What's going on?

[mwingnut]

I apologize in advance for this being RIDICULOUSLY long-winded. Please bear with me, but I'd really like some sort of outside insight.

 

I'm a senior in high school.

 

So I'd been going through something I suppose you could call a rejection cycle, got rather discouraged after a while and decided to stop looking for any kind of relationship.

 

My circle of friends last year were all seniors, and when they graduated I started expanding this circle, and I happened to meet a girl. I knew who she was, she was in several shows with me and was also in choir. I never really talked to her. One of my friends had organized a beach trip at the end of last year, and so I went, this girl was there for the first day anyways.

 

So we started talking, spent most of the afternoon talking really about nothing in particular, guess plans for the next year. By the end I considered her a friend and nothing more.

 

Fast forward roughly a month, and I had started talking to her on the computer. Really about nothing in particular, our hobbies/interests, etc. Sometimes we'd talk for pretty near 5 hours, which isn't unusual or anything, or at least I don't consider it to be. As time went on, I started to really notice what a fantastic personality she had, and It really was attracting me.

 

Fast forward to the beginning of this school year. Again we had the same theatre/choir class, and continued talking and so forth. Developed a good friendship. Problem was I started crushing on her big time. It's hard to describe in words how wonderful this girl is. You know when you think about a person, you can name one or two things off the top of your head that you dislike? I could always do that with the girls I liked previously, not this one. It was very refreshing.

 

Fast forward a little more, we had a conversation. She asked me why we were friends. An awkward question, i'll admit it took me by surprise. I gave a reason similar to as stated earlier in this post. She said she understood, and that was the end of it. A few days later this conversation took place (text messages):

 

Her : Will you answer the next question I ask you honestly?

Me: Absolutely

Her: Mind you it's not exactly the most appropriate of questions.

Me: That's fine, would you prefer to ask me in person?

Her: Would be a good idea. Mind you I might lose my courage before tomorrow and leave you hanging. Well, good night.

 

Kinda had me weirded out at this point, I had an idea of what she wanted to ask me, and was only affirmed the next day.

 

She gave me a folded piece of paper the next day, with the words "In such a night..." written on the outside. This is a reference to the lines from a show we are doing later this year, in which the character that I am playing and his love interest are confessing their love to eachother through poetic verse. Anyways, on the opposite side was a letter that explained that she "had a lot to express that she isn't brave enough to" and said included the line "do I risk destroying everything i've worked to achieve, or do i risk my own sanity?" and finally later "if you can allay my fears I will ask you the question I meant to ask you earlier...please understand"

 

My initial reaction was somewhat dubious, I immediately was saying to myself that she ought to talk to me in person, not give me letters. It was clear that she wanted to ask me how I felt about her, though just wasn't doing it.

 

I called her later that day and asked if she wanted to take a walk with me the following day, she agreed and we did.

 

I brought up the letter, told her she had nothing to be afraid of, and that she should ask me the question.

 

Her : "I don't think the question is what you think it is.."

Me : "Well what is it?"

Her : "do you like <name of girl I don't like>"

Me: "No, I don't."

Her: "Was that the question you thought I was going to ask?"

Me: "not at all"

 

I immediately was going "WHAT THE F***!!!!??" in my head, couldn't understand at all. My mind was racing, asking myself why she was so bothered about asking me that question, why it bothered her enough to write a letter or whatever. I shook it off and we went back to talking about random stuff again. I walked her home and we parted ways.

 

Later that day she sends me a text message saying "thanks again for the walk, I had a great time!". I didn't send any response, was still weirded out.

 

Roughly a week later, it so happens i was giving <girl I don't like> a ride home from an after school thing, and she mentioned that "everyone thinks we like eachother you know". And I said "really? okay". I dropped her off and she called me about 15 minutes later and explained that she brought it up because she liked me, and I told her the truth and said I didn't, and that was the end of that. Again I never really paid this much thought, but keep this in mind for later in this post.

 

Now again roughly a week later, an online conversation:

 

Me: How are you?

Her : Eh..I'm okay

Me : Just okay?

Her : Yeah...

Me : Well I hope you get your problem sorted out.

Her : It's not something that's easily sorted out.

Me : what's up?

Her: Just thinking...

Me : Anything you want to talk about or...?

Her : Maybe later ok?

Me : Sure.

Her : You're so patient with me...thank you.

Me : absolutely

 

- at this point I'd gone away to dinner. I come back to find:

 

Her: And I hope you already know this, but you can talk to me any time. I know I rely on you and I hope I'm a worthy friend. I really treasure our friendship and our abillity to be open with eachother.

 

This is the kind of thing a good friend would say to another, and just another piece of doubt for me, thinking "okay, she just wants to be friends."

 

Now to explain another unusual part of our friendship. Another text message conversation:

 

Her : Smile!

Me : Is that a command or a gesture?

Her: Hmm..both =)

Me : *smile*

Her: good job!

 

Didn't think anything of this.

 

Worth mentioning that even if we wouldn't really talk at all during the day, sometimes it would seem like she'd go out of her way to say good night to me, and she started using all these ridiculous metaphors to explain large numbers of smiles and whatnot. I'd usually reciprocate her messages.

 

Fast forward to this past week. Production week for a show we were doing - late night rehearsals. Throughout the nights we spent a lot of time around eachother, I would generally flirt with her, and sometimes she'd flirt back. On tuesday night I went trick/treating with a group of my college friends, invited her to come along, she agreed. The unusual part is it's almost as if every time I tried to walk along side her, she'd either speed up or slow down to the point where I couldn't. Almost like she was politely avoiding me. Now normally I'd take this as a hint that she doesn't want to be near me, and I'd back off, however during completely OPPOSITE times, she's waited around for me, so she could walk with me to class or somethign on purpose. This only adds to my confusion.

 

More on this week, on friday night one of our actors had a nervous breakdown during the show and he simply walked off stage during a scene. This girl covered for him, as she knew most of his lines. Offstage after the first act, her and I discussed what we were going to do to cover for him, as he still hadn't come back. We eventually got it all sorted out, she was stressing and I helped to alleviate it somewhat. Turns out our actor was okay and was able to finish the show. Before act two I told the girl break a leg, and she gave me a hug. AFTER the show, she walked up to me and said "we did it!" and gave me another hug. Now normally a hug between friends is a few seconds and nothing more, and I was about to let go of her, however she was still clinging to me. I fell back onto the balls of my feet, as she is shorter than I am, and she came with me. Then I finally loosned my grip slightly, and she pushed herself against me, pressed the side of her head against my chest, and gave me one last squeeze before letting go.

 

Then at the cast party that night, she sat across from me at the restaurant that we went to. Underneath the table, I brushed my foot against hers, and she didn't seem to mind. I flirted with her, and we ended up throwing sugar packets at eachother and generally having a fun time. We parted ways.

 

The next day, yesterday to be exact, we had a choir performance at a hotel in a neighbor city. During the entire morning all I got from her was the vibe that she was uncomfortable around me, and didn't want to be close. Rather unusual, but whatever.

 

Last night, closing night of our show, everything went great, I flirted with her backstage like I always did, she flirted back. Cast party at a friends house, I was talking with a group of friends across the room from her, decided to look back at her, noticed that every time I did, she was looking back at me. I asked her if she wanted to play tetherball, and so we went outside together and did so. We were alone, and I took the game as an opportunity to flirt with her, she again flirted back, acted like she was having a great time.

 

Several times people came outside from inside the house, however quickly went back inside with an unusual tone, as if they could sense that I wanted to be alone with her. Anyways, several times she'd grab the rope from her side, and i'd try to pry her hands off of the rope. She didn't mind any of the hand contact, and she'd playfully hit me when I'd cheat a little bit. A couple of times when I'd pry her fingers off the rope, she'd wrap the fingers I had gotten off around mine, as if almost holding hands with me, though not really.

