3 years later!

[saira82]

Hey,

 

Kinda have a sob story to tell and have no one to tell it to!

 

3 years ago i moved in with the love of my life, we were together 3 years before we moved in, but something seemed to change and we argued non stop and the relationship was getting heated and violent, which i admit was my fault.. i had confidence issues and he was just starting at university and i got jealous as he wanted to be out with friends.

Anyhow i went to work one day and when i came home he had moved out..no note nothing. i was heartbroken, i thought my life had ended.

I had no friends and had come to rely on him for "normal" things such as going to the movies and to clubs etc.

I had to sell our home and I moved in with my mum, to make things 100000 times worse him and his dad moved in 3 doors down on the same street. i felt i couldnt get over him as everytime i tried i would see his face everyday, see him with new girlfriends. I really did think about ending it all.

I ended up putting on 90lbs in weight, i was so depressed. i had no friends and no social life so what was the point in looking after myself? Im pretty sure he was laughing at me all along.

Its no 3 years since we split and only 2 weeks ago did he move out of his dads apartment.

I know in a way that what happened was for the best, because i may not have done much with my life and still have no friends but im learning to cope by myself and im doing something about my future. Im studying at night school with the hope of going away to University next year...hopefully get myself some friends. I have started a diet and have already lost 20 lbs.

I havent been to a club or bar for 3 years, im 24 years old and live the life of a 90 year old, but im hoping that things are going to start looking up for me.

But i still seem to spend a awful amount of time thinking of what ifs..he said to me, if i hadnt kept ringing him all the time when we broke up, he may have come back to me.

I dont know, its been 3 years and i still dont feel over it and every once in a while, i think is this all that life has in store for me? cos sometimes it doesnt feel worth it:(

[Jane Doe]

You're stuck in something that happened years ago. Yes, it was traumatic and I can understand the shock and pain but how many years are you willing to let this control you? Hasn't enough time passed? Haven't you suffered enough? It's time to get control of yourself and your life. Losing the weight and going to school is a great place to start. You have to take this step by step and keep looking forward, not backward. You can make it! Let the past be the past and focus on your future. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let someone who's not even part of your life run it.

[saira82]

I know your right, but its difficult saying that and actually doing it. He has finally moved away so i wont have to see him 20 times per day. Thank you for replying. I will get there in the end. I just feel pretty alone most of the time!

[Jane Doe]

I know it's easy for me to sit here and say it but at some point you just have to do it. Say to yourself what you're gonna do and then do it. It sounds complicated but it really is that simple.

[LaughMachine]

Part of the reason of not being able to get over him was having to see him 20 per day, or however you stated that. He has moved away now, and if you stayed in contact with him for three years after your breakup..It doesn't surprise me one bit that your not over it. Some people think thats strange that your not over it, and sometimes time isn't on our side as much as we hoped for. I still feel deeply hurt , even after a year and 2 months later. But the pain isn't as unbearable as it used to be. I can enjoy myself everyday without talking about it. Maybe I think about it from time to time, but I can't help it. And I'm not gonna make my mind do something that it can not, which is forget the past. I remember it.

 

Right now the advice shown up above is the best advice there is for you. It's alot easier for a person to tell you to get up off your butt and stop sobbing over an old flame. But thats why we always wonder why we can't ever listen to our on advice, because It's easier said than done. Your going to have to try harder and realize this pain as dragged you far along in life, and maybe you should start embracing your pain and turn it in too something positive, again easier said than done. I hope in time to come you will slowly recover from all this, but I really thing the prime reason you can't lays in the fact that you have stayed in contact with this person. Hope this helps

[saira82]

Thank you for your replies. I twas not out of choice to stay in contact, he moved in next door! It was very hard, i am feeling much better now..I feel that I am able to look to the future without him been on mind all the time, its got easier, I used to think about him all day every day and now its only once or twice..im getting there!!

Thank you once again for your replies.x

[LaughMachine]

No problem. I haven't been giving much advice lately so everything I say will be big since I should be giving advice hahaha

 

Um he moved in next to you? lol thats kinda creepy not to say RUDE.

 

Well I can tell you had a good day obviously. When I have good days I come here and say oh yeah almost over ex. Than when I have bad days I think about it...but your getting there! and thats a start. Keep it up

[JCD]

All you really can do is to occupy your mind with something else and let enough time pass by to make your feelings for him disappear. They will go away and you'll feel happy again.