I would be having a hard time with his predicament as well. There is so much more to my story, but i am not comfortable posting it on this site. Those who know me know how much he really does love me and care about me. Our situation is not cut and dry. I wish it was. It would make it much easier on me to make a decision about our relationship. OK. You are right, I don't know the whole story, and some of what you have written-I truly can empathize. I was just commenting on the brief synopsis you presented-that's all I had to go on. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 P.S. NoIDidn't: I was writing at the same time you were, so I didn't see your post till after...It made me laugh again as I remembered your comment last night... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Some men Do help with money out of love. My soon to be unmarried woman and I use to get into arguments over this very subject. Due to her husbands drug habit she kept the finances totally seperate. We could be talking about things that she or the girls needed and it wasnt uncommon for her to say it would wait a week until she got paid. If I had the where with to do it I offered to pay for it or just went out and bought/paid for it. It wasnt a control thing, it was a not wanting them to go without. SHe at first saw it as keeping her around money. But she finally saw it for what it really was, money spent out of love. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Some men Do help with money out of love. My soon to be unmarried woman and I use to get into arguments over this very subject. Due to her husbands drug habit she kept the finances totally seperate. We could be talking about things that she or the girls needed and it wasnt uncommon for her to say it would wait a week until she got paid. If I had the where with to do it I offered to pay for it or just went out and bought/paid for it. It wasnt a control thing, it was a not wanting them to go without. SHe at first saw it as keeping her around money. But she finally saw it for what it really was, money spent out of love. Thanks for a male perspective! Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 GEL Right back atcha! I told you, we are the night crew. Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 ...But I still need to ask, and you certainly don't have to answer. Do you really feel alright accepting money for support when he has a family involved? I ask because, choose to believe this or not, the collective opinion would be that this is very, very wrong. It's just looking like some sort of 'tag' he's placed on you and your relationship. And it is adding insult to injury on his family. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 ...But I still need to ask, and you certainly don't have to answer. Do you really feel alright accepting money for support when he has a family involved? I ask because, choose to believe this or not, the collective opinion would be that this is very, very wrong. It's just looking like some sort of 'tag' he's placed on you and your relationship. And it is adding insult to injury on his family. Uh, CG: what is with the persistence? You already know the answer...and wonderful that you are pointing out yet again what the collective answer would be in your opinion... You should really think before you try to give advice...YOU believe that he has placed a "tag" on her R...Well, do you know him or her? How can you make such a blanket assumption? Because you think that? There are others here who don't believe it to be tag (?) but part of a R. I am one of those... You are entitled to your opinion, but you've already stated it previously... Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 And I'll be interested in hearing the results. (p.s. to CG....Thanks...I appreciate the fact you read the posts, and didn't ASSUME that I'm posting just to piss people off and forward my own agenda. You're right. Sometimes MM do use money and resources to impress OW's. Sometimes it's covert and deliberate, and sometimes it's not. But in either case... it's up to the woman in question to protect her dignity. ) I didn't assume at all;)-again, I would think it to be an automatic inference. I rarely post on this forum, but somehow that situation struck a nerve I didn't know I had. Sorry to all if I sound like a b*tch. I'm just not in agreement. Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Uh, CG: what is with the persistence? You already know the answer...and wonderful that you are pointing out yet again what the collective answer would be in your opinion... You should really think before you try to give advice...YOU believe that he has placed a "tag" on her R...Well, do you know him or her? How can you make such a blanket assumption? Because you think that? There are others here who don't believe it to be tag (?) but part of a R. I am one of those... You are entitled to your opinion, but you've already stated it previously... It's a question and I'm curious. What's the mystery? ((YOU believe that he has placed a "tag" on her R..)) Proof read please........I said 'looking like'. I guess you're right in one respect--I probably wasn't giving advice-but when someone posts about something I don't agree with.....I just may post a retort. Not usually, but sometimes. So, back at you. Why the vehemence in defending? You honestly think that 'my' take or assumption of a collective answer is wrong? Are you saying that most would find this honorable? Wow. BTW-this is all rhetorical. Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 ...But I still need to ask, and you certainly don't have to answer. Do you really feel alright accepting money for support when he has a family involved? I ask because, choose to believe this or not, the collective opinion would be that this is very, very wrong. It's just looking like some sort of 'tag' he's placed on you and your relationship. And it is adding insult to injury on his family. First, she will never find out that money went from his pocket to mine. I will never tell her if she does find out about us. I will not rub it in. Am i thrilled about it........no. I wish i didn't need the money. If he did leave me, i could turn to others i know if i needed help that desperately. That is not me though. I hate asking for help. He knows this. He took it upon himself to give me the support i need. He has not placed a "tag" on our relationship. It's called love. When you love someone, you will do what you can to help and make them happy. He knows that my life is a little easier without the added stress of living paycheck to paycheck. Now, i am dropping the money issue. I know him and i know that our relationship is not about money at all. Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Some men Do help with money out of love. My soon to be unmarried woman and I use to get into arguments over this very subject. Due to her husbands drug habit she kept the finances totally seperate. We could be talking about things that she or the girls needed and it wasnt uncommon for her to say it would wait a week until she got paid. If I had the where with to do it I offered to pay for it or just went out and bought/paid for it. It wasnt a control thing, it was a not wanting them to go without. SHe at first saw it as keeping her around money. But she finally saw it for what it really was, money spent out of love. Thank you!! My MM is a very caring and giving person. Not only does he give me help, but he has helped other people at work. One has a terminally ill disease, yet shows up at work every day. My MM gives him gas money as well for his many trips to the doc hours away. Granted, he's not sleeping with him, but that just shows his generosity. It's his nature to care. What a horrible man i've become involved with. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 So, back at you. Why the vehemence in defending? You honestly think that 'my' take or assumption of a collective answer is wrong? Are you saying that most would find this honorable? Wow. You know Stillhere didn't start anything...all she did was say what it is like in her R...and BAM! The witchhunt began...I have a problem when someone who I feel is a friend is beaten up on figuratively speaking...and it's one thing to voice your opinion and another to just keep on when it's obviously not going to change anything but hurt someone who was just trying to help someone else in the first place... As for the collective answer I guess it depends who you ask? How about a bunch of mm involved in affairs with women they love? All kidding aside...It's a tough situation for all parties involved...and all of us are just doing our best... Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 You know Stillhere didn't start anything...all she did was say what it is like in her R...and BAM! The witchhunt began...I have a problem when someone who I feel is a friend is beaten up on figuratively speaking...and it's one thing to voice your opinion and another to just keep on when it's obviously not going to change anything but hurt someone who was just trying to help someone else in the first place... As for the collective answer I guess it depends who you ask? How about a bunch of mm involved in affairs with women they love? All kidding aside...It's a tough situation for all parties involved...and all of us are just doing our best... (((GEL))) I really appreciate all you are saying. I was just telling LNF (Lovernotafighter) what was all going on and how you've been behind me. I'm just trying to deal with what i have on my plate. I wasn't out looking for a fight. I know there are many out there who don't agree with me, but i never sought out this abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 GEL, you should try to activate your PM. That way i can talk to you without all the extra drama. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Stillhere: I got your back!!! Hope LNF is doing well...I know what you're going through and I want us and others to feel like we are safe to come to this forum and vent or just be in touch with others who understand and hear others that don't...THIS IS OUR PLACE TOO!!! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 GEL, you should try to activate your PM. That way i can talk to you without all the extra drama. Ok, I finally figured it out... Link to post Share on other sites
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