Newly married, newly divorced, new post.

[Gunny376]

I'm sitting her reading this ~ just shaking my head.

 

This is no way to treat a lady, a GF, let alone your wife.

 

 

Sitting here looking at this list... The arguement we had because he was still getting photos of women from online dating groups, and he "had to look in case he knew any of them". The arguement we had about naked photos of his ex-wife on his computer that he "couldn't find a minute to delete them" (I finally did). The arguement we had because her clothing and many of her personal affects were still in the house and he "didn't have time to get them back to her (in a year?). The time SHE hollared out, in front of my children, that I probably let him (and I'm wording this nicely) "have anal intercourse with me". Or the time all of my statements from my investments "disappeared" from my bedroom. The arguement we had the time we were out and he "had to call an ex-girlfriend to wish her a happy birthday" at 11:00 at night after having tried and left 3 voicemails for her throughout the day. How he doesn't like all of MY stuff in his house because it is too crowded, when I asked him, all WHAT stuff, cause I don't really have much "stuff", he says he likes plain and simple. A way to show me this isn't really my home, perhaps???

 

Oh HELL NO!!!!!!!

 

 

 

You're problem is you've never had a real man that is will to put you, your wants, your needs, your hopes, and your dreams before himself and his. And, I'm willing it doesn't nor would it take too much to make you happy ~ you're one of those women where little things means a lot!

 

Don't too soon nor too quickly ~ time it with the renter's moving out

[crazy_grl]

stevensgirl, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I just want to add that I think you're making the right choice by moving out. I know you would prefer to stay and fix things, but as someone else said, you can't fix it all on your own. He ignores you when you bring up issues and "asks" (tells) you not to bring up things that are bothering you. (Don't do anything to make you not have a good night. WTF is that??)

 

I hope when you move out it gives him a wake-up call, but I'm doubtful that it will. Whatever you do, don't cave if he tries to sweet talk you or say he'll change. Wait until he shows real signs of change (go with Gunny's advice) or you'll be right back where you started.

 

Leaving your marriage is probably the best chance you have of saving it. Unfortunately, based on your husband's actions, his inability to set boundaries with the ex, and unwillingness to discuss issues with you, it doesn't look very promising.

 

If you start to waffle, don't hesitate to come back and post or reread what you've written.

[Gunny376]

I'm sitting her reading this ~ just shaking my head.

 

This is no way to treat a lady, a GF, let alone your wife.

 

 

 

 

Oh HELL NO!!!!!!!

 

 

 

You're problem is you've never had a real man that is willing to put you, your wants, your needs, your hopes, and your dreams before himself and his. And, I'm willing to bet it doesn't nor would it take too much to make you happy ~ you're one of those women where little things means a lot!

 

Don't move too soon nor too quickly ~ time it with the renter's moving out

 

This is the only way I had of editing this! Sorry

[Mz. Pixie]

You're problem is you've never had a real man that is will to put you, your wants, your needs, your hopes, and your dreams before himself and his. And, I'm willing it doesn't nor would it take too much to make you happy ~ you're one of those women where little things means a lot!

 

Don't too soon nor too quickly ~ time it with the renter's moving out

 

Gunny is right. Once you do have this in your life you will wonder how you ever settled for less. Trust me, I know.

 

Before I met my H I'd never slow danced in the kitchen with my husband, or been given a small present that I'd wanted since I was a child and my husband overheard me tell my daughter I'd always wanted- or had my husband say "I can't wait to see you tonight" Never had a man say to me that he had to pinch himself to see if he was dreaming or if he was actually really and truly married to me. And it breaks my heart that I spent so many years getting so little.

 

You're going to make it, be strong and keep posting. We'll bolster you up!

[Touche]

Gunny is right. Once you do have this in your life you will wonder how you ever settled for less. Trust me, I know.

 

Before I met my H I'd never slow danced in the kitchen with my husband, or been given a small present that I'd wanted since I was a child and my husband overheard me tell my daughter I'd always wanted- or had my husband say "I can't wait to see you tonight" Never had a man say to me that he had to pinch himself to see if he was dreaming or if he was actually really and truly married to me. And it breaks my heart that I spent so many years getting so little.

