Newly married, newly divorced, new post.

[jmargel]

As for the my money/his money thing, I got better than $400,000.00 in my divorce including the home and land.

 

You might love him for the right reasons, but he loves your for 400,000 of them..

 

See, the problem lies with him saying 'You' need to make a conscious effort to let things go. Well the real problem is his infelidity with you and the way he's treating you. He's not showing you love when he is doing all these things to you.

 

What we are all trying to say is that if you continue the same path you are on, you'll end up even in worse conditions. He's using you, it's just that you don't see it. Love is blind.

 

Honestly when it seems you are defending him from us, maybe it's time to actually look and see we could be right? Remember we are here for your best interests, it doesn't seem like your husband is.

[a4a]

Wondering if you are fighting so hard to get the M to work not because of love or desire but out of fear of being alone, fear of facing an error in judgement for marrying him.

 

Do you realize you could end up dead, in jail, your children harmed because of his relationship with his ex.

 

He still has a relationship with her.

 

In the meantime change your locks to code locks not keys, invest in a sec. cam system.

 

Because it doesn't sound like you will be leaving him so you best create a fortress and get evidence to lock her up for good. And don't give your H the money to bail her out when she ends up in jail either.

 

I think to be rid of her I would say poo poo on the support payments and pay her off to go away...... she sounds like a bad influence on the kids anyway. Would not your life/M just be better if she would just go away?

[stevensgirl]

You might love him for the right reasons, but he loves your for 400,000 of them..

 

Honestly when it seems you are defending him from us, maybe it's time to actually look and see we could be right? Remember we are here for your best interests, it doesn't seem like your husband is.

 

 

I know and last night when I was replying I felt myself getting all defensive and then I felt bad.... I read over all of my posts last night, or early this morning I should say and I sat here feeling like an idiot, wondering how I got myself in this situation.

 

I would never tell Steven some of the things he says to me and I would NEVER let my ex do the things his ex does. I didn't understand the whole thing with his ex but I guess it dawned on me this morning, if my kids were going without ANYTHING I would go after their dad to make sure they have everything they nedd and as much of what they want as we could give them. I wouldn't depend on some other man to do it for him.

 

Steven doesn't want to read any of these posts, I even copied them so he could read them away from the computer and the main part of the house but he isn't interested, I guess because he know what they say without even having to read them. He didn't get mad or anything, just said he didn't want to rehash it all again.

 

I don't know where this leaves me, I'm not exactally sure what I need to do. I was going to give it some time and see what his next move is with his ex but I guess I already know what it is. He'll let this fade for a couple of days and then tell me he's "got to do this in his own way, in his own time" and it will be forgotten until the next time the issue of the kids needing something comes up.

 

Trust me, I have not found ANY fault with anything anyone has said to me, I guess it just hurts knowing that I made such a huge mistake and made so many sacrifices for nothing.

[Touche]

Don't feel bad. Hey, it happens to the best of us. I made a HUGE mistake on my last marriage but I got out (it was a short marriage) and this time I married the right man (married over 11 years now.)

 

It's better to admit to the mistake early and get out than let it drag on and see it all get worse.

 

I'm not saying that you should jump right back into anything again but the man you loved all those years ago might still be available. You said you made a mistake letting him go. Maybe you can remedy that after you straighten everything out and move on from this mistake.

 

I think it takes a big person to admit they made such a mistake. I'm impressed with you. I thought you weren't going to take the blinders off.

 

We're here to help you through this time. It will be hard but you can do it and then you can breathe easier. And PLEASE hold on to your money. That's for you and your kids.

 

So have you thought about what your next time is going to be?

[stevensgirl]

Wondering if you are fighting so hard to get the M to work not because of love or desire but out of fear of being alone, fear of facing an error in judgement for marrying him.

 

Do you realize you could end up dead, in jail, your children harmed because of his relationship with his ex.

 

He still has a relationship with her.

 

In the meantime change your locks to code locks not keys, invest in a sec. cam system.

 

Because it doesn't sound like you will be leaving him so you best create a fortress and get evidence to lock her up for good. And don't give your H the money to bail her out when she ends up in jail either.

 

I think to be rid of her I would say poo poo on the support payments and pay her off to go away...... she sounds like a bad influence on the kids anyway. Would not your life/M just be better if she would just go away?

 

 

I've thought about the fact that if she goes off the deep end far enough she could try to do something to me or my kids. The drugs in my jewelry box proves that and I know it was only pot and pot isn't like some of the major drugs but even while I was waiting for the results of the drug test to come back I wondered if she maybe put something in something I ate or drank so that it would show up. Luckily she didn't and that was just another thing to worry over.

