IpAncA Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 Which takes me back to the belief that you have to find happiness within yourself and that way circumstances around you can change but you can still be happy. Thats what i've been trying to tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 Thats what i've been trying to tell you. My bad! But still I don't know if what I am writing is 100% true. I mean you can see for yourself so many people point to outside things that make them happy so who am I to say we should look inside ourselves to find happiness, especially considering how often I get unhappy myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 If making the comparison keeps me happy I'm sticking with it, Babes!!! If my SO is diagnosed with cancer, at least she didn't get blown to bits. There's still hope that she can recover. Comparing the happiness of a SO diagnosed with cancer to a dead person hardly makes sense. She could just as well get killed in a car accident with her body just as disfigured as someone who died in combat. Does that mean she should be unhappy because such a possibility exists. Should someone living in a country where the chances of being blown to bits is the same as someone in our country getting killed by a drunk driver, should they therefore live in misery at the thought of those possibilities ending their lives? Happiness really shouldn't be dependent on events. Life presents us with some sucking circumstances. The way we look at things creates our happiness...because we really have no control over a lot of things that could create sadness if we let it. Yes, I completely agree. I think the common element I find with happy people is the way they process the events that they face, whether they be good or bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 So for you as long as you like yourself and don't hate yourself, you find happiness? Sometimes I admire myself and think how wonderful I am but it has no bearing on my level of happiness. Uh yeah, thats about it. How can I be happy if I don't like myself? Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 Uh yeah, thats about it. How can I be happy if I don't like myself? What if you like yourself but someone cut you off on the road, or you lost your job or your SO broke your heart? Just because you like yourself that is a passport to being happy? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 What if you like yourself but someone cut you off on the road, or you lost your job or your SO broke your heart? Just because you like yourself that is a passport to being happy? Stuff happens, whether it being good or bad, besides all that stuff you mentioned above is only temporary. That is just a part of life and I except that. All that I can do is learn from those situations and better myself. I certainly don't hate myself over having to improve. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 What if you like yourself but someone cut you off on the road You could either lose your mind, fly into a fit, drive off the road and kill yourself. OR you could figure maybe the person made an innocent mistake and forget about it. or you lost your job You could either throw yourself off a bridge and kill yourself. OR you could realize there's plenty of jobs and if you work at it, you'll get another one. Very often a better one. your SO broke your heart? You could either throw yourself under a train and kill yourself . OR you could realize that if the SO was heartless enough to break your heart, the SO wasn't worth having, be glad SO's gone, and look forward to getting a better one. It's all in how you choose to interpret the event and the consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
BabyPhoenix Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 By happy genes, I mean that two people can be in the same circumstances yet one can be unhappy the other very happy because he is predisposed or born that way to naturally feel happy is what I mean. It can all do with brain chemistry which is why medication can alter your mood. I would have to say that I agree with your hypothesis. We are all born with a large degree of our personalities built into our DNA (and you can go further by relating all this code to brain chemistry, and the way out bodies react to stimuli etc.), and there is not alot that we can do to alter the fundamentals of our personality. I am not in any way saying we cant improve upon and change the way we think (that is what makes us beautifully human), but the fundamental structure of our personalities - like the spine as a fundamental structure of our body - is something we are born with. (eg: I hate raw tomatoes, and no matter how many times I try them or tell myself I am going to like them, I still hate them). As a life example: I am in general a happy, stable person. Yes, there have been times where I have been depressed, but they always related to outside circumstances. My sister, however, has always been a depressed and unhappy person no matter what the outside stimulus, even though for the most part we had the same opportunities, life circumstances etc. And this has been true since we were little - ages 2 and 4. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 My bad! But still I don't know if what I am writing is 100% true. I mean you can see for yourself so many people point to outside things that make them happy so who am I to say we should look inside ourselves to find happiness, especially considering how often I get unhappy myself. I think that for most people it is a combination of both things.. inner and outer. Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 i am happy because i know who i am. i am happy because my happiness is not based on external factors and because i realise those external factors are a temporary illusion anyway. i am happy because i am whole. i don't yearn for anything. i have all i need. i am deeply fulfilled. i am alive and i realise what an opportunity that is. i am happy because i feel love and i long to share that love. i am happy because the universe makes sense. because i am not lost. because i know where my home is. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 Newsflash - you could've been born with happy genes. I have great members in my family yet I am constantly depressed. I can call on them and they'd be there for me, they're hardworking and all of the above you list (minus my mother is cold and distant and my father died) yet I am always upset over something. Upset like really unhappy either with a relationship or something else so that is why I asked if you know for certain if it is your great family that is the cause of your happiness. While Davidson, a University of Wisconsin professor and the director of the Waisman Laboratory for Brain Imaging and Behaviour, agrees that external circumstances play some role in modulating happiness, he says it is also clear that how we interpret events affects our happiness. While people tend to think they have no control over their emotions, Davidson has shown that people can learn to be happy, just like they can learn to play the violin. It just takes practice. from an article on studies of happiness conducted by John Helliwell and Richard Davidson Link to post Share on other sites
Great Gazoo Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 You could either lose your mind, fly into a fit, drive off the road and kill yourself. OR you could figure maybe the person made an innocent mistake and forget about it. You could either throw yourself off a bridge and kill yourself. OR you could realize there's plenty of jobs and if you work at it, you'll get another one. Very often a better one. You could either throw yourself under a train and kill yourself . OR you could realize that if the SO was heartless enough to break your heart, the SO wasn't worth having, be glad SO's gone, and look forward to getting a better one. It's all in how you choose to interpret the event and the consequences. I like your way of thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 "Shiny happy people holding hands..." - REM Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 Up until I was about 29, I was really depressed. Short periods of happiness, but always had that underlying feeling of sadness. Unhappiness. Tried everything... illegal and legal drugs (not at the same time), anti-depressants, herbal teas, exercise, healthy eating.. I was desperate to feel happy, and nothing worked. Or if it did, it was only for a brief period of time, adn then I was crashing back into depression again. I don't think there is a happy gene. I think sometimes people (me included) can shove our problems so deep that we can't even see what the problem is. We stay unhappy because there's still a problem. But it's locked up so tight we can't resolve it. I pushed it all out into the open. Set out exactly what I need and want, and people either help, or they get out of my way. Understanding that I'm a really giving person and it makes me happy to give, so it's not like I'm only taking. But I placed my needs and wants at the same level as theirs. Not below anymore. And I'm happier. I get what I want out of life. I get to help people who appreciate it. I know that no matter what happens I'll land on my feet, and even in the absolute worst situation I can still point out someone who's got it even worse than me... so therefore, I'm doing pretty damn good! Plus, I had to re-configure how I thought. Instead of derogatory, negative comments with my inner dialogue, I changed it to more optimistic, positive words. Really had to slug away at that change. Hard won battle, and still fighting for more improvement... but wow. I can't even explain the difference. I feel good about myself. I like me. I value me. I'm confident, I'm happy, and I feel like I can do anything I want. It's probably the biggest contributor to my happiness out of everything. Just changing the way I think about myself, and how I talk to myself in my head. But damn, that was hard to change! Really had to work for that one. Link to post Share on other sites
PussInHeels Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 Happiness is transient; contentment is what you can get and hold on to. I'm happy, but I haven't always been happy, and I will not always be happy. I'm happy right now because I've met my perfect half and I'm doing the married thing. But I am not content; I can't be content until I reach the goals I've set for myself (career, kids, traveling, etc.) My lack of contentment is what keeps me going, so I welcome it! Link to post Share on other sites
PussInHeels Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 Congrats, Walk. I went through a similar thing, though with me it was anxiety. It got pretty bad, but I was able to go untreated for a while because I was focusing on school and my career, and that made me happy. Then a bunch of crises happened in the same year during med school and I just crashed. I realized I couldn't keep going the same way; I had to change my outlook and really address my issues. It's hard, so it's good to see someone else doing so well. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts