Matt Posted April 23, 2002 Share Posted April 23, 2002 First I must say thank you to Lona for responding to me message. Its been a few days now and Im still not quite sure whats going on.I did call her to tell her that if we needed to go back to just dating status for her to feel comfortable than thats what I would do. When I had this conversation I could hear alot of pain in her voice. She didnt sound happy to hear from me at all. When I would talk she would respond with ok in a very soft tone of voice. Last night I signed on to check my email and I noticed that she was online on my messenger. I didnt plan on calling her last night or even chatting online but I was so excited about a new song I was working on that I decided to im her about it. When I clicked send my messenge went to tell me she was offline. My first reaction was to think that when she saw me sign on she went to ghosting. It hurt to think that I was being avoided. Im not t sure if that was the case .It was about her normal bedtime and I think it may have been just bad timing. either that or she already had her conversation box opened and when she saw me typing she ghosted just to avoid me. OH well, I think Im going to give her another day before I call and when I do Im not going to talk about anything heavy just freindly stuff. Somthing tells me that Im just overanylizing things, but than again that tone of voice sounded like she was just trying to find a easy way of breaking up with me. But than why would she say she wants to work things out? Hope to hear from sombody soon. Thanks in advance...Matt Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted April 23, 2002 Share Posted April 23, 2002 Hi Matt, It sounds like you've got a lot of issues to deal with on your own -- the substance abuse, etc. -- and it sounds like you've taken some good steps there. But, reading your earlier post, some things you've said about your girlfriend give me pause. You say that communication is very important to her, but also that she has a track record of running from boyfriends and problems rather than trying to work them out. So where's the communication? Does that mean that she's happy to discuss your problems but not anything that touches on her, or on your relationship? Regardless, it sounds to me like she's withdrawing. For whatever reason. And I know from hard experience that you cannot make someone stay who's inclined to run. You cannot make them open up. All you can do is respect their wish to be left alone. It's such a hard thing to get your head around, let alone your heart. Belieeeeeeeve me, I know. But there is nothing more you can do. You've let her know that you want to continue the relationship, that you want to work on things, strengthen, build. Communicate. She's not taking you up on it. And the harder you try the more evasive she'll become. It sounds like you think you're on the brink of losing her. But the truth may well be that you never had her to begin with. Setting yourself up for weeks, months, even years of waiting for her to come around, wise up, or warm up is to set yourself up for enormous disappointment and loneliness. Some people can't handle emotional intimacy for more than short bursts. They will overcome this when and if they wish to. You cannot change them. It's not your job to change them. My advice: leave her alone. Move on with your life as if she isn't in it. I don't mean run right out and find yourself a new girlfriend. I mean, write your songs, see your friends. Don't sit by the phone or online waiting for her to call your or im you. When you do cross paths online, let it go unremarked two times out of three. When you do greet her, keep it brief. Don't try to initiate lengthy conversations with her. If she wants to talk, she'll come to you. If she doesn't, your attempts to engage her will only make her withdraw all the more. If she does start to come around, don't dive right back into love and intimacy, tempting as it might be. Tell her that unless she can talk about what's been going on, and what is currently on her mind, that you don't want to start down that road with her again -- cos you know where it'll end up. She'll get overwhelmed and disappear again. Good luck. Focus more on yourself and less on her. Keep doing the things you need to get your life on the path you want to be on. Link to post Share on other sites
Matt Posted April 24, 2002 Share Posted April 24, 2002 Well ok, maybe I didnt make everything clear. I started the communication thing. Before I was around she said that she never really talked about any of her problems with anyone before. Mostly the reason that all of this happened was my jealosy or what appeared to be jealosy. It really wasnt it was more of just a bad reaction to other circumstances that reallly had nothing to do with jealosy at all. For a good while she was very open with me, and I was and still am very open with her. If what you say is true basically she filled me with false hope and empty promises...Matt Link to post Share on other sites
MercyRose Posted April 24, 2002 Share Posted April 24, 2002 This is very interesting )) I have read alot of posts here, girls with broken hearts because guys they have been leading them on, wanting sex only etc At least Matt is honest about what he wants ) Now as for a solution to Matts problem, again other posts come to mind. And the conclusion I have drawn from all the posts I have read so far is, that the kind of woman and relationship Matt needs and wants at the moment can be found in clubs. Every persons idea of, and hopes for a relationship is different.As long as two people want the same things and are honest about it, its ok. Link to post Share on other sites
MercyRose Posted April 24, 2002 Share Posted April 24, 2002 The above post is for Dave not Matt )) My apologies to Matt )) Link to post Share on other sites
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