 

I throw my toothbrush away every thime I think she's been in the house and even just the fact that I HAVE to do that is so annoying to me. I've thought about just asking her what it would take to get her to leave ALL of us alone but she wouldn't....... It isn't the kids she wants, for the year and a half before I came along she hardly ever came to see the kids, they tell me their dad used to have to take them to see her because she never came around.

 

I think with her it is a case of "I don't want you but i don't want anyone else to have you" and with him it is something else, maybe it is just that he never got over her, maybe it is that he still loves her, maybe they are both playing me and all of this IS just some kind of freakin game they are playing and I am the bait, I don't know but......

[Touche]

I tried to go back and edit but it wouldn't let me. My last sentence was supposed to read: Have you thought about what your next step will be?

[a4a]

If he wanted to be rid of her he could have. After all these actions from her he could have demanded only supervised visits with the kids, a psych eval. for her.

 

Or gave her a choice........ go away and no pay. Stay and really pay.

 

It is a game, he is getting so much attention. He likes it so does not stop it.

 

She is the catalyst for the attention/drama and you are the bank roll.

 

Now do you want to discuss how to get out? There is nothing in this R for you........ nothing but drama and pain.

 

And shoot better to stand up and say " I figured it out fast, thank goodness, I did not fall for this BS for years"........

 

You need to look at options asap for annul. of the m, divorce laws in your state, and moving out. GET OUT!

[stevensgirl]

 

 

I'm not saying that you should jump right back into anything again but the man you loved all those years ago might still be available. You said you made a mistake letting him go. Maybe you can remedy that after you straighten everything out and move on from this mistake.

 

I think it takes a big person to admit they made such a mistake. I'm impressed with you. I thought you weren't going to take the blinders off.

 

We're here to help you through this time. It will be hard but you can do it and then you can breathe easier. And PLEASE hold on to your money. That's for you and your kids.

 

So have you thought about what your next time is going to be?

 

 

My next time?? No, I guess, I'm going to just go home, my renters are moving out anyway. If nothing else, if he does love me that will show him that he has some HUGE changes to make and only time will tell if he's willing to make those changes.

 

As for Tim, I was only comparing the 2 stories, that was a mistake I made years ago. I wouldn't even risk ever hurting him again and there was a reason that he and I were never able to meet up while we were both single. I don't think that was gods plan for me anyway.

 

My oldest son is in his last year of high school here, we live in a very small county here in Georgia and he loves his high school so I wouldn't even consider it right now but maybe once he graduates I'll think about going home to Massachusettes. It is such a small community, everyone knows everyones business and I'll just end up finding another one (or he'll find me) and I'll just end up wondering if it is for me or for the money.

 

I guess reading all of my posts a few hours ago was a real eye opener...... I've been totally honest in all of my posts, and none of it is made up. It sounds almost funny if it weren't me that is one of the main characters. I kept thinking of what I would say to someone if they were telling ME that all of that was happening to THEM.

 

I can't just up and walk away, this is going to take me a few days to get my bearings together. All of my belongings are here and still I need to sit Steven down and tell him that I can't take this anymore and it is time to get off this roller coaster, I've been on this ride for too long.

 

Anyhow, what can I say........ I am an idiot for letting it get this far.

[Touche]

You're NOT an idiot because you are not letting it go further. If it continued for years and years THEN I'd say that maybe you weren't too wise. Stop beating yourself up over this. We all make mistakes in our lives. It's what we do about it that counts.

[Gunny376]

As a man, whose been around the track a couple of times, all I can say if I were him, I would

 

Be installing a securtiy system, changing the locks to coded locks, installing action activated lighting around the house, get a dog or two, install secuirty video cameras.

 

I would tell you the $400K was yours and to invest it safely in an above inflation interest bearing account.

 

I'd bee dragging the XW into court over visitation, child support issues, restraining orders, getting the police fully involved, get the kids straight about the XW playing them against one another, setting some bounderies, rules, and guidelines,

 

Basically, stepping in and be a man ~ and doing that which is necessary to get this horse and buggy out of the ditch and back on the striaght and narrow road ~ he's not doing any of that?

 

And another thing, my wife comes up to me (I'm not married) with print out from the internet, from a site titled "Loveshack" and from the Diviorce and Separation, you can bet the farm that I"m going to stop whatever it is I'm doing, turn of the tv, shoo the kids off to their rooms or outside, close the door and give it my gazzele like attention as if a lion has just walked into the room. That should tell your volumes right there. You've got serious issues here, and he wants to stick his head in the sand in hopes that they'll just go away? WTF? Doesn't look good for the home team ~ gang.