 

You're going to make it, be strong and keep posting. We'll bolster you up!

 

You moved me with your post, Pixie. I could have written those very words. It's SO true too.

 

And to me the difference between what I used to settle for and what I have now is like the difference between eating a dried out hamburger every day and eating a big, thick, juicy steak right off the grill every day. (It's getting close to dinner time. I must be getting hungry!)

 

But really it's just like that. Could you ever go back to eating hamburgers everyday again?

 

Anyway, great post Pix.

[CryingCanuck]

Before I met my H I'd never slow danced in the kitchen with my husband, or been given a small present that I'd wanted since I was a child and my husband overheard me tell my daughter I'd always wanted- or had my husband say "I can't wait to see you tonight" Never had a man say to me that he had to pinch himself to see if he was dreaming or if he was actually really and truly married to me. And it breaks my heart that I spent so many years getting so little.

 

 

You simply and truly amaze me with your logic and words......

IF I ever I mean a big IF but if I ever get involved ever again, if anything, I will remember those words they were simply amazing....Hopefully I will also act on them....

 

CC

[Touche]

You simply and truly amaze me with your logic and words......

IF I ever I mean a big IF but if I ever get involved ever again, if anything, I will remember those words they were simply amazing....Hopefully I will also act on them....

 

CC

 

And the truly amazing thing about it is that they're not just words. I know...because I too have what Pixie does, even after 12 years together.

[Gunny376]

Not to steal the thread, but to give StevensGirl and idea of what she's missing out on. (And, to help some of the guys out there from my experince)

 

After I went through my XW affair, the separation, the divorce ~ lets just call it Hell. I decided that I needed to go back to school, because I didn't want to live life as a fool, and I sure as Hell didn't ever want to go through that pain again.

 

This was back before the internet, and so the only source of information was to hit the bookstore and to hit the books. One of the books that I found was the 5.95 paperback version of the book by Dr. Helen Kreidman, "Light Her Fire" I read it, and when my last LTR GF came along I applied the theory of what the good Dr. covered in the book. In the paperback version she gave some ideas, but I took those and ran with them.

 

Going into the relationship, (we lived together) I would spontanesouly ~

 

Get up early to fix her breakfast, brave the cold to crank her car ~ and get it warm for her before she had to leave for work on cold winter mornings.

 

Pick up two roses on morning I had to leave for work earlier than she and she was still sleeping, and leave them in her car, or crossed on my pillow with a note ~ "Roses are red, viloets are blue, I'm at work but I'm thinking of you!"

 

Send flowers to her school for no reason (Use to really PO the other teachers when they would ask what the occassion and she would tell them "Oh no reason, just because!)

 

When I would go off. I would always bring her back something that would make her sqill like a little girl. I'd make sure it was something practical but personal. (She got to where she like a little girl wanting to dig into Daddy's coat pocket when for candy when he came home from a business trip ~ LOL)

 

She was a school teacher, so at the beginning of each school year ~ I get her some what-not, for her desk or room ~ she always looked forward to that ~ bonus Christmas, or some teacher theme clothing ~ sweather etc.

 

I would give much thought and study to what I would do and give her for XMAS, her birthday, our anniversary etc. It got to the point to where her GF's and co-worker would be calling to see what I'd gotten her this year.

 

Each Valentines, her co-workers would come to her room to see this years arrangement and would get PO at thier husbands and BF because that the standard isues dozen roses.

 

I would spontanteously dance with her in the kitchen. We broke up primarly because I wanted to come back to Alabama and I got wrapped up with college, my life, and she with hers and she was unable to leave her family.

 

All of what I did was learned and learning is one of the reasons I come to LS. The way that I pay for what I take and learn, is by giving of what I know and what I've experinced. The key is being pro-active, to keep learning, to keep growing, to keep invested, to keep being creative and imaginative. As I said the two things that we need as adults that we don't receive in school at any level is knowledge and experience in real world day to day areas of personal finance and inter-personal relationtionship skills. One of the goals I've set for myself is to read at least one new book on each subject each year.