 

I seriously thought about making a move, and was going to, however seemed like when i was about to do it, someone would come outside, and that was that. She had to go, and so I said good night. We traded text messages with more ridiculous smile metaphors in them, and that was that.

 

Now, I know that this past week has just been FULL of things that point to her having interest in me, however it's just more confusion to me.

 

First of all, with regards to friday, It's like I had been emotional support for her, and that her hug was nothing more than a "thank you for being there" sort of thing. With regards to last night, it's possible to dismiss the events as just what good friends do.

 

Secondly, I've seen the way she acts around her friends, and her guy friends. It's no different than she acts around me, she's almost always smiling when talking with anyone, laughs at almost anything, and is very nice to everyone. It's nothing special.

 

I HAVE seen her look at me out of the corner of her eyes quickly, and at times when there's no reason for her to be looking at me, I can state a hundred different times.

 

She has complemented me before, not on my appearance or anything, however on things I've done and so forth. I've complemented her on her appearance before, and she's taken it with a smile.

 

I really cherish our friendship as well, and I don't want to have to walk away from it if it turns out she doesn't have any kind of feelings for me. My gut tells me she does, the rational half of my brain says she doesn't.

 

It doesn't make any sense at all why she'd have so much trouble asking me about whether or not I like <girl i don't like>, even though they're friends. At one time I dismissed it as that <girl i don't like> may have asked her to ask me if I liked her, and then wanted just a second opinion - hence her talking to me a week later.

 

Another thing, she brought up in a random conversation that somebody's mom had asked her "so which drama guy are you dating?" - a play at something that i guess happened last year, i don't know really. anyways she finished by saying " I....don't really date". now why would she say something like that to someone she had feelings for? Maybe she made a mistake, I don't know.

 

So I suppose my question is, through all of my rambling and over-explanation, and probably over-analyzation, and in general obsession, what does this girl truly think of me? Is she someone who actually has feelings for me, or is she just a very good friend who is extremely friendly and kind?

 

And of course..what should I do about it?

 

If you have gotten this far, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I thank anyone for any kind of insight.

[phyrespryte]

Whoa! That was long!

 

So the girl that you do like. Why don't you just ask her out? Why do you have to wait to figure out what she thinks or wait till she says something? Honestly it would've been 100% faster and easier than all that writing.

 

I can't tell you if she likes you or not. She might, but since her friend is involved it seems extra complicated. Just ask her out and see what happens.

[dropdeadlegs]

I didn't mind at all reading that long post. I like lots of information as it makes it easier to respond than just a few brief words.

 

I think she does like you, but that her being friends with <girl you don't have those kind of feelings for> may be making it hard for her to express. I haven't been a high school senior in 25 years, but when I was there was a sort of unwritten rule that you can't date the guy that your friend is crushing on. At least not until she falls madly in love with someone else and wonders why she ever liked crush guy in the first place. I understand your fear of losing the friendship if she does not actually return your feelings, but I don't think it has to be that way. If it makes her uncomfortable to be around you (assuming you tell her of your feelings) I think time could still salvage the relationship assuming that you treat her as closely as possible to the same way you have in the past. And you may have to make a lot of the effort in keeping the friendship alive by doing everything you can to lessen her discomfort.

 

I think you should tell her of your feelings as that is the only way you may ever know how she feels. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? It will be scary in some ways but you will be better off in the long run. You sound like a great, caring, young man. In your post I thought you expressed yourself better than some people three times your age. If this particular girl isn't interested at this time I am certain you will find others who are. And next year is college with a whole new group of girls to choose from!

 

Love oftens finds us when we're not looking for it in the least and for me that has always been the best, most exciting love.

 

Good luck and let us know how it works out.

[mwingnut]

Thanks very much for your replies.

 

Normally I wouldn't act like this in this situation, i'd go straight to asking a girl out, though I've been hurt in the past even when I was sure about something, and I really didn't want to flub it up with this one.