 

I just don't see the ROI (Return on Investment) of your time, effort, energy and money.

 

You love him ~ but he's not the air that you breath.

 

The XW is breaking into your house ~ planting marjuan in your bedroom

 

The XW is breaking into your house destroying your property

 

The XW is killing your animals (Whooooo!)

 

The XW is calling CPS on you and putting you on their radar

 

The police are involved

 

The DH doesn't want to aswer your intimacy and affection needs

 

The DH was cheating on you with the XW

 

The XW is playing you and your husband against each other, and your children against their children

 

It just goes on and on, and on ~ and the solution to the problem and the answer to the questions is your husband ~ and he's doing virturaly nothing about it? Isn't even interested in discussing it. What freaking part of this about to happen train wreck are you not getting here?

 

This marriage has more redflags to it than Custer had Indianns at Little Big Horn! The only difference between your marriage and the Titantic is the Titantic has a band playing as she went down! For the love of God, at least get yourself a life preserver and get into a lifeboat!

[stevensgirl]

No, I'm not beating myself up over this, I guess I've known for a while that I needed to do SOMETHING to make this stop. I hoped that there would be something that I could do to turn this around. When Steven left for work this morning he asked me if we were "going to have a good night, when he gets home from work", I told him yes and he told me "not to make any deal breakers". I asked him what he meant and he told me "not to DO anything that would prevent us from having a good night".

 

Yeah, I bitch at him all the time, especially when the kids are wanting something that their mom should be doing for them or giving them. We can't talk finances without me bringing up the fact that he cheated. I don't know why but the conversation always turns to that, by me I will admit. I guess because I feel like "you have the nerve to ask me for anything, after you did this".

 

Right now, I am wondering how long after I leave will it be before she is moved back in here? That will just be the icing on the cake, this house was disgusting when I moved in, now it is nice and clean and organized and she'll get to enjoy.

 

This is going to hurt, alot, huh?????

[Touche]

Uhm, Gunny she gets it now. You can back off a bit. But your style is entertaining to say the least!

 

Yes, of course it's going to hurt a lot. When I left my last marriage it was the worst time of my life. It was AWFUL. I wanted to die...seriously. So yeah, it gets worse before it gets better. But then it DOES get better and you'll be left wondering "What the HELL was I thinking?" It will just be like a bad nightmare that you woke up from.

 

Sounds like he's already sensing that you're moving on in your head. He's scared. And he should be.

[Gunny376]

Sorry, I was off writing that while she made her posts.

[stevensgirl]

As a man, whose been around the track a couple of times, all I can say if I were him, I would

 

Be installing a securtiy system, changing the locks to coded locks, installing action activated lighting around the house, get a dog or two, install secuirty video cameras.

 

I would tell you the $400K was yours and to invest it safely in an above inflation interest bearing account.

 

I'd bee dragging the XW into court over visitation, child support issues, restraining orders, getting the police fully involved, get the kids straight about the XW playing them against one another, setting some bounderies, rules, and guidelines,

 

Basically, stepping in and be a man ~ and doing that which is necessary to get this horse and buggy out of the ditch and back on the striaght and narrow road ~ he's not doing any of that?

 

And another thing, my wife comes up to me (I'm not married) with print out from the internet, from a site titled "Loveshack" and from the Diviorce and Separation, you can bet the farm that I"m going to stop whatever it is I'm doing, turn of the tv, shoo the kids off to their rooms or outside, close the door and give it my gazzele like attention as if a lion has just walked into the room. That should tell your volumes right there. You've got serious issues here, and he wants to stick his head in the sand in hopes that they'll just go away? WTF? Doesn't look good for the home team ~ gang.

 

I just don't see the ROI (Return on Investment) of your time, effort, energy and money.

 

You love him ~ but he's not the air that you breath.

 

The XW is breaking into your house ~ planting marjuan in your bedroom

 

The XW is breaking into your house destroying your property

 

The XW is killing your animals (Whooooo!)

 

The XW is calling CPS on you and putting you on their radar

 

The police are involved

 

The DH doesn't want to aswer your intimacy and affection needs

 

The DH was cheating on you with the XW

 

The XW is playing you and your husband against each other, and your children against their children

 

It just goes on and on, and on ~ and the solution to the problem and the answer to the questions is your husband ~ and he's doing virturaly nothing about it? Isn't even interested in discussing it. What freaking part of this about to happen train wreck are you not getting here?