 

One of the things that I've learned about relationships and about being in one with a woman ~ is pay attention to the details, the little things as much as the big things. That and slow down. Courtship is an on-going thing.

 

Perhaps its because I'm a finance major ~ but if the same applies to the day to day of relationships as it does about finance, that is ~ if you take care of your pennies, you won't have to worry about your dollars.

 

I've been studying the subject for a long time (16 years) and no I still don't have all the answers to all the questions, nor all the solutions to all of the problems. But, I do know for a sure fact, that the day to day accumulation of a lot of little things that elicit an, "Awwwwwww!" and smile, are far better than one big bang every now and again or when you find yourself in hot water, (making deposits in her love bank account)

 

I had a bud of mine at work whose wife wanted a puppy. And, he was confussed, because his wife kept telling him that they didn't need a dog, that it would be a pain and lots of trouble to housebreak, that it would gnaw on the furniture, and pee everywhere. We discussed over and over and he said he was going to get her a stuffed toy dog. I told him, "Dude! Whatever you do, you make damn sure you've got a live, yelping, barking, whinning, genuiine peeing on the rug puppy come her birthday!"

 

He didn't listen! Guess who got in the dog house, and called me wanting me to go help him pick out a real one?

 

I've got another friend of mine at work ~ who's wife has to tell him what she wants for XMAS and her birthday!!!!!! I tell him ~ Man, she's telling you everyday ~ you're just not listening! Just telling you for an entire year.

 

I read another book titled, "How To Satisfy A Woman Everytime" written by a woman that describes sex from a woman's perspective. I applied what I learned ~ wow. (Cliff notes version ~ slow down,..............and get the book, you can read it an evening)

 

Getting back on target, my XW knows better than to pull the stunts Steven's X's pulled. I've done twenty years in the Marine Corps, nine of the at Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island on the Drill Field. Thus far to date I've ripped azz on the Store Manager of the local WalMart Supercenter, and the Postmaster in front of any and everyone. Didn't lay a hand on them, didn't use a single cuss word, just my DI tone and voice.

 

But you can bet one thing. You ask for cash back from using your debit card at the register at the local WalMart here, (it was the twenith straight time) you won't have to wait ten ~ twenty minutes for a CSM to come give it to you because the cashier closed the drawer before doing so, and you don't have to worry about the mail carrier giving your mail from the ___ to your landlady to give to you! I promise you that! (For clarification ~ I didn't fault the cashier, nor the CSM, nor the Postal Worker, but where the fault lay ~ with management and a failure on their part to properly train their personal, to supervise their personal, and to inspect what they expect ~ it was not the employees fault, and I made sure they understood that ~ it was management's fault for not getting off they're dead azz and doing their job and properly training, supervising, and managing their people and doing the job they're making the big bucks to do! When I got done with them, they a had big pretty picture in their head that if they didn't square away the problem ~ that I would go over their head to their superiors)

 

I'm not brow-beating you SG, its just that you don't know that there are actually men out there, out here that give a damn about their women, and who put their wants, needs, desires, dreams before their own. Not beause they're whimps, nor whipped.

 

You've got a lot to offer a good man ~ and there are good men out there. Yea, granted we're not women ~ and we've got to go to counseling, read books, etc to get a clue. And, we're heartbroken, stunned, lost, dazed and confused when the women that we love exit stage left. We're sitting there, with a bottle of Jim Bean saying WTF? After the love of our lives walk out on us, handing us our azz's to us as they walk out of our lives.

 

Quit selling yourself short!

[stevensgirl]

Well, I thought today would be as good a day as any to go on ahead and get the ball rolling on whatever it is I need to do. Last night I felt like sh*t, my BP was 172/101 and I decided that I don't need to wait too much longer before I make some changes in my life.

 

Thought long and hard about it and I don't really want to go back to my old house, it holds too many bad memories of my ex, it is too big for me to take care of and it is too far out in the country. I've decided that a small apartment for me and my boys might just be what the doctor ordered. My ex-husband took most of our stuff when he left for Massachusettes, before the judge let me back into my home, and what little I have here would just make my house look like a shell of what it did so.......

