Should I hope that it will last? And how far in the meantime?

[Darleina]

I'm a sixteen year old girl who has met a wonderful 17 year old guy. We go to separate schools and so it is difficult to see eachother but we talk every day. He talks of getting married in the future and of spending eternity together,but I don't feel i get to see him enough so how could it last. He is Chinese and I am white. He hasn't told his parents about me yet, because he "thinks they would be angry that he is dating and not focusing on school." My foster parents know about him. (were both seniors in high school). I asked him if it was because I was white and he said no that he could see his older brother marrying a white woman. I don't know what to think. He says he wants to marry me, but how can he if he doesn't feel comfortable enough to tell his parents? I would love to dream of spending the rest of my life with him, but should I get my hopes up?

 

Meanwhile, I don't know "how far" to go with him. We both agreed no sex until marriage (were both Christians) and I wanna stay true to that. So far we go to movies and do the typical necking and I jack him off too. Sometimes I feel guilty afterward and I think he does to but i also think he wants to "return the favor". How far should we go?

[Totally Confused]

You should go as far as you feel comfortable, but you are still young and both of you seemed to be very confused. I would maybe hold off on the physical, until you two are completely comfortable and sure of each other. I find it very noble that the 2 of you want to wait until marriage, but do keep in mind, that the little bits of fooling around can feel so good that it can eventually progress to bigger bits of fooling which will feel even better and eventually it could lead to sex, even if it goes against your better judgment. You two won't be thinking logically, because it will feel too good to stop. The reason you're feeling guilty after you have any form of sexual contact is because both of you are dualing with two different ideas going on in your mind. On one hand, you like each other, want to make each other feel good and you both are human and have human wants, needs and desires. They are satisfied physically by exploring each other through any form of sexual contact. Then on the other hand, you are both Christians and feel that sex is something that is to be saved and is wrong if performed before marriage. Well different people have different views about sex. I personally feel that at your age, sex may become a bit too confusing for you, especially if you feel it is wrong. This is probably your first love and though it feels intense, it is your first and probably feels like it will be the only one you'll ever have and want. Take your time. He might be the man you marry, you never know, but then again, you're young and when you get older and experience more, you'll see that there are other people that you'll also want to explore, and other people you'll have more in common with. Before you do anything, I would be 100% possitive that he is someone you want to share what can be a beautiful experience with. You don't want to regret your first time, so make sure it's special with no doubts in either person's mind. There is no rush. The race issue, shouldn't be an issue, but unfortunately it can be. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks, it only matters what the two of you think. You're the ones that are with each other, it's no one else's business. If he makes you happy, then stay with him. Don't ever settle for less. If you make him happy, his parents should be happy. It doesn't matter if they find it an obstacle, as long as you two don't think it's one. Good luck to the both of you and let me know how it turns out.

[Cici]

Hi,

 

I know the problem that your boyfriend is experiencing...I have an asian parent as well and wasn't allowed to date at all in high school. My mother thought that school should be my manfocus and I dutifully followed her dictates. It's a common problem with asian parents; they want their children to succeed so strongly that they tend to overlook normal developmental stages.

 

It's a difficult thing to go against your parents' wishes, especially whn you're in high school. I think as long as this subterfuge doesn't go on too long, it's ok. Let him work up the courage to face his parents in his own time.

 

As far as how far you should go, that's completely up to you. Just know that when horomones are involved, things can sometimes get out of hand (ha ha. no pun intended!), and sometimes the heat of the moment can take you farther than you intended. That happened to me (although alcohol was involved) and I ended up losing my virginity to the wrong man at the wrong time. So be very careful about how far you go, knowing that you want to remain true to your faith until marriage.

 

On a side note, interracial relationships are sometimes difficult. Since I'm half asian, I've seen the difficulties my parents have gone through and go through, and sometimes it causes conflicts in my own relationships because I am of another race. As long as you keep this in mind, though, and try to be understanding of each other and your different cultures, things will probably be ok. In fact, the whole parent thing is an example of culture clash...his parents have different cultural values and he has a different type of relationship with his parents than you do. Understanding is the key!

 

good luck!

I'm a sixteen year old girl who has met a wonderful 17 year old guy. We go to separate schools and so it is difficult to see eachother but we talk every day. He talks of getting married in the future and of spending eternity together,but I don't feel i get to see him enough so how could it last. He is Chinese and I am white. He hasn't told his parents about me yet, because he "thinks they would be angry that he is dating and not focusing on school." My foster parents know about him. (were both seniors in high school). I asked him if it was because I was white and he said no that he could see his older brother marrying a white woman. I don't know what to think. He says he wants to marry me, but how can he if he doesn't feel comfortable enough to tell his parents? I would love to dream of spending the rest of my life with him, but should I get my hopes up? Meanwhile, I don't know "how far" to go with him. We both agreed no sex until marriage (were both Christians) and I wanna stay true to that. So far we go to movies and do the typical necking and I jack him off too. Sometimes I feel guilty afterward and I think he does to but i also think he wants to "return the favor". How far should we go?