 

This marriage has more redflags to it than Custer had Indianns at Little Big Horn! The only difference between your marriage and the Titantic is the Titantic has a band playing as she went down! For the love of God, at least get yourself a life preserver and get into a lifeboat!

 

 

O:k I get it, go a little easy on me there, Gunny!!! I get it, I got it.........

I have 2 sons and it dawned on me that theye are seeing this, too and I don't want them to grow up thinking that it is o:k to treat your wife like this. I also had a daughter who died at childbirth and I kept asking myself last night and this morning what I would do or tell her if she were going through this. My dad died a few years ago, thankfully he never saw this mess I am in, THAT would have killed him......

 

Just so you know, we did put in surveillance cameras, there is a security system on the house, the locks have all been changed. Someone said turn this place into a fortress if I am going to stay, much as I don't want to live like this, I don't want to live like that either.......

[stevensgirl]

Actually Gunny...... i just reread your post and now I am really angry!!!

 

But not at you..........

 

She killed my animals, she planted drugs on me, she broke MY things and went through MY things........ the nerve of that B*TCH!!!!

 

He let this go on for a year...... He scr*wed another woman, while he was letting me sit at home wishing i was with him AND if that wasn't bad enough, this is MY fault?????????

 

Ughhhhhhhh.................. Ok, so just so you know, the next time some fool, such as I comes along and she or he is hard headed and won't listen to reason............. MAKE them re-read their own posts. Worked for me.

I am not saying I want any revenge for all of this but lets just say I think my husband and his EX have been counting on me for so long to bail them out that once I am gone, at least one if not both are going to be scratching their heads going "damn, how do I get myself out of this"???

[Gunny376]

Actually Gunny...... i just reread your post and now I am really angry!!!

 

But not at you..........

 

She killed my animals, she planted drugs on me, she broke MY things and went through MY things........ the nerve of that B*TCH!!!!

 

He let this go on for a year...... He scr*wed another woman, while he was letting me sit at home wishing i was with him AND if that wasn't bad enough, this is MY fault?????????

 

Ughhhhhhhh.................. Ok, so just so you know, the next time some fool, such as I comes along and she or he is hard headed and won't listen to reason............. MAKE them re-read their own posts. Worked for me.

I am not saying I want any revenge for all of this but lets just say I think my husband and his EX have been counting on me for so long to bail them out that once I am gone, at least one if not both are going to be scratching their heads going "damn, how do I get myself out of this"???

 

"Houston! The Eagle Has Landed!!!!!"

[stevensgirl]

Then again, there is the off chance that maybe he really does love me and by my leaving, it will open his eyes to all of his mistakes, too.

 

But if I'm going to do this, I can't back down or give in and that is going to be hard..... What I was talking about, them scratching their heads, my husband is late on his mortgage because he is waiting for me to decide if I am going to pay it off or not. There is still $300.00 left to pay for on his oldest sons senior supplies and $200.00 left to pay on his younger sons band trip. Thank goodness both of those expenses had to be paid, in time as deposits were due otherwise i would have paid them off completely.

 

Her kids don't think she's a fruit loop anymore, they've seen enough in the last couple of months, they KNOW she's one now. The police have heard enough about all of this that if she sneezes in the wrong direction they are going to be up her *ss. The victim witness advocate in our county is disgusted with her......

 

Yeah, they helped make this mess, they gotta clean some of it up, too....

[Touche]

You're waffling again. Yes, it's going to be hard but you can do it. You don't have to clean anything up. You just need to get your stuff together and get your kids and go. What they do is not your concern. And don't pay for anything. It's disgusting that he's waiting for YOU to pay this mortgage. Tell him to call you when he's got his life in order! (IF he ever does.) In the meantime, get your kids and yourself out of this mess. Start thinking about the first step. That's why I asked you what you're going to do first. Have a plan. Because if you don't, you're not going to go through with this.