 

Tonight, well this afternoon, when Steven got home from work I let him relax for a little while then told him we needed to talk. I told him that my days are getting more and more miserable, the kids are getting worse and worse and I'd expected more out of life than what I am getting. He listened for a little while, then interupted me because we had to pick the kids up from band practice. I don't like to talk to Steven in the car because he guns the motor and speeds WAY up when I say something he doesn't like so I decided to leave it alone until we got back home.

 

On the way to get the kids we were talking about my renters moving and he said if they aren't gone or don't pay me their back rent I need to file a contempt order...... Real funny legal advice from someone who allowed things with his ex-wife continue to this point. That kind of pissed me off. I think he meant well but well, I am already pretty pissed off and don't need Mr. Wonderful advising me on what I NEED to do.

 

When we arrived back home I told him I wanted to talk more and he told me that he needed to talk to the kids first. I went to put a load of laundry into the wash and lo and behold a pair of her work pants were in my hamper, I do wash 2 or 3 times a week so HOW they got there is beyond me. I haven't left this house all week unless it was with him, our locks are all changed and we took the kids keys away from them. He had no answer either. When I returned to sit in on the conversation he was having with his kids I was informed that she would be picking the kids up Friday night at 9:00 p.m. Like she can still come and go any time she feels like, that pissed me off too because eh agreed that would be fine for her to do.

 

 

Steven and I stepped outside to finish our talk and he started in with the "Why am I being attacked?" which I've heard way too many times and I just lost it. I ripped him a new *********. I told him that one of us is a mark, one of us is a victim and one of us thinks we are a victim, and which 2 am I??? I used some of the things ya'll have said to me and when I asked him if I was being unreasonable being tired of footing the bill for her, if I was being unreasonable bending my schedule to suit her or if I was being unreasonable not wanting her to go through my things and break whatever she wants, his reply was, "it depends on who's perspective you are looking at it from".

 

I asked him so many questions that he had no answers to like, why does she get away with all of the things she does? Why he married me, what did he expect to gain....

 

Anyhow, it went from bad to worse, we got into the "sleeping with her" thing, he still claims that he was f*cked up and didn't know what he was doing at the time, lame, bullsh*t excuse. I asked him why it was Me that has to get over it, why it wasn't him that did wrong and I don't really remember what his other lame, BS excuse was, at that point I'd stopped listening.......

 

When I say I really ripped him a new one, I really ripped him a new one....... I've kept quiet for so long and let him scold me for so long when I stood my ground about certain things that when I got going I couldn't stop. For the most part once we got past the "whose perspective" thing he just sat there with a stupid look on his face and listened to me. He got a years worth of it in one night.

 

I hate yelling and I hate hurting someones feelings and I felt really bad but I've been through hell this year and I really couldn't help it....

 

Anyhow, when I'd said all I needed to say, he took my head in his hands, told me "enough", gave me a kiss and said he loved me but I need to do what I need to do, even if that means leaving him....... Didn't offer to change, didn't apologize, just told me if I need to go then I I have to do what is right for me........

 

In my last post someone asked when the last time I danced in the kitchen with my husband, when the last time he told me that he couldn't wait to get back to see me, etc..... He's done those things with me, it's just been a very long time..... Before I found out he was still sleeping with her. The day I found out was the day after my birthday last year, my birthday is Monday and I've been dreading that day because the memory from last year is still so fresh, I don't even want any mention of it this year, especially by him.

 

So I was so ready to start looking for an apartment and I guess I was expecting him to beg me not to go, I figured he'd grovel a little but no, he said if I need to go, then go and I don't think he was calling my bluff either. That was the loudest message I've gotten from him yet. He wasn't ugly about it, no yelling, no mention of bills that are due that he can't make.....nothing. Very little emotion even, just kind of blank and bland.

 

I almost suggested counseling because believe it or not as angry as I am about all of this, I really do love him and he isn't all bad. We have had good times too, it is just that the good times have gotten so few and far between. Things were so much better when I was waiting for my divorce to be final and I had no money. With the exception of trying to get over him cheating on me, everything was fine and even then I understood that he was just trying to figure out if he wanted her back or not. I didn't like the way he went about it but I understood it, I too had my moments when I wondered if I'd stopped loving my ex, even though I'd just found out that he'd had a male lover throughout our marraige. Seperation and divorce is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life and maybe he really was just really messed up. I guess it just took me a minute to figure out that if he wanted to see if he needed to try with her one more time, he should have left me out of it......

