pricillia Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 yes peace, That is what I am trying to say to keep it civil here, and not go for the gut. Both sides are hurting here not just one or the other. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Sorry about the triple posts. Seems the site was having issues and I pushed the Submit button too many times. Guess I am a victim of my own making, seeing as I can't edit or delete the multis. LOL!!! Go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 I would like to know how my story changed? He gives me money, that i don't like taking!! OMG!! He does support be financially, in a big way!!!! But, i can support myself without his help. If he gives you money you don't like taking it and you, as you have stated, can support yourself without his help, then don't take it. You message to yourself in incongruous: "He gives me money and or pays my bills, gives me an allowance, etc but I don't like it" vs. "yet I take the money". Listen to yourself, darling..... What exactly do YOU want from this? Sex? Any interesting woman can get that! Money? You say you can do that for yourself. Loyalty? He is giving that to his WIFE and family. Love? Love and respect are parallel and indivisable. You have traded your self respect for attention. He has traded his loyalty by throwing money in your direction which supplies the attention you crave, but not the loyalty you deserve as a human being. Herein your incongruity: The attention you are getting is cheap! By this I do not mean the monetary amount! I am speaking of QUALITY over quantity. The attention you are receiving is not worthy of you. As a snide side bar: I don't know if you have a college education or not, or if you would care for post college education. Should he have so much money then I would ask him to further your education. Such would serve you well and you will be in a position to meet so many young SINGLE gorgeous men with wonderful futures...and be in a better position to go forward with your own career and future! Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 puddle, what you said here is good advice. I wish this thread was closed at this point Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 what the heck is with the negativity here? There are certian people here who are hurting who would like other people to hurt as well... Just because a person disagrees with another poster's position or offers another viewpoint.... doesn't necessarily mean that they're striking out at others in an effort to assuage their own "hurt" feelings. I can't even begin to count the ways I disagree with a woman taking money from a married man she's sleeping with. I don't agree with adultery period, truth to tell. So... my viewpoint isn't AT ALL about 'hurt feelings'. I can't expect an OW who is actively engaged in an adulterous relationship to adopt my viewpoint in the BIG PICTURE. I already know that. But... I would hope that even when we put aside subjective morality, she could at least see the smaller picture. That's why I offered it. Accepting money which might be defined as 'marital assets' could potentially end up being be a matter of legal concern to an OW. One aspect. And I can't see how it could possibly be of benefit to an OW in terms of negotion for her to become some kind of charity-case. Another aspect. The OW in question will do as she pleases.. she's already said as much. In the long run, these different aspects of the question have been laid up on the table for her perusal. Our job is done if we do that much. We're just putting it 'out there' for her. Frankly though, I think it's a mistake to disregard as "bitterness" those ideas and thoughts just because they come from people who don't agree with her. Each one is a little gift, because it shows a different angle. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 kind of funny yesmaybe has not been back. Makes you wonder if he really did separate and they went happily into the sunset or if MM was giving her another line to keep her on the hook. Why would she come back? The thread is not even about her anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Sadly, I think SH taking the money makes her feel more secure, (which inturn is actually a false sense of security) that the MM is proving his love to her by helping her financially and it's also a way for him to control her. Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 Sending her to college where she would learn new things, have new experiences and meet others would possibly allow her out of the realm of his control... He may give her money so that she is within his grasp or some "pretties" now and then, but if he truly loved her he would allow her whatever she desires for self-growth. That is what true love is about: Growing with EACH OTHER. If she asked for money for a semester's tuition I doubt he'd go for it. Factually, he would rather not allow his little kept princess to grow up... Poor child is kept by a predator not a loving soul. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 Sending her to college where she would learn new things, have new experiences and meet others would possibly allow her our of the realm of his control... He may give her money so that she is within his grasp or some "pretties" now and then, but if he truly loved her he would allow her whatever she desires for self-growth. That is what true love is about: Growing with EACH OTHER. If she asked for money for a semester's tuition I doubt he'd go for it. Factually, he would rather not allow his little kept princess to grow up... Poor child is kept by a predator not a loving soul. Wow...since Nov 10th you've turned from an ow jilted by her mm to someone being so condescending to another ow...NICE... Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 Jilted and screwed every which way since I didn't know he was married until it was over! He ended it because I found out. But I still wanted my relationship back, just the same which did make me mistress for all practical reasons, even if I wanted him back the way *I* knew it (the three years I had no idea he was married, as opposed to the way he knew it! the three years he knew he was married!) Am I discompassionate because I don't want another woman to go through this because I have learned that this kind of thing is like a death and do I want any other woman to be a walking dead person? If that isn't NICE then so be it... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 I think some people are just abit shocked that she's taking money from the MM. It's just wrong. If he weren't with his wife anymore, it would be different, but he still is and is married. Sorry if you don't see anything wrong with that part of their affair. Fact is, he gives her $$, he has some say and control in her life now. Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 you know some of you have no room to be getting on your soap box about what is right and wrong.... and defiantly have no idea what going on between SH and her MM and if you can't offer constructive advice then whats the point on jumping on her with your way or the highway judgements? what is this Salem? does it make some of you sleep better at night to parade SH's story about as some how being more wrong than someone else's? her story is different and it is what it is..leave her the hell alone already sheesh!! Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 Jilted and screwed every which way since I didn't know he was married until it was over! He ended it because I found out. But I still wanted my relationship back, just the same which did make me mistress for all practical reasons, even if I wanted him back the way *I* knew it (the three years I had no idea he was married, as opposed to the way he knew it! the three years he knew he was married!) Am I discompassionate because I don't want another woman to go through this because I have learned that this kind of thing is like a death and do I want any other woman to be a walking dead person? If that isn't NICE then so be it... Wow I am so sorry. That must be awful. How could he pull off this charade for three years? Could you start a thread with your WHOLE story? Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 you know some of you have no room to be getting on your soap box about what is right and wrong.... and defiantly have no idea what going on between SH and her MM and if you can't offer constructive advice then whats the point on jumping on her with your way or the highway judgements? what is this Salem? does it make some of you sleep better at night to parade SH's story about as some how being more wrong than someone else's? her story is different and it is what it is..leave her the hell alone already sheesh!! I honestly do not think we are being rough on her. Stillhere has repeatedly shown true compassion for the wife numerous times. I think she seems like a caring genuine person BUT I think she needs to look at her situation for what it truly is and i hope this is helping her. I've said before real support is not all oh you poor thing it is also tough love and pointing out the problems. That's what a true friend wuld do which I'm sure her REAL friends not cyber friends do do. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 Is there really any OW who would not be better off without being involved in an affair with a MM? Really? Despite all the Love, in the end, an OW has a man with a wife in her life. That's never what any OW would have wanted for herself. Certainly not what she dreamed of. Maybe being forced to review her circumstances every once in a while might help her realized she wants more herself than what she's getting. That she deserves more. Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 I honestly do not think we are being rough on her. Stillhere has repeatedly shown true compassion for the wife numerous times. I think she seems like a caring genuine person BUT I think she needs to look at her situation for what it truly is and i hope this is helping her. I've said before real support is not all oh you poor thing it is also tough love and pointing out the problems. That's what a true friend wuld do which I'm sure her REAL friends not cyber friends do do. so is your proclamation is that of being a true friend hmm? your the one who made a thread about her rather just pming her your thoughts in a attempt to embarrass her in putting her down through your 'I'm so concerned about you honey' approach.. it is obvious to me anyway you could care less about SH and your attempt to hide that though some sugar coated garbage is pretty feeble. I think you'd like nothing more than to brand her with a letter..am I wrong? doubtful. Is there really any OW who would not be better off without being involved in an affair with a MM? Really? Despite all the Love, in the end, an OW has a man with a wife in her life. That's never what any OW would have wanted for herself. Certainly not what she dreamed of. Maybe being forced to review her circumstances every once in a while might help her realized she wants more herself than what she's getting. That she deserves more. do you really think she doesn't think about this? you said it your self no OW really wants to be this kind of situation and I hardly think SH has blinders on. I don't think brow beating is the kind of thing that is really necessary or helpful to anyone who finds them self in love with a married person. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 I strongly disagree. I think every OW that justifies what she didn't dream of because of love, has blinders on. How many times have the stories been written by OW that "got her man", that she didn't know he _____, or that he was ______, or that it was going to be like ______ because of the ______? I really don't care about the money thing. I really don't think its the worst that could happen in this sitch. I am sure that he is not the first MM nor will he be the last that provides money for his mistress. I was approached when I was a struggling college student by a wealthy bank executive to be his "kept" woman. I declined. And not because I was so righteous, but because I wasn't attracted to him at all. So I know it happens. A lot. And you know what, LNAF? I agree. It is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 Is there really any OW who would not be better off without being involved in an affair with a MM? Really? Despite all the Love, in the end, an OW has a man with a wife in her life. That's never what any OW would have wanted for herself. Certainly not what she dreamed of. Maybe being forced to review her circumstances every once in a while might help her realized she wants more herself than what she's getting. That she deserves more. NJ: You know you are right that one needs to review their circumstances and reevaluate; however, that has been done REPEATEDLY on this thread and SH has REPEATEDLY defended herself and has obviously heard everyone...so now it's time to let it go... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 I strongly disagree. I think every OW that justifies what she didn't dream of because of love, has blinders on. How many times have the stories been written by OW that "got her man", that she didn't know he _____, or that he was ______, or that it was going to be like ______ because of the ______? And this is the same for any couple in any type of relationship: two single people or two people who are married...it doesn't just apply to ow... See I'm agreeing with you, kind of... Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 Oh definitely. In any R this happens. It certainly happened in mine. On both ends. Link to post Share on other sites
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