Something About Mary

[clatan]

My question is a little uncommon it's that "girl I've known since she was knee-high and now she's all grown up" type of dilemma with a little extra problem thrown in, which is similar to Ben Stiller's situation in the movie this thread's named after. I'm, for the time being, a part-time singer and musician. I've done this annual musical for the young adult theater league at a town in my area for the last thirteen years. A good deal of the friends I have, and basically all the girls that I've felt where even worth meeting, I met doing those plays.

 

Well, that's where I met Mary. Her step-dad played in the band in the plays for years and I had been in the play with her older brother too, so I knew the family real well and I'd probably seen her tagging along at practices and what not since she was nine or ten years old. But the first time I actually met her, she was about thirteen. I was introduced to her by her mom. It was intermission during the play and I was out in the lobby selling my albums and she came up to the table with her mom, who said said she wanted to buy two of my tapes and had me sign one for Mary. She was a nice, cute little blond-haired girl that I couldn't help thinking would be a real heartbreaker in a few years but nothing more at that point, of course. Well, about four years ago was the first year that Mary started singing and dancing the plays. I hadn't seen her in a few years and I realized that I didn't know how right I was.

 

She came up to me from time to time and we talked a little at practices, but since she was still in high school, I kept it at that for the moment even though she was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. Then there was the next year, she was eighteen and a senior. We talked a little more, but I figured I'd still better just keep my distance, although I was realizing she was also now my favorite girl singer, which made it a little harder 'cause I've got a thing for that. But I still managed not to let her get to me too much, that is until the next play this past summer. I sang with her and she finally did me in.

 

This time we were chosen to do a little skit and sing a duet together. The play was based on music that had been featured in the movies and we played Johnny Cash and June Carter from a scene in "Walk the Line" and sang the song "Jackson" together. By singing with her this year, I got to know her quite a lot better, and I had the time of my life singing with her. I also really realized just how good she was, not just as a singer.

 

I'll admit that in some ways I'm kind of shy, mainly that if I ever had to sing to any of the girls I kind of afraid to interact with them and look them in the eye. Not with Mary though. This may sound weird, but she's the first girl that I could look straight in the eyes and sing to, fact that was the most awesome thing about singing with her. I could hardly take my eyes off hers. Now, especially with her being almost 21, I'm thinking I don't want to keep my distance so much anymore.

 

Well, I'm not about to ask you all whether or how I should ask her out. I mean, going out with her would be great, but I'd be on cloud nine just to hang out with her a little and sing with her again. Like everyone else I've met in those plays, we know each other as good friends, but it's just once a year that we see each other generally. The rest of the time it's kind of like "I've been here and you been there."

 

Mary seemed to have a blast doing Johnny and June just like I did and we agreed that we'd have to go to some little opries together and do it again some time. I also plan to record again and I'd love to have her do at least one duet and some backup singing for me, which I'm sure she'd probably do. Plus, I loaned her my "Walk the Line" DVD for the play and forgot to get it back from me -- lol. When you have a common interest, I think that's a lot better way and a lot more fun of a way to get to know someone than a date anyway. So basically, I'm not asking because I have some big problem with calling her up and talking to her. Hell no.

 

And it's not because I'm not sure if she likes me. I don't know exactly what all she thinks of me, but I'm not stupid. I know she's always liked me quite a bit for a long time. My problem is that I have real good feeling that if I spend even more time around her doing those things, I'm bound to get hooked if I'm probably not already. Which would be the time of my life, but she had a boyfriend last time I saw her this past June, and there's a chance she may not be "available" when I happen to see her again.

 

I know from past experience that this can change from month to month with girls though. There have been a lot of really neat girls like her, all of whom I met at these plays, but the reason I never asked most of them was either because I simply only saw them briefly once every year and never got much of a chance or because they may have had a boyfriend at the time of the play. Either way, I never dated a single one of them and it seems like such I waste. I realize that if I'd maybe have at least put it to them with a subtle hint or a no-pressure "Hey, if you're ever available" type note... heck something, I might not have missed out on having some fun and getting to know some really neat girls a lot better, girls I have common interests with. Instead, I've never really got to spend any more time with these girls and I regret that realized I've needlessly missed a lot so far in my life, looking back.

 

Instead, the girls I've always ended up dating are the ones I just happen to come across at the time, all of which I have nothing in common with, but even worse, are just plain the "wrong" kind of women if you catch my drift. It really makes me sad that I've always had nothing but horrible experiences with dating my whole life, being stood up, having dates from hell, being cheated on and lied to, stood up... when I've known all kinds of awesome girls, that were even 10 times better looking than any of the "wrong" ones I dated, that I know would go out with me in a heartbeat.

 

Mary is an Angel. The neastest girl I've met in a long time and I can't say for sure how it would all wind up if I was ever lucky enough to go out with her, but I'm convinced that I'll never regret going after her. I'm not the kind that's ever gotten wrapped up in any one girl very easy, there's always another fish, but this time I really can't bear the thought of letting this one slip away, because I just know I'll always regret it.

 

Does this sound like a good idea or maybe too forward? Just kind of let her know I'm interested and that I'm here. Any suggestions? Thoughts? I have more I probably should include that I also want to talk about and get input on, but I'll do it later in this thread. This post is already way too long.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

The most admirable and powerful move you did, Clatan, was to hold back, and keep your distance.

 

Another other, man, would have shouved and crawled on her, the minute she turned 18 years old.

 

You started on the right foot. By doing so, you have gained tremendous amount of respect, and status in her eyes -and vice versa.

 

The next set-of-actions, are just as critical in the grand scheme of things, as befriending her. Consequently, you don't want to present an ugly image of yourself.

 

Thus, I suggest you stay where you are right now. Don't make a move on her, just yet. I believe, you should let the friendship develop naturally.

 

She is only 20 years old, right now, and providing her with space for exploration is advantageous for her [and yourself]. Plus, she has a boyfriend -which, essentially, complicates things. IF you decide to, place yourself, in the middle of the relationship -you will definitely be viewed as the "home wrecker" or "the bad boy".

 

She may think, having you with the "somewhat-of-a-bad-boy" image chasing her to be thrilling. But in reality, in one form or another, it will cause stress, dysfunction, and confusion in "whatever-of-a-future-relationship" you may have with her. Hence, don't come between her and her boyfriend.

 

Consequently, I suggest you grow closer to her -friend wise. Show her, your true self. Make her, feel almost completely comfortable around you. Ask her, for her opinion in regards to certain events/items. She will dig this. All the while, presenting subtle hints of interest and care [romance, if you believe].

 

You have come far, with getting to know her. Don't back out now.

 

You, only you, know when it will be the right time to confront and date her. Hopefully, the connection will progress into a managable romantic relationship.

 

Be patient. There is hope.

 

Woman's Point of View.

Sand&Water