[dgiirl]

SG, I can slighty empathize with your situation. Although I've never had to deal with a crazy xw or any of the specifics you have, I can empathize with having your husband put you second and then making it out to be your problem not his. My exh never defended me or took my side against anything. If I had a problem with his family, he put his head into the sand and ignored it. If I was having a bad day at work, he always played devils advocate, trying to show me where I am wrong. I was never allowed to feel upset or angry, and when I did, I was told that I was mean and selfish. When I wanted to buy things, he would tell me I didnt need it. When he wanted to buy things, he simply did. When I needed upgrades to my computer, he'd buy himself the newest gadget and give me his hand-me-downs. He'd make plans with friends/family, and tell me the day of. A lot of times, I was the last to know, and friends/family would ask me how such and such went for him, and I'd have a dumb look on my face because I had no clue what such and such was! He simply put himself _first_ and made ME out to be the villian nagging wife. It certainly is a mind f*ck to feel that you're being mistreated, and when you try to stand up for yourself, the person who's mistreating you knocks you down by telling you how you are overreacting, how they'll handle things their own way (yet never do), and that you're selfish and demanding. Demanding for expecting respect! I would see other couples being treated very nice and wished my h would treat me the same way. And then I felt guilty for expecting such things.

 

SG, in my case, I couldnt rely on my exh's word to console me. If I felt mistreated, he'd feed me a bunch of lines that fit HIS needs instead of mine. And sure, he could logically explain such and such, and since I loved him, I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. But I was too blind to see that his excuses were to meet HIS needs to not do anything and remain passive. He hated conflict. He hated drama. He hated to argue. So anything that required him to take a stand either to me or to anyone else, he avoided. And thus I always remained second in his eyes.

 

Then one day, out of the blue, he came home on valentines day and told me he wants a divorce and left the next day to never return. When I asked him why valentines day of all days, he said he didnt even realize it was valentines day. Holidays were never important to him. He never gave any consideration to romantic things and always ridiculed any gestures my friends did for their SO. Instead of realizing that it might not be his cup of tea, but it was something important to me, and if i meant something to him, he could do just the smallest gesture and I would have been happy, he made me feel guilty for wanting such trivial things. It was just another proof that I came second.

[Gunny376]

Then again, there is the off chance that maybe he really does love me and by my leaving, it will open his eyes to all of his mistakes, too.

 

 

Touche: You're waffling again. Yes, it's going to be hard but you can do it. You don't have to clean anything up. You just need to get your stuff together and get your kids and go. What they do is not your concern. And don't pay for anything. It's disgusting that he's waiting for YOU to pay this mortgage. Tell him to call you when he's got his life in order! (IF he ever does.) In the meantime, get your kids and yourself out of this mess. Start thinking about the first step. That's why I asked you what you're going to do first. Have a plan. Because if you don't, you're not going to go through with this.

 

That's fine, except go with Touche', and if it does wake him up, then you've got a plan for either contingecny. And part of that plan should be I want long term verifiable proof that you've got your act together, that you've got this situation under control, and that you've "maned up" and have dealt with these issues and gotten control of your looney tune XW.

 

And, even then spell it out to him the straight, long and narrow road that he's going to have to travel to earn his way back into the marriage and into your life. To include getting a handle on his finances.

 

(That's right I said earn his way back into your life and into the marriage. He's not fully invested mentally, emotionally, even physically into the marriage.)

 

Personally I don't think he can tote the note. He comes across as one of those guys ~ where everything that happens to him is someone else's fault, or because of someone else. If you need to something to happen in your life ~ its you that got to make it happen. If you need a miaracle in your life ~ its you that's got to create it.

[Mz. Pixie]

You're waffling again. Yes, it's going to be hard but you can do it. You don't have to clean anything up. You just need to get your stuff together and get your kids and go. What they do is not your concern. And don't pay for anything. It's disgusting that he's waiting for YOU to pay this mortgage. Tell him to call you when he's got his life in order! (IF he ever does.) In the meantime, get your kids and yourself out of this mess. Start thinking about the first step. That's why I asked you what you're going to do first. Have a plan. Because if you don't, you're not going to go through with this.

 

As soon as he starts sweet talking you're going to waffle. DO NOT allow yourself. You do not have the option of that.

 

Lay down the conditions that Gunny outlined for you concerning the budget and the ex wife. Tell him he needs to meet those conditions for a minimum period of time before you'll even consider talking about coming back. If I were you I'd say at minimum a YEAR. Also during that time you guys have to be in counseling- and he has to be a full participant.

 

If you outline them and he doesn't come to the table- do not waffle. Stay moved out. You are very very fortunate in the fact that you have a place to go already- unlike most single moms. And you have enough money that you do not have to worry. So, get to stepping!

 

While you're out- don't maintain alot of contact with him- and whatever you do- do not sleep with him.

 

Let's see how fast he runs back to his ex for a little nookie. I'm betting he will.