 

I plan on talking to her later this week, I'll let you guys know how it turns out.

[dropdeadlegs]

Please do post the outcome. It helps everyone to know how things go.

 

Good luck! I am definitely on your side.

[phyrespryte]

Yes! Do let us know what happens! And goodluck too.

[Parmalat]

I agree with the advice you've been given, and good luck, let us know how it went.

[mwingnut]

Hello all, sorry it's been a while, thought I'd throw in an update.

 

Last Saturday I went to a movie with girl and her family, we sat away from her parents and I made the move to try to hold her hand, she was completely receptive.

 

Yesterday, monday, I asked to talk to her after school and told her the way I felt and asked if she would like to go out. She said she shared the feelings and we've got a date this Friday.

 

Thanks for your advice and thoughts everybody, I'm indescribably happy. I hope everything goes well from here.

[dropdeadlegs]

I am so happy for you! Isn't love just grand? I felt SURE she reciprocated your feelings.

 

Thanks so much for taking the time to let us know!

 

Here's to the future with your new girl!

 

Much Happiness, ~Trish~

[Tete de poulet]

Whoa! That was long!

 

So the girl that you do like. Why don't you just ask her out? Why do you have to wait to figure out what she thinks or wait till she says something? Honestly it would've been 100% faster and easier than all that writing.

 

I can't tell you if she likes you or not. She might, but since her friend is involved it seems extra complicated. Just ask her out and see what happens.

 

Yes. You, Wingnut, need to prioritize your time. Spending an hour here composing that story (which I confess did not nor will read) could be better spent just asking her out. Stop thinking and analyzing so much.

 

Good luck

[dropdeadlegs]

Apparently, you, Tete de poulet, did not read ALL the posts, nor the OP 's outcome. Seems his "time" spent composing the post did exactly what it should have done, gave him the COURAGE to do what he, indeed, knew needed to be done. I'm not sure what courage you had in high school, but I, personally (at age 42) thought his post was well written, and I'm sure I would not have come off as well in a written post at his age.

He came here for help, got it, and life is grand.

 

Thinking and analyzing are difficult at best at his age. I, for one, am proud that he put his heart on his sleeve and asked for help in a situation he felt unsure about. As a woman, I felt sure the girl of his dreams returned his affection, but his post mentioned some complications which were addressed well. I believe his uncertainty in his situation was understandable.

 

End of story. mwingnut I hope you take no notice. Take what you can use, and leave the rest. That's some AA advise (which I don't even participate in) but it works in life in general.

[Antheia]

Awwww. Good luck, see here is the proof that there is no such thing as "the friends zone".

[Tete de poulet]

Apparently, you, Tete de poulet, did not read ALL the posts, nor the OP 's outcome. Seems his "time" spent composing the post did exactly what it should have done, gave him the COURAGE to do what he, indeed, knew needed to be done. I'm not sure what courage you had in high school, but I, personally (at age 42) thought his post was well written, and I'm sure I would not have come off as well in a written post at his age.

He came here for help, got it, and life is grand.

 

Thinking and analyzing are difficult at best at his age. I, for one, am proud that he put his heart on his sleeve and asked for help in a situation he felt unsure about. As a woman, I felt sure the girl of his dreams returned his affection, but his post mentioned some complications which were addressed well. I believe his uncertainty in his situation was understandable.

 

End of story. mwingnut I hope you take no notice. Take what you can use, and leave the rest. That's some AA advise (which I don't even participate in) but it works in life in general.

Apparantly, Ms. Legs, you didn't read my post. But I'm glad it worked out.

[samantha010]

aww poor you.but that is ridiculous..are u kidding me ... u havent told this girl how u felt???? you should've stopped a lotta the drama from the beginning and u should've told her how u truly felt for her from the start even if u were unsure of how she felt towards u.

 

And in her case...i think that she does like you! If she doesn't then she's either REALLY friendly or likes to play mindgames which isn't necessarily always amusing and welcoming.