 

So here I am it is now 5:00 a.m., another sleepless night, talking to myself through this keyboard, just trying to get to daylight so I don't cut myself tonight. I really don't want to cut myself tonight it just isn't worth it. I have to get him up for work in an hour, then get the kids ready for school, god only knows what this day holds for me......

[a4a]

well today is the first day of the rest of your life.

 

Tired or not start looking for an apt. I would be quiet and speedy about it. My guess is the X will hear the news ASAP and will be coming over more to mark her territory.

 

Be on guard and get out. I see a major blow up on the horizon if you do not get out. You need to see what your options are for an annulment today as well.

 

 

 

Why to do you think you love this guy?

 

Don't you deserve better?

[stevensgirl]

well today is the first day of the rest of your life.

 

Yeah and I hate to think of what the rest of my life holds for me, so far it's been pretty crappy!!!

 

Tired or not start looking for an apt. I would be quiet and speedy about it. My guess is the X will hear the news ASAP and will be coming over more to mark her territory.

 

I have a very good friend who is a realtor and I called her just a few minutes ago, she said that sheI should be able to find me something in the next day or two.

I am positive the ex-wife will be here before the dust even settles from my tires rolling outta here.....

 

Be on guard and get out. I see a major blow up on the horizon if you do not get out. You need to see what your options are for an annulment today as well.

 

Believe me, my guard is up, something just didn't sit well with me last night when he was so, I can't even explain his demeanor last night when all was said, it was almost like defeat but then again, not really. He called me to the car this morning before he left and repeated what I told him last night that "we have problems we can't fix", he said "if that is the case, don't waste too much time doing what I have to do". I made the mistake of using the same words she used when she told him that she wanted a divorce "there are problems we can't fix".

As for an annulment, I believe it is too late in the state of Georgia for us to annul our marraige, one of us would have to be found legally incompetant to have consumated the marraige so we can't go that route

 

Why to do you think you love this guy?

 

That is the question of the year!!! Why do I think I love him??? Well my first real relationship was with a man who drank heavily, he beat me on a daily basis for almost 3 years, didn't work so I had to support him. He had countless affairs and I can't even remember how many times I came home to find him in bed with another woman. He is my childrens biological father, with both of them he wanted me to have an abortion, I refused with my first son so he beat me up a couple of times and caused me to go into labor almost 2 months early. With my younger son when I refused again he beat me so bad, he broke ribs, my arm and hand, broke my nose and left me in the hospital for almost 2 weeks. I can almost hear what you are thinking, why did I get pregnant a second time???? Can't answer that one but I did have brains enough to tie my tubes after my second child.

 

With my first husband, He was wonderful at first. Would have done anything for me. He insisted that he wanted to marry me and adopt my children, we had my tubes reattatched so I could have another child with him, claimed that he loved me more than anyone he'd ever known, so we got married. Within weeks of us getting married all of a sudden he didn't want to have any intimate relationship with me, claimed he was allergic to my body fluids. He hoarded all of our money, I didn't realize until we separated that he'd been investing all of the "extra" money we made, of course the "extra" money was because he made us go without pretty much anything that wasn't a bare necessity.

 

He came from a well to do family who put me down at every turn, made fun of me to my face, would call me "short fat and squatty all azz and no body", he never said a word to them, in fact would laugh when they'd say things like,"with that nose you can't smell that", (yeah I have a big nose but its more like a beak than it is big). Turned out that he used me to cover up his "secret love", some guy he'd been with since high school. I did manage to stay with him for 15 years, mostly because I didn't want to ever be divorced. I saw my parents go through a nasty divorce and I didn't want to go through that.

 

Steven came along and he really did treat me well at first, told me how special I was to him, that "there was nothing about me that he didn't like". He's big and he's strong and to me, very handsome and he protected me.