 

He has allowed all of her actions. She would have never been in that house unless he allowed her in. I never enter my exhusbands house unless invited and I most definitely do not go into the bedrooms and such. EVER. This is a home that I built myself and put primarily my money into- but it's his home now with his new wife. She should have been waiting outside for those kids-all this time. He should have done all of this in the beginning.

 

I'm proud of you. I cannot believe he said to you not to do anything that would make you guys have a bad night. WTF ever!!!

 

The reason you cannot let go of him sleeping with her is that it flies in the face of your principals. Also, he hasn't properly made ammends for this in the first place. And telling you to just get over it and move on will not help.

 

Let's send Gunny over there to him. I bet he could get him straightened out in about ten minutes.

[Touche]

I liked your post Pixie! That was funny about Gunny..yeah, he'd be the man for the job! I could just see 'ole Steven now...YES SIR, Gunny. I'll man up. NO sir, I'm not a mouse even though I seem like one.

 

Ok, sorry SG. Not making light of your serious situation but you gotta find the humor in things sometimes, you know?

 

So what's the first step? Tell us. (Sheesh, I can be as bad as Gunny! )

[norajane]

Then again, there is the off chance that maybe he really does love me and by my leaving, it will open his eyes to all of his mistakes, too.

 

No, his eyes won't be open to his mistakes. He's not capable of seeing anything except from his perspective. When you leave, he will see himself as the victim and will blame you for everything. I say this because THIS is how he sees things:

 

When Steven left for work this morning he asked me if we were "going to have a good night, when he gets home from work", I told him yes and he told me "not to make any deal breakers". I asked him what he meant and he told me "not to DO anything that would prevent us from having a good night".

Excuse me, but it's not you who is preventing a "good night". His actions make a good night impossible, and he won't accept that he is at fault in any way.

 

When you leave, of course he will try to convince you to come back, and he may pour on whatever charm he used to get you. But it won't be because he loves you or has seen his mistakes - it will be because your leaving prevents him from having a good night...it's all about him here, not you.

[Mz. Pixie]

When you leave, of course he will try to convince you to come back, and he may pour on whatever charm he used to get you. But it won't be because he loves you or has seen his mistakes - it will be because your leaving prevents him from having a good night...it's all about him here, not you.

 

Exactly. Because he's a narcassist.

 

The charm they pour on to lure you back in is called hoovering. Be immune to it because as we have said, its for his own interest!

[stevensgirl]

This has been the worlds longest day for me. I ended up falling asleep for a little while cause I was up all night long.

 

I've sat down and made a list of ALL the things that have gone on , either done to me by him or done to us by his ex-wife, or done to me by her. Then I made a list of why these things are unacceptable to me. THEN I made a list of all the good things that have happened in the last year and that is a very short list. I will use those when I sit down with him and talk to him about my going back to my house, I will also use that if I get weak!!

 

Sitting here looking at this list... The arguement we had because he was still getting photos of women from online dating groups, and he "had to look in case he knew any of them". The arguement we had about naked photos of his ex-wife on his computer that he "couldn't find a minute to delete them" (I finally did). The arguement we had because her clothing and many of her personal affects were still in the house and he "didn't have time to get them back to her (in a year?). The time SHE hollared out, in front of my children, that I probably let him (and I'm wording this nicely) "have anal intercourse with me". Or the time all of my statements from my investments "disappeared" from my bedroom. The arguement we had the time we were out and he "had to call an ex-girlfriend to wish her a happy birthday" at 11:00 at night after having tried and left 3 voicemails for her throughout the day. How he doesn't like all of MY stuff in his house because it is too crowded, when I asked him, all WHAT stuff, cause I don't really have much "stuff", he says he likes plain and simple. A way to show me this isn't really my home, perhaps???

 

I don't think I will waffle....... I've spent the last 9 months, most of the day in bed or at the very least hardly leaving the bedroom once the house was cleaned, why??? Because I'm tired??? No because every day I fight off this depression. Think I'm going to be cutting myself again??? Oh hell no!! At least not over this.

 

Of course my 9 year old step daughter has just walked in the door and I have this huge lump in my throat at the thought of not seeing her every day but, she's not my daughter anyway........ She'll be the first one to tell me, mama says your not my mom and I don't HAVE to do what you tell me to.

 

I guess the first step for me is going to be to sit down with my sons and explain to them what is going on, then sit down with Steven and explain to him. Unfortunately my renters wont be moving out for 10 more days so I am going to have to stick it out for at least that long. I will stay in close watch of this website just in case I do waffle..... My next post I will title "almost gone", I'm gonna need some serious..... encouragement.