engaged finally, now feeling aprehensive

[fitgal2]

well I am not sure scared is the right word. I don't really know what to call what I am feeling. I have only been engaged for a week but already I have gone from euphoria to sad. I don't really know what changed. I guess it like I am trying so hard to make sure that I am not getting walked all over. But yet I feel as though I am. I tell my fiancee that i don't like something that he does, he says he understands what I am saying, then he goes and dose it again. for example, I have told him that I don't appreciate him poking "specific areas" because it makes me feel like a piece of meat. yet he does it again and again. there is also the issue of his reaction when I tell him I am upset/hurt by something he did. he gets huffy and basically throws a tantrum. and yes these are things I have known. I said wanted to go to premarital counselling, then i said that we can just do a few "marriage prep books" but now I am back to wanting pre-marital counselling. Just for the sheer fact that I think he needs an outsider/mediator because he can't seem to handle me bringing things to his attention.

[Guest]

well I am not sure scared is the right word. I don't really know what to call what I am feeling. I have only been engaged for a week but already I have gone from euphoria to sad. I don't really know what changed. I guess it like I am trying so hard to make sure that I am not getting walked all over. But yet I feel as though I am. I tell my fiancee that i don't like something that he does, he says he understands what I am saying, then he goes and dose it again.

 

for example, I have told him that I don't appreciate him poking "specific areas" because it makes me feel like a piece of meat. yet he does it again and again. there is also the issue of his reaction when I tell him I am upset/hurt by something he did. he gets huffy and basically throws a tantrum. and yes these are things I have known. I said wanted to go to premarital counseling, then i said that we can just do a few "marriage prep books" but now I am back to wanting pre-marital counseling. Just for the sheer fact that I think he needs an outsider/mediator because he can't seem to handle me bringing things to his attention.

 

So why did you want to marry the guy? Did you think he was a 'fixer-upper' to be 'renovated' after the wedding ceremony? If he causes you distress now and has done so during your relationship, then you should have realized that and told him to take a hike.

[norajane]

This is not a good start. You should tell him your marriage is contigent on getting that counseling. No counseling - no marriage.

 

But, you might be better off just letting this relationship go. These sound like ingrained behaviors. It's possible they might change as he gets older and matures, or it's equally possible he might get worse. Usually, things get worse after marriage.

[YellowLioness]

He sounds pretty irritating. Is he younger then you are? I have found (and this is only a generalization) that it takes men somewhat longer then it does women to grow up.

 

After dating a few younger guys, I finally decided I'd had enough of it, and found some one 5 years older then I am. In many ways he's more mature, but on some levels we match perfectly.

 

After spending enough time with anyone, they will get on your nerves. I don't care who they are. Do you all spend enough time apart? Do you have seperate friends that you spend time with? Space is very underrated sometimes.

 

Are there other areas that he is immature in? Does he party all the time? Can he hold down a good job? Do you have the same religious preferences? Do you like his family? Does he like yours?

 

Marriage is very scary. It's easy to get cold feet, especially if you're unsure about the person you're about to marry. That's why it's important to have valid reasons for being with the other person: similar values, similar likes/dislikes, etc. Marrying someone for the sole reason of having a ring on your finger, or because you're sick of being the only single one of your friends will lead down a path of disaster.

 

I'm not saying that you're any of these things- your post was way too general for me to make any judgment calls. I just tried to give you some things to think about..