 

I had a couple of "episodes" after my ex-husband and I seperated, it is hard to explain. The first time, I thought it was 1984, I was 18 and I didn't remember having children. I thought my sons were my brothers and I thought my father was still alive. That one I wound up in the hospital for 2 days.

 

The second time was a short "episode", I woke up one morning all beat up, cut up and disheveled but I had no idea what had happened to me. I know I didn't leave the house cause I had no car at the time (it was in the shop). We never did figure out what had happened to me that night.

 

The third time I though there were a bunch of people in my toilet that had moved into my purse. I couldn't get away from all of these people cause I needed my purse and they wouldn't get out. I insisted that I had just come back from a jog with my trainer (I haven't jogged in years, don't even like to walk fast) and I was in high heels and a dress. There were several other things that noone will tell me about when that one happened, I guess it must have been pretty bad.

 

Anyhow, as it turns out, the lady that I was staying with after my ex-husband revealed his "Secret" and kicked me and the kids out had been slipping me some medication, Oxycontin or something like that, in large doses. I had given her medical power of attorney over me, just in case something happened since my children aren't old enough to make decisions for me. I don't know what she was trying to do. She knew about the money my ex had aquired and knew that I was going to get some of it but I didn't have anything at that point and my divorce was at the very early stages.

 

She is actually the one who introduced me to Steven the night I met him. He had dated her once before he met me. Anyhow, he got me out of her house and away from her. I guess that doesn't answer your question though??? I don't know why.... Because he took care of me when I needed someone, because he made me feel good about myself?? Does anyone know WHY they love someone?? I have nobody else, just me and my kids. They are 16 &17, about to turn 17 & 18 and they are going to be gone soon. My oldest is going to the University of Georgia in the fall, which is 4 hours away. My younger son is planning to go into the Air Force next year and I'm going to be all alone. Then what? I'll have nobody then, and I'll be all alone. I'll be 40 in a couple of days, I look like I'm 15. I'm not very pretty, I look like Liza Minelli when she was young, (boy do I have something to look forward to when I'm older!!!). I'm really short and a little chubby, I'm all screwed up in the head, my body is covered in little scars where I cut myself (I can't even stand to see myself naked). Who is going to want me then????

 

Don't you deserve better?

 

Maybe this IS what I deserve????

[a4a]

well I have to get class started so no time to really reply...... sorry.

 

but the next thing you need to do...... is call and get to a therapist.

 

You keep ending up in abusive situations because you are choosing them.

 

I have to wonder if you are looking for closure on a abuse cycle in your past.

 

CALL A THERAPIST ASAP...... GET IN AND START TO LEARN THAT YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

 

If you will not do it for yourself, do this for your kids. They need a good stable role model for their transition into adulthood.

 

Sorry I have to go......... I think others will again state that some therapy to uncover why you end up in these situations will be helpful. Not that the blame is on you for the misdoings of others..... not at all.... but you have to learn to get some self esteem and learn that you deserve to be happy and share your life with only people that treat you well.

 

I hope you are feeling a little better and perhaps you need to look at your new life in a positive light...... sorry I have to run.

[stevensgirl]

did I metion that I have an eating disorder??? Or that I have something called PICA that makes me eat large amounts of paper??? Did I mention that when I was 14 years old my brother traded me for a joint, to 2 kids that raped me and I won't let anyone see me naked, or that my own mother can't stand the sight of me because the rest of her 6 children are "perfect" ?? Did i mention that I can't go out by myself because I have panic attacks. Did I mention that the sight of myself in any mirror or glass will make me forget where I am or what I'm doing, I've left my purse in the shopping cart many times at the store because I saw myself in a mirror. Did I mention that I am a clean freak and the sight of an open closet door or cabinet will make me absolutely nutso and I suffer with bouts of depression that sometimes last days, did I mention that sometimes I will go days without sleeping, for no apparent reason.

 

I don't know, maybe I'm lucky to have Steven who puts up with all of MY faults and who the hell am I to complain about his????

[Guest]

And you've never had therapy??????????????

 

You don't have 'faults' - you have three hundred peoples' worth of problems and garbage in your background that you try to forget about. No wonder you're an 'any port in a storm' type person - you're in so much distress anybody who looks even the tiniest bit ok is a person you glom onto thinking he'll shelter you from the effects of all this!!!

 

As soon as you're in the apartment, call your doctor and ask for a referral to the best psychologist in town. You have enough money to afford it and you are going to need platinum standard help to help you get over all the awful things that have happened to you!

[Mz. Pixie]

Bull****.

 

Honey, I have been through hell myself and I could sit here and quote it all to you. We could swap war stories and all of that kind of stuff, but what good is that going to do for you??

 

You have no business, absolutely none, being in any kind of relationship given your past background. All of your story just illustrates for me that he is taking or has taken full advantage of you.

 

What you need to be doing is being in counseling- often and for a long period of time until you begin to feel healthy. Then at that point you can begin to think about a relationship.

 

SG needs to take care of SG. I truly know how you feel, I really do. I have been there, still get there some days.

 

One thing that we have in common. We've not been broken. You know what?? I can't be. Cannot happen. I refuse to ever give in. Because if I do- they win. It's as simple as that to me. I'm not going to let them win.

 

All of this tied up with her pants being in the laundry and the former landlady makes me wonder if the two of them or the three of them are not working together to make you look crazy so they can take your money.

[Mz. Pixie]

You moved me with your post, Pixie. I could have written those very words. It's SO true too.

 

And to me the difference between what I used to settle for and what I have now is like the difference between eating a dried out hamburger every day and eating a big, thick, juicy steak right off the grill every day. (It's getting close to dinner time. I must be getting hungry!)

 

But really it's just like that. Could you ever go back to eating hamburgers everyday again?

 

Anyway, great post Pix.

 

Thanks Touche! It is very true isn't it??

 

It's good to be me!

[Touche]

Yes, you need outside help. And I'm not one to usually say that. But you really do. You have a lot to sort out and help wouldn't hurt.

 

By the way, forty it NOT to late to get your act together and have a better life. It's not. And stop putting down your looks. Steven is not the last man who will find you attractive. We always think that and then we discover that it's not true.

 

Good for you for finding some strenth within you and telling him how you feel. Interesting that he didn't even TRY to say "let's make this work." You are right to leave and start over.

[Mz. Pixie]

You simply and truly amaze me with your logic and words......

IF I ever I mean a big IF but if I ever get involved ever again, if anything, I will remember those words they were simply amazing....Hopefully I will also act on them....

 

CC

 

Why thank you CC. Maybe you and Touche should follow me around from thread to thread because at times in other sections I get hammered on pretty hard. Just the other day I pointed out that other people do think I give good advice sometimes- I was told I was patting myself on the back!

 

The birthday present story, I know this is a threadjack but every time I think about it I almost get the chills.........

 

I was in Walmart with my kids and my H one day and my daughter was looking at the Cabbage Patch dolls. My H was behind me and not particularly close enough to hear me or at least in looking back I don't think he was. I told my daughter "Mommy always wanted one of these growing up but never got one"

 

I had told my H not to spend alot on my birthday. His and mine are close together and then there is Christmas. He was all excited about the present. Giddy almost. I can home and there was the box and I opened it up and just started to cry. In there was a Cabbage Patch doll. He said, "I want you to have everything you've always wanted and this seemed like a good place to start"

[Touche]

Aww..sweet story. He sounds like a great guy. And I don't feel it's off topic though because SG, you should hear and see what a good marriage is supposed to look like. You need to know that. And you need to visualize yourself having that because, in spite of what you think you DO deserve that! Why should you settle for less?

 

And Pix, hey we regulars have ALL pretty much been beaten on. Not everyone likes my advice all of the time. I accept that. So don't worry about when they don't. Just keep doing what you're doing. You're good!

[Gunny376]

Maybe this IS what I deserve????

 

 

Bull______________!!!!!!!!!!

 

In the book of James, Jesus said at the Temple, "Can you not see that you are gods?" (Meaning we are the children of God, of God"

[dgiirl]

And Pix, hey we regulars have ALL pretty much been beaten on. Not everyone likes my advice all of the time. I accept that. So don't worry about when they don't. Just keep doing what you're doing. You're good!

 

Amen to that!

 

Pix, next to Merin, you were there for me right in the beginning and I'll always appreciate that! I still have our pm's saved. And even tho on the surface I was the one left behind and you were the one to leave, I realized we shared a lot more in common. And you made me realize that *I* should have left my marriage. Neither of us were treated very good in our marriages and you gave me hope that things will get better. What you have now sounds like a fairy tale to me, and I so desperately want someone to feel that way about me. Heck, a phone call just to say he was thinking of me would make me cry like a little girl. I was denied so much in my marriage. Simple things. Just little expressions of how I mean something.

[jmargel]

did I metion that I have an eating disorder??? Or that I have something called PICA that makes me eat large amounts of paper??? Did I mention that when I was 14 years old my brother traded me for a joint, to 2 kids that raped me and I won't let anyone see me naked, or that my own mother can't stand the sight of me because the rest of her 6 children are "perfect" ?? Did i mention that I can't go out by myself because I have panic attacks. Did I mention that the sight of myself in any mirror or glass will make me forget where I am or what I'm doing, I've left my purse in the shopping cart many times at the store because I saw myself in a mirror. Did I mention that I am a clean freak and the sight of an open closet door or cabinet will make me absolutely nutso and I suffer with bouts of depression that sometimes last days, did I mention that sometimes I will go days without sleeping, for no apparent reason.

 

I don't know, maybe I'm lucky to have Steven who puts up with all of MY faults and who the hell am I to complain about his????

 

I'm not trying to be mean, you with your cutting and your pica, you have severe psychological problems which are being triggered by your husband's behavior. Please seek a psychologist, these symptoms you are having are treatable.

[Mz. Pixie]

What you have now sounds like a fairy tale to me, and I so desperately want someone to feel that way about me. Heck, a phone call just to say he was thinking of me would make me cry like a little girl. I was denied so much in my marriage. Simple things. Just little expressions of how I mean something.

 

Awww thanks. Fairytale? I don't think I'd call it that, but it's a connection that I've had with very few people in my life ever.

 

SG- Jmargel makes good sense on this one.

 

You may suffer from PTSD like me. When you do and you put yourself in situations like this, you tend to have a "flare up". Please see a dr. You can easily afford it and there is no reason to suffer like this.

 

Off topic, my mother had pica when she was pregnant with me and she ate laundry detergent! Maybe that's whats wrong with me??

[Grrlish]

did I metion that I have an eating disorder??? Or that I have something called PICA that makes me eat large amounts of paper??? Did I mention that when I was 14 years old my brother traded me for a joint, to 2 kids that raped me and I won't let anyone see me naked, or that my own mother can't stand the sight of me because the rest of her 6 children are "perfect" ?? Did i mention that I can't go out by myself because I have panic attacks. Did I mention that the sight of myself in any mirror or glass will make me forget where I am or what I'm doing, I've left my purse in the shopping cart many times at the store because I saw myself in a mirror. Did I mention that I am a clean freak and the sight of an open closet door or cabinet will make me absolutely nutso and I suffer with bouts of depression that sometimes last days, did I mention that sometimes I will go days without sleeping, for no apparent reason.

 

I don't know, maybe I'm lucky to have Steven who puts up with all of MY faults and who the hell am I to complain about his????

 

Lucky to have him? Sounds like he's another one of your 'ailments'. Maybe getting rid of him would be a first step in addressing the causes of these other 'ailments'.

 

Dump your husband and get yourself into therapy.

 

Sounds like you're defining yourself through your 'conditions'. How about going to therapy and letting those things go and finding yourself in there somewhere?

 

Dare to find new ways to get your excitement out of life.

 

Scary sh*t, yes, but doesn't all of the freakin' drama just SUCK??

[blueberry]

It certainly is a mind f*ck to feel that you're being mistreated, and when you try to stand up for yourself, the person who's mistreating you knocks you down by telling you how you are overreacting, how they'll handle things their own way (yet never do), and that you're selfish and demanding. Demanding for expecting respect! I would see other couples being treated very nice and wished my h would treat me the same way. And then I felt guilty for expecting such things.

.

 

 

This really stood out for me dgirl and is exactly what its been like here too...I totally sympathise